40. Hollis
TENNANT
Are you sure you’re okay?
HOLLIS
Yes, Love. Connor agreed with me. Stop worrying.
TENNANT
I’m not worried.
HOLLIS
Sure. Just “concerned about your Sweet Boy”.
TENNANT
You are too.
HOLLIS
Go focus on the Topolino. I’ve got this. I’ll let you know if we need you.
Iset my phone aside just as Allesandro begins to stir, almost as if he can feel his Daddy’s worry from across the house.
It’s amusing how twisted up these Boys of his have Ten.
My love has always been a worrier, and his nature to protect, to give more to his loved ones than he’ll take for himself, can get the best of him sometimes.
No one expects Tennant, of all people, to be as kind and generous as he is, but it’s what makes him a good Daddy.
He doesn’t care what other people think of him, or what the “right” thing to do might be.
Only that what he does makes him feel good, and sometimes the people he’s with feel good as well.
Tennant’s ability to block out his feelings and rely solely on baser instincts means I can trust him, which in turn helps me trust others.
As fucked up as it may all seem, it’s what’s worked for us for years.
I’d simply forgotten that. Too lost in my own pain and hurt to realize what was right in front of me this whole time.
As Allesandro blinks his bright blue eyes open, I vow that I won’t forget, not again. I made both of us a promise, and I’m here to keep it.
When our eyes connect, he looks confused for a moment, and his mouth opens but no words come out. Leaning over, I grab the water cup and help him take a drink.
“Take it easy,” I tell him in a soft voice. “I’m not going anywhere.”
He shifts on the bed to sit up more. “What are you doing here?”
I huff a laugh. “Well, you needed someone to sit with you, to reassure you that you’re not going back under suicide watch, and to simply be here when you woke. I volunteered.”
His forehead creases as if he’s trying to solve a complex equation. “Why?”
I raise a brow at that. “We’re Partners, are we not? We agreed to support one another. What type of Partner would I be if I let you down when you need me?”
Pain fills his eyes and he flinches. “What if I don’t deserve that?”
I don’t hesitate to strike him. The pain in my palm from hitting him across the face is invigorating, and I let it steady me.
Allesandro stares at me wide-eyed as his cheek blooms red. He’ll most likely bruise with how hard I struck him, but good. Let him earn the reminder that I won’t tolerate such talk.
Before he can get his bearings, I lean over and grip his chin, forcing his gaze to mine.
“You deserve everything you have and more, Allesandro. I’m not your Daddy.
I’m your Partner, your equal. You can be soft and squishy with him and let him cuddle and reassure you, but I bet if I told him you don’t think you deserve that, he’d only double down and make you face every ounce of love he has for you. ”
His breath catches and tears fill his eyes, though he doesn’t let them fall.
“Your Boy, who loves you so much that he’d die for you, he will tell you that you deserve everything too.
He’ll hurt for you, love you, and stand by your side, because you earned his trust and respect a long time ago.
It’s beautiful to see. I know how devoted he is, and how cherished one can feel under his love.
“The only reason neither of them are here right now is because they have other things to do. Not because they don’t want to be.
But they also know how important it is for you to be aware that you have support from all sides.
If this is going to work for all of us, we have to be willing to let each other step in and be there when they’re needed. ”
His breath catches, and I don’t hesitate to wipe his tears away. “I don’t understand what I’ve done to deserve such loyalty.”
I shake my head and sigh a little. “You’re just you, and despite what your head might say, that’s enough. You’re loved, Sandro. By your Daddy and Boy, by the family you made, by Cristian, and if you let him, Roman will learn to love you too.”
He shakes his head slowly, as if he's having a hard time wrapping his mind around my words. “I’m…broken,” he whispers.
“If you’re broken, I’m broken,” I reply.
Sighing, I run my hand through my hair before placing it back on his face, smoothing my fingers over the red mark I left.
“Look, we’ve both been through some fucked up things in the past. I’m learning a lot in therapy.
As annoying as Connor is, he knows his shit.
I’m working on erasing a lot of my bad habits. It’s not easy, fuck is it not.
“Sometimes, I want to say screw it and go back to the way things were, burying myself in work and keeping to myself. But I can’t.
Not when I have Tennant, Roman, Jude, and Lio all relying on me.
Not when I love them all more than life itself.
When I need them more than I need to breathe…
I have to be better for them, even if being strong for myself feels impossible sometimes. ”
He doesn’t look away, even as tears prick the back of my eyes and I have to stop to breathe. Allesandro is strong and silent, lifting his hand to cover mine, lending me the courage to bare myself, because that’s what he does, even if he can’t see it.
“Whatever happened in therapy today…it doesn’t make you weak. Healing is hard, and it fucking sucks more than anything. I’m learning it’s as many, if not more, steps backward as it is steps forward. Whatever lies your head is telling you, they’re just that—lies.”
“But after everything…”
“But nothing,” I argue. “You deserve love and healing as much as Emilio and I do. And if anyone disagrees, I’m happy to take a knife to them.
I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry, Allesandro, for the part I played in your hurt.
But I’m sitting here now, as your Partner, telling you that whatever you’re feeling, it’s okay.
You’re allowed to hurt, to have steps back, to feel weak.
But you’re not allowed to give up. Because you are far stronger than you believe, and the fact you’ve survived at all is proof of that. ”
His tears soak into our joined hands, but neither of us bother to wipe them away.
Healing is painful, and Allesandro has the hardest journey of them all.
My heart goes out to him, but there’s only so much any of us can do to help him.
At the end of the day, he might never be “fixed” completely.
Because real life doesn’t have magic wands.
It’s messy, it’s raw, and it’s fucked up sometimes.
But that doesn’t mean he has to do any of it alone. Even if he doesn’t believe my or anyone else’s words, our actions will have to show him.
Keeping my hand on his face, I lean in and press my lips to his.
It’s a soft kiss, slow and sweet. Neither of us ask anything of the other, except to take comfort in the fact we’re here together.
Two people who understand how fucked up trauma is, and how it can lead you to doing things you will spend the rest of your life atoning for.
Allesandro and I? We aren’t so different, and that’s part of why we fucked up in the beginning. Trying to play games with each other, when really we should have been this from the start. Partners—in our own definition of the word.
Pulling back, I smile gently at the slightly dumbfounded look on his face. “You’ll be okay,” I promise. “I’m not going anywhere.”
He lets out a shuddering breath. “Thank you. I…I know you’re mostly doing this for Daddy and Lio…but I still appreciate it.”
I roll my eyes. “I should hit you again,” I murmur.
He flushes a little, biting his lip as his expression flips between shame and interest. “You’re here because we’re Partners,” he whispers.
I nod. “It’s okay if it takes a while for you to understand that.
It’s weird for me too. But we’re doing things our own way.
Not because of anything else. Lio is currently puppy-sitting for Ignacio—it’s been a long morning,” I tell him in explanation of the question in his eyes.
“Long story short, Ignacio and Joel went to ‘talk’ to that asshole from the board, and Chaos ended up with a new puppy instead. So, Emilio is worried, but also probably plotting how to steal the new dog from Ignacio—I have a feeling his Daddy is going to end up getting him his own.” He smiles because he’s aware of how damn soft and indulgent their Daddy is.
“Maybe you can help? It’ll be a joint present from Daddy and Papa Bear. ”
Allesandro swallows, the surprise and pleasure in his eyes is hard to miss. “Maybe,” he replies softly.
“And speaking of your Daddy…” I move my hand off his cheek and reach for my phone.
“Smile.” Allesandro lets me take a picture of him, his blush almost covering up the blooming bruise on his face.
“Hopefully, this gets him to leave me alone. Emilio is worried about you, but he trusts me; he has Roman and Cole and the puppy to distract him. Tennant only has Benjamin.” I send the photo and put my phone aside.
“Don’t be surprised if your Daddy is extra annoying next time he sees you, I had to threaten him to get him to stay put. ”
“I’m surprised he listened. He…likes to try to fix me.”
I snort. “He’s a fixer, but he knows that, as important as it is for Benjamin to understand Tennant has others in his life that he needs to care for, he also needs to show Benjamin that he’s there for him as well.
So, Tennant can worry about you all he wants, but his place is with the Topolino right now, and mine is with you. ”
Allesandro licks his lips and I give in to the temptation to kiss him again, just as soft and sweet and slow as before. “Thank you,” he whispers when we finally part.
I smooth back his hair, the strands a little too long, but fitting for the Sweet Boy name Ten gave him.
“Anytime, Sweetheart, anytime. Partners.”
“Partners,” he repeats, and this time, he sounds like he means it.