21. Keegan
Iknock on the partially open door to Jude’s office with my right hand. My left is busy holding onto the two longneck beers. Fuck if I don’t need something to make this conversation go smoother, because my mind…it’s a level of chaos I haven’t faced in a long fucking time.
Stepping into the office, I practically throw myself onto one of his visitor chairs with a scowl. He looks up from his screen, barely pausing his typing as he glances at me, raising a brow.
“And what happened that I earned the pleasure of your company?”
I snort at his dry tone while shaking my head, my body already beginning to relax in his presence.
I hold out a beer to him like a peace offering, after he puts his hearing aids in, and say, “I need advice, and since you’re my closest friend here, and have already gone through the same mindfuckery I am, I’m here to get your perspective. ”
He wrinkles his nose at the beer as he stares at me flatly. Sighing, he stands up and walks over to a cabinet, opening it and grabbing a bottle out of it before gesturing to the small, more comfortable seating available in his office.
I haven’t been here in a while, as most of our meetings are in the conference room, but someone definitely upgraded him.
I’d put my money on Antonio, which is likely why Jude is pulling uncomfortably at the neck of his button-down.
Yeah… Marcus’s best friend has definite opinions on fashion, and Jude is similar to me.
I wish him luck. Marcus doesn’t fuck with my comfortable threads, but the same can’t be said about the brat Jude fell for…
Taking the beers with me, I sit down on the small couch and extend one to him.
At his sneer, I sit it on the fucking coffee table and open mine before he scoffs at me and pours two drinks in crystal glasses for us.
He adds ice from the mini fridge/freezer that’s built into the coffee table—impressive—and then extends one glass toward me.
I sit my beer down with a sigh before taking the glass. It’s clear liquid, but when I take a sniff, it’s nothing I recognize. Then again, aside from Allesandro’s favorite whisky, or tequila from my time undercover, there isn’t shit I recognize outside of beer.
I take a sip of it, immediately screwing my face at the taste. Fucking lemons and something bitter. Fuck that shit. Jude cracks up at my face as I set it on the table and snatch up my beer again.
“What the fuck was that?” I demand, taking a large swig of my beer to hopefully get rid of that taste.
He’s still laughing—something I rarely hear from the man—before he manages to say, “It’s Italian gin. How uncouth are you?”
“Buddy, I’m former military, an undercover operative, and then I freelanced for assassins. Fuck culture. I’ll stick to the good shit here.”
There’s a reason I stick out among the Council, just as I did with the Martellis. Fuck the limos or SUVs, and the luxury dripping every-fucking-where. Give me a Camaro, beer, and for once, a damn recliner. Fuckers. All of them.
“So, despite your…unique past, and complete lack of taste, you claim we’re going through the same thing?”
Jude’s raised eyebrow expresses all his doubts to me.
I know he’s being far more open in his expressions for my benefit, and it’s appreciated.
I’m also saddened, because despite that, I know he’s still hiding…
The grief he must be going through over Nario, and worrying about his Boy and both Stars…
Fuck. Still, he made time for me, and that’s appreciated.
“So, I was called Daddy.”
He frowns, shrugging a shoulder. “Is that a problem? You’re the one who indicated Antonio needed that. I assumed you had some experience.”
“No experience, aside from being an observer. You and I are both more comfortable in that role. But hell, I’ve only been a run-of-the-mill Dom,” I say with a note of humor. “Nothing extreme like you see with the rest.”
“And yet you knew what Antonio needed…” he murmurs, taking a sip of his drink.
Tapping my fingers against my beer, I slouch down on his couch, trying to get comfortable.
I glance at him sideways. “It’s not like we don’t have enough Daddies and Boys running around here to make educated guesses.
And I’m calling it now. Atticus is a Daddy Dom.
I’d put Connor more as a Daddy, not necessarily the strict Dom, more caretaker Daddy from his vibe.
And anyone who didn’t see Il Padrone as a Daddy wasn’t watching. ”
“You really can’t defend Allesandro, can you?” Jude’s incredulous voice shocks me. “As a Dom… I can’t imagine it.”
I sit up straighter, turning toward Jude. “I think neither of us are the most impartial observers, but you’ve really only interacted with the Il Padrone in the throes of PTSD, and this newer Sandro.
“But think things through. Without him, neither one of us would have our loves. I’m not going to say what he did was right, but given the options available to him? Considering how he was raised? I’d say he’s more lenient than you give him credit for…”
Jude’s face screws up as he immediately shakes his head. “No, fuck that. Antonio has enough trauma from that asshole.”
I can’t stifle the sharp bark of laughter.
“Are you kidding me? Antonio was Il Padrone’s favorite.
Granted, he was pretty lenient with all the Boys overall.
Compared to Cristian, who would have killed most of them.
But even when he crumbled under PTSD, it was Benjamin he punished—along with Ignacio and Lio, although mainly to wield his power against Benjamin.
Antonio? Nothing. He didn’t face any repercussions for falling for you. ”
Jude shifts uncomfortably, switching topics on me. “Well, if the Daddy aspect concerns you, we pay a sex therapist a ridiculous amount of money each month. He specializes in kink, and is a Daddy, so I’m not sure why you came to me when you could go to him.”
Growling, I set my half-empty beer down, leveraging myself up so that I can pace. I need to do something with my energy, and fuck if sitting here is going to do anything for me. I’m an active thinker—that or when I’m behind the wheel.
I wave his words away. “It’s not that. It’s…
fuck. When Carter called me Daddy, it’s like everything got put into place.
Like coming home after a long day… Fuck.
I don’t have words for it. All I know is that I want to spoil him.
I’m used to giving Marcus what he needs, putting him on his knees, reveling in his submission to me.
But Carter? With one word, he rendered me absolutely powerless, and yet… ”
“And yet, it’s the most powerful feeling there is,” Jude murmurs, finishing my sentence perfectly.
Whirling to a stop, I snap my fingers, pointing at him. “That. That right there. But I don’t know how to handle it. I don’t want to fuck it up. I’ve fucked up with Marcus before, and as a Dom? That shit is hard. But as a Daddy? The mere thought of my Boy hurting? It makes me want to go ape shit.
“And fuck, I have all these thoughts going through my head. Everything from how can I make things easier for him? What type of Boy is he? He certainly doesn’t give off brat vibes.
And…how can I give him what he needs? Hell, at this point, I’m resigned to knowing I have to be nice to Cristian.
Not just because he saved my life, but because Carter still cares for him. ”
“I agree that I don’t see a brat in Carter, but it’s impossible to tell sometimes.
You never know what happens when a Boy finally finds their place,” Jude warns me.
“Really, from what I’ve learned, the most important part of being a Daddy is giving our Boys a soft place to land, a reminder they can be vulnerable with us.
Since I am more Daddy Dom, I still get to have fun letting my inner sadist out. ”
“So, basically I’m freaking out for no reason. Take it one step at a time.” I scrub at my face, exhausted.
Jude finishes his drink and I hear the clink of his glass on the table. “I think you’ve had something thrown at you. But, speaking as an observer, if anyone can do this, you can. And if you have questions… Go see Ian or Connor.”
Laughing, I give up. “Right. If I have questions, I’ll ask my best friend instead, since you make good points. Except for needing to let go of your hatred toward Allesandro.”
Grumbling, he stands and comes over to stand in front of me. “Is this friendship thing optional?”
“Nope. I learned from the Martellis. Kidnapping works.”
“Oh joy…” He sighs before heading toward his desk, but I stop him before he can pass me.
He cocks his head, his face blank. “I believe I need to get back to work, and you need to go spend time with your new Boy.”
“See, there’s a benefit of friendship. It means you need to get some rest so you can be there for your Boy and Stars. I’ll finish up whatever needs to be done. You go take care of yourself and your loved ones.”
He hesitates and I roll my eyes, starting to drag him out of his office instead. Fuck being patient with the asshole. As long as it’s not the budget, I can muddle through. And if it’s the budget, it doesn’t need to be done right now.
“Fine, I’ll go.” He pushes me away before narrowing his eyes at me. “I’m not sure if I like this development.”
“Eh, you’ll get used to it, bestie,” I retort with a wink. If he thinks Antonio can be a brat, try fucking with another Dom. “Now, get some rest. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”
Muttering words I pretend not to hear, I wait for him to leave before I head over to his desk. Glancing at the paperwork, I curse, because sure enough, it’s the fucking budget. Rolling up my sleeves and sitting down, I decide to give it a try anyway.
I study his methodology for a moment, snorting at the line items named “The Zoo”, and concerningly, “Javi Problems”. Eh, I can’t fuck it up too much, I’m sure. It’s the thought that counts, right?
There’s no calculator anywhere on his desk, so I grab my cellphone. If I needed proof that he was on the Antisocial Personality Disorder side, that would do it alone. But for now, I hurry to get shit done, because he’s right, I have a Boy to get back to, and a sweet submissive…