Chapter 7
CHAPTER 7
Of course Payton would ask the questions that he’d been avoiding asking himself. True to her curious nature, she jumped right into the very things he’d wanted to keep buried.
“What really happened? Now that I’ve gotten to know you again, I can’t imagine you’re the bad guy Griffin makes you out to be.”
Austin breathed deeply, allowing the cold air to ground him. He knew he needed to share his past with Payton. She was coming to mean a lot to him and he braced himself for her inevitable rejection once he shared his story.
“You remember me as a teenager. All impulse with very little thought.”
Payton laughed. “You were a lot of fun. I never laughed as much as when you were around.”
“I was cocky and took too many risks.”
“Like skinny dipping after too much beer at the Fourth of July party?”
Austin grinned. “You heard about that?”
“It was legendary. My friend Missy’s older sister gave us a detailed report.”
Austin felt a flush creep up his neck. “How detailed?”
Payton winked. “A great amount of detail. Large detail.” Her glance to his lap told him she was referencing what he thought.
“Payton, I’m surprised at you,” he teased.
“Hey, girls are just a curious as boys.”
Their shared laughter warmed Austin but it was time to lay it on the line.
“Well, that boldness came around to hurt me and others.”
Payton’s eyes grew serious. “Tell me.”
“I’d had a crush on this girl named Emily. And too many beers at a different party made me bold enough to kiss her.”
“Emily Anderson? The girl who died in the accident? I didn’t know you dated her.”
Austin’s heart raced. “I didn’t date her. I married her.”
Payton’s gasp cut through the autumn chill like a knife. “You married her?”
He could see her mind racing to fill in the pieces of what she thought she knew and this new information.
“We eloped. Our parents and friends knew, but we were keeping it secret until we graduated.”
“Why didn’t you wait to get married? Ohhh…” Austin could see the moment recognition dawned. “You had to get married.”
“I did right by Emily. Our impulsive kiss led to more than kissing, which led to a baby.”
“Oh my goodness, Austin, I had no idea.”
“You were young. Your family was trying to protect you, I’m sure.”
“I get that but in the years since, no one talks about it. It was almost as if you’d died right alongside Emily.”
Austin felt the words like a punch to the gut. It had felt like he’d died for a long time. If he were honest with himself, it was only recently that he’d begun to truly live again.
“Everyone was angry with me. I got Emily pregnant and eloped with her. The reason she was on the road the day she died is that we’d had an argument the night before. Everyone thinks she was visiting a friend, but she was really leaving me.”
“Austin.”
He braced for Payton to reject him as his friends had already done, but she reached across to squeeze his arm. He felt tears prick at the back of his eyelids and tipped his head back to stop them from falling.
“It was my fault.” He said the words he’d been avoiding for a decade.
“It’s not your fault. You both were young and those things happen. You were doing your best. Both of you.”
Austin shook his head. “I should have a stopped her. I should never have kissed her in the first place.”
Payton led Mabel to a clearing and Austin followed. Once their horses had stopped next to each other, Payton turned in the saddle to face him.
“None of that was solely your doing. The accident was just that—and accident. I can’t imagine how hard it was to lose your wife and child.”
Austin felt a tear slip down his cheek. There was no holding back this emotion. “I was devastated. It took years to grieve. I’m still grieving, honestly.”
Payton gripped his hand in hers. “This explains the equine therapy, doesn’t it? To cope with the loss.”
“Yes, it saved my life. I was in a dark place when I left home. I drank too much, made poor choices. It’s a miracle I didn’t die. For a few years, I didn’t care about anything at all.”
“I’m glad you found help. And I’m proud of the man you’ve become. I care about you, Austin. You’re not alone.”
Austin swiped at his tears with his free hand. “Thank you. I care about you, too. It means a lot to me to have your support.”
Payton squeezed his hand and that simple gesture spoke volumes to him. He wasn’t alone—not anymore.
“You never re-married…” Payton whispered.
“I couldn’t imagine ever being that serious about someone again. After losing my wife like that, and our baby she was carrying, it took a long time to dig out of my grief. And some days I think I never truly will recover.”
Payton met his gaze. “You kissed me.”
He could read her unspoken question in her eyes. Did his kiss mean anything? Was he still closed off to love?
Surprisingly, Austin found the answer not what he expected. “I kissed you because I like you and for the first time can see a future with someone.”
And in his heart, he knew that his future was with Payton.
Despite their age difference, Payton seemed older than her years. Perhaps losing both her parents and being raised by older brothers contributed to her maturity. She’d always stood out from other girls and the distinction was more profound now that she’d grown into a woman.
Coming to know the grown up version of his childhood friend, he couldn’t stop thinking about all manner of serious topics related to his intentions towards her.
They returned to the trail as the horses grew restless and Payton leaned down to whisper in Mabel’s ear and offer encouraging words. The mare’s whinny in response let him know she was just as enamored with Payton as Austin was.
They made it to their destination a short time later and tied their horses to a tree in range of fresh grass. Their destination was the overlook that showcased all of Wildwood Falls below. A favorite of his brother, Liam, Austin seldom came up here. While there was a dirt road leading to this spot, the horse trail from the other side was more scenic which was why Austin preferred it. And it was a good trail to assess his therapy horses without risking an injury on more challenging terrain.
Standing on this hill, looking out over the valley below, Austin felt like he’d finally made it home. His heart swelled with emotion as he allowed himself to sit with the experience of the moment. He was on his family’s land— his land. The legacy that had been passed down from his grandparents to his parents, then to him and his siblings.
Payton came to stand next to him, taking in the view. “You can see the whole valley from here.” The awe in her voice loosened something in his chest until he felt like his emotions would burst like a dam.
“I haven’t been up here in years. It’s my brother’s thinking place.”
Payton smiled. “I can see why. It’s peaceful.”
They stood in silence for a while, taking in the view. The horses whinnied quietly behind them, enjoying the slight breeze and the fresh grass. The past decade of memories washed over Austin. For the first time since the fateful night of the accident, he felt the sharp sting of guilt fade. He wasn’t the same person he’d been. He’d felt broken for so many years that he’d assumed that was his new normal. Grief didn’t loosen its grip the way others had described. It had kept a tight hold on Austin.
Now, in the breeze from the mountains, he finally felt the grip loosen until the feelings floated away with the wind. He’d always mourn what was lost, but Austin felt lighter than he had in as long as he could remember. The past was unchangeable but the future spread out ahead of him with infinite potential.
He was proud of the work he was doing on the equine therapy program. It would be ready to open next month. He’d taken all the difficult feelings and channeled them into something that gave back to others. A seed of hope planted itself in his heart. Maybe he could move on. Become a better man and have something to offer a partner. To offer Payton.
“Will you come work for me?”
The question popped out and Payton turned to him, surprise clear in her eyes. He’d been considering asking her this question for weeks, but hadn’t been sure until right this moment.
“At the equine therapy program?”
Her eyes were shining bright with excitement and hope and Austin felt it like a punch to the gut.
“Yes, you’re great with the horses and would be a great addition to the program.”
“I haven’t worked as a therapist before.”
“You have the training and credentials, right?”
Payton nodded. “I do. And the supervised hours. I just haven’t had the opportunity to work in the field yet. Not many openings for equine therapy in tiny Wildwood Falls.”
“Well there is now. And it’s yours if you want it.”
Payton worried her lip with her teeth. “I want it. I have to talk with my brothers before I can formally accept. It would mean cutting back on hours with the tour company.”
“I understand. Take the time you need to make arrangements. The opening is planned for next month. Unless you plan to refuse me, then I’ll need to know as soon as possible to find someone else.”
Payton impulsively hugged him. His arms instinctively wrapped around her to hold her close. He could smell the floral scent of her shampoo and the faintly earthy smell that came from riding horses.
“I will make this work,” she promised. Her forehead was pressed into his shoulder and she made no move to pull back.
Austin breathed in her scent, determined to commit this moment to memory. Payton was a constant in his life and the thought of sharing his business with her gave him a thrill he hadn’t expected. He’d planned so much of this endeavor in private that having someone to share the journey with was a comfort.
“One more thing,” he said as he pulled back just enough to meet her eyes. “I’ll be your boss soon, so I want to get this out of the way before that happens.”
Payton’s brow wrinkled adorably in confusion. “What’s on your mind?”
Austin allowed the smile he’d been holding back to widen. “I like you a lot, Payton Walker. And I want to date you.”
Her eyes flew wide with surprise. “Date me?”
Austin’s gut swooped as he couldn’t tell by her reaction how she was feeling. “Yes. I’ve always cared for you, and now that we’ve gotten to know each other again, I want to date you properly, not just steal kisses.”
Payton’s cheeks pinked at his reference to their kisses. Her eyes glowed with happiness as she threw her arms around his neck and leaned up to press a kiss to his mouth.
“I’ve had a crush on you forever,” she confessed. “I’m so proud of the man you’ve become and would love to be your girlfriend.”
Austin’s heart soared with her words. A thread of worry lurked behind the joy. Payton’s oldest brother wouldn’t be happy about their relationship.
“You know this isn’t going to be easy.”
Payton nodded. “I know. But we’re adults and Griffin needs to respect our decisions.”
“I’ve reached out and he wants nothing to do with me.”
Payton’s eyes glittered with determination. “Come to dinner tomorrow. Then he won’t be able to avoid you.”
“What if he doesn’t come?”
“He has to—he lives there. Just come over at six tonight and I’ll figure out the rest.”
Austin agreed although he had a very bad feeling about the plan. He just hoped he didn’t get punched in the face.