Chapter 37
Atlas
When I entered her room, she was packing her clothes and crying. I didn't understand why she was so sad. This is something she wanted all along.
I heard her loud and clear when she had me sprawled out naked on the kitchen floor, tied up like a dog. She said she would never look back and hated my dominance over her.
She wanted children, something that I would never give her. She wanted to make all her own choices, which was another thing I would have a tough time with.
I would permit her to make some choices, but I would always want to make most of the decisions for her. I am incredibly domineering, and I want total control over her.
As I told her many times, if she submitted to me one hundred percent, I would drop the world at her feet, and I meant it. I walked over to the bed and sat down.
“What’s wrong, Kitlyn? Why the tears, hon?"
She sniffed loudly as she continued to lay her things out across the mattress. "I...I feel a little sad about everything, and I think the reality of going home is as terrifying as it is exciting, if that makes any sense."
I smiled at her, staring into those gorgeous green pools. I patted my knee. "Come sit, sweetheart. Before we leave, I want to discuss a few things with you, so you aren't surprised when you return home."
She climbed onto my lap, still shedding the teardrops that easily slid down her cheeks.
She looked at me, confused, sniffing loudly while wiping her eyes. "Did you do something to my house when you returned to collect my things?"
I leaned towards the nightstand and grabbed a tissue.
"Here, blow your nose before it runs down your lip."
She took the tissue and did as she was told, handing it back to me with a slight smile.
I threw the dirty Kleenex into the wastebasket, then turned my attention back to her.
"Kitlyn, I had you pronounced dead a couple of weeks ago. I needed the media to stop announcing you as a missing person, for obvious reasons."
She gasped, covering her mouth with her palm.
"You had your goons pronounce me dead? What the hell, Atlas!" I reached out and pressed my finger against her lip.
"Shhh. It's going to be okay. It is something that can be retracted. They will announce it as a mistaken identity or whatever story the CIA conjures up. No one will question it. I'll ensure all the red tape is done, and you should be able to return to your old life as if you never left it."
I tucked a few loose strands behind her ear as I continued speaking in a gentle tone.
"People will ask you questions, and you will only tell them you don't know who kidnapped you, and honestly, you don't. As I told you earlier, I don't exist in the system. I have lived under a false identity for the last seven years."
She looked at the floor, her hands fidgeting in her lap.
"Atlas, I am happy to be getting my old life back, but I am also scared of what's on the other side waiting for me."
I kissed the top of her head gently, inhaling the scent of her peach shampoo.
My little kryptonite.
I am going to miss her smell. Her taste. All of her.
"You are going to be just fine, precious. You were before you met me, and you will be now."
She looked at me, confusion written all over her face.
"What changed your mind about letting me go? Just before, you know…I kicked you in the balls; you were adamant that I was to be sterilized when we left.”
I rubbed my temples momentarily, trying to will away the headache that threatened to bloom.
"Let's just say I had an ah-ha moment while lying on the floor listening to you. It made me realize I was my father, and you reminded me of my mother for a split second. She was so unhappy with him and wanted out of the marriage, but he would never allow her to leave."
I caressed her leg, enjoying the softness of her skin.
"He thrived on the misery he caused and made sure she felt his temper as often as he could. The man was very violent and controlling. He used to beat the shit out of her almost daily when my brothers and I were just small children."
A sad look spread across her face as I continued my tale of woe.
" I was too little to defend her when the abuse started.
My father became more erratic as time went on.
If my mother forgot to put a dish away, he would take his anger out on her with his fists.
He would punch her anywhere…it didn't matter.
He never tried to hide the evidence of his abuse. "
She rubbed her hand on my leg, trying to comfort me. I managed to smile, enjoying her tender touch.
"He didn't care if she had a black eye, bloody lip, or stitches in her head because he knew no one had the guts to say anything to him about it.
My father was a ruthless, cold-blooded killer, and everyone knew it.
He worked for the Soviet elite, torturing and killing spies and anyone else who went against the Russian government. "
I raised my brows and swallowed down the tension I felt. Digging into my memories was something I hated. I preferred to keep them buried where they couldn’t haunt me.
"Surprisingly, I empathized with you when you cuffed me.
It was wrong to make you stay with me against your will.
I have never cared much about others' feelings because complex emotions didn't pertain to me.
Like my father, I am a killer. I am my father.
It doesn't bother me when I take someone's life.
I didn't give a shit about anyone except my brothers.
They've been in my care since I was seventeen.
I took guardianship of them with the help of some aunts and uncles after I killed my father for beating my mother to death.
" She raised her eyebrows at me, her eyes tearing up.
"I am so sorry for your childhood trauma, Atlas. Maybe talking about it will help you come to terms with it."
I looked at her with a forced smile because deep down inside; I felt sick to my stomach at losing her.
After spending this time together, I think I will be completely lost without her. She hadn't even left yet, and it was already killing me.
"I came to terms with it long ago. My childhood trauma isn't important right now, Kitlyn; what is important is that I know I must let go of you.
Things will never change. I am who I am.
Right now, I am sweet and gentle, which I can be, of course, but the other side of me rears its ugly head often, as you know.
I will always want control of you. I'll want to inflict pain on you during a session, or if you disobey me, then I'll want to make it all better.
The more I engage in it, the more extreme our sessions will become.
I am an intense person and a lot to deal with, Kitlyn.
I will not go easy on you if you disobey me.
You know how punishment feels without sexual stimulation.
That would never stop. My kinks are part of who I am. "
She reached out and caressed my cheek. As good as her touch felt, I was falling apart inside.
"Atlas, I know how you are, and I am so thankful you are giving me my freedom back."
I forced another smile as I explained further.
"I also do not want kids. I am too fucked in the head to bring up a child, not to mention this world is a mess.
Children have no place on this screwed-up planet.
You and I disagree, and it isn't fair to take the best years of your life and you end up hating me anyway.
I don't want to beat you or torture you into submission.
My father lives inside me, in almost every way.
I don't want to be him where you're concerned.
I would most likely suck your energy force, and I am sure I would end up breaking you eventually, and that's not what I want, Kitlyn.
Not anymore, so it's time for you to move out and return to your old life. "
She looked at me with tears rolling down her cheeks. I wanted to lick them up, but I didn’t because it would make it even more difficult to let her go.
"Maybe I could get used to your ways, Atlas, but I don't know. Your line of work is creepy as fuck, and sterilization is not something I will negotiate, although when I tied you up, you were willing to discuss that issue, and you did cum in me even though you fear an unwanted pregnancy."
I chuckled slightly.
"Ah, my pet, and I will call you pet for the rest of your time with me.
What harm will it do? I was willing at that moment to talk it out with you, hoping you'd unlock the cuffs so I could spank the shit out of you for being naughty, but then I reconsidered when you fell to your knees, crying.
I am also thankful you didn't tear my ass apart with that fucking butt plug.
If you had done that, you would have paid the consequences and probably wouldn't be leaving right now. "
I forced another smile because I was feeling anything but happy.
"You may get used to my ways, but I don't want that.
My line of work is different, but it is what I do for a living.
I can't change my career path now. I will also want one hundred percent submission from you or nothing, which includes being sterilized, and that's just something you can't give without losing your sense of self.
As far as filling you with my seed, I think I am safe this one time.
My wanting to fuck you daily was the issue.
I have an irrational fear that the birth control won't work, and I didn't want to take the chance. "
She shifted her ass in my lap, sending a little shock to my cock, but I ignored it and smiled, masking the emotions that were eating my insides.
"The CIA will keep this house for my visits back here when needed. There is plenty of scum to get rid of in this state, believe me. I will leave for my island as planned. Don't you know where you are, Kitten? I didn't blindfold you when I brought you here."
She looked at me with a slight smile on those perfect lips.