23. Jensen
23
JENSEN
M y radio crackles to life and I wait as dispatch lays out the details of the call, the corner of my lips ticking up with every added word.
Sheriff Kade please report to the area of Elm and Highland for an elderly man in need of assistance with a stubborn goat.
They were unable to get a name, but if I were a bettin’ man I’d say that Hal Greene is waitin’ for me on this fine Tennessee morning. And what a morning it is. I woke up feeling lighter after my haircut and the flirting that ensued with Nessa.
Remi had only gotten up once overnight, and I felt better than I had in a while. “Hard to Forget” by Sam Hunt plays through the speakers of my cruiser, and I can’t help but smile as I drive the short distance, my mind running wild with the possibilities.
Rounding the corner, I’m not disappointed as I find Hal leaning casually against the fence with a leash held loosely in his hand, the stubborn goat, Patches, grazing beside him. Parking the cruiser, I unfold myself from the driver’s seat and return Hal’s smile, although his is more shit-eating than citizen in need of assistance.
“Mornin’, Hal,” I say, closing the distance and holding my hand out for him to shake.
“Beautiful day indeed, son.”
“You, uh, need a ride?” I ask because even though I will, I’ll still bitch about having to put the damn goat in the back.
“Ellison’s comin’ to get me.” His eyes twinkle as his gaze meets mine. “Pretty sure she said somethin’ like I swear on all that’s holy if you move from that spot I’ll let Celeste make you tofu casserole for a month. ” He shrugs a shoulder and lets it drop. “Might be paraphrasing though.”
“You’re supposed to tell somebody when you take the, er, goat for a walk.” Montana’s grandfather had suffered a heart attack not long after Ellison had come back to town. He was doin’ great, but we were all still a little worried about him getting into trouble.
He harrumphs. “You’d think with the way those two carry on that at least one of them would be relaxed.”
My mouth drops open and Hal snorts like he didn’t just blatantly make a comment about his grandson’s sex life.
“I’m not even gonna respond to that.”
“When you get to be old like me, you don’t have to worry so much about offending people.”
“How about scarring them? You worried about that?”
“Nah, it’s more fun this way. Besides, I get to see you young kids tryin’ to figure out how to be polite like I wasn’t your age one time running around with my girl.”
“I love you, Hal, but good Lord Almighty.” I laugh and shake my head. “You wanna tell me why you’re really out here besides trying to make me go prematurely gray?”
Patting his shirt pocket, he pulls out an envelope with my name on it and hands it to me. The script is Nan’s, and my heart squeezes unexpectedly in my chest.
“We set aside a little for each of you kids over the years. Wanted y’all to have a little something when you started families of your own.” He sighs. “Just wish she could’ve been here with me to do it. She would have loved seein’ you be a dad.”
“I…” The words I can’t accept this die on my tongue because I know how proud he is to give this to me. How proud he and Nan would have been setting aside a dollar here and there for neighborhood kids they considered their own. And now that she’s gone, there’s no way I can refuse it.
“I’m still waitin’ for a chance to come meet my first great-grandbaby,” he says a little gruffly, emotion thick in his tone, and I have to swallow hard before I’m even able to respond.
“I’m sorry about that.” My breath whooshes out of me, my thumb still tracing over the looped script of my name. “It’s been an adjustment.”
“You have family to help you, Jensen. No sense bein’ stubborn trying to change the past, overthinking like you do.”
It’s my turn to snort because he’s not wrong.
“Have I always been so predictable?”
Hal feigns rolling his eyes so hard he falls over, and I chuckle as he crosses his arms over his barrel chest.
“I know y’all love hearin’ it, but I held you when you were still in diapers, long before you and the rest of these hellions were tearin’ through town. You were a good boy, grew into a good man, but you’ve always been one to try and shoulder the world’s problems.”
“This isn’t the world, Grandad,” I say, slipping easily into being a kid in his presence. “I didn’t even know her name,” I admit without looking at him. “Remi’s mama—not until Nessa brought her here.”
“Did you treat her right?”
“Yes.”
“Give her any false ideas about what your time together meant?” I shake my head. “And she understood and accepted the terms of your encounter the same way you did?”
“Yes,” I say even though he makes it sound so clinical. “She set the rules and I was happy to go along with them after a long week.”
“What part are you feeling guilty for then?”
“I can’t tell our daughter anything about her.”
Exhaling slowly, Hal runs his thumb over his gold wedding band. “I don’t think Remi is gonna wanna know about her mama’s high school GPA or if she won her second grade spelling bee, Jensen.”
“She might,” I grumble, earning a hefty side-eye and a bleat from the goat.
“She’s gonna want to know that her mama had a nice smile like hers and that she had pretty eyes and she made you laugh—that even though the time you had with her was short, you’d never regret it because it gave you the most precious baby girl.”
“But—”
“She’s gonna know, son. Remi will grow up knowing that you would have crawled from here to Nashville to get to her if you’d known her mama was pregnant. And when Remi is mad at her mama for not finding you sooner, you’ll tell her that her mama had her reasons and we can rejoice in her bein’ Remi’s guardian angel.”
My thumb and forefinger push into my eyelids as I try to hold off the tears that want to break free at his words. The overly simple explanation somehow opens the floodgates on everything I’ve worried myself sick about for weeks.
His palm rests on my shoulder and he squeezes, not letting go as I slow my breathing and tilt my face toward the sun. The warmth of the rays seeps into my skin, settling me in a way a hug might after a hard day.
“It’s so hard,” I start, bringing my gaze down to meet his, “to reconcile being ashamed for barely knowing a woman I made a child with and being so overjoyed that child is mine.” I swallow hard and wait for the judgment I know won’t come.
Hal’s smile is soft and slow, each movement highlighting more of the lines around his mouth and eyes.
“Learn what you can—what you can handle—about Remi’s mama while Nessa is here and then learn with your daughter as she gets older. Be open and honest with her and love the hell out of her.” He taps the envelope. “Pick out something nice like Nan would have liked and put the rest away for when you need it or when y’all just want a little extra spending money.”
“Thanks, Grandad,” I say as Ellison pulls up in Montana’s truck.
“Thanks for not arguing with me.” He nods toward the envelope as the passenger-side window lowers and Ellison narrows her eyes at us.
“Figured you’ll get enough of that in a second,” I murmur under my breath, and Hal’s lips twitch ever so slightly.
“Are you tryin’ to get me in trouble, old man?” Ellison barks from the truck.
“Hiya, Dolly,” he says affectionately before chuckling. “You can’t get mad every time I go somewhere without you.”
“Hell yes, I can!” she says, opening the door and rounding the hood to stand in front of us with her hands on her hips. “Well?”
Her gaze bounces between us, and I can’t help but smirk at the woman who has one of my best friends tied up in more than just knots.
“I had to talk to Jensen,” Hal says conversationally.
“I’m way more fun than him,” she hisses, and I should be offended but she’s definitely right, so I just shrug. On most days, I’m getting called to trouble the both of them got into.
“No one can replace you, Dolly.”
“Damn right,” she says, reaching down to scratch the goat’s head. It leans into her touch and she grins. “Jensen, can you help puttin’ Patches in the truck?”
I look down at my still mostly pristine uniform as I try like hell to figure a way out of this without looking like an asshole. Although I don’t think lifting livestock is in the same chivalry category as opening doors.
“I mean…”
She squats down and lifts the not fully grown goat with ease and smirks. “Well, I guess Bea, Cal, and I will just have to swing by and see Nessa while you’re at work.” Her eyes gleam with mischief. “Pretty sure she likes us already.” I can already feel my heart beating faster at the unspoken fuckery that will be.
“He’s givin’ me gray hair, and you’re givin’ me an ulcer,” I mutter as I hustle to lower the tailgate. She sets the goat in the back before securing it and turning to look around me at Hal.
“You wanna go get the tractor stuck?”
He snorts. “Thought you were tryin’ to make my grandson not mad at you.”
She waves him off. “Nothing my sparkling personality and enthusiasm won’t fix.”
“What is wrong with you two?” I whine, dragging my hands down my face. “Just don’t embarrass…”
“Oh, please finish that sentence, Jensen Kade. I’ll wait.”
“It’s a trap,” Hal says over an exaggerated cough.
“You know what I mean. Nessa thinks I’m nice.”
“You are nice,” she says and then grins, “unless you’re losing at game night.” Also not an insult because it’s true. I’ve maintained top marksmanship levels since the academy, but for some reason every time we’re forced to play something with a ping-pong ball and a Solo cup or muffin tin, I’m toast.
“Right, but?—”
“Are you saying I’m not nice, Sheriff? You think I’ll embarrass you in front of the hot soccer star?”
Hal’s eyes dance with humor, and despite it being not yet nine in the morning, I’m ready to call it a day. “You’re plenty nice. And no, but also…” Ellison’s lips quirk up on the side as she watches me proverbially dig myself into a hole.
“Do you want her to think you’re nice? Or you don’t.”
“I don’t know. She thinks nice is a bad thing.”
“Want me to tell her about all the hot single women in Blackstone Falls lining up to have you put them in handcuffs?”
“I’ll be in the truck,” Hal says on a bark of laughter that disappears as he hoists himself into the passenger seat and closes the door.
Waiting till he’s secured in the cab, I turn my attention back to her. “Let’s keep that as a contingency plan.”
Ellison’s eyebrows fly up her forehead, and it would be funny if I wasn’t serious. “Well hell, put me in, coach.”
This time I snort and let my shoulders drop a little. “I don’t know what I want yet. Things are easy and comfortable with Nessa even while I’m learning how to be a father, and it’s just a lot.”
“But you like her,” Ellison says, tilting her head to the side, and I rub the back of my neck, my skin heating under her scrutiny. “It’s okay to like her, Jensen.” Her words are soft and sincere and they hit twice as hard because her constant state is busting my balls.
“I don’t think she wants me to like her. She’s not staying here long—made it real clear her time in Blackstone Falls is temporary.”
“And she thinks you’re too nice for her.” Ellison shrugs. “Then change her mind.”
“What if she doesn’t want it changed? What if I fuck things up just by trying?”
“I don’t know what the right answer is,” she says then waits for me to look at her, “but I do know a lot about mistakes and what time wasted being away from the people you love does to your soul.”
“I don’t love her.” The notion of loving her after only a few weeks is absurd.
“But you could,” Nessa retorts and that’s not as absurd.
“Why do you say that?”
“You’re no fun and she seems like lots of it. It’s all about balance, and you could probably use some.”
“Thanks,” I say with a shake of my head as she takes a step back toward the truck.
“Anytime. And don’t be a snitch and tell Montana about the tractor.”
“Wouldn’t dream of it.”
“Oh, and Jensen?” Her tone is serious as she leans her forearms on the hood and meets my gaze.
“Yeah?”
“It’s good bein’ nice.” I’m about to roll my eyes when she adds, “Doesn’t mean you can’t ask for what you want.” Giving me a little wave, she climbs into the truck and honks the horn as she pulls away, leaving me contemplating her words.
It’s a lot to process, but it’ll have to wait as my radio crackles to life for the second time this morning.