Chapter 47 – COSIMA #2
He complies, surprisingly obedient in his weakened state. After he drains the glass, he gives me a feverish smile. "You know what would really make me feel better?"
"What?" I ask warily.
"A farewell blowjob."
And there's the Nikolai I'm familiar with.
"You're lucky I'm chalking that up to the fever," I say coldly, "or I'd have Knight snap it off."
"Are you really cruel enough to deny a man his last wish?" He manages to look both pathetic and smug at the same time.
I roll my eyes. "Nice try, but the closest you're getting is if you staple a picture of me to Raven's forehead."
A ragged chuckle escapes him, followed by a wince of pain. Raven returns with the first aid kit, giving me a grateful look as he sets it down.
"Let me see those wounds," Raven says, pulling back the bloody fabric of Nikolai's shirt.
The sight beneath is concerning. Angry red streaks radiate from the stitched bullet holes in his back, and the new knife wound doesn't look too deep, but it's not bleeding as much as it probably should be.
He must have already lost a lot earlier.
Nikolai grimaces as Raven begins to clean the wounds. "If I have to have a nurse give me a sponge bath, can't it be her?" he mutters.
I hold up my hands, backing away. "My manicure has been through enough already, thank you very much." It's a weak excuse, but the truth is, I don't want to risk touching him again. It's making me feel things I don't want to feel.
"Ignore him," Raven says, his movements surprisingly gentle as he works. "He's always obnoxious when he's sick. Alpha insecurities and all that."
"I'm familiar with them," I say dryly.
It's fascinating watching Raven tend to Nikolai. There's a practiced familiarity to his movements, as if he's done this many times before. His face is a mask of concentration, but beneath it, I catch glimpses of genuine fear.
And something much deeper.
As Nikolai's eyes close, his consciousness fading under the combined assault of pain and fever, I find myself studying Raven.
"You really care about him, don't you?" The words escape before I can stop them.
Raven's hands pause momentarily, surprise flickering across his features. Then he resumes his work, focusing intently on cleaning the stab wound.
"It doesn't matter." His voice is barely audible. "That's always been a one-way street."
I watch the gentle way his fingers work, the careful attention he pays to every detail of Nikolai's care. "I'm not so sure about that."
Raven opens his mouth to respond, but the door swings open, revealing a disheveled Dr. Ryefield. The doctor's eyes are still slightly bloodshot.
"My mind's still a bit foggy," Dr. Ryefield says flatly, rubbing his temples, "but didn't I just finish patching this one up?"
Raven's cheeks flush slightly. "About earlier… I'm sorry. It wasn't personal."
The doctor gives him a withering look. "Save it. Let me see what we're dealing with."
I step back, giving the doctor room to work. He examines Nikolai with clinical efficiency, making occasional sounds of disapproval. Finally, he administers an antibiotic shot and some fever reducers.
"He has a fairly substantial infection," Dr. Ryefield announces, packing up his supplies.
"I've given him a broad-spectrum antibiotic that should help, but he needs to be monitored closely for the next few days.
" He glances around the room. "Preferably by someone else.
Call me if the fever worsens or he dies. "
With that unceremonious parting, he heads for the door.
"Will do," Geo grunts from where he's been leaning against the doorframe, watching the proceedings with a neutral expression.
As the doctor leaves, I find myself looking back at Nikolai. His face is slack in unconsciousness, the fever giving his pale skin an unhealthy flush. He looks younger like this, vulnerable in a way I never would have associated with him.
I shouldn't care. This man held me for ransom. He's arrogant, dangerous, infuriating.
But as I watch the shallow rise and fall of his chest, I can't deny the knot of worry that's formed in my stomach. The strange, unwelcome feeling that somehow, I'm connected to him. That his fate matters to me.
And that terrifies me.
Knight steps up beside me. I lean against him slightly, letting his solid presence give me a bit of warmth and comfort. This, at least, makes sense to me. He and I have an almost supernatural bond forged through dreams and mutual protection. I understand why I care about him. It makes sense.
But Nikolai?
That's a complication I never saw coming.
So is Raven, for that matter.
Another alpha is the last damn thing I need.
And yet, as I watch him tend to Nikolai, I can't deny he's not quite like any alpha I've encountered before. Not even the few I can tolerate.
I stare at Nikolai's unconscious form, my emotions a tangled mess I have no interest in unraveling. Not that it's stopping them. He looks vulnerable right now, his usually sharp features softer than usual. It's easier to hate him when he's awake and being an insufferable ass.
Like this, he's just... a man.
A dangerous, complicated man who somehow thinks I belong to him.
Geo shifts against the door frame, clearing his throat.
"Well, this has been a delightful fucking afternoon.
Piano destruction, emergency medical care, and enough alpha posturing to last me a lifetime.
But I'm afraid you'll have to excuse me.
" He pushes off from the wall, adjusting his eye patch. "Some of us have actual work to do."
"Work?" I can't help the skepticism in my voice. "Is that what you call running this shithole?"
Geo's mouth twitches, almost like he's suppressing a smile. "Exactly that, princess. Someone's got to keep this place from imploding." He turns toward the door, then pauses. "Try not to break anything else while I'm gone. I'm running out of irreplaceable pre-war artifacts for you to destroy."
Knight rumbles behind me. Is that amusement? I'm starting to recognize the subtle differences in his growls. This one vibrates lower, gentler.
"No promises," I call after Geo as he disappears into the hall, his heavy footsteps fading.
As soon as Geo is gone, Raven looks up from where he's fussing with one of the bandages on Nikolai's side, his blue eyes widening suddenly.
"Oh! Right." He smacks his forehead with his palm.
"I completely forgot to tell you. With all.
.." he gestures vaguely at Nikolai, "... this , it slipped my mind."
My pulse quickens. "Tell me what?"
"The information you wanted. About Azarel."
"Did you find him?" I ask immediately. The words come out breathless, way more eager than I intended. Even though in the chaos of the past hour—the piano, Nikolai's return—I'd almost forgotten my entire reason for agreeing to stay here.
Raven's expression falls slightly. "Not exactly.
Not yet." He finishes fixing the bandage and wipes his hands on a towel.
"But I have feelers out across the Outer Reaches.
I've sent word to every informant, every business contact, every former client with instructions to report anything—even the smallest whisper—back to me immediately. "
I try to hide my disappointment. My throat tightens up. Every hour that passes is another hour Azarel might be searching for me in vain. Another hour for something to happen to him.
To us.
"This network of yours is that extensive?"
"My establishment may be... what was the word you used?
" Raven's lips quirk. "Oh, right. ' Tacky .
' But it has its benefits." He sits on the edge of the bed, careful not to disturb Nikolai.
"Information flows through places like the Alpha's Alpha.
People talk. They gossip. They brag. Everyone has eyes and ears.
" His voice softens. "Someone will have seen or heard of him, Cosima.
And when they do, you'll be the first to know. "
There's such earnestness in his tone, such conviction, it catches me off guard. I'd expected resistance, attempts to stall, to keep me here. Not this apparent dedication to actually helping me find Azarel.
Despite myself, I feel a flicker of hope. But experience has taught me to be cautious. Pretty words from pretty alphas are the most likely to hide ugly intentions.
"Thank you," I say carefully, not committing to more. "I appreciate the effort."
Raven shakes his head, a soft smile playing at his lips. "You don't need to thank me."
"I—"
" But ," he continues, holding up a finger, "if you want to thank me, there is one way you could."
Here it comes. The catch. I knew it was too good to be true. I cross my arms, bracing myself for whatever manipulative demand he's about to make. Sex? Political favors? Things that aren't quite sex but sex-adjacent?
Despite his business, he doesn't seem like the type to make such an overt proposition like Nikolai, but I'm sure he wants something. He's an alpha. They all want something.
"Let me keep helping you," he says, his blue eyes hopeful. "When you leave—and I know you will, regardless of whether I find your Azarel before the deadline you gave me—let me go with you."
I blink, thrown completely off balance. "You... what?"
"Let me come with you," he repeats.
"You want to help me find... another alpha?" I stare at him, trying to figure out his angle. "Not keep me here? Not force me to stay?"
Knight shifts closer to me, his massive presence at my back a reassuring constant. He's not growling anymore, but I can feel his attention focused on Raven, assessing.
Raven sighs. "Caging someone is never the way to win their heart." His gaze drifts momentarily to Nikolai's unconscious form. "I learned that lesson the hard way."
I study his face, looking for deception, for the trap. "Why?"
He meets my eyes, and the raw sincerity there takes me aback.
"I know a lot has happened since we first..
. encountered each other. And I know I'm probably not what you were hoping for.
" His voice softens. "But I meant what I said before, Cosima.
You're my mate. I knew it the moment I laid eyes on you. "
"But—"
"I would do anything you asked of me," he continues, his voice dropping to nearly a whisper.
"Anything at all. Including helping you find another alpha, if that's what you want.
" His smile turns sad. "But if I told you I'm not hoping that eventually, you'll want me, too, it would be a lie.
If there's one thing I've learned out here, it's patience. "
I don't know what to say to that. My cheeks feel hot, and I suddenly can't meet his gaze. Something about his declaration feels too raw, too honest. It's easier to deal with alphas when they're being demanding or manipulative. This selfless devotion—real or feigned—throws me off-balance.
"I… I don't—" I stammer, uncharacteristically tongue-tied.
He holds up a hand. "You don't need to decide right now. Or explain yourself to me. Ever." His voice is gentle. "I just wanted you to know that the offer is there. No strings, no conditions."
I find my voice, though it comes out hoarser than intended. "We'll see."
Raven's smile widens, lighting up his face. "That's not a no."
"It's not a yes, either," I retort, but there's no real bite in it.
For a moment, the room falls silent except for Nikolai's labored breathing. Knight shifts behind me, his metal claws clicking softly against the wall.
This is all too much. Three new alphas in such close quarters when I usually can't stand to be around any of them. Azarel, still out there somewhere, searching for me. The possibility that he's not .
How did I even end up here? A couple of months ago, my biggest concern was avoiding Monty's wandering hands and my father's political machinations. Now I'm sleeping and showering in an underground criminal empire.
"You should rest," Raven says, breaking the silence. "You've had quite a day."
That's the understatement of the year. And yet, I find myself reluctant to leave Nikolai's side.
"I'll stay with him," Raven adds quickly, as if sensing my hesitation. "There's another room down the hall. Two doors to the left."
I nod, trying not to think about the fact that he's picked up on the concern I don't even want to acknowledge. "Thanks."
Knight lumbers out of the room first, always checking to make sure the coast is clear. I pause at the door, glancing back at Raven.
"Earlier, you said you probably aren't what I was hoping for. Why?"
He looks surprised by the question, then gives a slight, sheepish smile. "I'm not exactly a conventional alpha. In more ways than one."
"Why?" I ask, tilting my head. "Because you fuck other alphas?"
He hesitates. "That's… part of it, yes."
I sigh. "Look, I'm not in the market for another mate. My ideal number of alphas was always zero, and I find myself with a surplus. No offense."
Raven chuckles. "None taken, I assure you."
"That said," I continue, glancing between him and Knight, "being an unconventional alpha isn't exactly a drawback."
Raven's eyes widen slightly, the light reflecting off the blue more intensely.
If he had a fucking tail, it would be wagging, and the smile on those full lips is almost enough to melt what's left of the ice wall around my heart.
A wall I very much need to remain intact, if I'm going to finish what I started out here.
"I appreciate that," he says quietly, nodding to me. "More than you know. Enjoy your rest, Cosima."
Something about the way he says my name, like it's a sacred prayer his tongue caresses in gentle worship, causes a realization to hit me as I slip out of the room.
Raven may not be trying to keep me here by force, but he just might be the most dangerous alpha of them all.