Chapter 23 #2
“Thank you.” The judge interrupts her, gently but firmly.
Now it’s our turn, and my lawyer stands, composed.
“Your Honour, the CAFCASS has found no concerns. The GP has confirmed the baby is healthy. My client has done everything necessary to provide daily care and a safe home environment. The applicants have shown no evidence of risk, only doubtful personal preferences.”
I want to jump up and kiss my lawyer, but I’m still pretending to be a calm and collected person, even if the suit and tie my lawyer insisted I wear are suffocating me.
“Duty of the court is the welfare of the child, not the personal preference of the grandparents.”
When he sits down, I put my hand on his arm, and I mouth a thank you. Even if I lose, I can’t blame him, because he’s done everything he could.
I wait without breathing while the judge reads all the documents, and my adrenaline kicks in when he looks up.
This is it. This is the moment where I lose Arianna, or I have her forever.
“This application presents no safeguarding issues. There is no harm, and no neglect. Also, there is no evidence other than a child well cared for.” His gaze shifts to my parents, but I keep looking at him, hoping for him to finally say that we’ve won.
“Disliking someone’s lifestyle is not a good reason to remove a child. And neither is their sexual preferences. I suggest you tread very carefully, because this young man could ask for you to be prosecuted.” He turns to me, and I’m aware I’m sweating so much my boxers are dripping wet.
I wish it were because I was thrusting inside Jay until we were both screaming each other’s name. Not what I should be thinking right now, but every thought of Jay, even the most arousing one in an inappropriate environment, is a welcome distraction from this horrible ordeal.
He closes the file and… getting air into my lungs feels like a battle.
“The application is dismissed. The child remains with Mr Taylor.” His words are welcoming and liberating.
I take a breath that sounds close to a sob.
My lawyer pats me on the back, and I stand. I’m not even sure I thank the judge.
I don’t even glance at my parents. Once this door closes behind my back they’ll be dead to me.
My mind is already with Jay. The need to hear from him, listen to his voice to make sure he’s safe growing by the second. Even a text would make my day.
Outside the room, I pull Arianna from the pushchair and hug her tight with happiness. I let the lawyer push the pram while I pull my phone from my pocket, unable to resist letting Jay know we’re okay.
His message sends a rush of joy through my chest.
I’m coming home. I love you.
I hit reply.
Haden
I love you too. We’re coming home.
I put my phone away and turn to my lawyer. “Thank you. We couldn’t have done it without you.”
“You did everything. You took care of her and she looks happy.”
We go our separate ways, and I rush to the car. I want to go to Jay and I want to celebrate with him, because today we both defeated our demons.
I drive carefully in the busy traffic, and when we reach home I don’t even pull the push chair out, I just take Arianna in my arms and hurry up the stairs. When I open the door Jay is there, his smile never-ending and making him look younger.
He dashes to us, and I welcome him into my arms, hugging them both close until Arianna is screaming to be let go. Jay and I laugh, but we let her go. I put her in her playpen, and while she shoves a toy inside her mouth, I pull Jay close.
I kiss him on his lips, over and over again. I keep the kisses gentle to show him how happy I am having him in my arms again.
Jay meets each one of them with the same playful happiness.
Until playing is not what I want any longer, and I take his mouth in a consuming kiss that has both of us trying to catch our breath.
I ignore my cock that it’s now begging to be satisfied, and instead I pull Jay into an embrace.
“I never want to let you go.”
“I don’t want to be anywhere else.”
That deserves a kiss. When we separate, my need to make sure Jay is really okay takes over. “How did it go?”
“I was afraid, but doing that gave me something back.”
“What’s that?”
“My dignity and my strength.”
“You never lost them. Not in my eyes. You’re the strongest man I’ve ever known. I love you, Angel.”
Jay’s cheeks turn a good pink colour because of my praise. “What about court?”
“Changing the subject, are we?” I smile gently and kiss him, because his pouty lips and red cheeks are a temptation I can’t resist.
“It was scary, nerve-racking, and then amazing.”
Jay laughs, and I want to capture it with my lips, so I lean in again and press my lips against his, and then sneak my tongue in to taste that beautiful smile. It tastes divine, and I push in ready to take everything he’s willing to give.
Arianna cries, and we separate, grinning at each other because my daughter always finds the perfect moment to interrupt us.
I watch Jay pick her up, and I follow him with my eyes until he disappears along the corridor.
I take a moment to breathe, savouring the lightness of our future. And then I follow the man I love and the daughter I never thought I deserved.
After dinner, we take our usual places on the sofa, but closer than ever because we can’t stay too far apart from each other. The fear of losing one another is probably still running through our blood.
I don’t mind. I want to have him plastered against me forever.
Arianna didn’t leave us alone all day, and every time we tried to kiss she cried to get our attention. Her cuteness rose to the highest level, and neither of us could avoid taking her in our arms.
I love how the time after dinner has become the time for us, where we connect again and spend time together.
Before I sit with him, though, I snatch the gift from its hiding place. I moved it from under my jacket to the hall cupboard so Jay wouldn’t find it. I bought these presents for him and forgot all about them because of the mess our lives had become.
I recall that day, the excitement and the need to do something for Jay. It still brings a smile to my face.
I sneak out after I finish with my last client. It’s early enough that Jay won’t be worried I’m not back yet.
While I love seeing him wearing my clothes, I’m not sure how he feels about it. This trip to the mall is a thank you for everything he’s done for us.
First things first, I hit the underwear section, to buy some socks and boxers. Then I walk through the shop picking up a couple of T-shirts, jeans, and hoodies. He loves his hoodies. When I find a jeans jacket, I know I’ve found the perfect gift. This, he’s going to love even more.
I want to see his face while he fishes them out of the bag, and that reminds me that I need a cuter one than what is provided by the shop. The one with small angel feathers has Jay’s name all over it.
After paying, I walk out close to whistling with joy. Who is this man and what happened to grumpy, leave-me-alone, stay-away Haden. Do I care? Not one bit, at least not now. At the moment I’m more excited that I’ll get to watch Jay unpack what I got him, and see his eyes shine with joy.
I try my best to conceal it behind my back as I approach the sofa.
“What’s that?”
“What?” I play the fool.
“The bag you have behind your back.”
“Oh, this?” I say, moving it in front of me. “This is a small present.”
“Did you buy something for Arianna?”
“Nope. I bought something for an angel. I got this for you before the nightmare we just lived through,” I say, pointing to the bag in my hand.
“What? No. You shouldn’t have… I don’t deserve… You’ve already given me so much…” His voice fades.
“Angel.” I call him, but when he refuses to look at me, I gently grab his jaw and turn his head towards me, then I place two fingers under his chin and push it up until our eyes meet.
It pains me to see that they’re full of unshed tears.
“You deserve this and more. Now dry your eyes, and open the present.”
He doesn’t move, so I dry them for him with my thumbs. I can’t stand to see him cry.
Jay has shed too many tears, and he won’t be doing any more of that unless they’re joyful tears.
I dry them, one swipe after the other, and before letting him go, I place another long kiss on his lips. It’s not meant to ignite our passion, a desire that never really stops burning beneath the surface.
He stares at the bag in his hand, as if he can’t really believe it’s there. For a few moments he doesn’t move, as if he’s trying not to wake up from a dream.
Many times I did that when Henry offered me a house and a job. The job only if I kept studying to finish college, and I did.
He would have loved for me to go to uni, but I was never good at studying, and I was already set on working at the tattoo studio.
Jay’s shoulders tighten, and his breath catches, like he does when he’s not sure he deserves something.
I hate those moments, but I hope to make them disappear, one step at a time.
His eyes lift to meet mine, wide, fragile, and still hesitant. “Are you sure it’s for me?” His voice is still full of disbelief.
I don’t miss the small smile tugging at his lips, and I love it. I want more of them there. Actually, I want him to be smiling forever.
I don’t take my eyes away from his face when he finally opens the bag and peeks inside.
A single tear falls from his closed eyes, and then they blink open again to take another peek.
His expression shows me exactly how much he adores the first item, the jeans jacket. He puts his hand in to caress it, and I love the soft, trembling laugh that escapes his mouth — half joy, and half ache. He quickly blinks, trying to hide the sheen in his eyes.
I want to take him in my arms and promise him that from now on it’ll be only joy, but can I really promise that? There’s one thing I can promise him, though, and that’s to never allow anyone to hurt him. Including me.
“Thank you,” he whispers, but then tries again. “I love it. I don’t even know what to say.”