37. Where do you want it?
Chapter 37
Where do you want it?
TOMER
L ettie bounces from foot to foot, looking out the living room window.
Striding up behind her, I encircle her waist and pull her close to my chest. “Sugar, relax.”
She rests her arms on top of mine, locking me in place. “I am relaxed. Perfectly relaxed. Hell , you’d think I was swaddled in fresh lavender and just downed a Xanax-Valium smoothie.”
Amusement builds in my chest, making my cheek twitch. “What would you say to me if I tried to bullshit you like that?” I hum, thinking of the perfect Lettie-ism to throw back at her. “Probably something like,” I pause and throw my voice to impersonate her, “ Man alive. You must think my brain is a soft-boiled egg if you believe I’d fall for that bunch of hooey.”
With her laughter serenading me like an aria, she twists in my arms to face me. My breath catches. The only thing better than feeling her body pressed against mine is when she beams at me this way. And when it’s both like right now? Words can’t describe the utter bliss.
Reaching toward my neck, she locks her hands at my nape. Her chuckles gradually fade to lingering sighs.
After kissing the tip of her nose, I ask, “What has you so nervous? Aren’t you excited to see them?”
Jonesy is driving Stella and Freya here to visit Lettie for the evening and to have dinner with us.
Boss gave us a one-night free pass away from HQ. He insisted on paying two off-duty police officers to beef up our protection detail. In addition, Josh and Deb are guarding the perimeter.
The novelty of sleeping at Redleg HQ has worn off. Although Lettie won’t admit it, I know she misses her friends. Tonight will be good for her.
Assuming Stella doesn’t murder me on sight.
“I’m beyond excited to see them.” Lettie’s head slopes to one side, lip jutting. “What I’m not excited about is the guilt and tension I expect from Stella.”
“About me?”
“About us ,” she corrects.
The way she lumps herself in with me—as if it’s us against the world—makes my throat thicken. Doubt I’ll ever get used to that.
“I know Stella was upset when you had the initial video call a few weeks ago, but hasn’t she come around? I thought they were both cool with it and happy for you.”
“Freya’s thrilled.”
“I’ve always liked her,” I joke.
Lettie grins, her sapphire eyes twinkling. “Well, Stella was shocked at first, then quickly ramped up to irritated and slightly ragey. By the end of the call, she focused on how happy I was and talked about my recovery. And since then, our chats have been a bit stilted. Anytime you come up, the tension spikes.” She shrugs. “She still isn’t sure about us yet. And dang it, I need her to be. I love you both. The idea of losing either of you is too painful to imagine.”
I intensify my hold on her, infusing comfort into my embrace. “Sweetness, she’s a good friend who loves you. It makes sense for her to be pissed at me on your behalf. Especially since she doesn’t know the whole story and has only met me briefly a few times. I’m sure she’s only looking out for you.”
“Yeah, but?—”
“Shh.” I kiss her to cut off her rebuttal, just a soft peck. “You’ll never lose me. And there’s no way you’re going to lose her because of this. Even if she doesn’t accept it right away, she’ll come around. I’ll convince her somehow. Whatever it takes.”
Her pout recedes. “Thank you, babe. I love you.”
A moan rattles in the back of my throat, and I dive my mouth toward her neck. “Those fucking manners.”
Her giggles go right to my dick as I pepper kisses above her collar. Like they have minds of their own, my hands journey down her back to rest on her ass.
She rolls her head from one side to the other, giving me access to her neck while taunting the shit out of me with a string of adorable, polite remarks. “Thank you. Please. Excuse me. I’m sorry. Pardon me. You’re welcome.”
“Dammit, Lettie. Stop trying to get me hard. They were only about ten minutes away last I checked.”
Batting her lashes at me, she goes in for the kill. “Oh my, my, my. I’m so very sorry. Please forgive me.”
Feigning anger, I grumble under my breath while dropping my hands under her ass to scoop her up. She clings to me, thighs surrounding my waist and arms over my shoulders.
Walking her to the couch, I force a scowl. “You’re also in another sundress. Why are you torturing me?” I drop onto the couch, keeping her on top of me.
As soon as she finds her balance, she starts pulsing her hips over me. “Did I ever tell you how much I love straddling you like this?”
“Your body has told me many times.” I grab her hips to stop her grinding. “Please don’t tease me. I want you so fucking bad.”
“Nice manners, babe. Am I rubbing off on you? Perhaps it’s a sexual transmitted condition.”
He chuckles. “Being a brat isn’t helping me resist you.”
“Fine,” she rolls her eyes. “We can hug like virgins until they get here. Keep your hands in the green zone, sir. Don’t get too familiar.”
Despite her verbal agreement, she caresses my shoulders and tugs me close, joining our mouths for a sensual kiss. Those damn hips of hers resume grinding.
Fuck . She’s killing me.
My dick swells, digging into the back of my zipper.
I break the kiss before I text Jonesy to tell him to take the long way.
After pulling away from her addictive lips, I ask, “You sure we should tell them about the baby tonight? We can wait if you’re unsure.”
She nibbles her lip, eyes thoughtful. “I want to tell them. No secrets.”
“Whatever you want.” I grin at her, then go in for a quick peck.
“I want a quickie before they get here. Can we? One touch of my clit, and I’ll probably come. How fast can you be?”
Unfortunately, my phone chirps with the perimeter alarm, which means our guests have arrived.
“Not that fast, sweetness.”
“Fudge.”
Lettie said she was expecting guilt and tension from Stella. Judging by the murderous looks I’m receiving from the little spitfire, Lettie grossly underestimated Stella’s reaction.
I regret cooking steak for dinner. Something that didn’t require a knife might have been a safer bet. Should’ve gone with soup. No bread or rolls because even a butter knife feels risky.
Ah, hindsight.
On the other end of the spectrum, Freya’s as excited as can be. She ooh’d and ahh’d over Lettie’s collar for a solid five minutes after they finally stopped hugging.
My sugar bear is doing her best to ignore the hostility brewing under Stella’s facade, but she knows it’s there. And we haven’t even told her about the baby yet.
Time to quash this shit.
After clearing the table, I catch her eyes. “Stella, can I talk to you for a minute?” I tip my head toward the living room.
She doesn’t have a chance to respond before Lettie tries to smooth things over. “Babe, it’s okay. You don’t?—”
“It’s fine, sweetness. Just a little chat to clear the air.” I look back at Stella. “Unless you’d rather not. Don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”
If my read on Stella is correct, she’ll pick up the underlying challenge and capitulate.
And she does.
Bolting to her feet, she nods swiftly. “Fine.”
Lettie widens her eyes at me, and her lips slam together so tightly she might sprain her jaw.
Before leaving the kitchen, I kiss her forehead. “Trust me.”
Her shoulders sag. “Don’t say I didn’t warn you if you end up with a knife wound to the gullet.”
I wonder if Jonesy checked Stella for weapons before transporting her here. Too bad he didn’t stay for dinner. I could’ve had backup.
More of that hindsight.
Stella lowers to the couch, crosses her legs, folds her hands in her lap, and hits me with an icy glare that could freeze boiling water in three seconds.
Keeping my posture relaxed and face impassive, I take the seat opposite her. “Let’s cut to the chase. Go ahead and spit it out.”
“Pardon?”
I flex my hands, wiggling my fingers toward me in a lay it on me gesture. “I know you want to let me have it. Tell me how much I don’t deserve her. How much you don’t like me. Or maybe you have questions. Whatever it is, go ahead. I’ll listen and answer with complete honesty.”
She crosses her arms at her chest, narrowing her eyes to slits. “If you insist. Here goes. I don’t trust you. If you were capable of lying to her about all that shit for a year, there’s no telling what else you might do. Further, I’m quite concerned she’s only taken you back because of the horrific shit she went through. And this whole pre-proposal makes me want to yank the collar off her neck and choke you with it. I know once she’s healed from this, she’ll regret it, and it better not be so late that she needs to hire a divorce attorney.”
I expected Stella to be direct. Even braced for cruelty or insults.
However, I didn’t expect her to cut me so deeply that my breath was robbed from my lungs. But that’s precisely what happened. She’s tapped into worries I didn’t even have yet, gutting me where I sit.
Did Lettie only take me back because of what she’s endured? Will she wake up one day and realize I don’t deserve her forgiveness?
Although the serrated fingernails of doubt attempt to creep into my mind, Lettie’s love blocks it like an iron shield.
Now that Stella’s gotten all that off her chest, her spine and expression soften.
After forcing air into my deflated lungs, I clear my throat. “Stella, I understand where you’re coming from. And I’m glad she has a best friend like you. Someone who looks out for her and loves her deeply. I also realize you won’t trust me for a long time. Maybe you never will. I accept that as a consequence of my actions.” Pausing, I run my tongue along my teeth behind my lips. “She means the world to me. For the rest of my life, my number one purpose is to make her happy. I lost her once, and it nearly killed me. I’d never be stupid enough to risk losing her again. If you and I can’t get past this, she’s going to suffer. And it guts me to see her sad.I swear I will never lie to her again.”
“Your promises mean nothing to me.”
“I know that. I do. It’s just?—”
While I fumble for something to say, she asks, “Why did you lie to her? To Lettie of all people? She’s the most trusting, innocent, and sweet person on the planet. How could you?”
“It’s complicated, but I’ll answer honestly.” I softly rub my palms together and rest my forearms on my knees. “Until I met Lettie, her father was the most important person in my life. He’s all I’ve ever had. Ironically, he’s like a father to me.”
Her arched brow doesn’t waver. If anything, it arches higher. “Yeah. And?”
“I’m very protective of him,” I admit. “When we formed the security company, I dove into his background to find skeletons in his closet that could come around to haunt us. That’s when I found out about Lettie. I wanted to tell him right away. But it was such a stressful time in his life. I feared dumping that on him would be too much for him to deal with. So I waited. I figured he’d be in a better position to handle the news once we had the doors open at Redleg and things settled down.”
“That wasn’t for you to decide,” she interjects.
“I know that now. And I probably knew it then. But I was trying to protect him. I’m always protecting him. And everyone.” I shake out my hands when I realize I’m fisting them to the point of pain. “Months flew by, and it was one thing after another. Each fucking time I went to tell him, he’d drop another bomb on me. Lawsuits. New contracts. Build-outs. No matter how many times I tried to prepare him, it was never the right time. And then she fucking shows up in town one day, and I’m gone. Just fucking gone for her from the moment I saw her.”
“You answered why you lied to him. But why to her?”
“I was intent on keeping my distance and only looking after her. To keep her safe until I could connect her with her father. So who I was didn’t matter. I was supposed to be no one to her. Like I am to everyone else. Invisible. But she...” Emotion clogs my throat, making it hard to finish my sentence.
Stella’s face falls, and for the first time, I notice hints of compassion reflecting at me.
“On reflex, I gave her my alias when we met. I was trying to keep my name, Redleg, and all paths that might lead to her father hidden until the time was right. Aside from helping her, I only interacted with her to find out why she was here. To see if she posed a threat to him. And I tried to stay away from her after that. I tried so fucking hard. But Lettie is... she’s light and warmth and all the things I’ve never had. I couldn’t resist getting closer. But telling her I lied about my name and that I knew her father would have driven her away. So I hid it. Each day that went by, it gutted me deeper. But I couldn’t leave her. I’ll never leave her. Even if she does wake up one day and realize I’m not worth forgiving, I’ll never stop loving her.”
I halt my rambling when my voice quavers and threatens to break. My watery eyes fall to the floor.
She harrumphs quietly. “Well, fuck.”
When I look up, her hostility has waned. A pout rests on her lips. However, her eyebrow is still arched to impressive heights.
She clicks her tongue a few times, then stands. When I don’t join her, she waves her hands at me. “Get up.”
Stella doesn’t seem like the hug-it-out type. But whatever.
Once I’m on my feet, she balls her tiny hands into fists and holds them in front of her face. Her black nail polish is a stark contrast to her alabaster skin. The black liner around the outside of her lips adds to the humor of her pose, especially since her upper lip is curled into a snarl.
So yeah, she’s not intending to hug it out.
“I’m not going to fight you, Stella.”
Playfully, she bobs from side to side like a boxer. “No? Let’s see if you can take a punch. Where do you want it?”
“Are you serious? I can’t tell if you’re kidding.”
Her feet freeze, bouncing halted. But she keeps her fists up. “I’m serious. I want to give you one punch. You choose where. Then we can put this behind us. That’s my condition.”
Fuck it.
I fling my arms to the side. “Stomach.”
“Hard as I want?” she asks.
“Yeah.”
“Disclaimer. If you cry like a little bitch, I won’t forgive you.”
I can’t hold back an annoyed sigh or a pointed eye roll. “Just get it over with so we can enjoy the evening.”
She sizes up her target and rears back like she’s going for a world record punch. Pinching one eye closed, I clench my abs to brace for impact.
Right before connecting with my stomach, she freezes, hovering her fist an inch away from me. Other than my eyes widening in shock, I don’t move.
“Son of a bitch,” she grumbles, then straightens her frame. “You didn’t even flinch.”
“Um. Sorry?”
She puts her fists on her hips and closes the distance between us. Tilting her chin up, she tries to look me in the eyes despite being a fraction of my size. It’s sort of endearing, much like one finds a pissy chihuahua charming.
“You were gonna take that punch without complaint, weren’t you?”
“Of course I was. Still would.”
“Why?”
“For Lettie.”
Her eyes are barely larger than creases as she slumps her head toward her ear, silently asking me to continue.
“Lettie will be happier if we get rid of the tension between us. Taking a few swings from you is a small price to pay for even a sliver of her happiness.”
Seeming offended, Stella drops her jaw and lowers her forehead. “Come on, man. How rude!”
“What did I say?”
She flips her palms out to the sides. “I mean, damn. How the hell am I supposed to hate you after that?”
“Maybe... I don’t know. I’m just spitballing here. Perhaps you could consider not hating me.”
With a flamboyant roll of her eyes, she bristles past me. “Consider not hating me,” she mocks, crinkling her face and deepening her voice to sound more masculine.
Two steps away, she pauses and spins on her heel. Finger extended toward my face, she sneers, “Hurt her again, and you’ll wish I was kind enough to punch you. You get me?”
“I got you, Stella. But I will never hurt her again.”
She lowers her finger, eyeing me closely. “Fine. I’ll be watching you.” A quick nod. “By the way, that was some good-ass steak. And the collar is perfect for her. Nice job on both those things.”