7. Jensen
7
JENSEN
I release a heavy breath as I wrap Remi in a towel and cradle her against my body. I don’t miss the way Nessa tries to hide her smile, but I don’t even care—that bath was the most stressful thing I’ve done in a long time.
“You’ll get the hang of it,” she says confidently. “Let’s get Remi ready for bed and I’ll show you how to swaddle her.”
Nodding, I follow her out of the bathroom and down the hall to the nursery that is currently just a changing and storage room. Remi’s bassinet is in my room, and with bedtime rapidly approaching, panic is starting to set in.
It shouldn’t be that hard.
But neither should giving her a bath.
Yet, I’d used too much soap, washed most of it away, and then didn’t have enough. I hated the way the washcloth wouldn’t lather like I wanted and felt like rinsing her had taken few years off my life. She was slippery, and I’d never been so happy to wrap her in a towel.
Laying her on the changing table, I gently dry her sweet face, noting the dark blue of her eyes and patchy blonde hair. My chest swells with pride and love and so much damn happiness it feels like it’s about to burst.
This moment makes the bathtime hell all worth it.
“I’ve been using this before I put her into pajamas,” Nessa says, pulling me from my thoughts as she hands me a bottle of lotion. “It’s all natural, and the lavender is supposed to be soothing. I don’t know if it makes a difference, but it smells nice and it was part of our routine.” I glance at her but she’s looking at Remi, her smile warm and affectionate. “Obviously, you can do what works for you,” she adds almost as an afterthought as she lifts her gaze toward mine.
She’s so close I can smell the faintest hint of her perfume. It’s sweet and subtle and completely at odds with the professional soccer player that’s on all the time.
But right now, when it’s just us, she seems softer, more approachable—it fits her and I like it.
I like it too much.
I’m lost in my thoughts as Nessa’s arm brushes against mine. It’s harmless, merely an accidental graze, but I feel that simple touch everywhere, my blood pumping harder than it has any right to.
She must feel it too because she shifts slightly away from me, breaking the contact and giving me some much-needed breathing room.
Clearing my throat, I finish getting Remi ready, only fighting a little with the tiny zipper on the sleeper a couple of times before finally making it happen. It’s stupid but it feels like a win especially when she gives me a gummy smile and flails her flamingo print-covered arms.
My soul aches with how much I’ve missed her—like I’m just realizing she’s home forever.
I let myself feel the anguish and relief and everything in between as Nessa shows me how to swaddle her before leaving to make a bottle.
Practicing a couple of times, I get as close as I can before scooping her up and pressing a kiss to her forehead. My daughter’s tiny body feels so fragile in my arms, and I’m lost.
Lost to this tiny, sweet girl who I never knew existed but can’t imagine my life without.
“You’re gonna be chasing off all the women in town with a stick, Sheriff,” Nessa says quietly as she leans against the doorjamb of my room. I snort quietly and continue the side to side rocking that seems to settle Remi as much as it does me.
“Not likely,” I say casually, but I’m thankful for the low light in the room when the tips of my ears heat.
“It’s a guarantee,” Nessa says, peeking over my arm to look at the sleeping baby. “I think she has your lips.”
Mine quirk up at the side at the surrealness of it all, ignoring the idea that Remi will attract hordes of women to my door.
And instead, focus on the other thing she said.
My baby has my lips.
“Better than my nose, I think.” Not that I’d pass down the way it had been broken a couple of times from football and the most recent a few years back breaking up a college fight.
She hums and hands me the bottle before placing a kiss on Remi’s forehead. “Good night, sweet girl,” she murmurs and is almost to the door when she turns back and adds, “Night, Sheriff.”
The two words are practically a purr, a sultry cadence she delivers with the twitch of her lips.
“Just Jensen. Or Kade,” I manage but it sounds gravelly, and her eyes sparkle in response.
“Where’s the fun in that?”
Biting back a growl, I dip my head to her. “Good night, Miss Hart.”
NESSA
My hands are practically shaking as I close the door to my room. The lock doesn’t make a sound, but I don’t know if that’s because it is actually that quiet or if the blood pumping in my ears has drowned it out.
The adrenaline is wearing off and I can feel the inevitable crash coming on. Grabbing my pajamas and toiletry bag, I head for the bathroom, begrudgingly sticking to my nighttime routine even though it’s the last thing I want to do.
Being thankful tomorrow doesn’t make it suck any less right now.
Zipping up my bag, I turn off the light and open the door, stopping short before running straight into Jensen as he passes.
“Sorry about that,” he says, taking a step away and shoving his hands in the front pockets of his jeans. My pajamas aren’t anything fancy, just shorts and a matching long-sleeve shirt, but I don’t miss how Jensen’s gaze lingers on my legs before returning to my face.
Holy shit, he’s hot.
“She went down already?”
“She must’ve been tired,” he says and then nods to me. “I imagine you both are.”
“I am but I’m also hoping to do a quick workout in the morning before I go to the university.”
“Make sure you use the shed if you’d like.”
“Thanks.” I smile, my fingers tightening around my bag as I stand there awkwardly. I hadn’t decided whether I was brave enough to venture into his home gym, but he’d texted me the code to get in earlier anyway.
Just in case.
Even though I hadn’t agreed to stay more than just tonight.
It seemed like a big leap of faith to offer it to me so freely.
Maybe he thought it was a good incentive and he wouldn’t be wrong. But would I be able to be here with him every day in this house and not fall into bed with him?
He’d get hurt—maybe we both would.
But Jensen Kade is all the things I run from—he’s promises and lazy Sunday mornings, and I’ve never been the forever kind of girl.
And I’m not staying in Blackstone Falls, so what’s the point in things getting messy?
Plus, I wasn’t lying when I told Jensen that he’d have a line of available women on his doorstep once word got around that he has a daughter.
I ignore the spike of jealousy at the thought because it’s none of my business, and honestly, he should be lettin’ the ladies fawn all over him.
“I can’t even tell her about her mom, Nessa. What kind of man am I if I can’t even tell my daughter about her mom?”
His words from earlier cut through all the noise in my head, my stomach bottoming out at how easily I’d lost perspective.
“Do you need anything tonight?” I force myself to ask as I stand a little bit taller.
Shaking his head, he clears his throat like maybe he got a little carried away too. “No, we should be all right.”
“Let me know if that changes.”
“I will.” He takes another step back from the door. “And thank you for bein’ here, even if it’s just for tonight.”
Giving him a soft smile, I lay my hand on his forearm for just a second, our eyes locking before I pull away, forcing myself back to my room before I let Jensen Kade be any more of a distraction.