12. Roman
After Carter dismisses everyone, he and Marcus pull Keegan into an embrace, and I’m glad he has that distraction so I can slip out of the room and go back to taking up wall space outside the surgical room.
Lio, of course, follows me. “You should get some rest, Love,” he says softly.
I shake my head. “I can’t. Not…not until I know.” I need to be the first one to hear whether Cristian is alive or dead.
Lio wraps an arm around me, and I fall into him, letting him hold my weight. I'm trusting he can prop me up because I sure as fuck can’t do it on my own.
“You can go… I’m sure there’s a lot to do. With Dr. Ranlen being taken in, Nario in the hospital, and the fucking Senator haunting our every step… I can’t be a leader right now… I’m not sure if I ever can be if Cristian dies.”
“Don’t,” he says firmly. “Don’t say shit like that. You’re an amazing leader, Rome. Cristian will be okay. We have to trust Doc. He’s never let us down before, and we need to hold onto that.”
I begin to shake as tears run down my cheeks, my throat closing with the force of my emotions.
Lio shifts me in his arms, wrapping me up in his strong embrace. “Shhh, Love,” he soothes me. “I’m here. It’s okay.”
His words make me tremble even more because I know how hard it is for him to express these emotions.
My Anima Gemella feels things deeper than people give him credit for, simply because he doesn’t always know how to express himself, or how to handle someone else’s emotions.
Still, he tries, and that means more to me than anything.
Pulling away from him a little, I brush some of his hair off his face. “Thank you,” I say, or at least try to, while still crying.
“I love you,” Lio tells me. “I’ll always be here for you.”
I give him a watery smile before leaning in and kissing him. I’m sure I taste gross, my face wet with tears and snot, but Lio doesn’t care. He kisses me back deeply.
His touch is the only thing keeping me centered and grounded, so even when the kiss breaks, I press myself against him again. Wrapping my arms around him, I grip him as tightly as he holds me.
The sound of footsteps in the hall has me burying deeper into Lio. I might be a Council member, but unless there’s another emergency, like with Dr. Ranlen, I hope they leave me be. I know Lio will need to leave to do some work, but my mind is too full to handle anything else at the moment.
Those thoughts only make me cry harder, as the feeling of inadequacy crashes over me. Everyone else is moving forward, trying their best to do what needs to be done, even as we wait, and what am I doing? Nothing but breaking down because I can’t fucking function.
I don’t know how Lio and Carter put up with me. I’m a terrible co-leader.
Strong arms hug me from behind, and I jump until the feel of them becomes familiar, and the scent of my love fills my lungs.
I relax, leaning back a little into Ignacio’s embrace, but not leaving the safety of Lio’s. Having them both here… It fills me with good emotions, even though I know I don’t deserve to have either of them.
More footsteps sound in the hall, and I get curious enough to look up, safely between two people who I know will protect me from anything.
Tennant and Benjamin move to stand beside Lio. Benjamin wiggles underneath Ignacio’s arms enough to give me his own hug, before sliding away and allowing Ten room to hug Lio and me, pressing kisses to both of our lips.
Benjamin clings to Tennant on one side, while Ten holds onto Lio on the other. If this was any other situation, I’d be asking questions about Ten willingly being so close to Ignacio, but right now, all I care about is having two more people in my corner.
That’s how Carter, Marcus, and Keegan find us. The three of them stop and take in the way I'm being sandwiched by Lio and Ignacio, with Ten’s arms wrapped firmly around Benjamin and Lio.
“Shouldn’t you be with Cole?” I ask softly, worried about my brother. “What if he wakes up? Is he still having nightmares?”
“He’s fine,” Keegan reassures me. He holds up his phone. “We can watch, and he’s being looked after by one of the maids. You’re important too, Roman.”
His words cause more tears to fall. I don’t deserve the care and affection with which he says those words.
Not when he doesn’t have to be nice to me.
I’m old enough to know that he and Marcus don’t need to try to win me over, but they keep proving they care not only about Carter but me too.
It makes me feel both special and undeserving.
After all, why should I get the chance to have two new dads when the one I’ve shunned for months is fighting for his life?
Hollis, Jude, Nicolo, and Antonio show up next—well, more like Jude tows his Boys along with him, which makes me raise a brow at Jude, but my lover just shakes his head.
Pulling away from Lio and Ignacio, I turn further to address them. “What’d you find out?”
Hollis grimaces as Jude changes his grip on his Boys, pulling them close to him. “Doc needs to make some decisions over how to handle the transfer,” Hollis says carefully. “I was able to hack the hospital records.” He looks over at Jude.
I reach for Lio’s hand, needing his steadying presence for whatever news is to come.
“They took both legs,” Jude says. His expression darkens, and his pale green eyes harden as he seems to hold Nicolo and Antonio tighter.
“Apparently, there was too much damage. Doc needs to be updated, but I want it known that I want him here as soon as it’s safe.
He needs to be home for his recovery. We’re not going to allow him to be alone for longer than is absolutely necessary. ”
“Of course,” Lio tells him. “We’ll do whatever it takes to give him the care he needs. Bring in any specialists, if need be. Throw as much money as we need to at rehab equipment. Don’t worry, Nario won’t have to recover alone.”
Nicolo and Antonio both seem to relax a little at the conviction in Lio’s words, though Jude’s expression doesn’t change. Not that I expected it to. I know Jude too well to expect any outward emotion from him.
My heart goes out to him, and I hate that he, Nicolo and Antonio are having to go through this.
Fuck, I was half kidding about the orgy bed, but now we really need it.
As exhaustion begins to wash over me, I want nothing more than to lay with all of my loves in the same place.
It seems horribly crowded and inconvenient, but the need coursing through me doesn’t care.
Ignacio wraps an arm around me, pressing his lips to my hair. “Maybe you should get some rest,” he whispers.
I shake my head. “No. I need to do this.”
Hollis looks as if he’s going to argue with me, but before he can get the words out, the door to the surgical suite opens and Soren walks out.
I try to ignore the blood on the front of his shirt, swallowing hard.
I’m not afraid of blood. Hell, I love making my enemies bleed for me.
But it’s different when I know whose blood that is, and I begin to shake again, which has Lio letting go of my hand to wrap me in his arms once more, Ignacio moving to accommodate him.
“He’s alive,” Soren says, his voice rough in a way it usually isn’t. “It was touch and go, and it’s going to be a long recovery. The bullet managed to miss his heart, but it caused a lot of damage as it basically ricocheted off his ribs.”
“But he’ll be okay?” I ask, hating how small my voice is.
“Doc believes he’ll make a full recovery, but we’re keeping him under for a few days to heal.”
I collapse, and it’s only Lio catching me that saves me from hitting the floor. “Thank you,” I whisper in a choked voice. “Thank you.”
“When can we see him?” Carter asks as I’m crying too hard now to speak.
“They’re cleaning him up, and then you can. Though Doc said only Roman will be allowed in tonight. Everyone else will have to wait until tomorrow.”
“Fuck that,” Carter spits out. “I don’t have to stay, but I want to see him. I need to support my son. And when Sandro gets back, he’s going to need to see him. Doc can’t put limitations on us.”
Soren’s expression hardens. “He is still very critical. We’re confident he’ll recover, but we need to be cautious until he’s out of the woods.
No outside stress or unresolved feelings that will only hinder his progress.
I don’t care if you’re on the Council, you know better than to try to steamroll the issue. ”
“Carter is right,” Tennant says. “I don’t want Roman to be alone, so even if Carter doesn’t stay, someone needs to be in there with him. If you’re not going to let it be one of us,” he gestures to himself and my other lovers, “then it’ll be Sandro.”
The nurse doesn’t budge, standing firm. “No one will see him tonight if you keep arguing.”
The two Daddies stare at one another, the tension thick, until Doc walks out of the surgical room. The exhaustion seems to pour off him as he steps into the hall, but when he sees what’s happening, he straightens to his full height, his eyes narrowing.
“No,” he says firmly. “We’re not doing this. You’re going to respect my medical decisions, or I swear to fuck, I will drug every single one of you. I do not have the patience for this bullshit.”
“Doc…” Tennant warns.
“No.” He looks from Tennant to me to Carter. “Roman can go in. Tennant or Carter can go with him. You can switch later if you want, but you three are the only ones allowed in that room unless I say so.”
“Sandro—” Tennant tries to say.
Doc curses. “You fuckers need to stop hooking up with one another. I can’t fucking keep up. Fine. Roman and the three of you. But only two at a time. If I hear any of you assholes try to disobey my rules, I will make your life a fucking nightmare.”
“Thank you,” Carter tells him, trying to defuse the tension.
Doc waves him off. “Where’s Sarah? I need to debrief with her.”
Keegan steps forward with Marcus. “We should go into your office. Sarah…is currently at the police station.”
Doc stills, before running a hand through his hair. He sighs. “Fucking hell. I wasn’t in surgery that long. Fine, let’s go.”
Doc reaches for his Daddy’s hand and drags him along, leading Marcus, Keegan, Jude, Nicolo, and Antonio into his office.
I…have no idea if that many people will actually fit in the office Doc claimed, but that’s not my problem.
Right now, all I can focus on is the door I’ve spent countless hours staring at.
Now, I get to go in, but I can’t bring myself to move.
“You don’t have to do this if you don’t want to,” Ignacio tells me. “You heard Soren, he’ll be okay. You can go rest now.”
I shake my head. “I can’t… I need to do this. I…”
“Come here, Figlio.” Carter holds out his hand. “We can do this together.”
I look at my dad as tears fill my eyes. “I…are you sure? I know you and him…”
“I still care for him.” Carter smiles softly. “My love for him has changed, and parts of me are still hurt and angry, but he’s your father, and for that, he’ll always hold a piece of my heart. You’re not alone, Figilo. Not if you don’t want to be. Of course, if you’d prefer Ten…”
“No!” I look to Lio and Ignacio, kissing them both quickly. “Thank you. I love you.”
“Always, Little One. I’ll wait for you.”
Lio leans forward and kisses me softly again. “Love you too. I’ll be here.”
Tennant and Hollis kiss me next, and Benjamin gives me another hug, though he looks unsure.
We’re going to need to talk…eventually. There’s a lot of things that have to be repaired, and our relationship is one of them.
So much has happened…but it’ll have to wait until after I see Cristian. And maybe after I take a nap.
Taking a deep breath, I draw as much strength as I can from my lovers, before I follow Carter into the surgical room.
Carter wraps an arm around me as soon as we cross the threshold. The sight of Cristian lying so still on the hospital bed, looking so lifeless, even though the monitors show he’s fighting…it breaks me.
Kail and Vonny remain in the room, putting things away as they finish cleaning the blood off Cristian. I barely pay them any mind, though, letting Carter move me to the bedside and into the chair there.
“Dad…” My voice trembles, and I can’t get any other words out. So all I do is reach over and grab his hand, holding it between both of mine.
As mad as I’ve been, as hurt as I was about him blowing up our family, he is still my family. I can hate and love him at the same time. I might want to kill him for what he put Carter through, but fuck, he’s still my dad.
I know better than to believe I have to forgive him just because he’s my dad, but growing up, he was my everything: my inspiration, my protector, my only friend, and while our relationship may never have been traditional, he was still my dad in all the ways that mattered.
I know I’ll never live up to his expectations, but I still want him to see me, to be proud of the leader I’ve become, both because of him and in spite of him.
Our relationship might be on shaky ground and confusing at times, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt to see him so fragile.
Carter takes the seat beside mine, wrapping an arm around me, and I rest my head on his shoulder.
“I’m not ready to lose him,” I whisper.
“He’s here, Figlio,” he says. “He’s still with you, as am I. You’re not alone. You’re never going to be alone. I promise.”
Carter’s words cause more tears to fall down my face. Because somehow, he’s able to suss out my greatest fear without me uttering a word. Proving that he listens and knows me as a parent should.
It makes me wonder if Cristian does as well, or if I’m still so badly hanging onto his twisted ideals of what a family should be.
Because this Council has proven that sometimes the family you make is far greater than the one you’re born into.
I wouldn’t trade any of it for the world, but… I want them and my father.
I just don't know if there’s a world in which I deserve both.
Fuck, why is everything so fucking complicated? I just want my dad. Please… I’m not ready to lose him. Please…
Is it selfish of me to want it all? The family I’m making for myself, and the one I was born into?
Despite how fucked it became, how dysfunctional it could be at times, I still miss the days when it was me, Cristian, and Tennant.
Some people might not understand how I can both love and hate what Cristian did.
Hell, I don’t always fucking understand my thoughts and feelings.
All I know is that I’m not ready to face him not being around.
Please, wake up. I promise, I’ll work on forgiving you, if you just wake up.
I don’t know if I am making promises I can’t keep. But I know I’ll give up anything for a chance.
I’ll build the bridge between us with my bare hands if I need to. Because, at the end of the day, Cristian is mine, and no one gets to take away what belongs to me.
I might be an adult with my own life, but I’ll always need my dad. Both of them. Hell, maybe all four of them…
Please, wake up…