21. Nessa
21
NESSA
I audibly sigh when I hear Jensen’s truck pull into the driveway. We’d barely interacted the morning after our kiss, and I didn’t like the unease that had settled in my belly because of it. Jensen had hustled around the house getting ready for a double shift and I’d tried to get Remi to settle for more than five minutes.
Both of us gave the other a wide berth until he’d kissed Remi on the forehead and left with a short nod in my direction. I’d told Coach Turner that I’d be working remotely on a couple of things between naps and feedings because I just couldn’t manage facing the world.
Or putting on real pants.
It was a good thing too, because Remi had doubled down in the afternoon and overnight. Nothing I did was enough, and the more she fussed, the scarier the deep dive into the medical forums online became.
Tears of relief fill my eyes when I see Jensen because even though we might not be okay, we’ll be okay for Remi.
His boots seem to drag up the porch steps, and I meet his tired eyes as soon as he steps through the door.
“Rough night?” he asks and I nod.
“I kept checking her temperature every couple of hours but it hasn’t changed. She wouldn’t let me put her down and she feels so warm, but everything I read online says it’s just a low-grade fever but she’s never had one of those before –” It all comes out in a whoosh as his worried eyes meet mine. “Should we call the pediatrician?”
“I-I don’t know,” he says before taking Remi in his arms and looking at the clock on the wall. “But I know who will.”
Pulling his phone from his pocket, he taps on the screen and places it on the counter as it rings.
“What’s wrong?” Dottie says in lieu of hello.
“Nothin’, Mama, it’s just?—”
“Don’t lie to me, boy. I raised you better than that.”
My lips twitch and even though she’s not my mother, hearing Dottie’s voice brings a certain kind of comfort I didn’t know I needed. Placing my hand on Jensen’s forearm, I give him a reassuring smile.
“Hi Dottie, it’s Nessa.”
“Hi, sweet girl, how are you holding up?”
“We’re all right. But I was up most of the night with Remi. She has a low-grade fever and we don’t know what to do. Is this something you call the pediatrician for, or will they think we’re overreacting?”
“What is it now?” she asks, and I rattle off the temperature hovering just above one hundred point four degrees before giving her the rundown of our night. “Now, first and foremost, you can always call your mama,” she says and Jensen smiles as he sways and rocks his daughter. “Second, there are no stupid questions when it comes to the care of your baby, so if your doctor makes you feel like you’re not bein’ heard, you find another one, am I clear?”
“Yes, Mama,” Jensen says dutifully and I grin, my shoulders relaxing the littlest bit.
“All right then. It sounds like she might just have a little bug. She’s somewhere new and y’all are in and out of the house, so it’s inevitable she’ll catch a bug before long. Give her a little something to help her sleep and reassess when she wakes up.”
“Thanks, Dottie.”
“Y’all are doing a great job. Bein’ a parent is hard, and little ones never act the same so you’re always just learning as you go.”
Tears fill my eyes and I let my eyelids flutter shut. She’s not my daughter, but she means so damn much she might as well be.
She feels like it.
Jensen and I give our thanks again and say goodbye before we’re each moving around the space in tandem, changing Remi and giving her medicine. Stifling a yawn, I glance at the clock and silently curse.
“I’m really sorry to do this to you, but I have to be at the university in a couple of hours and I was hoping to get a workout in before…”
“I know I lost track of time. Just let me take a shower real quick and then we’ll get out of your hair.”
“That’s not—” My words get caught in my throat as he drops a quick kiss on Remi’s hair and hands her to me. He doesn’t meet my gaze, and it’s as if all the progress we’d made dissipated the moment he hung up the phone.
It shouldn’t hurt but it does.
Temporary.
This is temporary.
It should be temporary, but Jensen’s eyes look haunted and I’d give everything to bring back the lightness.
“I’ll be quick—give me five minutes.”
Without another word he’s down the hall, his bedroom door closing with a snick.
“Daddy will be here soon,” I coo to Remi as I ignore the pulsing between my legs at the thought of Jensen being a daddy . I mean by strict definition he is, but also I wouldn’t mind trying out that particular term of endearment on my knees in front of him.
My overtired brain helpfully conjures all kinds of inappropriate images as the memory of him grinding against my core has me blushing furiously in the morning sun.
“You okay?” Jensen asks, and absolutely startled, I gasp and spin toward him.
And now I’m more turned on than I was before.
His chest is bare, the skin flushed from hot water, his sweatpants hanging low on his hips, the waistband of his boxers a sinful tease of what’s beneath.
Damn this man.
Rubbing the towel over his head, he stares at me before tossing it over the back of the kitchen chair and taking Remi from my arms.
She quiets almost instantly, nuzzling her cheek to his chest and rubbing her eye with a tiny fist, but that barely registers over the blood pounding in my ears.
“My eyes are up here, Ness,” Jensen says with a quirk of his lips, and I lick mine because I can’t help it.
“Yeah, but it’s criminal how good you look right now.” The words are out of my mouth before I can stop them, and now that little hint of a smile has stretched into an awfully smug one.
“Too bad I’m too nice for you…” He trails off, intentionally letting my words settle between us, and I growl because I’m horny and frustrated and dammit, I just need some relief.
“I’m going to go run.”
“Better leave enough time to get yourself off in the shower, Ness.” My mouth falls open as his eyes darken to match a look that’s almost predatory. “I’d hate for everyone you have to see today to suffer because you’re in desperate need of an orgasm.”
“I am not desperate. I can take care of myself, thank you very much.”
Dragging his eyes down my body, he lifts a shoulder and then lets it drop. “Must have misunderstood.” Dropping his eyes to my mouth, he lets his gaze linger before returning to meet mine. “My mistake .”
He’s taunting me.
And it’s working.
Because that kiss had been a mistake—for Remi’s sake. But for two consenting adults it was damn near heavenly. And I want to do it again and again because Jensen Kade knows how to kiss, and I want his mouth and tongue all over me.
The frustration builds inside me tenfold.
“This is only temporary,” I say calmly, but his only response is the tensing of his jaw.
His stupid, sexy jaw.
I want to scream and stomp and launch myself into his arms. I want to grind myself against every inch of his cock just to get a little relief and then beg him to fuck me until I forget my own name.
But I don’t do any of that. Instead, I change quickly and cross the yard to the shed and enter the code. The door beeps and I swing it open enough to slip inside before closing it against the cold.
Flipping the lights on, I glare at the treadmill and then again at my phone as it buzzes in my hand.
KINSLEY: Don’t even think about skipping your run this morning
NESSA: I was thinking no such thing
KINSLEY: Liar
KINSLEY: You texted me at 3:30 this morning—you’re exhausted—of course you want to skip the run
NESSA: I really hate you sometimes
KINSLEY: No you don’t
KINSLEY: Now go before I have to whip out the shouty caps
Growling, I toss my phone in the cupholder of the treadmill and start stretching.
My workout hadn’t helped to ease the tension, and I have half a mind to throw open the door and ask Jensen if I can sit on his face before I leave.
But that’s the lack of sleep talking.
And that train of thought comes to a screeching halt when I peek into the living room and find him fast asleep with Remi sprawled over his bare chest, just like I had imagined. Her little mouth is open, her hand clutching his necklace as his arm holds her protectively against him.
The scene makes my eyelids flutter shut as I brace a hand on the wall for support. This is what I’ve tried so desperately to avoid. This is what I couldn’t bear getting close to.
But there’s no chance of my ovaries exploding from cuteness overload.
Because I don’t have them.
And I haven’t for a long time.
You’re happy with your life—you don’t need a man or family because you can’t give that to him.
The sob that threatens to escape has me turning on my heels and racing quietly down the hall to the bathroom. I need the water to drown out my cries, and I need the solitude of this moment to get myself together.
It’s too much.
It’s not enough.
Jensen Kade wasn’t supposed to happen and I’d be smart to let him go—let any hope this could be something more go like the soap swirling the drain.