Chapter 11
eleven
AVA
“Get out of here, big brother. You’ve been trying to go on this date for weeks now. Go before something else comes up to make you push it again.”
“Yeah, that’s not happening.” Declan shakes his head but doesn’t get up from his seat at the kitchen island. He studies me as I make myself a sandwich for lunch.
“What?”
“We haven’t really had time to talk, just the two of us since you got here. I guess I’m just wondering how you’re doing.”
I hear the concern in his voice, see it on his face, and I understand it. But ever since I let some of it go on Gage the other night, I’ve felt a little lighter. I know there’s still plenty for me to figure out, and I still need to fill Declan in on all of it, but today isn’t the day.
Today is Quinn and Declan’s first real date, away from town and family, and I won’t be the reason there’s a cloud over it.
“I promise I’m okay. I’m exactly where I want to be. Honestly, I think I’m exactly where I need to be.” I smile, and for the first time since I landed in Baltimore, I think it’s a genuine smile. It’s not the bright, cheery smile I used to give before everything happened with Brian and my parents, but it’s a real one. And that feels like a good first step.
“Will you tell me what happened?”
“I will, but not today. Today is for you and Quinn.” He opens his mouth to say something, but I don’t give him the chance. “Declan, I’m not going to spoil your day by sharing anything that happened. I’m here, away from all of it. I’m safe, I’m not hurt, and there’s nothing you can do about it right now. I promise it’s okay to put this conversation on hold.”
He stands from his seat, making his way around the counter to my side. “I just don’t like seeing you in pain, and I can tell that you are.”
“And that’s why you’re the best brother,” I say as I pull him into a hug. “But the longer I’m here, the better I feel.” I pull back from him, giving him another genuine smile. “I understand why you decided to stay here. There’s something magical about this town and the people in it. Like it envelops you in a warm hug, creating a sense of peace and comfort.”
“Yeah, there is.” His smile is soft—happy and content—and I know he’s thinking about Quinn.
“Get out of here.” I push him lightly toward the door. “We can talk about everything later, I promise.”
“Okay.” He presses a quick kiss to my forehead before turning for the door and grabbing his coat from the hook. “I love you and I’ll see you later.”
“Have fun! Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do,” I tease.
Declan shakes his head, a goofy smile on his face as he shuts the door behind him. A laugh escapes me, making me realize how much lighter I really do feel. I know it’s Gage who helped me get here. Whether it’s simply telling him that lifted the weight I’ve been carrying or his understanding nature and kind words that brought a new perspective, I’m glad I can laugh with my brother again.
A few hours later, I’m sitting on the couch continuing my rewatch of Veronica Mars when my phone rings. I look down and see an unknown number on the screen with a Boston area code.
And that lightness I found evaporates.
There’s a moment when I think about ignoring it. There’s a high probability that nothing good can come from answering this call. I’ve refused to speak with my father since the night they told me about the arranged marriage, and I’ve ignored every call from my mother since we last spoke. But something pushes me to pick up the phone.
“Hello?”
“I’m surprised you answered. Your parents were under the impression you would ignore my call.” A chill races up my spine at the sound of his voice.
I’ve never spent much time with Brian, and even though we worked at the same firm and he’s always been around, he’s never sounded the way he does now—cold and unfeeling without an ounce of remorse.
I don’t respond. I don’t know how. I should hang up but I’m frozen in place, taken back to that night in his office.
“Good, it’s better that you don’t say anything. I just wanted to explain what’s going to happen moving forward. I know what I expect from a wife, and your parents swore this arrangement would meet all my expectations, so this act of rebellion is unacceptable. You can rest assured that you’re not who I would have chosen to marry either, but this was set in motion when we were young. You’re who my parents picked, and I’ve sacrificed a lot for this, so we’ll both play our part.”
There’s a clinking that comes through the phone—the sound of liquid being poured over ice. I hear him swallow before he continues.
“I’ll give you one more week, and then you’ll come home to Boston so we can officially announce our engagement. You’ll begin planning the wedding with our mothers, and you will act happy about it. You’ll move in with me and give up your apartment in Harborview, as there’ll be no use for it.”
Another drink is poured, another gulp.
“You’ll begin your wifely duties immediately to give me an heir. The sooner you have a child, the better. From what your mother tells me, you have no problem whoring yourself, so doing what makes me happy shouldn’t be an issue for you.” He sighs like I’m boring him. “Truly, I’d rather take on a mistress, but I don’t have the time or patience to ensure it’s all kept under the table, so unfortunately, we’ll have to make do with each other.”
I feel the bile rise in the back of my throat, but I still can’t speak.
I don’t know what the hell my mother has been saying or what she could possibly know. I’ve never been shy about my sex life, but it’s not something I blatantly flaunt, especially in front of my family. I’ve had multiple partners, but nothing out of the norm for someone my age. And I’ve always been discreet about my relationships. But what Brian is implying? That I’ve somehow been overt in my sexual preferences is so far from the truth I don’t know what to say.
“If you don’t come home within the week, know that every additional day that passes is a further step back your pleasure will take. You have a responsibility to your family and me. It’s high time you saw to that responsibility.”
One more pour. One more swallow.
“One week, babydoll.” And then it’s silent.
It takes me a second to realize he’s hung up and even longer for me to finally pull the phone away from my ear. When I do, I notice I’m shaking.
I’m shocked and terrified. I know that. I feel that in my bones. But unlike that night in his office, I feel this anger rising inside me.
I’ve met aggressive men before, ones who don’t know how to take no for an answer, but none have treated me the way Brian has. Like I’m an object he has the right to take possession of.
I’ve seen egotistical men in the courtroom—defended their wives in custody battles—and even then, I still haven’t heard one of them speak to their ex-wives the way Brian just spoke to me. Like I’m less than the dirt on the sole of his shoe.
The anger in me grows, overshadowing the fear and shock—and the shame I hate to admit exists. I’ve never let a man have this kind of power over me, and there is no way in hell I’m going to let this asshole change that. I won’t let his repulsive actions alter how I live my life. I won’t let what happened in his office make me feel any differently about myself and the decisions I’ve made up to this point.
I’ve let him bring me down for the last five weeks, and I’m not having it anymore.
I stand from the couch, the blanket on my lap falling to the floor without notice, and look around the living room. I want to take my life back into my hands starting now.
Looking at the clock on the mantel, I see it’s just after eight in the evening.
What do I want to do? How can I take back my power? What’s something I've wanted to do since getting to Ashford Falls that I’ve talked myself out of?
And then it hits me: I wanted to say yes to that date with Gage, but I held back because I feared Brian was right—that I was just a nice piece of ass, good for a quick lay and nothing else, nothing meaningful.
I move to the front door, stepping out onto the porch, trying to decide where I’m most likely to find Gage at this time of night. It’s Saturday evening. For all I know, he’s on a date with someone else.
I don’t think he’s the kind of man to pursue multiple women simultaneously. He may not be one for committed relationships, but I don’t see him sleeping with multiple women. But that also doesn’t mean he’s waiting around for me. He may ask me out whenever we see each other, but what’s to say he didn’t take the last rejection to heart?
I walk down the porch stairs to the sidewalk, looking up and down the street. Gage said Declan’s house was only a few houses down from his. If he’s home, maybe I’ll see his Jeep in his driveway.
This might be the most spontaneous thing I’ve done in years, but the further from Declan’s house I get, the more right it feels. I need to find Gage. I can’t wait until the next time I randomly run into him around town.
I turn right and head up the street, away from town. I don’t know for sure but I think Gage’s house is this way. I’ve never seen him turn around after he’s dropped me off. He’s always just continued up the street.
I only walk a few minutes before I see his Jeep parked in the driveway of a house across the street. Without paying attention, I cross and march up to his front door, knocking without hesitation. As I wait for him to answer the door what I’m doing starts to sink in.
Maybe this wasn’t the most brilliant idea. I left my phone at Declan’s. I didn’t lock up the house behind me. And just as the door opens, I realize I’m not wearing shoes.
“Ava?” Gage opens the door, confusion clear on his face. His gaze travels down my body, quickly catching on to the thing I just noticed. “Ava, where are your shoes?” He grabs my arm, pulling me inside and out of the chilly fall air. “What’s wrong? Did something happen?” He closes the door behind me and places both his hands on my arms, his gaze moving all over my body as if he’s looking for injuries.
When his gaze comes back up to mine, I don’t think. I just move. I reach forward, gripping the front of his shirt in both my hands, moving to the tips of my toes and press my lips against his. I know I’ve surprised Gage, but to his credit, it only takes him a moment to respond. His grip on my arms tightening. His lips pressing against mine with the same intensity.
There’s an urgency to this kiss, a need that’s difficult to ignore. I knew the chemistry between us was there long before now. I felt it that first day in the courthouse but ignored it like it was my job.
Casual relationships and one-night stands aren’t new to me. They’re not something I do often, but I’ve enjoyed a fling once or twice. The only rule I’ve set for myself is to never explore something sexual with someone I might encounter on a regular basis. Starting something with someone you’ll see outside the bedroom is just asking for trouble.
But maybe one night with Gage is fine. We can scratch this itch, acknowledge the chemistry, and move on like nothing happened.
Like a bucket of ice is thrown on him, Gage’s entire body goes tight. His lips stop responding to mine, and he pulls back, my arms still held in his hands.
“Ava, what are you doing?” He’s not mad; I can see that clear as day in his eyes. It’s concern that laces his voice—that’s etched into every inch of his face.
“Make me forget.” I know I’m begging, but I need this. In my soul, I know I need this. I need Gage’s goodness, his empathy, his understanding.
I know Gage will take care of me.
His eyes bounce between mine, studying me, looking for the truth. “Ava.”
I stop him before he can say anything else, my grip on his shirt tightening even more. “This is me asking for that strength you offered. I can’t do it anymore and I need help.” I press my body against his, not an inch of space between us. “Make me forget,” I whisper.
“Are you sure?” His voice is just as soft as mine. His grip on my arms loosens, but only so his can move around me, holding me close.
“I’ve never been more sure.” And as the words leave my mouth, I realize how true they are.
I want this.