23. Sandro
Sighing, I turn the phone screen off, even though I’m tempted to trace the words again with my finger. My stomach revolts at the thought of my Ghost and his twins in pain, and worse, not being there for them. It’s hard to suddenly be adrift, to be pushed to the periphery.
Going from the Master to nothing has torn me into pieces, ones I’ve tried to shovel into neat little piles, but fuck, times like this make it difficult. It’s especially painful because I know Jude hates me, so I keep my distance, even though I want to be there for my former Boy and his loves.
Which, honestly, is why I don’t understand that text. Because why? Why would he send it to me when I know he prefers I stay away?
“What are you thinking about, Sweet Boy?” Daddy’s voice rumbles in my ear as his arms wrap around me. Immediately, the tension inside me relaxes. Although fuck if it doesn’t make me miss having Lio in my arms as well.
We’re standing outside of Cristian’s room, as the nurse came to relieve us. Yet I hate taking any steps away from my love. Still, I need to do something. I was not made to be idle.
Turning on my phone screen again, I immediately display Jude’s text. “I need to make sure to stop in and see Antonio and the twins… Preferably when Jude isn’t around.”
Tsking, Tennant turns me around in his arms, raising my chin so I have no choice but to stare in those intense eyes of his, even as I wish I could squirm away. The pressure he exerts on my chin stills me immediately.
“Right now, they’re likely sleeping. But we will make sure to stop in and see them. When Jude is there,” he states firmly, not allowing me any room to wiggle out of it.
My shoulders slump, and for once, I have the desire to actually call him something other than Daddy.
His demand was so Master-like that all I can think is to obey, even if it terrifies me.
As someone who is still struggling to get used to fear…
this is not easy. When he pinches my chin again, I have no choice but to answer.
“Yes, Daddy.”
“We’ll work on your confidence. He doesn’t know you, Sweet Boy. It’s easy to look at a snapshot of someone’s life and make a judgment. Hell, you could look at part of Jude’s life and find him lacking…but you’d be wrong. He’s strong and giving, but he too has struggled with self-esteem.
“I believe it’s time you put all the cards on the table with him. Give him honesty. He’ll respect that. And I promise to be by your side. I will not let him harm you.”
“I know you won’t, Daddy…” I pause, unsure how to word the rest. Blowing out a breath, I manage to finish my chaotic thoughts.
“I’d rather he did, if it helped. I miss being part of the Boys’ lives.
I know I have no right to them anymore, but…
I still care. Those men have been my priority for so long, it’s hard to let go completely.
I want them to be happy, and if they’re willing to let me exist on the edge of their stories, I’d be grateful for it. ”
“Hmm… I think you’ll find that you only exist on the edges because you put that limitation there, not them. We’ll work on it. The first step is taking care of Robert. He’s in place at the warehouse. Why don’t we go take care of that?”
Excitement flashes through me, and the idea of paying Robert back for hurting Sarah thrills me in a way that calls to the sadistic kernel that still exists inside me. I try not to feed that part of myself, but it demands recompense for the pain Sarah went through.
I breathe deeply, trying to stifle the urges, to remain as Sandro. Suddenly, Tennant slaps my cheek. I recoil, gasping as I touch my face. He didn’t do it hard, just enough to shock me out of my ingrained response.
“I will not let you hide anymore. You are not just Sandro. Nor are you just Il Padrone. We will work together until you are who you were meant to be, but that will not come from blocking yourself off, from forcing yourself to only be what you think is acceptable. You will give me everything, Sweet Boy, or I will fucking take it. Do you understand?”
Swallowing hard, I nod, before whispering hoarsely, “Yes, Daddy.”
“Good Boy. Now, let’s go take care of a certain pest. And then I believe we have a board meeting to attend…”
I grin, unable to stop the pleasure coursing through me.
They thought they could fuck with Sarah?
They’re about to learn that they picked the wrong fucking side of the war.
I may not hold the title of Il Padrone anymore, but with Daddy’s help, I’m finding myself again.
And whoever I am will never allow those I love to be hurt.
Fuck with Sarah? I’ll make them all pay…
Tennant strides toward the front of the house, and out to where an SUV is waiting, my hand tightly gripped in his the entire way.
I wrinkle my nose slightly at the SUV, but otherwise, don’t say a word.
I would still feel more comfortable with the limos.
Nothing like arriving in style. Not to mention, it makes sex so much easier.
Especially as we now have a guard and a driver in the front.
It makes me uncomfortable to say the least.
While I’m still finding myself, I’m constantly aware that my status within the Council is…
provisional. I serve at their pleasure, which is how it should be, but also under the very careful eye of Tennant.
If he wasn’t such an amazing Daddy to me, he’d be my prison guard.
It makes me worry for Cristian. I can only hope they find their way back to being friends.
It’s hard to reconcile that they are going to give Cristian and me a chance when there are such conditions placed on us.
I can understand them avoiding physical punishment—although Luca certainly took care of that with me, and Tennant with Cristian.
But one thing I always taught my Boys was that once a punishment was given, the rest is forgiven. It’s a new page.
Instead, Cristian and I have been given an extended cage to see how we integrate…
Forced to prove ourselves, again and again.
Taking a deep breath, I let it out, refusing to acknowledge the hurt inside, not when I know I deserve it.
Still, it’s hard to quiet a voice that joins a chorus mocking me for all my wrongs.
My father’s voice is still the loudest, but he’s no longer the only demon I carry with me.
No, my own voice joined for its pound of flesh.
When the SUV stops, Tennant exits first before allowing me out. I’m not sure if it’s leftover from his former position as a Second, or merely part of being a Daddy. It makes me wonder… How does he feel about not being a Voice?
Before I get a chance to ask, his hand clamps down on my shoulder. I glance over at him as he pulls me to a stop.
“He’s going to try to get into your head,” Tennant says, his inner monster peeking out, his voice deepening.
Straightening, I nod. “Yes, I know.”
“When we go in, I want you to remember, no matter what you claim, no matter who you think you should be, you are far more powerful than a title. The title is nothing. What exists inside you is what counts. Use your anger and your hatred to demolish the man who will stand in front of you. Give it an outlet. And whatever you do, don’t flinch. ”
The words flow over me, through me. A reminder of a time when I needed pretty sayings.
But I don’t need them right now. Not with his hand on my shoulder.
That is what gives me strength. Still, I force myself to nod, to accept the teachings of a man far wiser than I am.
Perhaps one day it will sink in. But for now, I’ll do what I always do: protect those I love.
Tennant’s eyes rove over me one more time, seemingly searching for any wavering of my resolve, but in this, there is none.
Not when it comes to safeguarding those I care about, and seeking vengeance when one of mine has been harmed.
With a slightly wary nod, he opens the door to the warehouse and we enter together.
The guards stand to careful attention at the sight of Tennant, and while I don’t miss the sneering looks they send in my direction, their faces carefully turn blank after barely a moment.
I can feel the anger wafting from Daddy, and while part of me is gleeful, loving that someone is so protective of me, the other is ashamed.
I loathe that he’s seeing how hated I am. Isn’t it enough that I live it? Isn’t it enough that my mind conjures demons of the worst nightmares possible? But then to face open mockery in front of a man I’m coming to care for on a far deeper level than I thought was possible?
Before we get to the inner chamber where Robert is situated, Tennant stops me. His voice drops low as he asks, “Is it always this way?”
For a brief moment, I consider lying, but I don’t want to build our foundation on the grains of sand. Instead, I’ll give him the truth, hoping by doing so I’m creating a far stronger beginning for myself.
“No. This is actually mild.”
His expression becomes terrifyingly flat, and my heart beats faster, harder, at the thought of what I may have just started. For a moment, I want to argue on the guards’ behalf, but when I open my mouth, his eyes flash a warning that automatically has me backing down.
“I see. And it’s the same for Cristian?”
“Honestly, I think he has it worse than I do.”
I shrug, trying to pretend it doesn’t bother me, but it does. My Sweetheart isn’t at the point where he’ll try to stand up for himself. Neither am I, but at least I can ignore the pointed looks and muttered curses easier than Cristian can.
Roman’s heart came not just from Carter, but from Cristian too.
And it’s why I’ll make sure to do whatever I can for this Council.
Not only does my soulmate serve on it, but my Sweetheart’s son provides the heartbeat for us to revolve around.
Death and Life entwined…with Carter’s wisdom serving to balance the two of them.