Chapter 33
brAVE FACES
E lizabeth turned at the sound of hooves and experienced a flutter of excitement to see Darcy approaching along the lane.
She could not quite get used to the feeling, but at the same time rather hoped she never would, for it would be a sad day that she was not gladdened by the sight of her husband.
It made her happier still to see her own pleasure mirrored in his countenance as he dismounted and walked his horse towards her.
“I was on my way to Longbourn to see you.”
“Then this is an even more fortunate meeting. I should have been sorry to miss you.”
“I would have waited for you.”
He was looking at her in a way that made her acutely aware of his closeness and their seclusion.
They had seen each other every day since he proposed, but never alone.
There had been no opportunity, therefore, to repeat the wonderful intimacy they had enjoyed last Saturday, though that had not prevented Elizabeth reflecting on it, and not less than incessantly.
Ending up in his arms had felt more than natural; it had felt necessary.
She abruptly found herself wishing, somewhat wildly, that he would kiss her again.
He did not disappoint her. His attentions were less urgent than on Saturday, when he had kissed her with all the passion of a man who had been too long without hope.
This caress was so tender as to be reverential, and yet somehow more rousing for it.
She felt quite literally giddy from the sensations raging through her and the reckless pace at which her heart was beating.
She kept her eyes closed for a moment or two afterwards, but when she did open them, Darcy was staring at her exactly as he had used to in the early days of their acquaintance.
She smiled brightly to comprehend at last what had occupied his thoughts in those moments.
“I have missed you,” he said, his voice gruff.
“You saw me last night.”
He nodded and offered her his arm. With his horse walking obediently on his other side, they set out together for Longbourn.
“Have you been anywhere interesting?” he enquired.
“Not particularly. I accompanied Kitty to Lucas Lodge to see Maria Lucas. And before that, we were in Meryton, where I posted a letter to my aunt Wallis. I have told her our news.”
“Is this the same aunt you said would not approve of me?”
Elizabeth winced contritely. “It is, but you must not blame her. I promise, she will love you almost as dearly as I do once she reads the four sides I have written in your praise.”
“Do not distress yourself. If it pleases you that she should like me, then I shall make every effort to be agreeable to her, but otherwise, I care for no one’s opinion but yours.”
As though offended that his opinion should not be held in equal esteem, Darcy’s horse abruptly ceased walking and shook its head restlessly.
It was a huge beast and looked liable to rear out of control at any moment, yet Darcy seemed wholly unperturbed and only clicked his tongue and urged it to walk on.
Elizabeth let go of her held breath and did the same.
“Are you frightened of horses?” he asked her. “I can ride on and come back for you on foot if you would prefer.”
“No—he is just a particularly large horse.”
“I suppose he is, but I should look ridiculous riding a pony.”
She laughed at the unexpectedness of Darcy’s joke as much as the idea of his long legs trailing on the ground behind his mount. “I have a talent of making myself look ridiculous on most horses. It is why I prefer to walk. Jane is the natural horsewoman in the family.”
“Is that why she chose to ride to Netherfield the day she fell ill?”
“That was my mother’s idea. She knew Mr Bingley was dining with the officers and thought the rain would force Jane to stay at Netherfield until he returned so he could send her home in his carriage.
She did not intend for her to get caught in the storm, and she only did it because she knew Jane was forming an attachment to Mr Bingley and had found so few opportunities of seeing him.
It was well-intentioned, but poor Jane was mortified.
I am almost afraid to ask what you must all have thought of us. ”
“It was a fairly transparent ruse, but I came to appreciate it more the longer you were there.”
“I thought you despised me.”
“I was trying exceedingly hard not to fall in love with you—and failing. It was prodigiously distracting. It is little wonder I was such poor company.”
“Poor, beleaguered man.”
He smiled and gently squeezed her hand with his arm.
“Can I ask, did Mr Bingley enjoy Jane’s society as well as you enjoyed mine?”
“He saw less of her than I saw of you, but he was certainly concerned for her well-being—and pleased when she was recovered enough to come downstairs.”
“Does he like spending time with her now, do you think?”
“So I understand,” he replied cautiously, and Elizabeth did not miss his wary glance.
“Then why—” She stopped herself and tried to frame a less impetuous question.
“Forgive me if this is an imposition, but as you yourself are aware, my sister has been ill-used in all of this. Pray tell me—if you can—is Mr Bingley seriously pursuing her? Because if he is not, it would be better that he ceased calling.”
“I am uncomfortable speaking for him, but I do know that he is unsure of your sister’s regard. She is not giving him much encouragement.”
“He is giving her none.”
“He is not unaware of how your sister has been hurt. It is only an abundance of respect that induces him to be so cautious. He is here, though, and came without any guarantee of being welcome. You gave him no hint of what your sister’s feelings were when we were in Derbyshire.”
Elizabeth grimaced in acknowledgement of that. “I dared not, after seeing him with all your friends. He was…more at ease than I have seen him before. I feared he might be attached to someone else. Miss Templeton, perhaps.”
“Miss Templeton is engaged to Pettigrew.”
“Really? I did not know that.”
“That is, they were not engaged at Pemberley, but it did happen not long afterwards. What made you think Bingley had intentions towards her?”
“Well, to be frank, he was more of a flirt than Lydia.”
Darcy smirked at that. “He has an exuberant, happy manner, but he is entirely honourable. If it helps, I will vouch for his good conduct.”
“It would help more if you could let him know that Jane is pleased—very pleased—that he is come back.”
He began to shake his head. “I have had my fill of interference, from both sides of the coin—” He stopped speaking and gave a resigned chuckle when Elizabeth fixed him with the same pleading expression she used on her sisters whenever she wished to borrow one of their prized possessions.
“Very well,” he said in a low voice and with a small but exceedingly affecting smile. “I shall talk to him. For you.”
They arrived at Longbourn, and Elizabeth waited while Darcy tethered his horse himself, for the groom was nowhere to be found. When he emerged from the stables, he was grown altogether more serious. “Elizabeth, before we go in…”
Her stomach contracted. “What is it?”
“I had some letters of my own today. From my sister, her companion, my steward, my butler—all saying the same thing. Things are not going well at Pemberley. I am needed at home.”
Elizabeth felt more than a little foolish that this news should give her such distress.
She did not doubt Darcy’s affections in any way.
Nor did she expect that his return to Pemberley would prevent, or even significantly delay their marriage.
Nevertheless, it was only with a determined effort that she was able to conceal the full extent of her dismay.
She forced herself to smile sympathetically. “I understand. When must you leave?”
“As soon as I can—but I shall return as soon as possible. And then we shall make all the arrangements for the wedding, so this does not happen again.”
“I should like that. Is there anything I can help with? Oh, pray, forget I asked that—stupid question. If it requires you to be there, I shall hardly be able to solve it from here.”
He took both her hands in his and shook his head.
“It was not a stupid question, and I appreciate you asking, but I cannot explain what problem Ferguson is having with the architect because I can make neither head nor tail of his attempts to explain it. With regards to the household, the head housemaid has been standing in for Mrs Reynolds, but she is, in the words of my esteemed butler, less than useless. Ferguson’s wife has been attempting to assist her, but it sounds as though the two have had some manner of dispute.
More than one of our regular suppliers has not been paid.
And my sister lacks the confidence required to impose her will on any of them. ”
“Oh, Fitzwilliam, you must not wait for me to appoint a new housekeeper. I beg you would choose someone while you are at Pemberley. It makes no sense to let everything fall apart simply so that I might have the prestige of choosing her when I arrive.”
“It makes complete sense,” he said with some sharpness.
“I will not be duped again by someone unworthy of the post. I would give you all the time you need to select somebody you trust to do her duty to Pemberley. Besides, Ferguson has already applied to the registry for applicants, and will forward the best for you to peruse.”
His allusion to Mrs Reynolds was unmistakable, and for the second time, Elizabeth noticed the strain in his voice when he spoke about her.
It reminded her of his claim to being ‘the angriest he had ever been’ when Mrs Reynolds confessed her betrayal to him.
She began to suspect that he had been more hurt than angry, but she kept the thought to herself.
She kept to herself, also, that she did not know to what ‘registry’ Mr Ferguson had applied, thinking it best to seek that information elsewhere.
“If that is your wish, then of course that is what we shall do,” she assured him. “In the meantime, I assume you have a housekeeper at your London house. Might she be able to help?”
“Mrs Fairlight? Ferguson has already asked if she would be interested in the post. She said not. She has family in London.”
“Why not ask her if she would be willing to step in temporarily, until we find a permanent replacement?”
He brightened a little and acknowledged it was worth a try. “You see?” he said, pulling her with him towards the house. “You are a natural.”
Mrs Bennet was more vocal in her lamentations over Darcy’s precipitate departure than Elizabeth had been, but Darcy bore it with commendable patience, remaining at Longbourn for cup after cup of tea.
Elizabeth herself continued to be sensible about his departure, determined to show no hint of irrationality, though she would have drunk tea until she dissolved if it meant he could stay longer.
“I shall be wretched until you return,” she whispered to him when it eventually came time for him to leave.
To her surprise, he broke into a broad smile. “I thought I was alone in my misery.”
“You are never going to be alone in your misery again. Although I shall endeavour to make sure we share more happy times than sad ones.”
That banished his smile and replaced it with the same look as that with which he had greeted her in the lane, earlier. She grinned at him and dared to kiss his cheek as she whispered that she loved him in his ear.
“You are resolved to make it as difficult as possible for me to leave, I see?”
“Only easier to return.”
He kissed her hand, mounted his horse, and was gone in a trice, and Elizabeth did not mind his haste one bit, for she, too, felt that if he had not gone then, she might not have been able to let him go at all.