30. Cal #2
“Denise said I could couch surf with her for a little while, and her place is plenty big for Charlie’s playpen.”
The last I heard, Denise—our mom’s sister—lived in a single-wide trailer in the middle of a trailer park overrun with gang-related drug activity.
I frown at my sister. “Dani. Denise’s place isn’t safe. Besides that, Charlie can’t spend every night in a playpen. For a little while is fine. But it’s not a long-term solution.”
Dani looks at me like I’ve lost my mind. “Don’t be a snob. She’s just a kid. She’ll be fine.”
A knock at the door interrupts the scathing remark on my tongue.
I remind myself that I’m trying to manage this relationship with my sister, and not too long ago, I also thought that the bare minimum was acceptable for parenting.
Neither of us had a role model to learn from, but I didn’t realize she was so clueless.
It’s like she has no maternal instinct whatsoever.
No plan for providing for Charlie. It’s like she sees her as a thing and not a person.
I’m still unsettled as I open the door to a beaming Rosie, her mom and dad right behind her. “Hey, Cal! Where’s my little bestie-boo?”
I stand back as Rosie barrels into my apartment. I look at her, realizing she’s not that much younger than my sister. There are maybe four years that separate them, and yet the difference is sobering.
“Rosie. Nope.” Mac’s deep voice stops her in her tracks.
“Sorry, Cal. I got excited. Hi, how are you? Thanks for letting us stop by.” The words spill from her mouth in an endless stream, and then she looks at her dad. “Can I go see Charlie now, please?”
Mac nods, and Liv rolls her eyes, barely suppressing a smile. “Hi, Cal. We just thought we’d stop by really quick on the way to dinner. Check in on you after this morning.”
The lie falls smooth as silk from her lips, giving me an out with my sister. These two are showing me they are on my side. I don’t know if I’ve ever been so grateful.
“Yeah, sure. Come on in.”
Dani sidles in from the kitchen, eyes darting from Mac and Liv to where Rosie has pulled Charlie out of the baby play yard and placed her on the floor in a pile of toys.
Mac’s eyes fly to mine, down to my ribs, and back up. I jerk my head, letting him know I haven’t mentioned the accident to my sister .
“Wow,” she whispers as she takes in all of the changes since she was last here. “Where’d all that come from? I didn’t leave her with that much.”
It’s like the full meal and the time spent talking has had an impact on her. Like it’s opened her eyes or something.
“Mac, Liv, this is my sister, Dani.” They step forward and shake hands, and though Dani is polite enough to give them her attention, it’s torn between them and the two girls on the floor.
“Wow, hi. It’s nice to meet you,” Liv gushes.
I have never in my life heard Liv gush or use the word wow . She’s laying it on extra thick for Dani’s benefit.
Mac elbows her and scowls.
I invite them to sit, and Charlie notices that she now has a room full of playmates. I hold my breath as Dani goes to sit next to her on the floor. Charlie sidles closer to Rosie, all but climbing in her lap.
My sister keeps trying, though, awkwardly reaching forward and playing with Charlie’s toes. “Hey, baby girl. It’s your mama. Can I get a hug?” The underlying tension in the room makes my skin itch.
Charlie throws her hand out, swatting at Dani. “No!”
“This is a new byproduct of being in day care,” I say to try to smooth the tension. Jules calls it the terrible twos, but anytime Charlie isn’t happy with something, she swats and says no, her new favorite word. Though, to be fair, sometimes she’s just hangry.
“That’s not very nice.” Dani plays it off, then holds her arms out again. “Come on, give Mama a big hug.”
Mac and Liv share a look, and it’s almost like I’m a part of their conversation.
Despite her attempt at a loving tone, there’s a harshness to Dani’s words.
A bitterness underlying the cajoling. It takes me back to my childhood and reminds me of the number of times my mother would coax her way into getting what she wanted.
And Charlie can feel the censure in Dani’s tone.
The door opens once again, and Jules barrels through with a breathless “Hi, sorry I’m late.”
“Juju!” Charlie squeals, forgetting her irritation. She leaves her perch on Rosie’s thigh and runs as fast as her short, little legs will carry her into the waiting arms of Jules.
Jules says she doesn’t like kids. But I swear she’s lying, because the smile on her face and the love in her eyes shines brighter than any star.
There’s a sharp inhale from the floor, and I swivel to find Dani with her hand covering her gaping mouth and big, fat tears in her eyes. It’s hard to watch Charlie diss her mom and give Jules the reaction that Dani was expecting.
“Uh, Jules. This is my sister, Dani.”
Jules’s eyes meet mine for a split second, and in that single moment, there are a dozen questions that flash between us. Why is Dani here? What does she want?
Is she taking Charlie away?
It’s the last that gets me moving. If I do nothing else, I’m going to show Dani that I can provide Charlie with the type of family we didn’t have growing up.
I cross the room like I’ve done every day that Jules has come through the door and take her in my arms. And like every other time that Jules holds Charlie, I take advantage and tickle her, making precious squeals rise, until Charlie buries her face in Jules’s neck.
Then I wrap my arms around both of them, holding them safe and protected.
Loved.
The thought hits me like a freight train. But it’s the truth. These two have my entire heart. And I can’t let either of them go .
Jules clears her throat and pats my back like I’ve been squeezing her extra tight. And maybe I have, but she’s the grounding I need in this sea of emotions.
Even though I don’t want to, I pull away and make the introductions between my girl and my sister.
Jules carries Charlie and sits on the floor with Rosie and Dani, placing her in the middle of their circle.
Dani silently watches the scene unfold, watching her daughter among this family I have created. Her eyes soften, going glossy with a sheen of tears. It’s then that Charlie pushes to her feet and toddles to Dani.
“Mama,” she says, offering her one of the endless baby dolls that litter the floor. And then she falls into her mother’s arms, giving her a Charlie hug.
Dani’s eyes close as she pulls her daughter in for a hug.
And finally, I can see some semblance of the loving teenage girl that I knew before I left home, before life hit her square in the face and her poor choices caught up with her.
My heart trips over the change in the last twenty-four hours.
I’ve gone from being so sure about Jules and Charlie and wanting to move forward as a family, to the realization that maybe Jules isn’t as on board with that plan, though given enough time, I think I can wear her down.
The heartbreaking truth is that, if Dani chooses, Charlie could be gone by morning. Because she never told me the rest of the story, how she got out of jail, nor why she’s here.