Chapter 21 Alessio
ALESSIO
“SINCE WHEN DO you take your coffee black?” Lachlan side-eyed me as he tapped his card to pay for our drinks.
The fucker owed me one for being a royal pain in my ass the last week.
I’d never seen as much of his ugly mug as I had the last seven days, and though I had my suspicions for why, I’d be damned if I ever breathed a word.
Not coincidentally, the last time I’d seen Rafael was a week ago. I could probably spout off a pretty spot-on time down to total minutes, but I refused to be that pathetic.
“Black like my soul,” I said, as the barista shoved a sleeve on the coffee cup and handed it over.
“Jesus. Someone’s getting off on melodramatics.”
“See, and I thought you’d be the first to agree.”
“Nah. You’re a teddy bear.” He smirked and took a sip of his cappuccino, which had me snorting out a laugh.
“Is that…foam?”
“Shut up.”
“Damn. Cooper’s rubbin’ off on you.”
He shot me a wink as we commandeered an empty two-seater. “Day and night, brother, day and night.”
For fuck’s sake. I’d asked for that. Should’ve kept my mouth shut, because the last thing I needed was a reminder that Lachlan and every single one of my brothers were completely locked down with significant others.
I was the lone man out. Always and forever.
It chafed on a good day, but these last few months it was bothering me more than usual.
The last few days it had been killing me.
Because I should’ve had what they had. Hell, I had once, and it was so close now that I could reach out and take it.
The problem with that, though, was I didn’t want someone who didn’t want me back.
And Rafael? He’d made it crystal fucking clear that I was the most delusional man on the planet for even thinking it could be possible for us.
He hadn’t just told me no; he’d told his entire congregation exactly how he truly felt.
Thinking about it made my insides wanna revolt, and I had to swallow down the bile rising with a long sip of coffee.
“He’s got another feature in Lincoln,” Lachlan continued, a proud smile turning up the corners of his mouth. “Did you see it?”
“Uh, no. Can’t say I’ve been rushing out to grab a copy.”
“You should. He had a lot to say about a certain Monaco prince and his American husband.” He waggled his brows, and I frowned.
“Cooper did a story on Theo and Shep? For Shep’s magazine? Why?”
“For one”—he ticked off on his fingers—“the people want it. Two, they control the narrative. Three, sales went through the goddamn roof, which leads to four—making my smart, incredibly sexy, and deserving boyfriend the go-to guy to hire. Should I go on?”
“Please don’t. I’m gonna vomit.”
“You sound jealous.”
“What about saying I’m gonna projectile puke all over your suit says anything about jeal—” My words got caught in my throat as my eyes landed on the tall figure who’d just walked inside the café. As he headed toward the counter, he glanced in my direction, and then did a double take.
Oh fuck. God really did have it out for me, didn’t he?
Lachlan waved a hand in front of my face. “Hello? Where’d you go?”
But I was still staring at Rafael, who had stopped dead in his tracks, his mouth parted in surprise.
Only a week since the last time I’d seen him and he looked so different already.
His usually clean-shaven face sported several days’ worth of growth, and he wore a dark turtleneck and jeans—no collar in sight.
I couldn’t fucking breathe.
“Alessio? What’s—” Lachlan followed my gaze and his brows shot up. “Oh. Shit.”
I was over him. I’d made that promise to myself.
I’d stopped watching him, turned off the camera outside his place.
Installed curtains in my apartment and kept them shut.
Hell, I’d been looking for a new place, something that would give me the space I needed to get over him.
Because I would get over him. I had to. Moving on was the only way to survive this.
But then Rafael began to walk in our direction, bypassing the counter, and my heart stopped, completely stopped beating until I sucked in a gasping breath to kick-start it.
“No, no, no,” I whispered under my breath, but it must’ve been loud enough for Lachlan to hear, because he knocked my foot with his under the table, either telling me to get it together or giving a silent show of support.
Either way, I was so fucked. If I’d thought it was hard to differentiate Rafael between man and priest in a collar, this version of him—this sexy, scruffy, fine-as-fuck version—immediately made me lose my resolve.
“Father Vitale,” Lachlan said, immediately getting to his feet, and if I thought for one second my legs would keep me upright, I would’ve joined him. I was smart enough to know better, though, and stayed right where I was. “What an unexpected surprise.”
Rafael smiled down at Lachlan, but the usually easy gesture didn’t quite meet his eyes as he greeted my best friend. “Hopefully not an unpleasant one, though.”
“Oh, yeah, of course. Just strange seeing you outside your, you know, church.”
Rafael chuckled, his eyes crinkling at the sides. “Occasionally they let us out.” Then his eyes shifted to where I was still gawking up at him like some kind of moron trying to find his tongue. “Alessio. It’s good to see you.”
I blinked several times, still trying to work out who this man, this Rafael, was. I’d never met him before, and something about him felt different. Not only was the scruff new, so was his overall demeanor.
Less holy.
More…human.
Lachlan cleared his throat and, when it was obvious I wasn’t about to speak, said, “Would you like to join us?”
My head whipped in his direction, and his shit-eating smirk made me want to launch myself over the table and punch him right in the nose.
“Oh, I wouldn’t want to intrude—”
“You’re not,” Lachlan, the traitor, said, and gestured to his chair. “Why don’t you take a seat and catch up with Alessio why I go and order you a coffee? What do you like?”
“A caramel latte. Thank you,” Rafael said, and just as I was about to tell Lachlan he better not fucking leave me here, he turned and headed off to the counter.
Rafael moved over to Lachlan’s empty chair and touched the back of it. “Do you mind?”
“Do you care?”
Rafael swallowed but said nothing in response as he slid into the vacant seat and crossed one leg over the other, his foot knocking into mine and making me jerk back.
“Sorry,” he said, and I couldn’t help my snort.
“Yeah, ’cause that’s what I want an apology for.”
Rafael nodded slowly, his eyes roving over my face in a way that felt much more intimate than it should. “You’re right. I owe you an apology for a lot more than that.”
“Don’t,” I said, shaking my head. “I don’t want to hear it. I don’t want anything from you.”
“Yes, you’ve made that very clear.”
The slight bite to Rafael’s words had my eyes narrowing. “Excuse me?”
“You weren’t at last confession.”
“So? I’ve missed confession before.”
Which was true. I’d missed it several months in a row at one point. So why would that be such a problem for him?
“You also turned off your light,” he said, his voice lowering to almost a whisper. “Put a…wall between us.”
The curtain.
He was talking about the curtain I’d put up in my window.
He’d been looking for me? Why? He’d made it pretty clear he wanted nothing to do with me. So why was he so annoyed I’d removed myself from his life?
“I thought that’s what you wanted?”
“I never said that.”
“No? I’m not stupid, Rafael.” I leaned across the table, my eyes falling to full lips that were surrounded by a dark blond scruff that I would give anything to feel against my skin.
“That whole speech about being weak and giving in to temptation was a pretty obvious fuck-you directed at me. So I did you a favor—I removed temptation. I removed myself. From confession, church…you. You’re welcome. ”
“That’s not what I—”
“One caramel latte,” Lachlan interrupted before Rafael could get his words out, and thank God for that. If I’d had to sit here and stare at him for much longer, I knew I’d cave.
Lachlan went to pull up another chair, but before he could, Rafael got to his feet.
“Thank you, but please, here, have your seat back.” Rafael looked down at me, his eyes roving over my face. But if he was waiting for me to extend the invitation, he was in for disappointment.
I couldn’t do this anymore. Couldn’t be the one always waiting. I’d done that for too long, and look what it had gotten me—nothing.
“You’re leaving?” Lachlan said when the two of us remained in a silent stare-off, and finally Rafael broke the connection, turning back to Lachlan.
“Yes, I just remembered I have somewhere I need to be.”
“Really?” Lachlan looked at me, an eyebrow raised. “You just remembered now, huh?”
Rafael gave a small nod then looked down at me. “I hope I’ll see you again soon, Alessio.”
I had nothing to say to that because I already knew I wouldn’t be going to see him, not ever again—my mind was made up.
“Thanks again for the coffee,” Rafael said, and as he turned to head out of the café, I tried not to watch him go. But what if this was the last time I ever saw him?
He stopped at the door, hesitating, and then looked over his shoulder at me.
That couldn’t be regret I saw flashing in his eyes. Because that wouldn’t make any sense at all. He didn’t regret me. Maybe it was more regret over being such an asshole.
Yeah, that was a hell of a lot more likely.
Someone slipped by him to enter the café, and that jolted him enough to break our eye contact. I watched him disappear into the crowd passing by, and before I could feel any way about that, Lachlan gave my shin a swift kick under the table.
“What the fuck?” I snapped.
He gave me a knowing look. “He just stared at you like he forgot how blinking works.”
I sipped on my coffee, ignoring him.
“Why does he watch you, Alessio?” Lachlan leaned forward, lowering his voice. “Tell me about the kiss.”
“There was no kiss.”
“I know what I heard.”
“Then you should get your fucking hearing checked.”
“Or you could confess all those sins you’re hiding to me since you’re not going to the reverend.”
“Drop it.”
Lachlan narrowed his eyes and sat back in his chair, bringing his coffee to his lips. “Something’s going on. You’re avoiding him. He’s acting like a weirdo.”
“Make sure to tell him that next time you see him.”
“You think I won’t? I don’t like secrets. Especially ones involving priests.”
Shit. Maybe it would help to get it all off my chest, but I couldn’t imagine saying the words out loud. Poor fucking Alessio, in love with his priest he can never have. I’d never hear the end of it.
Then again…Lachlan wasn’t stupid. He knew, even if I hadn’t confirmed his suspicions. And he was my best friend. A vault when it mattered.
I rubbed my hands over my face, a heavy sigh leaving me. “I love him. Loved him. I’ve always loved him.”
Lachlan didn’t blink, didn’t react in any way. “But he’s a priest.”
“He wasn’t always a priest.”
“Holy shit,” he said on an exhale. “I thought you were just hot for him. Wanted to tempt him a little. I didn’t know it was more than that.”
“A lot more than that. He was my forever. I just wasn’t his.”
The shock on Lachlan’s usually stoic face was comical, or it would be if I didn’t feel like hurling my guts up. His mouth opened, shut, opened again, and then he finally shook his head.
“Fuck, Alessio.”
“We didn’t get that far this time.”
His eyes went impossibly wide, and then those devilish lips curled. “You mean yet.”
“No, it’s over.”
“I don’t think so.”
“No, he made it clear we can never go back to—” I swallowed. “We were just kids back then. It’s stupid to think he could still feel the same. That he might change his mind.”
Lachlan let me sit with my thoughts for all of a few seconds before cursing.
“Not sure if you missed it, but the guy that just left couldn’t take his eyes off you. He never can; I’ve told you that. And I’ve sure as hell never seen him with a beard before. What was that, a week’s growth or so? When was the last time you saw him?”
“Yeah, he had to go and grow a sexy fucking scruff like an asshole just to stick it to me.”
“Or stick it in you.”
“Jesus—”
“Is that who you think you’re up against? ’Cause I’ve never seen you back down from a fight.”
“Kind of hard to fight the Almighty.” I drained the rest of my coffee and looked back toward the door, like Rafael would walk back through it any second. “He made his choice. End of story.”
“Yeah, I saw.” Lachlan’s voice softened. “It’s you.”
“What is?”
“His choice. It’s you,” he repeated. “You just weren’t looking.”
“Right, sure. So what do you suggest? I just turn up at his door?”
Lachlan shrugged. “I prefer to climb through a window, but yeah, doors work. What’s the worst he could do? Turn you away?”