Chapter 21 #2
“I missed you both too,” I say while walking towards them, and when I’m close I place a kiss on Arianna’s head and one on Jay’s lips.
“So?”
“He’s going to check tomorrow, and then he’ll let me know where we are.”
“I heard my name.”
“Yeah, I was telling him about you.”
“What did he say?”
“Jay…” What can I really say to him that won’t have him running away?
“Tell me.”
I’ve never seen him like this. Detached, as if he’s already walking away.
I won’t lie to him, because I demanded for him to always tell me the truth. “Your presence could be a reason for them to find me unfit, because of your history.”
“I’m leaving.”
If a tone of voice could kill, I’d be dead. That’s what I just did to Jay. It’s as if I planted a knife in his heart and twisted it a couple of times.
His face is ashen and his body is trembling so much I’m afraid he’ll let Arianna fall, so I take her, and that seems to be another knife going in.
“No, you’re not leaving. We’ve had this conversation already. I want you here.”
Arianna begins to cry, as if she understands what’s happening right now. As if she understands that our fragile family is breaking.
I try to rock her, but it has the opposite effect of making her cry louder. I try giving her the dummy but she spits it out, and she wiggles so much as if she’s trying to push me away.
Jay watches for a moment as if deciding whether this is the right moment to go, or if he should stay and comfort her, and me in the process. I breathe better when he takes the few steps that bring him close to us.
“Princess,” he calls her, while rubbing her tummy. “What’s wrong?”
She stops for a moment at hearing Jay’s voice but then begins again.
I hand her over to him, and as if by magic she settles down. She must be upset with me because I’ve upset Jay.
Jay doesn’t know what to do, but I’m grateful for Arianna’s meltdown because it forces Jay to stay, at least for now.
“Can you take care of her while I make a few calls?”
“I—“
“I need to get you the money.”
“Okay.”
I watch him walk away from me, my heart breaking at the idea that very soon that could be a reality. A reality I don’t want to live, so I need to think of something.
I pick up my phone, thinking about who to call, but I don’t have anyone. So I’ll have to wait until tomorrow and call the bank.
My phone pings, and I open the text, and damn, Adam was right, it’s two pages long. They want photos, GP records, Arianna’s schedule, clean DBS, and I’ll have to disturb the neighbours who’ve seen me with Arianna, and much more.
There’s a knock at the window but I don’t turn around, lost in my desperation, and anyway, the studio is closed.
I want to go upstairs and cuddle with my two favourite people, but thanks to my parents, something has broken, and I don’t know how to put it back together.
There’s a series of knocks, each one more urgent than the last, and this time I turn around.
Kai’s face through the window is not wearing its usual grin, and the fine hair at the base of my scalp rises for no apparent reason.
I open the door, and he enters but doesn’t say anything, instead looking at me as if expecting me to say something. I raise one of my eyebrows at him in an implied what?
He takes a deep breath, looking like someone not happy about what he has to say.
“Where’s Jay?”
My eyes go to the stairs, before I reply. “They’re upstairs.”
“He’s okay?”
“What’s with all these questions?” My patience is running low, even if I shouldn’t be taking it out on Kai.
I wait, but when he doesn’t say anything I kind of yell. “Talk.”
“Jeremy was at my place, and he’s been beaten up. I patched him up and he should have stayed put, but when I came back from washing my hands he was gone.” I’ve never seen Kai this affected by injuries.
“Was it bad?” A simple nod, that’s not that simple.
Fuck!
“I don’t know what’s happening…”
“I do. That fucker threatened Jay earlier and demanded he go back to him and to bring him his money. Told him he was keeping Jeremy as collateral.”
“What the fuck?”
“Yep, my thoughts exactly.”
“We need to do something.”
“We do. Especially now that I have my parents breathing down on my neck trying to take Arianna away from me. Jay’s situation will be a problem when we go to court.” I jump to my feet and pace back and forth across the room, wishing it was bigger.
“Okay.”
“Nothing’s okay.” I turn his way like a snake ready to bite. That’s why he pisses me off, he never loses his shit like I do.
“Take a breath. I mean let me help.” He goes around the reception area and picks a piece of paper. “Here,” he says after scribbling for a moment. “Call him, he’s a lawyer. The best.”
“I have a lawyer.”
“Just take it in case you need it.”
“Thank you,” I say, before taking the paper. I like him a little bit more.
“If you call, tell him I gave you his name. Be honest.”
I nod. It won’t change from what I said to Adam.
“I’m going to take care of the other situation.”
“What do you mean?”
“If that animal isn’t around anymore, your parents won’t have anything to use against you.”
“If you’re talking about involving the police, forget about it. They’ll arrest them for solicitation.”
“I’ve got friends.”
“Kai.”
“Trust me.”
I look at him for a moment, but his eyes never waver. “Okay, I’ll trust you, but I want to be involved.”
“You will, if my idea works.”
“Okay.” But doubt still lingers. “What about Jeremy?”
“I’ll look for him. I can’t leave one of my patients without proper treatment.” He’s joking, but I can read the seriousness as well.
“Thank you. I owe you.”
“You don’t. This is what friends are for.”
I extend my hand and Kai clasps it before shaking it.
“I’ll be in touch.” With that, he’s gone.
I close the door behind him, and then I stand there with my hands on my hips, trying to decide what the best approach should be.
Knowing Jay, if I say something, he’ll enter the lion’s den without a care for his own safety.
I’ll chain him to the chair before letting something like that happen.
The house is dark when I open the door, with only the monitor illuminating the room, and the light coming from outside.
“Jay?”
“I’m here.” The words are wet with tears.
It breaks my heart. “Angel, I’m turning the lights on.” Gosh, under the light his face is all blotched, just like Arianna when she cries her lungs out, and his eyes are rimmed red.
Tears keep falling from his eyes, running down his cheeks and wetting his already drenched jumper.
I sit next to him on the sofa, afraid of touching him and making things worse. But when I beckon him into my arms and my lap, he comes without hesitation.
“It’s all my fault. I’m so sorry.”
“Angel, you have no fault. You’re not responsible for what’s happening. My parents and Dick are to blame.”
“But…”
“No but. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. And if Arianna could talk she’d be saying the same.”
“I’m a whore.”
I tighten my grip around him. “Angel, don’t ever say something like that about yourself again.” I look at him until he nods. “You are perfect, kind, and I love you.”
His eyes go wider and wider the more my words sink in.
I hate when he trembles instead of being happy, but I understand him trying to refuse my feelings, especially now.
He opens his mouth and I’m expecting him to reject me. “I love you too.”
I hug him close, happy and scared for the future. I kiss him because I need him as I need the air I breathe. Between kisses I whisper to him what I hope will be true. “We’ll be fine, trust me.”
I pull him close until his head is resting on my chest, while I kiss his hair. We don’t talk, and I don’t mind, because being this close is all I need.
When Jay’s breath becomes heavier, I stand with him in my arms, then move in the direction of my room. I need him close, and he needs to rest.
When we’re close to the bed I lay him there and follow him down, spooning him and pulling him against my chest.
I don’t think about the difficult days ahead of us, but only about the man in my arms, who loves me as much as I love him.
“I love you, Angel,” I whisper against his hair before I let sleep take me.