Chapter 12
Chapter Twelve
Arbor
I t’s dark the next time I wake up.
Morris’s rich coffee scent is the first thing I process, followed quickly by his palm running over the back of my head. “Sorry, pretty girl. It’s been close to an hour and forty-five minutes. She’s giving all the hunger cues.”
I blink at his handsome face for several seconds while his words process in my exhausted mind. He’s got Gracie tucked in his forearm. She looks tiny compared to him, and he’s right. Her little face wiggles back and forth, like she’s looking for something to latch on to.
My eyes ache as I push myself up until I’m sitting. The move doesn’t feel great on my stitches, but I’m more focused on not allowing myself to cry. I’ve heard that the postpartum hormone swings are no joke, and combined with the lingering exhaustion, I’m about to burst into tears.
If I could just get like three or four solid hours of sleep, I’d be fine. It’s this thirty-minutes-here, two-hours-there thing that’s starting to make me question my sanity.
And I’m only a few days in.
How much worse will it be in a few weeks or months?
Gracie starts to wail, even as Morris rocks her back and forth. He’s sitting on the other side of the bed, splitting his attention between me and the baby.
I shake my head, wiping a hand over my face.
“Here, I’ll take her.” I don’t even think about modesty as I tug the pillow from under the comforter. It’s the one I was using between my knees. I toss it on my lap, move the top of my dress aside, and pop my breast from the nursing bra. “Ready,” I say around a yawn.
Morris leans over, positioning Gracie facing me. This hold works, but I’m most fond of the football hold they showed me in the hospital. It makes directing her mouth a lot easier.
Pinching my boob, I scoot her closer and bite the inside of my cheek when my nipple aches.
Holy shit.
They were not joking about how sore and tender my breasts would be once my milk started to transition.
Gracie gulps greedily, and I hiss at the uncomfortable feeling. During the first few days, I felt my milk letting down, but it was nothing compared to the throbbing going on now. Not to mention, my nipples are raw and sore in a way I’ve never experienced.
“I’m going to grab you a refill.” Morris climbs off the bed, snags my cup, and takes off. “Would you like a snack?” he asks over his shoulder. “I know you get hungry after feeding her. I’ll just bring you one.”
It takes until he’s well out of the room for me to realize I just popped my entire boob out in front of him without even trying to use a blanket or something to offer myself some cover.
My face burns.
Wow, I really need to get my shit together and fast.
The next morning, Morris’s grandma comes for a visit. He calls her Nana, and she’s a very sweet older woman who doesn’t look a day over sixty. She brings multiple pans of breakfast casserole and a giant tin of cinnamon rolls that makes my mouth water.
“I promise I have clean hands,” Nana says, swiping her gray hair back from her face. “And I know how to safely hold a newborn. Can I take her?”
I miss my dads so much.
“Well, I saw that coming,” Morris says, chuckling from his spot at the kitchen table. “She’s a baby fiend.”
I step closer and place Gracie in the crook of Nana’s arm. “Would you mind if I grabbed a plate really fast? I’m not sure what happened, but I woke up starving .”
Nana grins down at the baby. “I remember those days. Take your time.”
I head to the cabinet to grab a plate, but Hayes slides up at my side.
“I’ve got it. They’re up high.” His curly brown hair is wet, falling over his forehead in ringlets as he smiles. That lightning scent of his hits my nose, and it’s difficult not to shiver. My body aches to spin around, so I can bury my nose wherever his smell is strongest.
“I’m not that short,” I grumble, trying to distract myself.
His hand lands on my left hip, and his warmth cocoons my back as he pulls down several plates with his right. “You’re still healing. No need to risk popping a stitch when I can help.”
My face heats at the same time my heart races.
Delivering Gracie almost feels like a hazy dream, but the truth is, he saw everything. I’m a little surprised he can still stand to look me in the eye.
Childbirth isn’t pretty.
Hayes places the plates down on the counter and nuzzles his furry cheek to mine from behind. “Your scent smells less stressed this morning. Did you get a good night’s sleep?”
I almost snort, but that would be rude.
“Dumb questions do exist,” Nana says from behind me.
“Right, that was silly.” Hayes steps back, and I instantly miss the warmth from his body.
“It wasn’t terrible,” I say, refocusing my attention. “Morris helped a lot; he was a godsend.”
“I knew we raised him right.” Nana chuckles. “I was going to keep you company while the boys run into town, but I think I’ll go with them. Hayes, I’m sure that gym of yours can function without you for another day or two.”
“Yes, ma’am,” he agrees, bowing his head respectfully.
“Now, Arbor, make us a list,” Nana says. “I’ll make sure the boys don’t come back with something completely different than the brand you asked for.”
I glance over my shoulder, offering her an appreciative smile. It’s easy to see where Morris got his generosity and welcoming nature.
Would it be inappropriate to ask her if she knows any natural methods to make my breasts stop aching?
Hael, Morris, and Morris’s grandmother head out.
Hayes leans against the counter across the kitchen from where I sit at the table. He’s got Gracie resting on his chest, and the sight does funny things to my heart. There’s something about his soft smile as he stares down at her that makes it dangerous to watch him for too long.
I haven’t let myself obsess too much about the reality of my situation, but it’s always in the back of my mind.
Adam could show up at any time and try to fight me for custody. I know him well enough to anticipate the threats he’ll make. First, he’ll tell all about his family’s resources. Then I imagine he’ll offer to ignore my transgressions if I go back to Arizona with him. When I say no, it’ll turn into flat-out threats about taking her away from me.
That’s the one thing that scares me the most. If it came down to a lengthy and expensive court battle, I wouldn’t have the financial capacity to fight him.
Before I ditched my old phone, I emailed myself copies of every picture I had of things he broke around the house, every mark he left on me, and even screenshots of the veiled and flat-out threats that he texted me. I’m confident it’s enough to show a pattern of abuse against me. I’m just not sure a judge would view all that as enough to keep Adam away from Gracie.
“Well, Mom, she knocked out. Do you want me to put her down in her bassinet?” Hayes asks, tilting his head when he catches the look on my face.
“I’m sorry you had to miss another day of work to be here with us,” I say, swallowing around the rocks that have formed in my throat from thinking of Adam.
“I’m not. I want to be here with the two of you.” Hayes swaggers closer, still with his head at an angle, and comes to a stop by my chair. “I know it’s a sign of past abuse to apologize for things that aren’t your fault, but I need you to try to stop. It makes me feel like you’re afraid of me, and it sets my instincts on edge, trying to figure out what I’ve done wrong.”
“I’m so sorry,” I whisper, grimacing.
Way to do the exact thing he asked you not to do.
“You haven’t done anything wrong,” I assure him. “I just feel bad about how much I’ve disrupted your lives. Once I heal a little more, I’m going to look for a job.”
Hayes shrugs. “If that’s what you want to do, then absolutely, have at it. Just don’t try to rush your healing process because you feel obligated.” He holds out a hand. “Come on. I realized how ridiculous my comment was earlier. I would suggest that the three of us snuggle in the living room, but getting a new couch is on the guys’ to-do list.”
I place my hand in his and scoot my chair back as he pulls me up. Gracie manages to sleep through the entire transition, and I run my fingers over her cheek.
Hayes moves his hand to my hip and guides me toward the hallway that leads to the bedroom I slept in last night. “When you’re putting in applications, drop one at the gym. I’ve been meaning to hire a receptionist to greet customers and take membership payments. You could even bring the baby with you. I’m not sure if she could sleep through the chaos, but at least you wouldn’t have to worry about day care.”
We make it to the bedroom door, and he reaches out, giving it a shove open.
I head in first and grimace at the unmade bed. You really should have handled that . It makes it look like you're completely incapable of cleaning up after yourself.
Stomping over, I grab the comforter and shake it out, but it’s not a great plan. My lower half and my chest throb at the movement.
I hiss as Hayes puts Gracie down in her bassinet.
He spins around, frowning. “What’s wrong?”
“N-Nothing,” I stutter, gritting my teeth. “Sorry. I need a bathroom visit.” Waddling away, I pray I didn’t pop a stitch or something ridiculous. It would also be nice if I didn’t bleed through my clothes. Man, I had no idea the time after giving birth would be more embarrassing than being pregnant.