Chapter 10
TEN
Elliana
I should never have gone downstairs Friday night.
After all of the insanity swirling around in my head yesterday and today, that’s the one thing that keeps coming up. I should never have done it. What was I thinking? Is it so hard to say no to people when they want me to do something?
Then again, I said no to Carter, didn’t I? At least at first. I said no, but he didn’t listen, and he touched me until I came. I tried not to. I tried to fight him off. I did, but my body betrayed me. Like I had no choice at all.
Then again, what else is new? When was the last time I had a choice in anything?
This is ridiculous. I have basically lived like a ghost in my own house all weekend, only tiptoeing out of the room to grab food and bottled water from the kitchen when Carter went out at one point yesterday afternoon. Probably to return the keg, so there wouldn’t be any evidence lying around once the parents get home. I hurried through the kitchen like a thief, grabbing protein bars, fruit, and cookies for later after making a sandwich. By the time I ran everything back up to my room, he was pulling in again. I just missed him.
But now it’s Sunday night, and it’s starting to get dark, and I really need to eat something a little more substantial than a protein bar and an apple. Hunger twists my insides and nothing I do can distract me from it. He’s probably laughing at me now, probably knowing how afraid I am to face him. How humiliating. I’m sure he thinks he won some great battle by sticking his hand down my shorts and making me come.
For the hundredth time this weekend, my body betrays me by sending a shiver running down my spine. The sensation ends at my pussy, with a fresh memory of what it was like to be touched that way. It’s one thing to do that to myself, but for someone else to do it? It was electric, like flying.
Against my will. At least, at first. There was a point where I would’ve killed him if he stopped.
But then he left. He left like it was nothing. And that was right, that was good, even if it was crushing at the time. But once the rush passed, and I was actually thinking like a normal person again, I saw that he made the right move.
Not that I’m going to thank him or anything.
Finally, by the time it’s fully dark on the other side of my bedroom windows, I can’t wait any longer. It’s not like I’ll have a choice but to see him tomorrow, anyway, not if I want to get to school. I’ll still have to suffer through the humiliation of a car ride. Might as well rip the Band-Aid off now; get it over with.
His bedroom door is closed, but there’s no light coming from underneath it, so I don’t know whether he’s in there or not. Will there ever be a time when I don’t feel like I have to tiptoe around, holding my breath? I dash downstairs silently as possible, then go straight to the kitchen.
It’s kind of amazing how clean everything is. I guess he’s used to throwing parties like that and cleaning up the evidence so he doesn’t get caught. There’s not so much as a single drip of spilled alcohol on the floor, and everything out in the yard looks exactly the way it was before Friday night. It’s actually a little unsettling. If only it was always so easy to erase the evidence of something we don’t want other people to know about.
My attention lands on the pool. I force myself to turn away before the memories can cripple me. I need to get something to eat before he decides to come down and torture me for the fun of it.
But no sooner have I put a pot of water on the stove than I hear his footsteps on the stairs. Dammit. I should’ve known I couldn’t get away with something as simple as ramen.
My entire body tenses in anticipation as I stand at the stove, staring at the pot, willing the water to boil. “Oh, there you are.” He’s not even going to try to hide his smugness from me, not that I would expect him to. That would mean doing the decent thing, and he can’t be bothered.
“Did you think I died?” I mutter, still facing away from him. I hear him coming closer—what’s worse, I feel it in the way the air changes around me. The way the hair lifts on the back of my neck.
“You could have.”
“You couldn’t have cared all that much if you didn’t come to check.”
He comes to a stop behind me, his breath warm on my neck when he leans in. I really should have grabbed something quick from the refrigerator. There is nothing worth having to put up with this.
“I would ask what you’ve been doing all alone in your room since Friday night, but then we both already know, don’t we?” His hand lands on my hip, like a butterfly landing on a flower. As soon as I swat him away, he lets go, chuckling.
“You didn’t mind when I touched you on Friday, did you?” Now he takes both hips in his hands and pulls me back against him, no matter how I try to fight.
“Stop, okay? You’ve made your point.” It takes effort to shove his hands away, but I do it, going to the pantry to grab a packet of noodles. My hands are shaking so hard, I have to dig my nails into my palms and use the pain to center myself before reaching for the shelves.
“Oh, do you want to mess around in here instead?” His tall, wide frame fills the doorway, blocking my return to the stove.
“I don’t want to mess around at all. I want to have something to eat, then go back up to my room. That’s all I want.” At least he’s wearing clothes now, a T-shirt and a pair of soft shorts that hang down to his knees. Like he was going to work out, maybe. Wait, what do I care? So long as he’s not running around naked like he did the other night, I’m grateful.
“I was thinking about having something to eat, too…” He lowers his gaze to my crotch and right away, my face goes hot. I really need to hide my reactions better if I’m going to get through this without making a total ass out of myself, but certain things are uncontrollable.
“You’re disgusting.” With my hands against his chest, I shove him away, but he only laughs.
“You liked being touched, didn’t you? You can admit it,” he murmurs with deep, knowing laughter in his voice. “I won’t tell. It’ll be our little secret.”
I’m going to kill him. He really needs to not test me in a room full of knives. “It had better be, unless you want everybody to know you forced yourself on me.”
“Forced myself on you?” He actually has the balls to laugh. “Is that how you remember it? Because when I think back, you were almost begging me for more. Spreading your legs wider, moving your hips all around.”
The thing is, he’s not wrong. I hate him even more for throwing it in my face. I was almost begging, because it felt so good—nothing’s ever felt that good. And when was the last time I actually felt good about anything?
“Oh, come on.” He stands nearby, his back against the counter, chuckling as he folds his arms. Thick arms. Arms I really need to stop looking at. Nothing good can come from admiring his body. “There’s nothing wrong with having a little fun.”
“You’re my stepbrother.”
His eyes narrow a little and seem to go a darker shade of blue. “Yeah, well, it is what it is. It’s not like we’ve grown up together. There’s nothing wrong with enjoying what your body can do.” He reaches out, grabbing at one of my boobs, but I manage to turn away before he gets a good grip on me. “Loosen up. I could teach you a few things.”
“I bet you could, but I’m not trying to learn.” I need to get out of this room, now, before he gets into his head to try for a replay of Friday night. Forget the ramen. I turn off the water before adding the noodles to the pot and spin on my heel, ready to make an escape, but he’s too quick.
“Oh, come on now.” He laughs, backing me into the island across from the stove. My back touches the cool granite countertop that I try to slide along to get past him, but all he does is cage me in with an arm to either side of my trembling body.
“Just stop, okay? You’ve had your fun.” I wish my voice sounded stronger.
“That’s where you’re wrong.” He lowers his head until his lips skim my jaw. I turn my head away, but that doesn’t stop him. He only caresses my neck with his lips, his warm breath heating my skin and making me shiver at the same time. “I’m just getting started.”
My eyes close and a shudder runs through me and, for one crazy, unthinkable second, I find myself melting against him. Somehow, he’s getting to me, and I hate him worse than I ever have, but not enough to make me fight against the touch of his lips on mine.
Oh, my god! All at once, an inferno comes to life in my core, lighting my body up, taking me right back to that night in my room, on my bed, when I was completely under his spell. Now I remember how it was so easy to give in when his kiss has the power to make me forget the difference between good and bad, right and wrong. All I know is this, right here and now, when my heart pounds and my nipples go tight and goosebumps pebble my arms under my sweater. I wish he would take it off me. My skin craves his touch in the worst way, and all it took was a single kiss to reduce me to this weak, trembling thing.
The worst part? I want more.
When he pulls back, I lean in, hungry, yearning. A soft snort from him makes my eyes open—he’s smirking, the prick, enjoying the way he reduced me to a mindless, greedy animal.
“Hello! We’re home!”
“Shit,” Carter whispers, almost leaping backward to put space between us at the sound of Paul’s voice ringing out in the entry hall. I’m going to throw up—my heart is racing out of control, and I’m shaking so hard my teeth chatter. They’re not supposed to be home until tomorrow!
Running a hand over his short, blond hair, he murmurs, “We’re not finished with this.”
The flood of warmth and wetness from my pussy tells me my body agrees, whether I want it to or not.
“In the kitchen,” he calls out, sounding light and chipper, while sending me messages with his eyes. Don’t even think about it. I will end you. Right. I wouldn’t even know how to start to explain what just happened.
Paul appears, wearing a sheepish grin. “Hi, you two. We had to cut the trip short, unfortunately.”
“What happened?” My voice is tight, unnatural. I catch Carter’s sharp look out of the corner of my eye—like that’s going to help anything.
“I’m afraid your mom ate something at dinner last night that didn’t agree with her. She was so miserable, we decided to come home a day early so she could rest in her own bed. She’s headed straight up there.”
It’s probably wrong, but I’m glad I don’t have to see her tonight. “That’s a shame. But did you have a nice time otherwise?” Is this really happening? Am I standing here making small talk moments after my stepbrother shoved his tongue down my throat?
I can’t believe Paul doesn’t see it written all over my face. All he does is nod while wearing a pleasant grin. “It was very nice, thanks. I needed an excuse to relax for a little while.”
Finally, he turns to Carter, who, until now, has been silent. “Thank you for this warm welcome home,” he murmurs with a good-natured scowl.
“Welcome home,” Carter tells him, smirking. “The house is still standing, as you can see.”
Barely.
“Well, I’m gonna head upstairs now,” I announce. At least that sudden interruption means I’m covered long enough to make it upstairs without Carter trying to stop me. I never did eat, but I’ll survive. Maybe I’ll wait until later, when everybody’s in bed. All I know is it’s for the best if I get out of the kitchen and hide away for a little while.
Maybe I can make sense of the mess going on in my brain and all throughout my body while I’m at it. I need to clear my head, which is why I immediately go to the bathroom to take a shower. It usually helps me get my thoughts in order if I can stand under the hot water for a little while and not think about anything but going through the motions of bathing. By the time the water coming down from the showerhead runs hot, I’m undressed, stepping into the stall, and turning with my back to the showerhead to wet my hair.
What am I going to do about him? It was bad enough when I had to hide because I was afraid of getting bullied the way I’ve been so many times before. At least that was the devil I knew.
With this? I am completely in over my head. I don’t have the first clue about how to be sexual, how to manage my body’s cravings. That’s what I’m going to have to do. I need to manage this, plain and simple. I need to get a grip on myself somehow. To set the tone so he knows I’m not messing around when I tell him no. That I’m really not interested.
So what if that’s a complete lie? Because as much as I hate him—and I do, so much, for so many reasons—the fact is I also like what he does to me with his hands and his mouth. I like it so much I consider touching myself, making my body feel good the way he did. That wouldn’t do me any good. I would only want him more, and he is the last thing I need. This is all too twisted to comprehend.
By the time I’m finished, the walls of the shower stall are coated in steam that makes them almost opaque. I was in here for that long. I quickly open the door, shivering when cool air hits my wet skin, and reach for the towel hanging from the hook.
Only it isn’t there.
“What the hell?” I whisper, opening the door wider, looking at the floor, thinking it fell.
Which is when the sound of a camera taking a picture startles me, making me jump.
“That’s right. Show me what you’ve got.” Carter chuckles from the doorway as he takes another photo, then another, before I realize what’s happening and pull the door shut with a sharp gasp. He snuck in here. He waited for me to finish showering and stole my towel so he could take my picture.
“You are disgusting!” I hiss while my skin burns with shame. “Get out of here! Before I scream for your dad.”
“I don’t think you’ll do that.” How does he sound so sure of himself? I can’t see him clearly through the fog-covered glass, but can make out his shape as he wanders into the room, coming to a stop opposite the stall door.
“Why not?”
“Because I’ll have sent these pictures to everybody in school before he makes it down the hall. He’s busy taking care of your sick mom right now,” he explains, snickering.
“You wouldn’t do that.”
“Are you so sure? You really want to test that theory? Because I promise you’ll be disappointed.”
He can’t mean it.
Then again, why can’t he? He’s already proven how completely twisted he is. Crazy, because his dad seems like a normal person. Where did this walking, talking disease come from?
“How can you be this way?” I ask, now shivering in the stall while water runs down my skin and drips onto the tile.
“Don’t waste my time with stupid questions. Come out here and convince me not to show everybody in school what your tits look like. I bet they’d love to see that shaved pussy, too.”
The humiliation will never end, will it? It’s going to go on for as long as the two of us live under the same roof. There’s nothing I can do about it—that’s the worst part, knowing I’m powerless in all of this. I can’t do a thing to help myself.
“I want my towel first.” Am I seriously negotiating with this pervert? It sure seems that way. I don’t know what’s worse: feeling powerless against him or disappointed in myself for making it this easy for him to get what he wants.
He opens the stall door and thrusts the towel my way. I snatch it from his grasp before wrapping it tight around my chest. I wish I wasn’t shaking so hard, but I don’t know what he’s going to do. What am I supposed to expect?
He doesn’t keep me waiting long once I step out to face him. His eyes crawl over me and his nostrils flare before a long, shuddering breath eases its way from between his pursed lips. “If I had my way, this is how you would always be. All that wet hair begging to be wrapped around my fist.”
He has got serious problems. “What am I supposed to do?”
He snorts, then looks down at his crotch before looking back up at me. “I’ll give you three guesses.”
I don’t need three. “And if I say no?” I whisper, shaking no matter how hard I fight against it.
“Then my entire contact list gets a happy little surprise in their messages. It’s up to you, you know.”
I love how he makes it sound like I have a choice. We both know nothing could be further from the truth.
“On your knees,” he growls, sending a foreboding chill racing through me, even as I do as I’m told. I can’t believe this. Is this really happening?
Once my knees touch the cold tile, reality settles over me. Yes, this is happening, and there’s nothing I can do to stop it.
At least he doesn’t make me open his fly for him. At least he spares me that humiliation. It’s not like I haven’t seen his dick before—not that I wanted to, but at least there are no surprises when it comes to that. I know he’s big, and I know I’m going to have to put him in my mouth somehow.
Unless I want to give everybody at school even more reasons to humiliate me.
“Well?” he mutters once he’s free from his shorts, slowly moving his hand up and down his erect dick. “Get to work.”
I didn’t want to have to admit this, but… “I don’t know what to do.” No way can that come as a surprise.
And it obviously doesn’t. “I’ll show you. Here. Lick it.” He holds the mushroom-shaped tip out to me. “Like a lollipop. Give it a few licks.”
I’m going to die of humiliation as I extend my tongue to take an experimental lick. Salty. It takes everything I have not to wrinkle my nose in disgust before doing it again while he growls softly.
“Now, put your teeth behind your lips—that’s important,” he grunts sharply. “No teeth. Just your lips and your tongue.”
Here goes nothing. Please, don’t let him hurt me . Slowly, I let him into my mouth, past my lips, and right away, I know this isn’t going to work. He’s too big, there’s too much of him. When I touch my hands to his thighs, he only takes me by the back of my head with a firm grip.
“Relax your throat. Don’t be so tense.” Oh, right, easy for him to say. When was the last time someone forced him to suck their dick? Still, it does get a little easier when I follow his advice and relax my mouth and throat. I can take more of him in me, but still only manage to get about two-thirds of the way down to the bottom before gagging.
“That’s it. You’re doing fine. Now suck it.” His fingers press against my scalp, massaging it, sliding through my wet hair. “Up and down. Nice and slow.”
Am I doing it right? God, I could die of humiliation as he groans softly, pressing on the back of my head. If anything, that actually makes it easier, letting him set the pace since I don’t have the first clue. There’s nothing I can do but hold on for dear life, my head bobbing up and down in a slow rhythm. I still can’t help gagging when he hits the back of my throat, but it gets a little easier every time, and soon his groans turn to grunts. Needy grunts. I still don’t have the first clue what I’m doing, but I think I’m doing it right if he’s making those noises.
“Suck harder. More.” He starts to move his hips, almost feeding himself to me, making me gag with every plunge into my mouth. Tears fill my eyes—I try to blink them back, but it’s no use, they roll down my cheeks, anyway. This is really happening. At least it’ll be over soon… I think. I hope.
“Oh, yeah. That’s right. Suck my cock. Suck it so good…” He sighs, moving faster, sharper than before. Almost punishing me. All I can do is close my eyes and fight to breathe through my nose while he moves faster and faster.
Finally, he slams himself deep and all at once, a rush of salty warmth coats my tongue and my throat. “Take it,” he growls, hand clamped around the back of my head to hold me in place. “Swallow my cum. Swallow all of it.”
My god, I want to die. This is my life now. Going by his whims, no choice but to obey. Playing whatever game he comes up with his sick, twisted mind.
“Good job.” He finally lets me up for air, and I cough, fighting to catch my breath while my body sags more out of emotional exhaustion than anything physical.
He tucks himself back in his shorts before waving his phone in front of my face. “And whenever you get the idea to deny me, I want you to remember what’s on this phone. You’re a smart girl. I know you’ll make a smart decision.”
All I can do is stare down at the floor, miserable and deflated, while his soft whistling echoes through the room before he leaves it. One more tear drips off my chin onto my folded hands before I close my eyes and silently wish for all of this to come to an end. I don’t even care how at this point. I just want it to be over.