36. Cash
36
CASH
I lift her off the countertop, carrying her limp frame into my bedroom. She rests her head against my shoulder, blue eyes lasered in on mine. She’s desperate to quiz me about my confession, but she doesn’t voice it. I deposit her onto the bed, loving the way she melts into it, like she was made to be right here with me.
“You look like a dream.” I lean over her, studying her features in the dim lamplight.
She sighs, biting into her lower lip. I smile over her, feeling freed by the crazy confession I just made. I grab the blanket around the foot of the bed and tuck it up around her chin.
“I’m going to shower.” I dip down, kissing the tip of her nose before retreating to the bathroom to wash off all the blood dripping down my side.
Before I close the door, I turn back around to study her, but she has already closed her eyes and is breathing deeply, drifting off to sleep .
“I love you,” I say, needing to say the words again before I shut the door.
“I love you.” I lean into her, panting the words as I come.
It’s been ten days since I first said it, and I can’t stop.
Monroe clenches her thighs around me, her breathless moan in my ear. She digs her fingernails into my shoulders, gasping for air. She pulls back from me, staring into my eyes.
I smile at her, my head falling back with a laugh. “Damn, you’re so fucking beautiful.”
She gapes at me as I retreat from inside of her.
We’re still in bed, having just woken up. I started touching her as soon as the light began filtering through the side of the curtain.
It’s Holden and Rosie’s wedding day, and we have a lot to do. I throw the covers off, sitting up on the side of the bed. My side aches, but it’s feeling ten times better than it did when it happened, despite all my extra cardio sessions.
“Are you not at all worried about me not saying it back?” Her voice is timid.
She sits up with the covers clutched to her chest. Her blonde hair shines in the sunlight pouring in from the window.
I stand, naked and as free as I’ve ever felt. I shrug. “You’re not ready. I get it. ”
She tilts her head, lips pursed. “You’re not bothered that I haven’t said it?”
I try to resist laughing at the stunned look on her face, eyebrows scrunched up and so cute.
“I’m not worried about it, Princess. You’ll say it when you’re ready.” I wink at her, strutting into the bathroom. Before I shut the door, I glance over my shoulder. “Shower with me?”
She rolls her eyes, but crawls out of bed to join me.
I’m not worried about it because I know she loves me back. It’s in every look she gives me. It’s on her face when she comes on my cock. It’s in her hands when she grips my fingers during a scary movie. It’s in her sigh when she lays her head on my shoulder while we stargaze. It’s in everything she does.
She’s just not ready to admit it to me, which I completely understand, more than anyone. I’m not worried about her saying those three little words to me because I know she feels it.
Holden and Rosie are pink and grinning as they huddle together at the head table. Their ranch wedding is something out of a movie. Lights are strung from the trees. The spring air is chilled and blooming with the joy of future nights we’ll spend out here for years to come. Getting married where the family finds joy and happiness is the next level of wedding bliss.
I stand up at the front of the dance floor, the cold microphone clutched in my hand. I’m not a public speaker—never have been. I despise the spotlight, but this is my big brother’s special day, and I’d do anything for him—even this. Every eye in the field is on me as I lift the microphone to my lips.
“Well, we want to thank y’all for coming out for this special night in the Redford history books.” I dip my head toward the crowd.
There’s about one hundred people gathered under the two big oak trees in the field behind the house.
“I didn’t know this many people even liked Holden, considering he’s not even the tallest of us boys.”
The crowd chuckles. Holden is three-quarters of an inch shorter than me, which is barely detectable at our height. I’ve ribbed him about it since the day I realized I’d outgrown him. He’s also a former felon and a known murderer for protecting Dolly from a rapist over a year ago. He went to prison for three and a half years, and even though he was granted clemency, a lot of people in our town think he should have stayed behind bars.
“One thing about Holden is that he’s pretty stubborn. He knows what he wants out of life, and he goes after it. I’ve always admired that in my brother. Another thing you should know about him is that he doesn’t have many weaknesses. He’s as tough as they come, except in one area. That area is Miss Rosie Lou, the girl over there with the pretty red hair. She’s about as close to an Achilles’ heel as my brother will ever have. Good things rarely come without a little pain and suffering, but, damn, they sure do hit when they make it to you.”
The crowd awes, turning their eyes to the happy couple. My blood is pounding in my ears.
“The truth is, I’m so happy for you both right now. Watching you get to experience this kind of love and happiness is the peak of brotherhood.” Emotion rips through me, rising up in my throat and nearly choking me as I try to get the words out. “Holden, you’re one of the few people in this world who has seen the worst of me and stuck around. You know me better than anyone here tonight, anyone on this planet.” I look down at my boots, kicking invisible rocks as I try to gain composure.
“Rosie, I know you know Holden really well, and you love him more than words can describe, but as someone who has known that man for almost thirty years—because we’re old now”—the crowd chuckles—“I can tell you, that man will stick with you through the darkest nights. No matter what hard times life brings your way—because it sure will—Holden will never leave your side. He’ll defend you, he’ll protect you, and he’ll love you until his last breath on this earth.
“I love you both, and I love seeing what Rosie does to the tough bitch that you are, brother. Let’s toast to the happy couple.” I raise my glass of champagne, and the crowd follows suit.
Duke and Sterling hoot and holler into the night. The crowd cheers, and everyone drinks. I walk toward Holden and Rosie, hugging them both .
“Love you, brother,” he tells me, clapping me on the shoulder.
“Love you too.” I lean back, my eyes watering as I grin at my big brother.
I let them go, watching as the band begins to play a slow song. The bride and groom enter the dance floor, holding each other closely. We used big sheets of plywood to create a dance floor under the string lights. Rosie’s belly is still flat, but Holden places his hand over it, leaning down to whisper in her ear as they sway under a blanket of bright stars.
Dolly steps up beside me, hugging me. Her pale blue bridesmaid dress flows around her ankles. The lazy smile on her lips widens when Holden dips Rosie.
“What do you think, Doll? You finally have a sister.” I wrap my arm around her shoulders.
She sighs. “I know, right? It’s about damn time. I really hope it’s two girls.”
“You trying to outnumber us?”
“Yes! We need more feminine energy around here. Speaking of …” She nods toward Monroe, who is laughing at a joke Pops told.
She’s dressed in a floor-length pastel yellow dress with long, flowy sleeves. It’s not revealing, but it hugs her hips just right. My body heats up every time I look at her.
“She’s not ready.”
Part of me wonders if she ever will be. I put myself out there. I let her know how I feel.
“What makes you say that? I disagree.”
Monroe’s ears must be ringing because she looks up, smiling at me as her eyes trail down over me suggestively .
I smile back, shaking my head and mouthing the word, Pervert .
She clasps her chest in mock shock. We can’t keep our hands off of each other for five minutes.
Maybe we’ll escape to the barn later.
“I told her how I feel. I said the magic words.” I shrug.
Dolly elbows me in the side, hitting the bandage that’s covering my still-healing bullet wound. I groan at the burst of pain, leaning forward.
“Oh shit! Cash, I’m so sorry. I forgot! Are you okay?” She grips my elbow, shrill voice shrieking in my ear.
“Yeah,” I grunt. “I’m good.” I exhale, trying not to look like a sissy for any bystanders who don’t know a bullet grazed my ribs less than two weeks ago. “Now, I look like a little bitch.”
She laughs. “I’m so sorry. I really didn’t mean to hit you there. I was just trying to convey how annoyed I am with you right now.”
I stand up straighter, plastering a smile on my lips as the pain marginally subsides. Monroe’s eyebrows scrunch up in concern.
“What did I do?”
“You think telling her you love her is going to fix all the obstacles in your way? She’s convinced you want to stay on the ranch and never leave. She thinks you hate the spotlight so much that you’d never sacrifice for her career and go with her when she needs you. She thinks she has to choose between her dream and you. And trust me, she’s debating it.”
My eyes cut to Dolly’s face. She’s shaking her head, dark hair tucked behind her ear. Her bottom lip is sticking out in a stubborn pout, which has been her thing since she was a toddler with four older brothers.
“What are you saying? That I need to stick my neck out even further and tell her that I want to make a relationship work? Travel with her?”
Dolly nods. “That’s exactly what I’m telling you. The grand gesture, Redford. Remember when Holden branded himself with Rosie’s initials? That’s a gesture . That let her know he wanted to make it work, go the distance, despite their differences. You just telling Monroe that you’re in love with her isn’t going to cut it, although that is a start. How did you do it?”
I wince. “Uh, is that really important?”
Dolly’s lips form an O. “Please tell me it wasn’t during sex, Cash. Tell me it wasn’t. Right now.”
I rub the back of my neck, feeling the beads of sweat start to build up on my lower back.
“Oh my gosh. You’re unbelievable.” She shakes her head, arms folded across her chest. “I’m disappointed, to say the least .”
“Does it matter that much?” My limbs are starting to tingle. “I’ve said it at other times too.”
I look over at Monroe, who’s now chatting with Sterling. She’s nodding politely while he speaks.
Dolly throws her hands up. “Yes, it matters! I love you during sex means I love having sex with you, I love the way your body fits against mine . It doesn’t mean anything about your actual feelings in a relationship way. Not to women anyway.”
“How would you know? Am I gonna get in another fight tonight?” I stare at my little sister.
She rolls her eyes. “Shut up. I’m a grown-up, but, no, I don’t know firsthand … yet .”
“How do I fix it? Fuck, now I don’t know what to do. I’m a moron.” I clench and unclench my fist, wishing I could do something to relieve the tension building in my muscles. I’m clueless about this stuff. I’ve never been in an official relationship. I’ve never told a woman I wasn’t related to that I love her.
Monroe is looking over at me. She takes a step in my direction. I feel the urge to bolt, to think about what I’m going to say.
“I would start by figuring out what you really want. Do you want to build a house here, live with her in it? Do you want to relocate to LA with her and just visit us? I think you can easily balance both. Don’t panic. She’s clearly in love with you. You can fix this.”
Monroe is halfway to us when Rosie steps in front of her. I can’t peel my eyes away from Monroe’s face. She’s nodding and smiling at the bride. Her cheeks flush pink before Rosie loops her elbow through hers and leads her up toward the microphone.
Rosie steps up to the mic in her wedding gown, grinning widely. “Ladies and gentlemen, I am the luckiest woman in the world today for many, many reasons, but it’s not every day that a world-famous country music star attends your backyard wedding.”
The crowd begins to hush, all eyes on Monroe.
“I have asked Monroe if she will sing for us, and she graciously agreed if we all promise to dance and mingle while she serenades us with her beautiful voice! ”
Monroe wraps an arm around Rosie’s waist, and they hug before Monroe steps up to the mic. She removes it from the mic stand and looks back at the band. They’re just a local group who plays at Old Harry’s, the local dive bar. The guitarist hands out his instrument to her, and she takes it, pulling the strap on over her head.
“Good evening, y’all.” Her thumb brushes over the strings gently. “I am so honored to be here for this occasion and to watch two people promise their forever to each other. It’s certainly not every day that you get to witness such love and devotion.”
The crowd hushes. My heart thumps loudly in my ears. Dolly grips my forearm, squeezing it reassuringly. Monroe’s eyes meet mine through the crowd.
“I have a special song to sing for you tonight. It’s something new … something I’ve been working on since I had the pleasure of staying at Redford Ranch.” Her fingers strum the chords again, a romantic tune filling the air. “It’s called ‘Calluses and Cowboys.’”
The voices have all ceased, every eye trained on her. A crowd this size is nothing compared to what she’s used to, but I still release my sister and start making my way toward the front. When it comes to her, I’ll never be too careful.
Her raspy voice fills the night air.
Calluses and cowboys are something new to me. I’ve been all around this town, but nothing compares to these.
I never meant to fall in love, but that’s just how life goes .
Where I go, he follows me, and he promised not to leave.
The stars out here shine brighter than those big city lights, and if I’m being honest, this place sure feels like home.
You find it when you least expect it—at least that’s what they say—but what about the love you find that isn’t here to stay?
The love that builds up calluses, to guard your heart and watch that cowboy roam.
The sound of water rushes through my ears. I’m right next to her now. The crowd has melted away, leaving us alone with the night and the lyrics she wrote. Once she sings the chorus for the last time, I inhale a deep gulp of oxygen. I reach forward, taking her hand and pulling her toward me. Words fail me, so I grip the back of her neck, tilting her head back as I kiss her soundly on the mouth.