52. Imperfect, but worthy of love
Chapter 52
Imperfect, but worthy of love
TOMER
W ith Lettie, there’s never enough. I always need more. Crave more. Of her time, her presence, her voice, and her body. More of her touch, her submission, and even her bratty disobedience.
Her laugh, her smile, her sighs, and her moans.
I will simply never get enough of her.
Period.
And now, as often as she says she loves me, I’ll never get enough of that either.
Perhaps it’s because I’ve been empty for so long, a shell of a man. She’s filling me up, giving me the grace and forgiveness I never believed I deserved.
But maybe . . . maybe I do.
For the first time, I believe she loves me. Heart and soul, for whatever reasons she may have, Lettie loves me.
The real me.
I’ve opened up to her, revealing the worst parts of me, and she’s still here.
Worshiping the curve of her neck with feather kisses, I whisper, “How do you want to do this, sweetness?”
“Oh, you’re asking me? That’s rich.” Her tone barely conceals a giggle. “What happened to Dominant Tomer?”
I pull my lips off her silky skin, replacing them with one hand cradled at her pulse point. Leaning back, I sweep my gaze over her beautiful face. Her tears have dried, but her lips and nose are red, and there are blotches scattered on her cheeks and around her eyes. Still the most gorgeous creature ever to walk the earth.
“This time feels,” I pause, worrying my lip and searching for the words, “somehow different. We don’t need a power exchange.”
All traces of her earlier teasing flee her expression. She cups my cheek and slowly joins our lips for a chaste kiss. “I only want you.”
“You’ve got me, Lettie. All of me.”
The sapphire rings in her eyes lessen as her pupils dilate. There’s a gentle sway to her hips that gradually morphs into a rocking motion. My breath comes choppy as another surge of arousal floods my cock.
By the time I slant my lips over hers, we’re grinding against each other with our mutual lust saturating the air. Her sexy little mewls beg me to swallow them down. It reminds me of how she sounds when she’s eating something delicious and can’t stifle her moans.
Fuck . I need to be inside her now.
Since she didn’t have a request for a position, I’ll take her here on the edge of the bed. In the same spot where we shared this freeing moment of vulnerability.
Visualizing the scene makes me harder, and I’m unable to stop myself from bucking up into her and gripping her hips to guide her movements.
Desperate to see more of her body without moving her off my lap, I order, “Lose the shirt, Lettie baby.”
“That sounded a little Dom-like,” she sasses while reaching toward the hem.
“Allow me to rephrase. Please lose the shirt, Lettie baby.”
Taunting me like only she can, she winks and says, “Oh those manners. You know what they do to me.”
The shirt hits the floor a second later, and my mouth finds her breast. Cushioning my head between her palms to hold me in place, she tilts her head back and keens. Her hips rock harder. Bet she’s fucking soaked for me. Can’t wait to slip inside her and feel her pussy surrounding my cock the way her love does my heart.
Popping my mouth off her nipple, I give it one more lick, and then place a hand between her shoulder blades and the other in the valley of her breasts. Gently, I lower her upper body until she’s splayed out before me, her back resting on the tops of my thighs and her head hanging past my knees.
With my heart racing, I savor the sight of this ethereal beauty at my mercy. The only thing that makes it better is how she gives herself to me consensually, knowing exactly who I am. No more lies between us.
My palm massages her soft skin in a long stroke from the base of her throat down to her belly button. On my way back up her body, she arches her spine to press herself more firmly into my touch.
“Exquisite. Absolute perfection in every way,” I mutter, unwilling to hold back my appraisal of her beauty. Applying upward pressure between her shoulder blades, I lift her toward me and kiss her gently. “I need you naked now.”
She braces herself on my shoulders and presses off me to stand between my knees. I toss my shirt back on the floor, then stand to remove my clothes. Since she only had shorts to remove, she helps me strip, giggling quietly from the building anticipation.
“You have another condom, right?”
I point my chin to my pants bundled on the floor. “In my wallet.”
She retrieves it quickly, then falls to her knees between my legs. Rather than opening the wrapper, she sets it down and circles my cock in her hand. After two quick pumps, she leans forward and takes me inside her mouth. No licking or teasing. Just getting right to it like she couldn’t wait another second.
My head falls back at the surprising way she’s taking control. “Fucking hell, sugar.” No objections from me to her determined spirit. Especially when she’s sucking me like that.
I bunch her long blond locks on top of her head for a better view of the pillowy soft lips surrounding my shaft. With rapt attention, I let her work me in and out of her warm, wet mouth. As good as it feels—which is fucking amazing—I need more.
Gingerly, I pull her hair, keeping my grip close to the roots to avoid hurting her. “That’s enough, Lettie. Throw that condom on me and get up on my lap.”
She responds instantly, complying without any sass. Oddly, I miss it. The thought puts a smile on my face as wide as the day is long.
When she climbs on me and straddles my hips, she notices my expression. “ Wow . That’s a big ol’ smile, babe. In all my born days, I’ve never seen you so happy.”
“I was just thinking about how much I’ve grown accustomed to you sassing that I notice when you’re compliant.”
“Compliant, huh?” Wearing a beaming smile of her own, she reaches between us and notches the head of my cock at her entrance. “Don’t worry. I’ll be bratty again soon enough. Right now, I only want to please you, love you, and feel you all the way in my soul.”
“Sugar, I fucking love the sound of that.”
She slides farther down my length, gritting out, “And I love you.”
My fingertips dig into her ass while I fight to keep my eyes from rolling back. Not seeing her expression as we become one is out of the question.
Hearts and bodies aligned, we revel in the moment together. I keep hold of her with my arm wrapped around her low back, resting above the curve of her perfect ass. With delicate pumps and swirls of her hips, she brings me inside her with a deliberate slowness.
A moan frees itself from my chest once I’m in to the hilt. “Damn, baby. You feel so fucking good. Love your pussy almost as much as I love you.”
Wrapping her arms snugly around my shoulders, she clenches her inner walls, squeezing my cock like a vise.
My eyes roll back; there’s no sense fighting it this time. “Fuck, Lettie. Yes . Do that again.”
Honoring my request, she tightens her grip on my dick, and we both moan at the delicious sensation.
Her next words come out in a sultry purr. “Wait. Whose pussy did you say it was?”
I’m unsure if it’s the bratty taunt or the implied ownership that causes my reaction, but a rumble starts in my gut and vibrates through my chest with my reply. “That’s my pussy. Mine .”
Our lips slam together as our bodies start moving. Hands roaming and tongues entwined, we pick up the pace gradually. Neither of us want to rush this, but the intensity of each thrust more than makes up for the slow speed.
Between kisses, I check on her comfort level. “You okay, sweetness?” After everything that happened to her, she’s bound to be having some apprehension or anxiety. If she needs to stop or pause, we will. I only want her to feel safe and cherished. And ultimately, in control.
Her answering smile detonates in the center of my chest, sending relief through me like shrapnel. “Yes, babe. I’m so, so, so damn good.” She punctuates her words with a breathy moan.
No trace of deceit mars her expression. She isn’t simply putting on a brave face to please me.
That’s a relief since my spiking desire makes it hard to hold back.
“You’re so fucking strong.” I kiss her harder, pistoning inside her with increasingly powerful strokes. “I’m so damn proud of you.”
With her smile still shining back at me, she uses her grip on my nape as leverage to arch backward and work herself faster up and down my cock. She’s providing a feast for my famished gaze. From her pebbled nipples and satiny smooth breasts bouncing with each thrust to the slope of her neck exposed to me, she’s a goddess.
When I draw my eyes down to where we’re joined, I become enraptured at the sight of her slick pink skin working over my shaft.
Damn . What I wouldn’t give to drive into her bare.
At that thought, my balls draw up, aching to come. “Fuck, Lettie,” I hiss out, barely able to form a coherent thought from the sensation overload.
It’s not only physical—not that it ever was with her. My chest expands to allow her love to pour in, fast and free.
Love for me .
From this day on, no matter how many times my father’s voice tries to interject, I won’t let him through. I’ve proved him wrong.
I am lovable .
Imperfect, but still worthy of love.
All because of this astonishing woman.
Incidentally, said woman’s lithe body writhes on top of me like an experienced porn star. Every sensual roll of her hips is another step in reclaiming her body. She’s utterly in control. You’d never know she was a virgin with religious trauma a year ago. Never know that she recently lived through an unimaginable horror.
This woman is the epitome of strength.
And I’ll do everything in my power to protect, cherish, and love her for the rest of my life.
Needing her lips on mine, I pull her toward my chest. “Come back up here, sugar bear.” With the onslaught of affection clogging my throat, my order comes out more gravely than I intended.
Her blissed-out expression shifts to worry when she comes to my eye level. “What’s wrong?”
“The only thing wrong is I can’t kiss you with your back arched like that. And if I don’t get to taste your sweet lips again soon, I might not make it.”
Lettie curls one hand around the back of my head, holding my face close to hers. Her lips flutter over mine when she simpers, “We can’t have that, now can we?”
With an upward tilt of my chin, I remove the breath between us and seal our lips. Her kisses are a life-giving elixir, and I steadily drink my fill while knowing I’ll never fully be quenched.
Ready for a position change, I cup her ass and lift her off me. After shifting her to the side, I lay her down on her back and lower to my knees on the floor. I grab her calves, spread her legs, and pull her toward me until her ass hangs off the bed. Since she’s at mouth level, I go in for a little taste, tossing her legs over my shoulders and burying my face in her pussy.
My dick needs a timeout anyhow. If she kept riding me like that, this euphoria was going to end far too soon.
Her moans sharply crescendo. As much as I love the sound of her honeyed cries, we aren’t alone here. These girls have been through horrible shit. I’m sure the last thing they need is to hear what we’re doing in here.
“Shh, Lettie.” Holding her eye contact, I drag the pointed tip of my tongue along her seam, then swirl it around her clit. “You gonna be my good girl and stay silent for me?”
“I’m trying. It’s so good, though.”
When I return to my meal between her thighs and ratchet up the intensity, she mewls like she’s in pain and covers her mouth with her hands.
She is trying. I’ll give her that much.
When I slip two fingers inside her, cricking them toward her G-spot, covering her mouth with her hands is no longer enough to silence her. Time for another change. I need her face closer to me, so I can make her suck my fingers when she gets too loud.
“Sit up on the edge of the bed, sugar. Feet on the floor. Legs spread.”
“No power exchange, my foot,” she grumbles, a grin teasing her lips. Despite her snark, she moves into position.
I arch a brow at her while stroking my palms up and down her thighs. “You complaining?”
My adorable little brat rolls her lower lip into a fake ass pout and bats her lashes at me. “Yes,” she lies.
“Oh, I’m so sorry,” I retort, playing along. “How can I make it up to you?”
“I’ll forgive you if you make me come.”
Her tongue swipes at her pouty lip, drawing my attention and smacking me with a fervent need to suck on it.
Fuck it. Nothing’s stopping me.
Rising briefly, I do exactly that. Cupping her cheeks, I bite on her lip and suck it in my mouth to soothe the sting.
Although I intended to drop back down and get her off with my tongue, this kiss rapidly changes my mind. It must have the same effect on Lettie. One second, she’s on the edge of the bed like I asked, and the next she’s scooting us both toward the center of the bed and spreading her thighs to welcome me home.
Again and again, I sink into her tight pussy, relishing the perfection of our lovemaking. Our mouths barely separate other than to break for air or whisper our professions of love. And I feel each word down to my marrow.
Lettie’s infused herself into my bones.
Perspiration dots my forehead as the tingles of my impending climax start at the base of my spine. I adjust my stroke, aiming for that sweet spot deep inside her.
She lets me know when I find it, breaking the kiss to throw her head back and whimpering a litany of praise. “Oh shit. Right there, babe. Just like that. So good. So fucking good. Don’t stop.”
I’m doing my darndest to hold off my release, but the way she’s bucking her hips upward makes it a nearly impossible feat. Need to get her off.
Why the fuck hasn’t she come yet?
Maybe she’s waiting for permission.
“You can come, sugar. Give it to me.”
She mewls and moans, keeping her eyes closed and head tossed back. I lick and nip at her neck, drawing a patch of skin in my mouth and swirling my tongue around it. With one hand, I pluck and roll one of her pebbled nipples.
Still nothing.
I’m seconds away from exploding, so I slow my pace and withdraw. No fucking way am I coming without her.
Shimmying back down her body, I spread her thighs and go back to work. Not that it’s a chore at all. The opposite, actually. Licking Lettie to climax is a fucking pleasure.
Sucking on her clit, I delve my fingers inside her pussy, working her fast and hard, determined to get her there. So primed for release, I can’t stop my hips from grinding into the mattress. It’s a shitty substitute for her, though.
After a while, my arm threatens to cramp, and my lips and mouth fatigue. They can fucking go numb for all I care. I’m nothing if not determined.
“Hands, please,” she gasps, voice breathy and choppy. “Give me. Your. Hands.”
Slowly removing my fingers, I shoot a worried look at her. “You okay, sugar bear?”
She offers a tentative grin, reaching for my hands. “Yeah.”
I don’t believe her, but I also don’t want to make a bigger deal out of whatever might be happening. In lieu of forcing her to talk, I simply offer a reminder. “You can stop me at any time, Lettie. That never changes. Okay?”
“I’m fine. I just want your hands so I can touch you more.”
Slow and easy, I graze my palms over the tops of her thighs. As soon as she can reach them, she weaves her fingers through mine and places them on her breasts.
Well, fuck me. I’ll never object to holding those.
With her legs still spread, she tilts her hips slightly as if silently reminding me of my mission. I pulse my hands over her breasts, then pinch her nipples between my thumb and forefinger. My tongue goes back to work, lapping at her pussy like it’s possessed.
Within seconds, she returns to the precipice. At least that’s what the trembling in her legs and the pitch of her moans and cries suggest.
She releases one of my hands and grabs the back of my head to massage my scalp. “May I fuck your face, please?”
Is she fucking kidding me?
Unable to stop myself, I smile against her soaked pussy. “If you don’t fuck my face, I’ll be sorely disappointed, sugar bear.”
“Thank fuck,” she mutters, then shoves my mouth against her clit.
Hard.
It only takes five or six bucks against my face until she’s cursing up a storm. Her legs shake and twitch as her climax starts rocking through her.
“I’m coming. Fuck . I’m coming.”
I groan against her pussy, encouraging her and praising her at the same time.
Her movements slow as she rides it out, but I keep laving at her sensitive flesh to prolong her release. Once I’ve rung out every last drop, I dive my tongue through her folds and spear her pussy, swirling the tip to coat my tongue with her arousal.
“So fucking delicious when you come for me, Lettie,” I coo, then savor one last long lick with the flat of my tongue.
When I crawl up her body, I place a series of kisses along her frame. Her hip. Her belly. Her nipples, one then the other. I catch her gaze over the swell of her breasts.
She smiles, eyes twinkling down at me. “Get back inside me, please. Your turn to come.”
Powerless to deny a request like that, I finish aligning our bodies. I’m reminded of the first night when I studied her body laid out before me like a work of art. Dozens of positions I could put her in flashed through my mind. And, like now, I choose the one that keeps her as close as possible, letting me kiss her and feel her clinging to me like we’re trying to fuse together.
In a way, we are.
I reclaim her mouth as I nudge back inside her perfect pussy. It’s warm, wet, and feels as if it was made just for me.
No warmup needed this time. I get back to work, thrusting and pumping into her. In no time, I’m barreling toward my climax.
Before I let go, I hold her eyes and pour my love into her, like she’s done to me since the day I met her. “Love you so much, Lettie. So fucking much.”
“I love you too, Tomer.”
Fucking love her saying my name. First time she’s done it while I’m inside her. Damn sure won’t be the last. Not today or ever.
“Again,” I choke out. Those two syllables are all I can manage this close to the peak.
She knows what I want and eagerly gives it to me. “Tomer, Tomer, Tomer.” She smiles against my lips, peppering me with kisses. “I love you, Tomer.”
“Love you too,” I force out through gritted teeth. At least, I think I get it out. Could be all in my mind since her saying my name that many times has rendered my brain a ball of mush.
Lights flash behind my eyes in an electric symphony of brilliant color.
Without rhythm or finesse, I jerk and slam inside her as my release pours out of me.
Nothing has ever felt better than being wrapped up in her arms, I love yous on our lips, and our bodies joined as solidly as our hearts.
This might have been vanilla, but it was fucking perfection.
Well, it would have been if we came together.
Before I can think much about that, she drags her fingernails through my hair, lovingly scratching my scalp. Instead of pulling out right away, I linger to prolong the perfection. When I start to worry I’m crushing her, I shift to the side, delicately extricating myself from her tight hold on me. I wrap my arm over her waist and rest my cheek against her chest.
She twists so she can continue scratching my head despite my position change. For a long time, we steep in the moment. The sound of her heartbeat under my ear nearly lulls me to sleep.
Right before I doze off, she whispers, “Babe?”
“Yeah, sugar bear?”
“I’d love for you to fall asleep with me, but I think you need to get back to work, don’t you? There’s a whole thing going on with the Russian assholes.”
My neck stiffens, jerking my head off her chest. “Fuck.”
“Sorry. I don’t want Boss Dad to get mad at you.”
Initial panic receding slightly, my nose twitches with amusement. “Don’t worry about that. All I’ll do is tell him I needed some extra time because I couldn’t very well leave his only daughter unsatisfied.”
Her laugh fills my soul with blinding rays of light. “Yeah. If that doesn’t do the trick or he needs details, you have my permission to tell him everything.”
“Everything, huh?”
“Yeah.” Her eyes flash with mirth. “Like how you held me up against the wall and wouldn’t let me down until I soaked your face. Not once, but twice. Surely, he’ll understand that can’t be rushed.”
“No doubt.”
Her laughter fades as our teasing dries up. “Maybe you should tell him we made up and leave it at that?”
“I don’t know.” My vision flicks around the room, lips bunching to one side of my mouth. “That still implies sexy times.”
Rolling her eyes, she huffs, “Fine. Then tell him I threw up some more. Or I tripped and broke a toe. Threw out my back. Pick a calamity. Highly likely one will happen before the end of the day anyhow.”
Knowing I must leave her soon, I shift slightly and capture her mouth in a sweet kiss. One almost as sweet as her.
“Love you,” she says as I pull away, the words floating to me on a wispy breath.
A lopsided grin tugs at my cheek as I’m hit with another bout of disbelief that I’m here with her. All the warmth and light she’s pouring into me is encapsulated by thick walls of gratitude. I’m overcome with a need to ensure she knows how much her forgiveness means to me.
“Sugar bear, I’ll never hide anything from you again. Thank you for giving me another chance. I promise you won’t regret it. I’m gonna be the man you need. I might still fuck up and say the wrong things at times, but I’ll never do anything to intentionally hurt you or betray your trust.”
“It might make me a fool, but I believe you, babe. There may be times I get mad again or sad about what happened. I can’t promise to put it behind me right away, especially considering how messed up my life is right now. I already know I’ll never be able to forget it, but I do forgive you.” She slopes her head to the side, her volume lowering. “There’s one thing I need from you, though.”
“Anything.”
“Forgive yourself.”
My breath catches as doubt cinches around my windpipe. “I don’t know if I can,” I admit, fulfilling my vow to always be honest. With everything. Even the inky streaks in my soul.
“I know. And after what you told me today, I understand why.” Her fingertips dig through my hair. “But I need you to try. Although I’ll help you as best I can, I think you should get professional help too. Can you do that for me?”
My chest tightens, and I grit my teeth as I fight off my automatic response to reject the suggestion.
For so long, I’ve avoided therapy, despite Big Al’s urging and the repeated requests of the psychologist who does Redleg’s annual mental health screenings.
Unearthing all the bullshit I’ve worked my life to forget is like torture—and that’s only once per year. The mere idea of regularly talking through that shit terrorizes me.
Yet when she looks at me with those sparkling eyes, so full of love for me, I know I’ll fold. And I do.
“I will, Lettie. I promise.”