Chapter 15
fifteen
AVA
I set my alarm Sunday night for the morning even though I doubt I'll need it. I'm still not sleeping well after everything that happened, but I don't want to risk it.
That conversation with Brian might have given me a little push toward Gage, and that night with Gage might have made me feel like I had a little more control of my life, but it was the conversation with Scott that really got my butt in gear.
If I really want to take back all the power and control I inadvertently gave my parents, I need to get back into a routine. And I have to figure out what I want to do with my life, completely separate from the one they planned for me.
My first step is stopping by Falls Book Haven as soon as they open this morning to officially apply for the job.
Step two is to contact the landlord of my Boston apartment to give my notice. I still have six months on my lease, but I’ll use my trust fund to pay the fees if I have to. I’ll have to tell my parents at some point, but I’m giving myself a little bit more time on that front.
I may not know what I want to do or where I want to live, but I know with 100 percent certainty that I don’t want to live in Boston or Harborview.
Step three is finding a place to live here in Ashford Falls. I don’t know if this is where I’ll stay, but being close to my brother feels like a good call. At least for now.
I want to try new things to help me figure out what I actually like because I honestly don’t know anymore. I didn’t have much free time back in Massachusetts, but the little time I did have was taken over by my parents, and I’m done living my life that way.
I’m up and moving around before my alarm goes off, exactly like I thought I would be. But instead of lying in bed until I hear Declan leave for work, I’m already dressed and making coffee when he comes down the stairs.
“Hey! You’re up early?” he questions when he sees me.
“Yeah, I’ve wallowed long enough. It’s time to get back into a routine.” I place a mug filled with coffee on the island counter for him.
His eyebrows draw in as he steps up to the opposite side of the counter and picks up the mug. “You’re leaving before the hearing next week?”
I received notice late Friday afternoon they scheduled the hearing for Scott's custody case on the twentieth, the last day courts are open before the holiday break.
“No. I’m actually planning on staying indefinitely. If that’s okay with you, that is.” I stand across from him, my own cup of coffee cradled in my hands.
“Ava, you’re more than welcome here as long as you want. Selfishly, I would love it if you were here permanently.” He studies me for a minute before continuing. “I just want it to be because it’s what you really want and not because you’re running from something.”
I take a deep breath, preparing to give Declan a little more of the truth. “It’s probably a little bit of both.” I shrug. “But I haven’t been happy in Boston for a while now. The law firm was sucking the life out of me.”
Declan sits at the counter, getting comfortable for a longer conversation. “You worked really hard to get your degree and prove yourself at that place. I’d hate to see you put all that to waste.”
I move around the counter, taking a seat next to him, both of us facing each other. “Is it a waste if I learned something about myself?”
“No, but you seemed passionate about it in school. Was that real, or just for Mom and Dad’s benefit?”
“I honestly don’t know anymore. That’s what I’ve realized since I got here. I don’t know what was because I wanted it or because it’s what Mom and Dad manipulated me into. It’s all a jumble in my head, and I’m determined to figure it out.” I look down at the mug on the counter and tuck a piece of hair behind my ear before looking back at him. “I’m not saying I’m done with law forever, but I am done with it for now.”
“Okay.” He lifts the mug to his mouth, taking a sip. “I’m all for taking the time to figure out what makes you happy, but you’ve got to do something.” His voice is gentle, like he might be afraid of hurting me.
“I completely agree. That’s part of why I’m up and ready so early. I want to get into a routine, and step one is getting a job.” Declan opens his mouth to say something, but I don’t give him a chance. “No. I was in town a couple of weeks ago and saw a help wanted sign at the bookstore. I haven’t had the time to read in years, but I used to love it. I think it would be a perfect place to start. Plus, it’s only part-time, so I’ll have plenty of time to try other things.”
“You’ve clearly put a lot of thought into it.”
“I have.”
We’re both quiet again, Declan watching me closely. I’m sure he’s trying to decide if I’m being honest about everything, and I understand. I’ve been holding a lot in and keeping him at arm's length, both things I don’t normally do. But I haven’t lied about a single thing this morning. I may not have given him the whole story, but I didn’t lie.
Declan sets his mug down. “There’s more, isn’t there?”
I sigh, setting my mug next to his. “Yeah, but I’m still not ready to talk about that yet. But I promise, I’m okay.” I reach for his arm, squeezing. “I might not be as happy-go-lucky as I was before, but I’m getting there. This is the closest I’ve felt to myself in a while.”
Declan takes my hand in both of his, squeezing tight as he looks me in the eye. “I love you, Ava. I just want you to be happy and content in your life. I’ll do whatever I can to help you achieve that. I hope you know that.”
I give him a watery smile. “I’ve never doubted that.” I stand from my seat, pulling him into a tight hug. “I love you, big brother.”
Declan holds on for a few minutes, and when we pull away, both of us are a little teary-eyed.
“All right. Enough of that.” I move around Declan toward the fridge. “What do you want for lunch? You’ll be late if you don’t get a move on.”
A few hours later, I’m walking into Falls Book Haven, feeling lighter than I have in years. When I walk in the door and hear the bell ring, it’s like a wave of peace washes over me— solidifying my decision to stay in Ashford Falls and apply for this job.
This is exactly where I’m supposed to be. I don’t know how I know it, but I feel it in my bones.
“You’re back,” Abbey says from behind the counter, a small display case of sweets I didn’t notice before at the end.
“I am.” I step up to the other side of the counter without hesitation. “I’d like to apply for the open position.” I gesture to the sign still in the window.
A large smile breaks out across Abbey’s face. “Perfect. The job is yours.”
“Really?” I ask, surprised. “I don’t need to fill out an application?”
“Well, technically, yes, but that’s only so there’s a paper trail. The job is yours if you want it.” Her smile softens slightly. “I have a good feeling about you. I think you’ll be a perfect fit.”
Abbey bends down and rifles around for a minute before standing back up and placing a couple of papers on the counter. “Here you go. Fill this out and sign the second page, which authorizes us to run a standard background check. Once that comes back clean, you’re good to go.” She grabs a pen from a cup next to the register and places it on the papers. “I don’t think the background check will be an issue, considering where you worked before this.” She winces. It’s so small I would have missed it if I hadn’t been looking. “Sorry. Small town living.”
“It’s fine.” I shrug. “And you’re right. As far as I know, my background is squeaky clean,” I joke.
“Well, like I mentioned before, the owner doesn’t want to bring on staff until after the new year, but if I can convince her to start you earlier, I’ll let you know.”
“That would be great.” I smile, getting more excited about this opportunity the longer I’m here.
I’m just starting to fill out the application when the bell above the door rings. “Hey, deputy. What brings you in?” Abbey asks before I can turn to see who it is.
I know there’s more than one deputy in this town, but the shift in the air gives me a good idea about which one is standing behind me.
And with the voice that responds, I no longer need to see to know my assumption is right. “Oh, just making the rounds and thought I’d stop by to see what kinds of treats you’ve got today.”
I keep my back to him and try to focus on the application in front of me, but then I feel his heat at my back, and it becomes infinitely harder to focus.
I don’t want to forget what happened Saturday night—and yesterday morning—but I’m also adamant that we don’t repeat it. Especially now that I’m officially staying. Flings in small towns are just asking for trouble. Nothing ever stays secret for long.
The issue is that while my brain might recognize the logic of not starting a fling with Gage, my body doesn’t. Just the sound of his voice and his heat at my back makes the memories of our night flash in my mind.
“Nothing special today, I’m afraid. Just a few different kinds of cookies,” Abbey tells him.
“Does that mean you have gingerbread cookies?”
Abbey laughs as she moves to the case. “It does indeed. How many do you want today?”
“Just two.” He pats his stomach. “I need to watch my sweets intake.”
“Yeah, right,” I mumble under my breath. Gage has nothing to worry about when it comes to his physique. Clearly, he takes care of himself, doing whatever he does to stay in shape.
I feel him step closer to me, his voice low in my ear. “What was that?”
“Nothing.” I glance at him quickly, offering a small smile before turning back to the application.
“What’s this? An application?” His lips brush my ear, and my thighs clench when his scent hits my nose. It’s woodsy, like sandalwood and sage. It’s just another thing that takes me right back to Saturday night.
I take a deep breath and release it, fortifying myself. I wanted that night with Gage—initiated it, was desperate for it. But I also set the boundaries, and now it’s on me to keep things as normal as possible between us. I don’t want to lose his presence in my life. We might not be friends exactly, but I’d like to be.
Without even knowing me, Gage offered me support when I’ve only ever gotten that from Declan and the Marks family. He’s the kind of guy you want in your corner when the going gets tough, and I want that in my life—no, I need that in my life.
I put the pen down, turning to Gage, forcing him to step back a little bit. “Yeah. I’ve decided to stick around indefinitely.”
Gage smirks, leaning against the counter next to me. “Is that so?”
I smile back, mirroring his position. “It is.”
“And a job at the bookstore feels like the right fit?” There’s no judgment in his question. It’s pure curiosity.
“Yeah. I’m taking a step back from the lawyer thing. I’ll finish with Scott’s case, but after that…I don’t know. I want to try something new.”
Gage’s smirk turns into a genuine smile, kind and affectionate. He doesn’t say anything, but I see the understanding in his eyes. Maybe even a little admiration.
“On the house today, deputy,” Abbey says, stepping back up to the counter where we’re leaning.
“No, definitely not,” Gage says, slowly turning to look at her. “I never let you give me these for free. I’m not starting now.” He reaches into his back pocket, pulling out his wallet and handing her a ten-dollar bill.
“That’s way too much.”
“No, it’s not. You don’t charge nearly enough. You spend a lot of time on these, and they're fucking delicious.”
“Gage—” Exasperation clouds her voice, but she doesn’t have a chance to say more.
“Know your worth, Abbey.” The words seem harsh, but the look on his face and the tone of his voice show the love he feels for her. It reminds me of the look I saw on Declan’s face this morning.
Abbey doesn’t hold his eyes long. She shifts her feet and looks down for a second before looking at me. Her eyes bounce between Gage and me, taking in how close we’re standing and her brow lifts. “You two know each other?”
“Oh yeah, we go way back. Don’t we, Rebel?” That smirk is back with a vengeance.
“Sure, if three weeks is way back.” I turn to face Abbey, a smirk of my own forming. “We officially met at the courthouse my first full day in town, but it was next door at Murphy’s where we had our first real conversation.” I glance at Gage, a twinkle in my eye, before looking at Abbey again. “His dad invited me to join them for dinner. Seemed like this one might have been a little nervous to do it himself.” I’m well aware I’m twisting things slightly, but if he’s going to mess with me, I’m going to do the same.
Gage laughs a deep belly laugh. “Oh, I would have done it. He just beat me to it.” He winks. “Besides, if I recall correctly, you were the one to show up at the same place two weeks later looking for me.”
“I wasn’t looking for you.” I scoff. “I told you, Declan and Quinn have dinner at The Diner Thursday nights. If I want to eat out without awkwardly crashing their date, Murphy’s is the only place for me.”
“Sure. If that makes you feel better.”
I laugh and lightly push at his shoulder. Without realizing it, we’ve both moved closer to each other, only inches of space left between us. It’s the sound of Abbey cleaning her throat that has me realizing just how close we are. I step back, tucking a piece of hair behind my ear and glancing at the application I still need to finish filling out.
“Well”—Gage straightens next to me—“I better get back to work. Thanks for the cookies, Abbey.” He grabs the bag Abbey placed on the counter earlier and turns to me. “Glad you’re sticking around, Rebel.” He reaches forward, untucking the piece of hair I just moved, tugging it lightly before leaving the bookstore.
I try to look away, but I can’t help myself and end up tracking him as he walks past the front window and disappears from view.
“That was interesting.” Abbey’s voice has me jerking my head around to look at her.
“Sorry?” I play dumb, heat blooming in my cheeks.
Abbey gives me a break and doesn’t say anything, but the look in her eye tells me she knows exactly what I’m trying to hide. And it’s in that moment I realize I need to distance myself from Gage. Not forever, but at least until I can get my libido in check.
If I keep seeing him around town and spending time with him, there’s no doubt we’ll end up back in bed together. And no matter how good that would be, it can’t happen.