42. Rage texting and phone calls （shudder）
Chapter 42
Rage texting and phone calls (shudder)
LETTIE
T he dictionary defines murder as the unlawful and premeditated killing of one human by another. In the great state—cough, bullshit, cough—of Florida, first-degree murder is punishable by life in prison or the death sentence.
Sadly, even if the victim really deserves to die, it’s prohibited. Especially if we aren’t talking about matters of self-defense or stand your ground.
And the fact that I’m sitting here thinking about it probably equates to premeditation, which would make my punishment worse.
I already spent the first part of my life living in an emotional prison thanks to my mother’s religious cage. Spending the rest of my life in a physical one doesn’t appeal to me.
Given these factors, it’s with a heavy heart that I decide to let Tomer live.
I’m entitled to meet my father, and he’s entitled to meet me. This is not Tomer’s decision to make. And I’ll be damned if I let him deny me my right. My birth right, to put a finer point on it.
Rather than instantly fly off the handle, I texted him for an explanation. Staring at my phone now, I look back over the conversation, only for my blood to boil once more.
Me:
Why not?
Dead to me:
Not now, Lettie.
Me:
Excuse me? This is important to me.
Dead to me:
I know. Trust me, please. This isn’t the time for this. I can’t explain now.
Me:
Trust you? Oh that’s rich.
Dead to me:
Drop it, Lettie. I know you’re mad, but this isn’t the time.
Me:
I will not drop it. This is my life. Not yours. Why can’t I see him today?
Dead to me:
Because I said no. I’ll explain later. I don’t have time now.
Surely, you see why I contemplated murder. Totally understandable, right? I was all but transported back to that moment by the pool at the dive motel when I first moved to Florida.
Go to your room on your own, or I’ll pick you up and put you there.
If you take off that skirt, you’ll end up with an imprint of my palm on both your ass cheeks.
And then back to last week in his room when he tried to hush me after he told me about my father being alive.
Shh, calm down, Lettie.
He’s always trying to manage me.
Well, that ends now. I’m taking the reins. Finally .
Because it’s my fucking life. I’ll be the one who determines my fate.
Me .
Violet motherfucking Holt.
Simone is right. My life hasn’t been mine to control. Not only sexually but in all ways. And while I never thought of Tomer as controlling, perhaps I was blind to it. Today is the day I take my life back.
My heart beating rapidly, I do something that goes against every fiber of my being.
I place a phone call. Shudder .
Amber Langley answers on the second ring. “Lettie?”
“Hi, Amber. Good morning.” I clear my throat and infuse my tone with the determination racing through my veins. “Sorry for bothering you so early. I need a favor.”
She offered to help when we chatted the other night. Let’s see if it was lip service.
“Of course. What do you need? Are you okay?”
“I’m fine. But they aren’t letting me leave the facility. No one knows why. However, I have something important I need to do this morning. I was hoping you could bust me out.”
“Let me make some calls. Can I get back to you in a few minutes?”
“Sure.” I press my palm on top of my knee to stop my leg from bouncing. “I’ll be waiting. Thank you.”
When we disconnect, I text Stella to hold her off for now. No sense in her showing up if they won’t let her in or me out.
After rage-texting Tomer earlier this morning, I messaged Stella and told her to get ready since I’d need her and Freya to give me a lift to Redleg. Then I popped downstairs for breakfast while I waited. That’s when things got weird.
The vibe was different. Guards were present in the common spaces and at the end of each hallway. On the doors leading to the outdoor areas, there were signs stating beach yoga was canceled, as was the morning nature walk. The meditation garden was closed. The guards manning the front entrance of the facility had guns. Not the big, long ones. But it was clear they were carrying. They didn’t try to hide it.
Essentially, we now have armed guards.
Because... more drama. That’s exactly what the women in this place need more of in our lives.
Concerned, I asked if whatever was happening would make it hard for me to return after my little trip. That’s when they told me we were on lockdown, and I wasn’t allowed to leave. No explanation. No clue how long it’ll last.
So here I am. A captive once more.
Pacing the room, I fire off a series of texts to my very-much - ex boyfriend to let him know what I think of his latest decision. I’m too fired up to stop myself.
Me:
First off. Fuck you.
Me:
Second off. Fuck you again.
Me:
For the last time, this isn’t your decision to make. I’m gonna meet him today. You can deal with it or not. I really don’t care.
Me:
And just in case you were wondering, I have no “needs” that you’ll ever be tending to again. We are sooo through.
Me:
Honestly, fuck you so hard. Are you that afraid to fess up to him? How can you be so brave about some things and such a coward about others?
Me:
Consider yourself blocked. If you so much as contact me ever again, I’ll lose my shit. And stay the hell out of my phone.
And then I do it. The thing I stopped Stella from doing. The thing I told Freya I wasn’t ready to do.
I block his number and delete him from my contacts.
Done.
After setting the phone face down on the dresser, I toss a shirt over it to prevent him from spying on me through the camera lens.
Fortunately, Freya said my new debit card arrived at the apartment the other day, so I’ll be able to buy a new cellphone as soon as possible. One without his little gadgets installed. I’ll ask Amber about that later. She could probably get me one sent in without Tomer knowing. If I order one online, he’ll likely track the purchase and intercept it.
New phone. New dad. New me.
When my cell rings a few moments later, I nearly jump out of my skin, arms flying in all directions. My klutzy hands fumble to pick it up under the shirt, and I quickly swipe to answer. Since accepting a call isn’t a skill I’ve honed, the damn thing goes skittering onto the floor. Classic Lettie.
“Sorry. Amber, hang on,” I yell at the phone as I bend down to reach for it under the bed.
Still on my knees, I answer, “Hello?”
“Sugar, don’t hang up.”
In my haste, I didn’t look at the caller ID. Not that it would matter, given he can get around my phone blocking. Dodge rammit!
It’s decidedly not Amber.
As promised, I lose my ever-loving shit.
“Don’t ya call me that.” My twang rises to the surface. “Matter’a fact, why are ya callin’ me at all? Can’t you read? My text was pretty dang clear.”
“I need you to calm down and listen. There’s something you?—”
“ Waaay wrong thing to say, bucko,” I snap, bolting to my feet like I’m ready to kick ass. “You can kiss my go-to-hell .”
He’s got me angrier than a group of cloggers dancing barefoot in a bed of fire ants. If he tries to tell me what to do one more time, he’ll no longer need his birth certificate. I don’t give a damn how dangerous he may be. I’ll be dangerouser. And I know that ain’t a word, but fuck if I can think clearly right now.
“I know you’re mad. I’ll explain later?—”
“Oh, I ain’t mad. We done moved past mad about six days ago. Now I’m ‘bout to cloud up and rain all over ya. Delete my number, ya hear?”
Without waiting for another word to pass his lyin’ lips, I hang up, mashing the button with all my might as if it’s the offending party. Stupid, Lettie.
“Argh!” I yell at the screen before tossing the phone onto my pillow, then proceed to have a full-blown tantrum in the middle of my room. Feet stamping. Teeth grinding. Fists pounding on my thighs. The works.
Never felt this much rage. I swear, I wouldn’t even walk across the street to piss on him if he was on fire.
I’m still standing in the middle of my room, heaving frantic breaths and rubbing my temples, when the phone rings again.
Please be Amber. Please be Amber.
Drudgingly, I move to the phone and peek at the screen with one eye.
Yes.
Relieved, I flop onto my bed. “Hi, Amber,” I answer, forcing cheeriness into my tone despite being far from sunshiny. As a result, it comes out sounding manic and breathy.
Amber wastes no time getting to the point. “Hey, so here’s the deal. I don’t have all the answers yet, but apparently, a threat was made last night. And we were advised by our external security consultants to keep everyone inside for now. Don’t worry, though. You’re incredibly safe. We’ve got everything under control.”
My left eye twitches. “Security consultants?” I chuckle darkly, clicking my tongue in disgust. “Meaning, Redleg?”
“Well, yes.”
“And let me guess. Tomer is the one who said we need to stay inside, right?”
“Yes.”
Makes perfect sense. I tell him I’m ready to meet my father and ask him to set it up for today, and he puts me in timeout, concocting some phony-baloney story to justify my imprisonment. Bet if I tried to call Redleg, it mysteriously wouldn’t go through.
Never took Tomer for a full-blown psycho. He continues to surprise me in all the worst ways.
“Amber, I realize you don’t know me from Mary, but this is a personal thing between him and me. I don’t believe there’s a threat. Not for one minute. He’s trying to keep me from going to see his boss by essentially locking me up. The thing is, I will see his boss today. Period. Whether you bust me out or I sneak my way free, I’m going. I refuse to be anyone’s captive ever again.”
For a moment, I’m proud of myself for not crying. There wasn’t even a slight quiver in my voice. Just determination.
“Lettie, those are serious allegations. I’ve known Tomer for a long time, and he isn’t someone who lets his personal matters spill over into his work life. And what you’re accusing him of is an abuse of his partnership with our foundation, which would have detrimental consequences for him and Redleg. Not only that, it’s entirely out of character for him.”
From frustration to inspiration, an idea rises from the ashes in my mind. “Well, take me to Redleg, and I’ll prove it.”
Amber’s breath crackles through the phone line. “Listen, honey. I don’t know what’s going on with your relationship with him. All I know is he adores you. And while love makes people do crazy things, he doesn’t strike me as the type who would try to hold you captive. Not even in a two-hundred-million-dollar facility. Especially after what you’ve already been through.”
“Amber, please.” My throat thickens, making it hard to talk, but I force it out, desperate to plead my case. “We don’t know each other. More than likely, we have extraordinarily different backgrounds. I can’t imagine someone as successful as you has dealt with others trying to control your life or telling you what you can and can’t handle. So my situation might not be relatable. All the same, I’m begging you to try to put yourself in my shoes.” Pausing, I tug oxygen into my lungs in a big cleansing wave. “I need to go to Redleg today to see Alan Lancaster. It’s a personal matter, but a serious one. Tomer doesn’t think I can handle it, but I can. I’m strong enough. And I decide what I’m ready for. Not him or anyone else. My voice deserves to be heard. I can’t start healing until I’ve confronted the truth. I won’t hide from it anymore, and I won’t let him hide either. Regardless of Tomer’s wishes, this is my life. Mine .”
The quiver of my breath as I fight back sobs is the only sound for a long time.
Sensing she’s unconvinced, I’m a second from ending the call to find another way when she responds, “You’d be surprised how relatable all that was. We’ll be there to get you in a half hour.”
In typical Lettie Holt fashion, I blurt out an unimportant question. “We?”
“Doctor told me not to drive anymore. And if there’s a threat, my husband wouldn’t be happy with me going out alone anyhow. He’ll come with us. His name is Cort. He’s a puppy dog, so there’s no need to worry about him. And we’ll get one of our own guards to accompany us to Redleg.”
Whether my father is ready or not, here I come.
Red rover, red rover, send Lettie right over.