16. SmashPass
Chapter 16
Smash or Pass
LETTIE
M y knee bounces under the table, causing the water in my glass to slosh around. I check the time on my shiny new cell phone. In less than an hour, Stella will be here.
As excited as I am to see her, I’m equally as nervous about all the explaining I’ll have to do. About subjects I’d rather not think of, let alone drone on about.
Although I doubt she’ll be ticked at me, she’ll certainly be disappointed. As she should be. I hate how I’ve let her down and dismantled her shaky confidence in me.
Welp . There’s nothing I can do about it this late in the game. The shitty feelings will be worth it to have her by my side.
A warm, strong hand reaches across the table and halts my fidgeting. “Easy, sugar bear. Why are you nervous? I thought you were happy she was coming.”
“Sorry, babe. I am happy. I’m tryin’ to relax, but I’m just so keyed up. What did you tell her?”
“About what happened?”
Nodding, I nibble my pinky nail.
“I told her you were hurt and needed her down here.”
“And she didn’t demand every detail?”
He rolls his eyes playfully. “Of course she did. I simply explained I wasn’t sure how much you would want me to divulge, especially over the phone.”
My knee starts bobbing again like it’s doing the jump, jive, and wail. “That’s a good way to deal with Stella. Appealing to her sense of loyalty.”
He slopes his head to the side and lowers his forehead, looking at me from under his furrowed brow. “Did you want me to tell her more so you don’t have to?”
Pausing, I consider my response carefully.
Shocking, I know. Get over it.
“It would be nice if she already knew everything so she could be with me without all the drama of a drawn out rehashing.” I roll my eyes at my childish wishing. “Last I checked, the ability to download terrible news into someone’s brain doesn’t exist. Sadly . I don’t suppose that’s one of those hacking skills of yours, huh?” My attempt to hold off my nervous laugh ends up as a snort.
He doesn’t laugh with me.
Lips closed, he rolls his tongue around the inside of his mouth. “How about this? I’ll meet her outside to give her a brief explanation before she comes in?”
When I don’t pounce at the chance, he offers another option. “Alternatively, we can wait together for her to come inside. Once she begins asking questions about your bruises, I can pull her aside to explain. Somewhere out of your earshot. Does that sound better?”
During his suggestion buffet, my thumbnail started looking tastier than the rest of my mid-day snack.
I shake my head and hide my face behind my hands. “I ain’t gonna make you do that for me.”
He encircles my wrist and gently tugs my hands away. “Sugar, there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you.”
Bless his heart. Not in the southern way.
“It’d be cowardly of me not to tell her.”
“I doubt Stella will see it that way.”
For an unexpectedly peaceful moment, I get lost in the tranquil sea of his turquoise irises.
Suddenly, those peaceful eyes widen. A metaphorical cartoon light bulb flips on over his head. “I’ve got it. I’ll step into the other room and call her right now. Jonesy texted a few minutes ago, saying he picked her up at the airport. They’re already in the car. I’ll give her a quick download by phone and tell her to save her questions for another day because you’re drained from talking to the cops this morning. I’m sure she’ll understand. How does that sound?”
My shoulders stiffen, and I peek into the living room.
Son of a motherless goat. I’m so dang sick of being scared to be alone. He’s not even trying to leave the house. Just the room. Aside from a few brave moments here and there, the persistent fear is relentless. It’s lingering around longer than the heel of the bread that no one wants to eat, but no one throws away either.
With my pulse racing, I scan the living room. My eyes land on the women’s shelter pamphlets the guys from his work dropped off the other day. I wonder what types of services they offer or how many other girls from the nightmare house are there.
My mind begins to wander.
Har har har. You’re shocked again, aren’t you?
Considering I can’t stomach being in a room by myself, the idea of living at a shelter, even with other women, is unsettling. Yet counseling sounds good.
When I reface Tomer, an idea springs to life. “Do you have any headphones?” I cup my hands and hover them over my ears as if he doesn’t know what headphones are. Stupid, Lettie . “The noise-canceling type, maybe?”
His face perks up. “That’s a great idea.”
Bolting to his feet, he takes one step toward the other room then immediately freezes. Looking back, he holds his hand out for me.
My heart melts into a puddle.
Never once has he made me feel pathetic for shadowing him.
My attention is quickly diverted from heavy thoughts as we dash down the hallway together, heading toward his office. After he finds the headphones, he ensures they’re charged before handing them to me.
I bat my eyes, feeling rather close to swooning for whatever reason.
“Thank you.”
“Manners, Lettie. Those damn manners.”
For the first time since I’ve been home, he looks at me like he used to.
Like he wants me.
When we were in his bedroom earlier, he seemed too worried to let his desire show. And I get it. He was terrified I was going to freak out. I almost did a few times.
But then I would look at him and breathe in his familiar scent, and all that fear would melt away. With those thoughts running through my mind, heat coils low in my belly.
I stopped trying to seduce him into full-on sex after our pillow talk turned heavy. It didn’t feel right anymore.
However, with the way he’s looking at me, I don’t think I’d have to do much begging now.
Sadly, I don’t have time to find out since Stella and someone named Jonesy will be here soon.
With his steady hand gripping mine, he leads me down the hall. On the way past the foyer, I grab the pamphlet off the table by the door. Maybe if I listen to some music and read, I won’t be tempted to listen to his call with my best friend.
After connecting the headphones to my cell’s Bluetooth, I settle onto the couch, tucking my legs under me. “Where will you be?”
He gestures toward the corner of the living room. “I was just gonna stand over there.”
“Sounds good.” I nod a tad over-zealously, revealing my nervousness. What’s the point in hiding it anyway? “Babe, maybe don’t tell her everything, okay? Not all the details.”
“Of course, sugar bear.”
Holding his eyes, I slip the headphones on. He eases toward the corner, keeping watch over me as he goes.
I kick the music up and dive into this stimulating reading material. From my peripheral, I see him pacing back and forth.
Oh look. They have a pool at this place. And a huge gym.
Looks more like a spa than a women’s shelter.
After a few minutes, I gather the courage to look up from the page, noticing how he seems to be directing the sound toward the wall, instead of the rest of the room. If I could hear him, I’d bet he’d be speaking quietly.
He’s protecting me again.
Putting my head back down, I get lost in the melody in my ears and the words on the page, despite only picking up bits and pieces of both. The distraction technique works; before I know it, he’s kneeling in front of me. No phone in sight.
Reaching up, he gently lowers the headphones, resting them around my neck. “All done.”
“How did she take it?”
His mouth screws over to one side. “Don’t worry about it, sugar bear. She’s okay.”
I’m betting that’s all I’m gonna get out of him. It’s kind of a dumb question, anyway.
How did she take it? She was thrilled. Elated even. Best news she’s gotten all month. She laughed, clapped, and stomped her feet with joy bubbling over.
Lawd, I’m such a dumb donkey sometimes.
“How far away were they?”
“They were getting off the interstate. They’ll be here in ten minutes.”
I grab his hand and lock our gazes. “Thank you for doing that. I know it couldn’t have been easy.”
“How many times do I need to say it before you believe there’s nothing I won’t do for you?” He kisses me on my forehead, then stands. “Absolutely nothing, Lettie.”
Before I let his hand go, I squeeze it in a silent thank you.
Lifting the headphones from my neck, I inch them toward my ears. “I’m gonna keep listening to music while we wait.”
Wordlessly, he swipes his tablet off the shelf and joins me on the couch.
After reading the brochure, I cut off the music and set the headphones on the coffee table. A new worry takes root, so I pin him with a questioning gaze.
He lifts his brows, waiting for me to speak.
“What should we say to Stella about your name? Do I tell her?”
His eyes fall from his tablet to the carpet. “I’ll never ask you to lie on my behalf.”
I’m in quite a quandary.
If she finds out that he lied about his name, she’s going to drag me out of here so fast there’ll be a Road Runner dust cloud behind us.
Although I don’t want to lie to her, I’m not in a place where I can defend him, our relationship, or my decision to ignore it for now.
For. Now.
“I think I’ll just call you babe in front of her.”
“I should tell her. I’ll face what I’ve done. It’s not on you to do this for me.”
“Don’t take this the wrong way, but I wouldn’t be doing it for you. It would be for me. Because if I tell her, she’ll convince me to leave you. And I don’t ever wanna do that.”
He says something under his breath. While I can’t be certain, it may have been something like... you will one day .
“You know, I was thinking.” I pause, waiting for him to respond.
Man alive. It’s like my first day with a new brain. I didn’t ask him anything, so why am I waiting for his answer? He doesn’t typically respond unless I ask him a direct question.
I blow a raspberry to silence my inner critic. “Maybe I should check out this therapy place.”
He nods, leaning closer and intensifying his gaze. “If you think that’s a good idea, just say when.”
I wasn’t expecting him to balk at the idea, but his instant agreement is somewhat unexpected. Yes, I know that doesn’t make sense. But this is the level of brain power I’m working with at present.
The low purr of his vibrating cell phone increases my pulse.
“That’s them. You ready, baby?”
Am I ready to see my best friend? Always.
Am I ready to see the pain etched onto her face because of what’s happened to me? No. Never.
I meet Stella in the foyer. Although neither of us are known for being quiet—especially when together—we don’t speak for a while.
All we can do is embrace.
She’s another one whose hugs are worth the pain from my ribs.
When we finally break apart, she pulls back to study my face. “Hey, Lettie bear.” Her voice is so quiet you’d think she was trying to avoid waking a baby. Only baby here is me, though.
My eyes are glassy with unshed tears, making it hard to see her freshly dyed blue hair and midnight black eyeliner. “Hey, Stella Bella.”
“Bet you didn’t think you’d see me again this soon, huh?”
As far as the calendar goes, I suppose I only saw her a little over a week ago. It feels way longer.
“Can’t say I did.”
Our little reunion is interrupted when a beefy man with biceps as big as my thighs comes thundering up the front stoop. He’s got a large duffel bag on one arm and a cage containing something terrifying hanging off the other.
“Oh, Stella. You did not.” My feet shuffle me backward until I bump into Tomer, who steadies me by my shoulders. “How could you?”
Moving quickly, I dart around him to hide behind his back, wrapping my arms around his waist.
The man carrying Stella’s belongings makes it into the foyer. “Where do you want this shit?” His gaze bounces between the three of us. When he sees me bent and cowering behind my boyfriend, he furrows his brow before blinking away his confusion almost instantly.
Tomer answers, “Down the hall, Jonesy. First room on the right.”
He hefts Stella’s belongings past us wordlessly. When he comes near me, I scurry to the other side of Tomer’s back to keep distance between me and the cage.
I recognize this Jonesy character. Only I’m not sure from where.
What a shocker? My memory being shitty? Who’d a thunk it?
My attention returns to my former best friend. The one who showed up with a suitcase of audacity in addition to a fucking lizard!
Stella lifts her hands in surrender. “In my defense, I thought you were only injured. Again. Like always. A broken leg, maybe. At worst, a collarbone. I didn’t know it was this serious. If I had, I would’ve tried harder to find a Pumpkin sitter on a moment’s notice.”
I shoot her my harshest glare, attempting to look fierce, which is quite a feat when hiding behind someone. “If you didn’t think it was serious, why on God’s green earth did you come on a moment’s notice?” I throw my voice at the end to impersonate her, then stop scowling to kindly add, “By the way, thanks for coming. I love you.” Then my grimace returns. “But seriously, how dare you ?” Once the words are all out, I cower again, leaving only the top half of my face exposed.
She grins, fighting a laugh at my dramatics. “Settle down, Greta Thunburg.” Reaching around Tomer, she squeezes my upper arm lovingly. “Why did I come? Hmm . Let’s see. At five in the morning, my best friend’s boyfriend, a man I’ve never met in person, calls me to say that you were hurt and needed me. Of course I’m gonna come.” She wobbles her head back-and-forth, letting her jaw hang slightly. “Duh.”
She shifts her eyes up toward my man. “Speaking of whom. What do we have here?” Raising her hand, she spins her fingers around. “Give us a twirl, darling.” Her eyes trail up and down his body, overtly judging him.
She’s not even trying to be stealthy about it.
Blatantly ignoring her request to preen like a show pony, he extends his hand. “Nice to meet you, Stella. I’ve heard a lot about you. Seems like it was all true.”
She smiles at him, far too sweetly. Not like a flirty kind of sweet. She’s about to bust his chops, and he’ll never see it coming the way I do.
In three, two, one.
“Yes, I suppose it is nice to meet me. I ca?—”
Sadly, whatever sarcasm was about to fall from her mouth gets cut off when Jonesy comes parading through our little group, big and brash, without any care for manners. I sort of like that about him.
Only he’s a stranger. And my stranger-danger sense is tingling.
Suddenly, it’s not the lizard that has me hiding.
He stops right in front of us and looks at Tomer, paying no mind to Stella or me. “Do you need anything else, man?”
For a split second, I’m surprised he didn’t call him by T or Tomer. But my mind doesn’t dwell on that for long because I finally remember where I know him from. The weapons room at Redleg on the night of my rescue. He’s the first person who called him T.
“Nope. I appreciate you grabbing her for us.”
“There wasn’t near enough grabbing for my taste. Perhaps try a little harder next time, big guy,” Stella interjects, drawing a chuckle out of me. It hurts my ribs, but totally worth it.
A sly grin fastens itself to Jonesy’s face, and he arches one brow as he twists toward Stella. “Next time I see you, short stack, I’ll hook up a chain to this ring to haul you around with.” He flicks her nose ring.
“Smash,” Stella blurts, then gasps audibly like she’s trying to inhale the word back down her throat. She sucks both lips into her mouth, her eyes widening like a hoot owl.
Jonesy heads toward the front door, his shoulders shaking with silent laughter.
With rapidly reddening cheeks, my bestie stares at his impressive backside. Far too late, she attempts to fix her blunder. “The patriarchy. Smash the patriarchy.”
Before he leaves, I holler, “Please forgive my friend. She isn’t housebroken.”
He waves over his shoulder at us but stays silent.
Once he closes the door, she and I devolve into a fit of hilarity. I come out from behind Tomer’s back to hug her again, even if she did bring a leathered-skin demon into my sanctuary.
A few seconds later, the front door opens again. Jonesy’s there, holding up a small box.
My heart sinks, and all humor dries up in an instant. Not another package.
Tomer heads to the door. “What’s that?”
“Josh said it was just delivered.”
“By whom?” My voice quivers.
He inspects the package. “Looks like FedEx.”
Tomer adds, “I ordered something, sugar. No worries.”
Oh thank Hank .
My pulse slows.
Stella finally finds her voice again and hollers toward the front door. “Later, Reacher. Thanks for the lift.”
After passing the little brown box off to Tomer, Jonesy closes the door without another word.
Stella’s bangs flutter across her forehead from the force of her exhale. “I can’t believe I said that to his face.”
“I told you playing smash or pass all the time was gonna catch up to you,” I tease, enjoying the abrupt return of levity.
“Did you know he was a Navy Seal?” she asks between chuckles.
“I’ve never really met him before. But most of the people where he works,” I flip my thumb at Tomer, “are former special ops.”
Stella’s face loses the mirth. “ Oh. We know where he works now, do we?”
Suddenly, I grow defensive of him.
This is the problem with telling your friends about issues in your relationship. They don’t get to hear about the thousands of good things. Only the handful of bad.
I’ll need to rectify that.
But first? Distraction.
“Well, let’s show you and your demon to your room.” I crook my neck to look at Tomer. “You said she was taking the shed out back, correct?”
He looks up from the partially opened package in utter confusion. “The shed?”
“Just kidding, babe. She can stay in the guest room. But the lizard goes in the garage, the shed, or let it loose outside. Oh yeah.” I clap and bob on my toes. “Let’s do that. Be one with nature, Pumpkin. You’re free. No need to return.”
Stella leans close to me, putting her fists on her hip. “Sleep with one eye open.”
“Already have been for the last several days,” I joke, then realize it’s not funny at all.
Her face falls, and she cups her mouth. “I’m sorry, Lettie. I wasn’t thinking.”
“And that’s why I need you here.” I blink to stop myself from spontaneously crying. “Because the two of us can barely do anything but think about it.”
Taking a deep breath, she fights off tears of her own. “If you need me to make you smile and take your mind off it, then that’s what I’ll do.”
“That’s exactly what I need.”
For a few seconds, we have a silent conversation of sorts.
She claps her hands, then rubs them together like she’s trying to start a fire. “Welp. Let’s get this comedy show on the road.” She overly embellishes her twang and looks up at Tomer. “I wonder if you’d be a dear and send some more of your coworkers on by. I don’t pay no mind to the flavor or variety. If they look half as good as Jack Reacher did, it’s a matter of time before I say somethin’ a fright more embarressin’ than smash.”