Chapter 20
Bonnie watched Zane demonstrate how to get out of a hold.
She should be happy. She’d woken in Zane’s bed. The last week had been quiet, but even if it hadn’t, the combination of him and her family had her feeling safe and protected.
So why wasn’t she smiling?
Because this morning she’d actually stood up for herself when Shelley had tried to dump work on her that wasn’t hers to do.
She’d done it politely and respectfully, and what had Shelley done?
She’d threatened her job. Told her that if she couldn’t handle the work, then she could leave.
Reminded her that they had a review coming up and this wouldn’t look good.
Her fingers dug into her palms.
And on top of that, Zane had been acting strangely since yesterday.
Was strange even the right word for it? She’d called him at lunch, and he hadn’t answered.
A first for Zane. He’d sent her a quick text instead, saying he couldn’t talk because he was busy.
He’d proceeded to get home late last night and barely spoke to her. Now he seemed almost distracted.
What wasn’t he telling her? And why wasn’t he telling her? She’d thought they were past this keeping-secrets thing. Heck, just last Sunday, he’d gone with her to Aunt Pam’s house for their family lunch and everything had felt so right.
She nibbled her bottom lip, feet itching to approach him so they could talk. And she would. As soon as there was a break in the lesson.
Sarah rose and walked toward the bathroom.
Bonnie watched her with a frown. The woman had been pale all morning, and when Bonnie asked if she was okay, she’d given a quiet, “I’m fine,” even though she’d looked the furthest from it.
Chett stopped coloring to stare down the hall at his mother’s disappearing form.
Quietly, Bonnie crouched beside the boy. “What are you doing?”
He looked back to his book. “Coloring Spider-Man.”
“Wow. He looks so good I almost thought he was going to jump out at me.”
Chett laughed, and she grinned before rising and moving to the hall. In the bathroom, she saw one stall door was closed, and there was heavy breathing coming from the other side of the door.
Sarah wasn’t all right. Not even close.
Slowly, Bonnie crossed over and knocked on the wood. “Sarah? It’s Bonnie. Are you okay?”
The heavy breathing continued, and Sarah took so long to respond that Bonnie almost thought she wasn’t going to. Then there was a small, breathless “No.”
Shit. Not good. “Can you open the door for me?”
“I-I can’t breathe. I think I’m having a p-panic attack.”
Double shit. Bonnie glanced into the next stall, but even if she stood on the toilet, she wasn’t sure she’d make it over. She was going to have to go under.
A quick breath and she dropped to her belly and slithered under the door.
Gross, gross, gross.
But she forgot about it the second she saw Sarah. The other woman sat on the floor, thighs pulled to her chest and elbows on her knees with her head in her hands.
“Sarah.” Bonnie kept her voice gentle as she crouched in front of her.
Sarah’s chest moved so quickly that she obviously couldn’t take in a full breath.
“Sarah, can you look at me?”
The other woman did, but her gaze was unfocused, her pupils large.
“I want you to breathe with me, okay? Deep breaths. In.” Bonnie filled her chest with air. “And out.”
At first, nothing changed. Bonnie continued, and eventually Sarah joined her, syncing their breaths. And slowly, focus started to seep back into Sarah’s expression.
“There you go.” Bonnie squeezed her thigh. “Can you tell me what’s wrong?”
“I got a letter from Jeremiah. He shouldn’t know where I am, but the letter arrived at the shelter! Shelley gave it to me this morning.”
Bonnie frowned. Why would she give it to her? Weren’t all letters from prison marked? Unless he got someone outside the prison to send it?
“It didn’t have any prison postmarks on it,” Sarah said, reading Bonnie’s thoughts. “But it was him. His handwriting. And signed by him.”
How the hell had he pulled that off? She mentally shook her head. That wasn’t important right now. “What did it say?”
Tears filled Sarah’s eyes. “It said he wants his family back…and that he has a surprise for me.”
That son of a bitch.
Bonnie had so many questions, but first, she needed to make sure Sarah was okay. “Chett’s father is in prison, Sarah. We can even ask our town sheriff to confirm that and find out how that letter got to you. And you’re right, he shouldn’t know where you are.”
“Shelley’s looking into a new shelter for me and Chett. I don’t feel safe.”
“Good. You’ll be out of his reach again.”
“But what if he finds me a second time? What if he gets out and—”
“Look at me.”
Sarah did.
“He’s not getting out. He has a life sentence. And even if he did, the shelter is secure. Okay?”
Sarah didn’t nod or agree, she just looked at Bonnie like she was too scared to believe her.
“What do you need?” Bonnie asked.
“Um…maybe just a few minutes to collect myself. I don’t want Chett to see me like this.”
“Okay. Let me know if there’s anything I can do to help.”
This time Sarah did nod. And even though Bonnie hated doing it, she slipped back under the door and let Sarah have a few more minutes alone.
How had this happened? How had her ex found her? He shouldn’t have that kind of reach. But then, all he really needed was a friend or family member to visit him. They could have gotten the letter to Sarah.
And maybe he’d hired someone to find her?
Argh. She hated this.
She’d just stepped into the hall when a text beeped from her phone. She pulled out her cell, and her neck prickled at the name in the first line of the text. A name she hadn’t seen on her cell for years.
Unknown number: This is Jane White. I wasn’t sure if I should write this, but honestly, I can’t keep it inside any longer.
I need you to leave. You can spin the story however you like to your family, but you are the reason my son is dead.
You left him that night when he needed you, and he got behind the wheel and never came home.
And now, like nothing happened, you’re back. Smiling. Dating.
Her breathing grew labored, a mixture of anger and sadness and…something else. Something that hurt more, tangling in her belly.
She wasn’t sure if replying was the best thing to do, but she was sick of letting these things go without saying anything.
Bonnie: You have no right to message me like this. I’m blocking your number.
But before she could block it, the next text came through.
Unknown number: If you’re staying because you think you have a future with that boy from the gym, you don’t. There is no future for you in this town. You ruin families. You can’t be truly loved because you don’t know how to love back. For the love of God, leave.
Air cut off in Bonnie’s throat, the words hitting her like a kick to the gut, almost making her keel over.
For a moment she couldn’t move, just reading and re-rereading the words designed to hurt. She shouldn’t let them sink so deeply inside her. And maybe on a better day, she wouldn’t. But today already felt so heavy, with Shelley, then Sarah…and of course, Zane distancing himself from her.
You can’t be truly loved.
Why did that line hurt the most? Because she’d gone without love for so long? Years. She’d spent years never really allowing herself to get close to anyone.
“Bonnie.”
She jumped at her name and looked up to see Zane heading toward her. “Is everything okay?”
“I was going to ask you the same question.”
“Um…yeah, I was just helping one of the women.” She pushed her cell into her pocket.
He studied her like he didn’t quite believe her. “You sure?”
She nodded, not wanting to mention the text right now, because he was finally talking to her and they were alone. She stepped closer and touched his arm. “Is everything okay with you?”
Something flashed in his eyes. It came and went so quickly, she almost missed it. “Yes. Why?”
“You just seem a bit…off.”
“Everything’s fine, Bonnie.” He kissed her forehead before heading back down the hall.
No. Something was definitely on his mind. The question was, did it have something to do with his past? Or her? And why wasn’t he telling her? Hiding things from her had already caused damage once. Why would he risk it again?
Could it be that he was having second thoughts about them?
The idea made her heart do a painful squeeze in her chest. Because even though they hadn’t been dating long, she’d started falling in love with him.
Everyone was back in the van, and they were halfway to the shelter when Chett started crying.
She looked at him through the rearview mirror. “What’s going on?”
Sarah glanced up. “He left his coloring book at the gym.”
“Well, that’s an easy fix.” She turned the van around. After parking in front of the gym, she raced inside, spotting the book near the back where Chett had been sitting in front of the office.
She frowned when she didn’t see Zane and Stetson.
She jogged over to the book and grabbed it. She was just straightening when Zane’s voice came from inside the office.
The door was ajar. She was moments from sticking her head in to say a quick hi, when his next words landed.
“There are no relationships in my life. My grandmother’s dead and she was the last woman I’ll ever love. So whatever you’re getting at, leave it the fuck alone. And don’t call me again.”
She flinched as if she’d been hit. For a moment, she was frozen, not sure if she’d heard the words correctly.
But she had. There’d been no mistaking them.
You can’t be truly loved.
Jane’s words played over in her head again…and suddenly, all she wanted to do was run.
The second the women left, the gym felt too quiet. But then, whenever Bonnie left any space, it felt too quiet to Zane, even if the place was filled with people.
Over the last week, a need had grown inside him. A need to be close to her at all times. To touch her and hear her voice.
Until yesterday. Until he’d seen the missed call on his phone.