Chapter 25
Kitlyn
I was surprised that he allowed me to shower alone. He usually made me take a bath so he could wash me, but he knew I wouldn’t want to sit on my sore ass.
I silently thanked him for the bit of freedom. He was such a gentleman by far! My butt was killing me, but I knew that would be the outcome once he was done with my punishment.
It wasn’t even the spanking that got to me; I was getting used to his fucked-up ways. It was the fact that he did it while someone else was present. I don’t think I can ever forgive him for that. It was so goddamn humiliating; I could have died right then and there.
Even a dagger to the heart would have been more welcome than the embarrassment I felt. I would love for him to allow me to inflict the same shit he does to me… on him, just once.
I was happy when he left my room.
I hardly give him the silent treatment for long, but this time, he won't get a peep out of me. I’m not aiming to piss him off again, but I know it will drive him crazy. I already proved that point when he was applying the ointment to my butt.
When I didn’t reply, he ordered me to acknowledge him. I know that shit drives him out of his mind. Not that he already isn’t out of his damn mind.
Crazy fuck!
I wish I never even mentioned the word leave to him, me and my goddamn temper. I did my best not to provoke him, but he had a way of bringing out the worst in me. Now, he will only pull the leash tighter.
I won’t be able to breathe without him being up my ass. What an idiot I am. I should spank myself for being so damn stupid! Although he left my door open, I knew he locked the house again.
I silently hoped he would forget to do it, but he certainly did not. He was too bright to screw up like that. It's like living on Alcatraz. I sighed to myself. Oh well, maybe he will slip up at some point.
I put on the shorts and tee shirt he laid out, pulled my hair into an unruly tight knot, and threw on a pair of flip-flops. I laughed. Why bother getting dressed at this point? I’m not going anywhere. I sat gently on the edge of the mattress, flinching. My ass felt bruised.
The warm water in the shower stung when it first splashed across my bottom, but then it felt exquisite. I prayed he wouldn’t give my cat away because of my outburst.
He warned me about spanking my ass raw if I disobeyed him after he allowed me to keep Tuna. He wasn’t kidding.
I shifted on the mattress, trying to get comfortable. I don’t think I'll be able to sit on any hard surfaces for a few days. This was what I was afraid of. Him inflicting pain without pleasure. I am not a fan, for sure.
It boggles my mind that this is my life. I needed a miracle to get out of here, and I was sure nothing miraculous would line up for me in the near future.
I'll behave for at least a week now because of my punishment, but once some time has gone by, and he does or says something stupid that pisses me off, my temper will blow up again, and my ass will pay the price for it. I didn’t mind his good side, but his dark side was something to reckon with.
His moods were mercurial. One minute, he is massaging me into a slumber, and the next minute, he has me over his knee in a fit of rage. I wish I were more compliant; I really do. If I were he would treat me well, but that isn’t who I am.
No matter how often he disciplines me, I don’t think I will ever change. Of course, he could use more painful tactics to get me to comply.
I pray he never does. In the meantime, I need to break free from him. I have to figure out how.
When he entered the room, I quickly pushed the thoughts from my mind like he actually had telepathic powers, and knew what I was thinking. I turned to look at him but didn’t speak. Silence was going to be my power. It’s all I had.
He smiled, plopping down next to me on the bed. He smelled of masculine soap and light cologne. It always amazed me how his scent turned me on, no matter what vile thing he did to my body.
I concluded I was more upset with him for humiliating me in front of Yara than with the spanking he gave me. I knew he was a fucked-up individual, and maybe it was a possibility I was seeing how far I could push him without being murdered. Perhaps I am the screwed-up one here.
Let’s face it: most women in my situation wouldn’t poke the bear.
I have too much pride. He reached out and stroked my cheek lightly.
It almost felt like a feather was brushing against my skin.
I shuddered….my arms peppered with goosebumps.
He is very gentle and caring right now, which is the good side of his two personalities.
He cleared his throat before speaking.
“How are you feeling, Kit?”
He used my name. It’s a fucking Christmas miracle!
I think he may have been feeling a little bad about what happened. He usually calls me by my name when he feels remorseful for putting me through something filthy or degrading. I wasn’t sure because he was a psychopath with two different people living inside his head.
I swallowed down my nerves. Anytime he is this close to me, I get the jitters. I wasn’t sure what this would lead to, but he hadn’t taken me in a week. I was treading on thin ice right now. Although I didn’t want to talk to him, I had no choice.
I would not provoke him into taking me over his knee or using the strap on me, so I responded.
“My ass is sore. It feels bruised, but I am sure I will live.”
He grinned. “Trust me, you will live, precious. You are very safe with me.”
I almost burst into laughter.
Safe? With him?
I can barely sit, and that warrants safe?
He kept caressing my cheek lightly, making me relax into his touch. "I rarely feel guilty, but I'd like to talk about what happened."
He wants to talk to me about what he did.
What. Is. Going. On?
This is screwing with my head. Maybe he has a conscience after all. He gazed at me.
His grey eyes were soft and twinkled in the light.
“I understand you are used to being a free woman, and it has been hard for you to adjust to your new situation. I need you to understand that my obsession with you drives me insane, and when you mentioned leaving me, it threw me into a tailspin. You test my patience, Kitten, and although I would never kill you, I know I could hurt you if you push me too far, so for your own good, you really should think before you speak.”
Didn’t he just tell me I was safe with him?
He really has no remorse or compassion. And this is the shit that pisses me off.
He is practically blaming me for the situation I am in.
He makes ridiculous demands on me and expects me to keep my mouth shut no matter what he says or does, which isn’t feasible.
I had to restrain myself from clawing his goddamn face to shreds.
If it weren’t for the punishment I would be subjected to, I would certainly have scarred his handsome face. I kept calm on the outside, although I was still seething on the inside. I responded to his gaslighting as sweetly as possible, but I needed him to understand my point of view.
“I am sorry I lost my temper, but you made me feel like a helpless four-year-old when you ordered me to wear a floaty in mostly shallow water. "Come on, Atlas, think about it." I would look and feel like an idiot with a life jacket or arm floaties in a damn pool.”
He rubbed his temples, shaking his head, sighing loudly.
“I guess you're right.”
I am right? What the hell did I just hear?
Am I on Candid Camera?
The guy said I was right!!!
He’s all over the friggan map.
He cleared his throat while still stroking my cheek.
“It’s just that I am so afraid something will happen to you that all rational thoughts go out the window.
I want you to know that I wasn’t upset about the argument over the floaties or your assertion regarding them.
No, that didn’t piss me off. I got angry when you said you despise me and want to escape.
" He tapped the tip of my nose with his finger and smiled. " I thought I would tell you that.”
I looked at him, tears welling up in my eyes.
“That’s what sent you over the edge, and you spanked me with Yara sitting right there watching?"
He nodded, his emotions concealed under the hard armour of protection. "I want to say something, Atlas, and I don’t want you to get upset and hurt me again. Will you promise me you won’t get angry?”
He looked at me and nodded.
“Go ahead. I won’t get upset, I promise.”
I swallowed nervously, searching his eyes. I could never read him unless he was buried inside me or performing some vile sex act on my body.
“I was so humiliated at what you did that I don’t think I can ever forgive you for it, and although you tell me you would go out of your mind if something happened to me, you sure don’t mind hurting me when I don’t go along with your demands.
" I wrung my hands in my lap, feeling anxious. I couldn’t handle another spanking. Not today.
"That’s all I wanted to say.”
I looked down at the floor, afraid he might lose his temper and string me up by my wrists, but he didn’t.
He rubbed my knee and sighed.
“I made dinner. Would you rather eat it here or join me in the kitchen? It’s up to you.”
I looked up at him, surprised. Although he didn’t address my complaint, he didn’t lose his shit either. I needed him to understand my feelings so he could see me as a human being and not a possession.
I managed to smile, although it was strained.
“I will eat in the kitchen. After being imprisoned in this room for so long, I enjoy the change of scenery, even if it’s still only elsewhere in the house.”
Atlas
Joey texted me, saying he wouldn’t be coming by this evening. He was spending the night with his new love interest and was excited to push it up a notch. I told him TMI and wished him the best.
I didn’t want to hear about him and another guy sucking each other off.
I wasn’t interested in his sex life, just like he shouldn’t be interested in mine.
It would be just me and my pet alone in the house tonight, and I was okay with that.
I am not sure what just came out of my mouth when I spoke to her, but I was all over the place.
Discussions of any kind with the opposite sex never pertained to me. I had nothing to talk about with a woman.
Trying to explain myself to her was painful because I wasn't familiar with the word vomit that came out when speaking to a chick. I felt some regret for what I did, but then, right after speaking to her, she damn near sent me over the cliff again when she told me she would never forgive me.
I am a man who doesn’t like to be told what to do or challenged in any way. I am incredibly dominant, so it is tough for me to listen to a woman’s complaints, or anyone’s complaints, for that matter.
This is one reason I never dated traditionally. Sure, women were beautiful, but to me, they only served one purpose. I have never loved a woman, nor have I ever had any lasting relationships, except for the girl who turned me on to BDSM when we were teenagers.
After a year with her, I didn’t bother getting attached to any females. I may have fucked the same woman three times, then I would move on.
I murdered my father in cold blood because he had beaten my mother to death. It was my first kill, and it didn’t bother me. I was born to be an assassin. I built a hard outer shell around myself and never looked back.
I cared for my brothers and joined the seals. After that, I was just one fucked-up killing machine. I had no time for a woman in my life, and because I never wanted children, I only needed a woman for sex. This world is a mess, and I am too fucked up to have kids, anyway.
I haven’t even told Kitten I was going to have her tubes tied yet. I will wait until the opportunity comes up. She will fight me tooth and nail, but it is non-negotiable. I will never take the chance of fathering a child.
I know she has the implant, but I could not afford any mistakes because many things could happen while that little plastic rod rests in her arm, so it was better to sterilize her.
I am the product of failed birth control, so I know a woman can get pregnant while taking the pill or any other form of contraceptive.
Although I was initially upset when she told me she couldn’t forgive me, I promised her I wouldn’t get angry, so instead of lashing out at her like I wanted to, I gave her the choice to eat dinner here or in her room, then left immediately to cool off.
I didn’t think it would be this difficult when I took her. I underestimated the extent to which she would rebel against me. I’ve grown soft where she is concerned.
I didn’t bank on the fact that my obsession with her would only worsen the more time we spent together and I would develop these unfamiliar feelings.
I only wanted her for her body and to ease my kink, which is still valid, but now, I also want her to be happy with me.
That was the furthest thing on my mind when I brought her here some weeks ago.
I wanted to give her pleasure when she pleased me, of course, but that is part of her training.
You can’t have one without the other. I will continue to condition her because I need her to satiate my dark side.
I don't intend to pay women for their time or seek willing women on the side.
I plan on keeping her forever. As much as I want her happiness, I also want her submission.
I have no issues handing out punishments when needed.
I rarely felt any guilt, although what happened today got out of hand.
I admit I was being ridiculous with the floating device, but I also panicked when she almost drowned.
After her punishment, I realized I may have gone too far and felt the need to let her know.
I’m aware of how fucked up I am, and I don’t dig deep into all my feelings, but this girl has me all over the place, and I don’t like it.
Not one bit. I will always keep my guard up when it comes to her.
I will continue to use her body for my pleasure and, of course, reciprocate when she is a good girl, but I won’t allow myself to get caught in her web.
She can’t have that much power over me. I refuse to turn into a hen-pecked pussy.