Chapter 7 Rafael
RAFAEL
ITRIED TO lose myself in the routine of my daily tasks.
The morning began with a coffee alone in my office working on administrative duties, handling all the paperwork and requests that had come in overnight.
Laughter filtered down the hall from the dining room where the others gathered for breakfast and fellowship, something I usually did as well but just couldn’t. Not today. Not after what I’d done.
I couldn’t even look myself in the mirror, much less at the men who held me in such high regard.
It was an almost impossible standard to live up to, but I tried.
I’d always tried. Even as a kid I just wanted to be seen as the good son, the politest, the most responsible.
The most Godlike. I could still see the look of pride on the faces of my parents and priests that told me I was doing the right thing.
It had become what I strived for, their praise and approval what I wanted so badly to earn.
What I’d done last night, though, the way I’d thought about Alessio letting desire take over? It was wrong. I knew that, and yet…
Alessio’s voice played on repeat inside my mind, finding me between phone calls and prayers.
I couldn’t stop the onslaught, and it wasn’t just what he’d said, but the way he’d said them—every syllable charged with intensity, all the emotion he’d been holding back for years bursting forth to swallow me whole.
There’d been anger, of course, but beneath that?
Pain. Grief. Heartache.
I gripped my pen so hard I felt it begin to splinter between my fingers.
“Lord,” I whispered, bowing my head, “please.”
I summoned every line of scripture I’d memorized over the years, reciting them in my mind, hoping they’d sink in. Hoping I could wipe the slate clean.
But every time I closed my eyes, I saw Alessio. Heard him.
And even worse, I felt my body react to him even now. I’d thought giving in to temptation last night just once would relieve me of the want, but it seemed like all it’d done was open the floodgates.
My cock stirred, my stomach tightened, and the pen snapped in my hand. Black ink ran down my fingers, marring my skin and serving as an apt reminder of the sin creeping its way through me.
A knock sounded at the door before I could spiral any further, and I blinked reality back into focus.
“Father Vitale?” Lucien Vale stood in the doorway of my office, one hand still raised and the other holding his fiancé Kai’s hand. He glanced down at the mess spreading down my wrist and arched a brow. “Bad time?”
“Oh, uh, no.” I quickly stood and grabbed several tissues to wipe off the ink, but it was going to stain.
“Just a leaky pen,” I said, clearing my throat of the embarrassment and tossing the tissues in the wastebasket.
I gestured toward the circle of chairs off to the side and gave them both a small smile.
“Please, come in Lucien, Kai. What can I do for you?”
Lucien, an immaculately put-together man, always in black and always looking like he should be gracing runways, led Kai inside, and I couldn’t help but marvel at the two of them together.
Kai was such a gentle soul, wise beyond his young years and strong beyond his small stature.
He’d been through so much in his life, and I’d never forget the first time I met him.
So fragile, but hopeful, and look at him now—practically glowing and very obviously deep in love.
It was a pairing I never would’ve guessed, mostly because Lucien was the owner of many infamous adult clubs around the world.
Including the club Alessio went to, my mind couldn’t help but remember.
Because Lucien wasn’t just Kai’s partner—he was also one of the seven Kings of Libertine, which meant he was a close brother of Alessio’s.
My body tensed as they sat down, and I forced myself to do the same.
Was this about Alessio? Did they somehow know what happened? That he’d shown up here, and what I’d—
No. That was impossible.
I took in a deep breath, and on the exhale managed a polite smile.
Kai bit his lower lip and looked at Lucien, who nodded and brought their joined hands up to his mouth to press a kiss to Kai’s knuckles.
The sleek rings they both wore glinted under the light, and for some reason, the sight of it made my chest feel hollow.
A strange sensation, considering I wore a ring of my own.
However, each represented a very different vow. Theirs was a vow of love and commitment to each other in both the emotional and physical sense, mine a commitment to become a spouse of the church and a reminder of the vow of celibacy I took.
One I clearly needed a refresher on this morning.
“Kai has a question he’d like to ask you, father.”
Kai smiled over at me, radiant as ever. “We both do, really.”
My attention shifted to Lucien to see him focused on me, an unreadable expression in his eyes.
If I didn’t know him the way I did, I might feel a slight sense of intimidation at the intensity.
But something about the way he was holding Kai’s hand and watching me indicated he was more anxious than upset by what was about to be asked.
“We don’t want to take up too much of your time. It’s just…we’re in the middle of planning our wedding, and…” Kai stopped, swallowed, and looked back to Lucien.
Lucien gave him a soft smile and nodded.
“We were wondering if you’d officiate our wedding?”
The question wasn’t at all unusual, given my vocation, but it had never occurred to me that Kai and Lucien would want that from me. I was their priest, that was true, but I was the man they came to in the late hours to confess their deepest, darkest secrets. Kings secrets.
I hadn’t expected them to want me to be part of such an intimate ceremony. I’d figured they’d fly somewhere exotic, invite all their family and friends, their other brothers…Alessio.
Oh no, there was no way I could officiate a wedding Alessio would be at.
But just as I was about to make something up to avoid such a situation, something on my face must’ve tipped Kai off, because he let go of Lucien’s hand to lean over and take mine—ink stain and all.
“Oh, please don’t say no, Father Vitale.” He blinked at me. “I can’t think of anyone else I’d want to perform the ceremony.”
My fingers tightened around his, and suddenly it became clear why Lucien was watching me. He wanted this for Kai. He was used to giving Kai the world. But this? This was out of his hands, something I was sure he wasn’t used to.
“It’s not that I want to say no—”
“Good.” Kai beamed.
I chuckled at his eagerness, my eyes flicking over to Lucien. “Try to say no to that face,” he said.
“I’m not saying no. I’m just, just…” Stuttering like a fool. Pull yourself together, Rafael. “I’m not sure I’ll be available on the date you need. So—”
“We can do any date you’re free,” Lucien interrupted. “We’re flexible.”
Of course they were. He was a King.
He would move mountains to make his man happy—or dates, as it were.
“Will you do it, Father Vitale?” Kai asked.
Lucien was right—how could I say no to such a sweet soul?
A man who had dedicated his time to helping the LGBTQ+ homeless in different outreach programs. He’d come such a long way, been through so much, and I felt an immense sense of happiness and pride in knowing I might’ve helped him in some small way create the bright future he now thrived in.
So yes, I would happily do this for them. Join these two men who’d found each other against all odds.
“Of course I’ll do it.” I patted Kai’s hand then slipped it free to get my calendar. I had never gone against the church and performed a same-sex marriage before. However, there were ways I could tiptoe around it. Maybe have one of the other Kings get ordained and sign the marriage certificate…
Yes, that could work.
I flipped through, looking at my schedule before pausing to ask, “I’d be honored; however, it can’t be—”
“Oh, I know. It can’t be here,” Kai said. “We just weren’t sure you’d want to or, you know, be allowed to do it somewhere else.”
I could understand his confusion and reluctance to ask me, but when it came to love and the joining of two people who were so clearly made for one another, I was confident God wouldn’t mind my stepping outside of the church to celebrate that with them.
“I’m fairly booked for the next few weeks, but I have a spot in…a month? On Saturday?”
“You do?” Kai’s eyes became the size of saucers as they sparkled at me, bright as the sun.
“I do.”
“Wait,” Lucien said with a slow grin. “Isn’t that my line?”
Kai let out a joyous laugh and fell back into the crook of his fiancé’s arm, and the sight of Lucien kissing the top of Kai’s head made my heart ache.
They were so beautiful together. So perfectly matched. The sinful and sweet. The steady and the soothed. The light and the dark—like me and Alessio.
I used to think we were perfectly matched until our lives led us down two diametrically opposing paths. Ones that would forever run parallel but never again intertwine.
I quickly penned in their names on the date we’d agreed on and shut my calendar.
“We’ll be in touch with the location and time,” Lucien said as they got to their feet.
I had no doubt wherever they chose to have their ceremony would be beautiful, and I was just happy that I was going to be witness to it.
Of all the Kings, these two had stolen a rather large part of my heart.
I got to my feet and walked with them out of my office and through the quiet interior of the church. As we made our way through the nave toward the front doors, I could hear Kai marveling at the way the sun shone through the stained glass to dapple the wooden pews with the vibrant colors.
It really was a sight to see, one I’d admired on many occasions. God was, truly, the most talented of artists.
“Thank you for taking the time to see us today, father,” Kai said as we stepped outside. “We know how busy you are.”