Chapter 18
Brooke
“Why has that guy been sitting outside your office all day?” Maren leans to peer out my open door at the giant, black-clad man who’s been occupying a chair a few paces away since I came in this morning.
“Are they not posted around the property?” I sort of assumed the team strategically picked a set of locations so each wing would be equally covered.
Maren snorts. “Uh, no.” She eyes the man again. “This is the only spot where I see them sitting like that. The rest of the time they’re in the security office or walking around outside.”
Now it’s my turn to look at the Alaskan Security guy. “So he’s the only one sitting around like that?”
“Yup.” Maren pops the P. “I’ve also noticed all the owners are acting a little squirrelly today. Makes me wonder if something happened.” She shrugs. "Or maybe that’s just their new normal.”
I could see Tobias and his brothers being a little jumpy after an explosion. I know what it’s like when you have no idea what’s coming next, and no way to plan for it. It’s like your body gets stuck in fight or flight and considers everything a threat.
Even when you know it’s not.
Maren finishes dishing out everything I needed from the supply room, then promises to return for lunch.
We eat together every day now since Tobias clearly thinks I need enough food for two people.
And I’m starting to think my new friend pinches pennies as aggressively as I had to when I first came to town, so I’m happy to save her a few bucks on lunch.
Only I’m not sure there’s an end in sight for her.
Even if Maren gets hired on once her contract is up with the temp agency, I know what the wage is for most base-level hires.
While it’s more than she makes now, it’s not a life-changing amount more.
Unless…
Titus appears in my office door, cutting off the idea brewing in my brain. He flashes me a quick, lopsided smile. “You ready?”
“Yup.” I grab my computer, tucking it under one arm as we make our way through the building to one of the large rooms Titus’s team uses for weekly meetings. Normally, he’s the one who runs them, but today it’s my show.
And I’m equal parts terrified and excited.
After observing the way his employees work together and individually—as well as meeting with each person one-on-one—I think I have a plan for helping the group function more effectively.
It’s the main reason Titus brought me on, so I don’t want to fuck it up.
It’s also what I do best, so I’m riding high on finally being fully back in my element.
The meeting takes a very long two hours, but by the time we're done, Titus looks thrilled and the employees are mostly on board. Change is hard, so I wasn’t expecting everyone to be excited right out of the gate.
Some people are, but there’s also bound to be some pushback.
Which is okay. Once people see that things are improving, I have no doubt they’ll also be happy with the changes I’ve suggested.
It’s noon by the time Titus and I return to my office, chatting about other ways we can make his employees' lives easier, while also helping the group function at a higher level.
Which they really need to do.
Tobias, Walker, and Tucker’s divisions of the company are all important.
They bring in money and new clients, leveling up the value of the business every year.
Titus’s team brings in money and new clients too, but it’s also responsible for security at a level I don’t fully comprehend.
I’d like to say my lack of understanding is because I’m new to this, but I’m not sure I’ll be able to wrap my head around the scope of it—and don’t have to since my job is to help manage teams, not what they do—that much better in a decade.
And I really hope I’m still here in a decade. I love the environment. I love the people. I love what I’m doing. I love—
My eyes land on the delivery bag situated at the center of my desk.
Titus eyes it for a second, but doesn’t say anything before excusing himself to go home and take care of his lady love.
Six months ago, seeing the way Titus takes care of Mariah—the clear and unbridled love he has for her—would have been difficult for me.
I would’ve done my best to ignore it. Tried to convince myself I was only seeing one side of the coin and the other was likely tarnished and worn.
But it wouldn’t have been true. It would have just been me making excuses for Matt. For my parents.
For myself.
Going into my office, I open the bag and peer inside, frowning down at the contents.
“What’s wrong?” Maren walks in, a drink for herself and one for me clutched in her hands. Her nose wrinkles. “Did he order something gross?”
“No.” I pull out the top container, passing it to Maren. Then I pull out the second container, setting it in front of me. “He ordered each of us lunch.”
“Way to go, Tobias.” Maren pops the lid on her meal, digging into the pasta dish with gusto.
I stare down at mine, stomach doing all sorts of weird—but not necessarily unpleasant—somersaults. Then my eyes lift to the man parked outside my door, and I have to press one palm to my belly in an attempt to control the rowdy reaction of my insides.
“I’ll be right back.”
There’s no way I'm going to be able to eat right now. Not with the strange sensations plaguing my middle. And the only way I know to make them stop is to talk to Tobias. Find out why he sent me two lunches. Why there’s essentially a bodyguard outside my door.
Why he can’t just be like he was before.
Because while the Tobias I knew in college was great, he wouldn’t have been nearly as impossible to stay away from.
I’m sure his easy smiles and relaxed personality would have charmed the heck out of me, but I doubt it would have me practically running in my heels through the halls of McKinley Security Systems.
I reach his wing of the building, feet stalling at the heavy metal door leading inside. I’ve never actually been here. Huh. Maybe my resistance isn’t going as terribly as I thought.
I’m surprised to discover the line of protective ear wear hooked to the wall next to a sign telling me it’s not an optional accessory.
That’s going to make having a conversation with him difficult, but obviously there’s no way around it.
Grabbing the closest pair, I clamp them onto my ears, open the door, and step inside Tobias’s domain for the first time.
My reaction is visceral from the first breath. The scents floating on the air are familiar. It’s what clings to his skin after work each day. The smell of automotive lubricants and adhesives isn’t nearly as unpleasant as I would have expected.
As I carefully weave my way through the shop, it quickly becomes clear why I have to wear ear protection. The tools his team uses are ridiculously loud, and soon I’m lifting my hands to the plastic pads so I can press them tighter to my body, sealing out as much of the noise as possible.
A few sets of eyes seem to notice me as I cut a path toward what appears to be an office tucked into the back corner. I don’t see Tobias working out on the floor, so my guess is he’s probably there.
As soon as I enter the space, letting the door close behind me, the sound assaulting my senses practically disappears. I let out a sigh, because it was just so much. I don’t see how Tobias doesn’t come home every night and sit in silence to make up for it.
Maybe he did, and I’m screwing it all up for him.
With that thought fresh in my head, I pass the man sitting at the desk outside the main office, walking straight into the next room.
Tobias’s eyes snap to me the second I clear the door, widening like he’s shocked I’m here.
On some level, so am I. It shouldn’t be this freaking hard to resist a man. Especially not after what the last one put me through. And what the one I’m staring at now put me through, to be perfectly honest.
I haven’t exactly had the best experience with them, which makes all that’s happening inside me extra frustrating.
“Why did you send two lunches?” I blurt out the question because it seems like the easiest place to start. But since I still have my earmuffs on, it sounds super loud inside my head and makes me wonder if I sound normal to Tobias or if I just yelled at him.
Thinking about yelling at someone—and where that has gotten me in the past—instantly shifts the fluttery feeling in my stomach to one of dread.
Tobias is up out of his chair in the blink of an eye, stepping around me to close the door before walking down the line of windows offering a view of the shop outside, dropping a blind over each one.
When he’s done, he turns to me, approaching slowly then lifting his hands to gently remove the earmuffs from my head.
The way he looks at me is so focused. The way he touches me is so careful. It’s a lot to process, and mixes up everything happening in my head. Now I can’t tell if I’m still feeling old fear or new excitement. Probably a little of both.
“I think now is a good time for us to get something straight.” Tobias tosses the earmuffs out of sight, his eyes never leaving mine. “You can yell at me anytime you want about anything you want. Okay?”
That doesn’t seem like it would be okay.
“I mean it.” Tobias shakes his head. “I’m never going to be upset about it.” His lips lift on one side. “I actually kinda like it.”
That has my brows rising. “You like when I yell at you?”
“I do.” Tobias gently pushes my hair behind my shoulders before adjusting the neckline of my shirt, bringing it down just the tiniest bit so it’s not coming close to putting tension on my airway. “It means at least some little part of you knows you don’t have to be afraid of me.”
I swallow hard, because we’re edging into uncomfortable territory. But I can’t have him think something that isn’t true. “I’m not afraid of you.”
I know Tobias would never hurt me. Not the way Matt did.
But I still can’t stop myself from reacting in certain ways to certain things.
“I don’t know why I get so jumpy or nervous. I don’t mean to.” I want to control it. More than anything. I just… can’t.
Tobias is quiet for a minute, his expression far away. “It happens for the same reason Titus doesn’t like smelling smoke.”
I want to deny it. Want to tell Tobias that’s not the case.
Because I don’t want to carry what I allowed Matt to do to me for the rest of my life. I want it to go away. I want to forget everything that happened. I don’t want to be reminded over and over of the way I let a man systematically break me down so he could control me. Manipulate me.
Hurt me.
Tobias tips toward me, resting his forehead against mine. “It’s my fault. If I hadn’t been so stupid, you never would’ve gone through what you went through.”
That’s ridiculous. How could what Matt did to me be Tobias’s fault? It couldn’t.
Mostly because it’s mine. I’m the one who let it happen. I’m the one who stayed silent while he made me smaller and smaller and smaller. I’m the one who walked on eggshells instead of walking out. I’m the one who made excuses and hid bruises and lied to everyone I know.
I’m the one who almost vowed to let Matt hurt me forever.
And I don’t know how to reconcile that. I don’t know how to see myself as anything but weak. I don’t know how to find my way out of the shame.
And if what Tobias is saying is true—that I’m struggling the same way Titus does—I might never move past this.
But I want to. More than I think I’ve ever wanted anything.
Because I want to move forward. I want to be happy. I want to be strong again. Confident. Brave.
Tobias lifts a hand to my face, curving against my cheek as his eyes meet mine.
“If I could go back and change everything, I would. In a heartbeat. The night you told me you were leaving, I would’ve begged you to stay.
I would’ve promised you everything you ever wanted and found a way to give it to you. ”
I don’t know what to say to that. How to tell Tobias he doesn’t need to feel bad or guilty about the life I chose.
And since I don’t know what to say, I accidentally do something instead. For the second time, I kiss him, arms holding him tight as my lips find his.
He’s so warm and solid. So strong and steady. He holds me like he never wants to let me go. Kisses me like he might never get the chance again. It’s a heady feeling, being touched by Tobias Bradshaw.
And I can’t get enough of it. Can’t get enough of him. I know I’m supposed to take time. Time to myself. Time to recover. Time to breathe.
But the only air I seem to want is what passes from his lungs to mine.
I must have subconsciously been hoping I’d get a moment alone with him today, because the flowing skirt of my dress makes it easy to wrap both legs around him when he lifts me up.
It offers no resistance as he sets me on his desk and drops to his knees, eyes locked onto my pussy as he eases the line of my panties to one side.
I suck in a sharp breath as his mouth meets my flesh, hot and wet. My head falls back when his tongue finds my clit, teasing against it with a steady flick that quickly narrows my whole world to that tiny point.
One hand tangles in his hair as the other one flattens against the desk, keeping me upright as Tobias works my body like he’s known it for years.
Every move is purposeful and exact, and just like last time, I’m coming before I can prepare.
His name is loud on my lips as my thighs clench against his head, hips working against his face as I take every bit he’s willing to give me.
And he said he wished he’d tried to give me everything. That if he had it to do over again, he would have tried to make me stay.
A little part of me—the defiant part that Matt couldn’t break no matter how hard he tried—wants to think that’s what Tobias is trying to do now.
Give me everything. Make me stay.
Unfortunately, no matter how hard I try to resist, I have to admit he’s doing a pretty good job.