24. Cal
Cal
T he kids are running like wild little banshees when I pull up to Steve’s. Charlie spots my truck and runs toward me on chubby legs as I climb down and squat with my arms held wide.
She may not be mine biologically, but she’s still mine.
I may not have been ready to take care of another person, much less a child. But in the month that I’ve had her, I’ve lost my heart to her.
I’m head over heels in love with this little girl. And I will do anything for her. She barrels into my chest, and I swoop her into a hug, burying my face in her neck.
All the drama with Dani feels better and worse at the same time.
Steve’s house is a standard two-story. It’s in an older neighborhood, and the yard is nice and big, with plenty of room for the kids to run and play. A wide front porch stretches halfway down the length of the house. Toys litter both the porch and yard.
Jules sits at the top of the stairs, keeping an eye on the kids, and yelling at River not to hit his brother .
I climb the three steps and drop a kiss to her lips as I take a seat next to her, settling a snuggly Charlie on my thigh.
“How’d it go?” Jules asks. “I’m kind of scared to hear about it, based on that look on your face.”
Shit . The inspection. I’d forgotten about it already.
I smile apologetically. “Sorry. The inspection went fine. He’s going to finish the paperwork, and we’ll hear back in a few days.”
Her shoulders slump for a half second; then she’s straightening again. “Then why do you look like someone just kicked your puppy?”
I press a kiss to Charlie’s hair. She wiggles and crawls down to go play with the other kids.
“I heard from my sister.” I keep my voice low. I don’t think Charlie would understand, but saying it out loud makes it real. “It’s such a fucked-up situation.”
“The call didn’t go well?”
I scrub a hand down my face, wishing I could erase the reality of the situation. “No. She wanted bail money.”
“Oh shit.”
“Yeah. Exactly.”
I bend forward, bracing my elbows on my knees, and watch the kids run with happy abandon.
The difference between these kids’ lives and my childhood is glaring.
“It fucking sucks that I haven’t heard from her in a month, and only then because she’s in jail and needs me to bail her out.”
Silence falls between us. I don’t expect her to have a response. There’s really nothing to say.
But as we watch the kids, there’s a burning hole in my chest. This is the kind of life I could get used to. Sitting on my front porch with my wife, watching my kids play.
The only real-life examples I have of positive families are Mac and Liv, and now Steve and Nancy. Even if they aren’t perfect, they make it work.
I’d like to have this for real someday. A nice, normal, boring family life. But given my family history, I don’t think it’ll ever happen for me.
After some time, my chest loosens, and the anger fades. I look at Jules. Really look at her.
The sun highlighting her hair has made her cheeks pink. Her eyes are pinched at the corners as she squints against the brightness of the day.
She’s so beautiful sitting here soaking up the sun, and her calmness brings me down a notch. I’ve been so in my head, I didn’t even properly tell her hello.
I sit back, stretching my arm behind her and crowding into her space. “I’m sorry. I’m all in my head. Let me start over.”
“Okay,” she mumbles, not looking at me.
With the tip of my finger to her chin, I turn her face to me, letting my gaze rake over the tiny freckles on her nose, her warm, caring eyes, and her soft, full lips.
I cup her jaw, swiping a thumb over a breadcrumb that lingers, like she was so busy caring for these kids that she didn’t stop long enough to notice.
I take her mouth, and when her lips part from the brush of my tongue, I sweep inside. It’s a heady feeling that leaves me lightheaded but confirms that this is right where I’m supposed to be.
This is the life I want.
Her palm cups my jaw as she pulls away. These gentle touches that she gives so effortlessly… I don’t know if she realizes how much I need them. How I soak them up.
I close my eyes and drop my forehead to hers.
“Hi.” It’s a whisper, but that one word comes from so deep in my soul, it says so much more than a greeting. It says thank you for choosing me, for providing a safe place, a stable spot for me to land.
I don’t deserve the goodness of this woman, not when there is so much ugliness in my past, on the other side of me.
I don’t want to do anything to fuck this up, because I need Jules in a way I’ve never needed anyone.
She watches my eyes, studying me, and I let her see everything. Everything I’ve never shown anyone else. Without a word about whatever she finds there, she kisses me once more and then turns to the yard, sliding her hand into mine and linking our fingers.
“What are you thinking about?” she asks quietly.
I don’t want to tell her. I’m afraid I’ll run her off. Instead, I say, “Families.”
We sit together while the kids play. While the storm within me settles. While I make up my mind that nothing can happen to Charlie.
Until the kids need food and naps, and then we work together to get them fed and put them down. Steve and Nancy come home, and we help them get comfortable before we make them dinner.
Jules’s parents show up and take over with the kids so that Steve can focus on his wife.
And it strikes me again how this family is pulling together to take care of one of their own in need.
Without any coercion or threats, just family rolling up to pitch in where needed. It’s idyllic and heartwarming.
It also reignites the guilt that I’m unable to help my sister get out of jail. Then again, I doubt any of Jules’s family has ever found themselves in need of bail.
Finally, we pack up Charlie, and the three of us go back to our weird little apartment living situation. Jules does bath time, and I do bedtime stories and snuggles and share a thousand kisses with Charlie.
And when it’s all done, Jules heads into the shower, and I crawl into my bed, that’s quickly becoming our bed, ready to sink into the oblivion of sleep.