Chapter 36 Alessio
ALESSIO
SUNDAY MORNINGS WERE for sleeping in, breakfast in bed, or making slow, lazy love to the man of your dreams. Not for getting up at six o’clock to get ready for first mass at St. Andrews at seven.
At least, they hadn’t been until the man of my dreams—a certain former priest—was the one I was trying to make love to.
But no matter how persuasive I’d thought I was being, on this day, at this time, He won out.
And since I was an amiable guy, I decided that this was the one thing I could give Him.
Rafael had picked me, after all—I didn’t want to piss off the Big Guy any more than I probably already had.
“There, how’s that?” I said as I stared in the full-length mirror at the tie loosely knotted at the base of my neck.
Rafael stepped in behind me, tall and elegant as ever in his black slacks and blue shirt. “It’s very…you.”
I looked at the unbuttoned collar of my shirt and shrugged. “I feel too constricted when it’s all buttoned up.”
“Of course you do.” He slid his hands around my waist, pulled me back into his arms, and placed a kiss against my temple. “But if you don’t want to wear one, you don’t have—”
“It’s church,” I said, and shook my head. “If there’s one thing my parents drilled into my head, it was how to dress appropriately when stepping into God’s house.”
Rafael’s lips twitched as I reached up to straighten the tie. “So you’re the reason for your brothers’ Sunday best at midnight confession?”
“I wasn’t going to let them show up in any old thing.”
“So much respect from a man who claimed to hate the establishment.”
I turned and wound my arms around his neck. “I didn’t hate the establishment. I hated what it took from me. But you know what they say: if you love something, set it free.”
“If it returns, it was meant to be.” Rafael lowered his head until our foreheads touched. “Guess you’re stuck with me, then.”
“Never been happier to be stuck anywhere.”
Rafael swept a sweet kiss across my lips. One I felt through my entire body. It warmed my heart, healed my soul, and wrapped around the two of us, solidifying our bond.
This was forever. Rafael was my forever, and it was only now I was truly starting to believe it.
“You ready?” he said, taking my hand and leading me out through the living room.
“Ready as I’ll ever be.”
“Oh, come on, it won’t be that bad.”
“Easy for you to say. St. Andrews is your church.”
“Yours too.”
“Yeah, but it’s yours in a holy way. It’s mine in an I-stole-their-priest kind of way.”
“So in an unholy way.” Rafael ran his eyes down over me and licked his lips.
Seriously? How was I supposed to sit through the next hour with the memory of that look in my mind? “If you don’t walk out the front door, you’ll see just how unholy I can be.”
“Promise?”
I pulled open the door. “Go, and never let it be said that I kept you from church.”
Rafael chuckled and walked out into the hall. “Never.”
IT HAD BEEN years since I’d attended a Sunday morning mass, usually preferring to slink into these hallowed halls in the darkness of night.
But as I took my spot in the front pews beside Rafael, I had to admit there was something innately peaceful about the way the sun was shining through the stained glass and washing over the morning parishioners.
St. Andrews had been such an integral part of my life from childhood to adulthood, but as I sat there now, staring up at the crucifix, I felt a sense of peace I’d never felt before.
“Are you okay?” Rafael sat beside me looking as regal and statuesque as any of the sculptures inside the church. He’d always been handsome, but as the sun shone over his blond hair and illuminated his smooth skin, he looked almost otherworldly in his perfection.
He was breathtaking.
And he was mine.
“I’ve never been better.”
Rafael smiled and pressed his thigh up against mine, and it took everything I had not to reach for his hand. Everything not to lace my fingers through his and bring them to my lips. Everything to sit beside this beautiful man and not tell the world—and Him—that he was mine.
But I resisted out of respect for Rafael, respect for the church, and, begrudgingly, respect for Archbishop Dick—De Vecchi, who was standing behind the pulpit this morning in Rafael’s place.
That had been a surprise, to both me and St. Andrews regulars, and it hadn’t escaped the parishioners’ attention that their favorite reverend was sitting amongst them today, in casual clothes and not his usual holy garb, but if that bothered Rafael in any way, he didn’t show it.
He sat tall and proud beside me, every part of him touching every part of me that he could without visibly holding hands. His message was clear: I choose you, in front of God and everybody. I love you.
It was the most precious gift he could give me. The only thing I’d ever truly wanted—his love.
De Vecchi gave the final blessing and then dismissed us all with his usual “Go in peace, glorifying the Lord by your life.” As the mass concluded, I noticed several people looking in Rafael’s direction.
“You’re quite the celebrity around here today,” I said by his ear, and Rafael chuckled.
“More like the scandal.”
“You don’t seem too upset by that.”
“Because I’m not. I have no reason to be. I made my choice, and it’s one that’s brought both peace and love to my life. What else could God want for me?”
“What indeed?”
The archbishop’s familiar baritone had my spine immediately stiffening. I turned to see him standing before us with his hands clasped in front of his robes, a knowing look in his eyes.
“Your Grace.” Rafael got to his feet, reached for De Vecchi’s hand, and kissed his ring.
Oh, right, he’s all fancy now. I have to kiss the ring.
“Rafael, it’s wonderful to see you here this morning.” His attention shifted to my getting to my feet. “You too, Alessio. It’s been far too long.”
I took his offered hand and bowed my head. “Yes, Your Grace. It was a beautiful mass,” I said, and, shockingly, meant it.
“It was. God was showing off today with that sunrise.”
Rafael smiled at me, and my heart felt close to bursting.
“Illuminating our choices, perhaps?” I said.
The archbishop’s brow rose at my smartass response. “Maybe so. Would you mind my stealing Alessio away for a minute, Rafael?”
Would he mind? What about me?
The last time we’d talked, it ended horribly. I was having a good day. I didn’t need De Vecchi ruining it.
“Of course.” Rafael put a hand to my back, and I felt the warmth of it through my entire body. “I’ll come and find you in a few.”
I was this close to grabbing his hand and refusing to let him leave, but as if De Vecchi knew, he gestured to the doors that led out to the garden. “After you.”
It took everything I had not to groan. Was he doing this shit on purpose? Probably.
This was the last place I wanted to go with him. But as he led me down the stairs and out into the garden toward the fountain, memories of a time long ago threatened to resurface.
“So, I heard your parents retired to the Rochester area. How are they liking it?”
“Good.” I shrugged. “No complaints. They were ready to leave city life behind.”
“I don’t blame them. It’s all a little busy for me.”
I grunted my acknowledgment, hating any kind of small talk when I knew there was something bigger coming—and with De Vecchi, there was always more.
“I was glad to see you sitting in amongst our parishioners this morning, though.”
“Really?” I smirked, and turned to face the man who’d been part of the worst night of my life. “I thought it might piss—annoy you.”
“That you came to church?”
“No. That I was here with Rafael.”
“Ah, I see.” He nodded and clasped his hands behind his back, walking around me and over to the fountain. “I’m not annoyed at you or Rafael. I’m happy to see you back here. Happy to see you both thriving in life.”
“Even though Rafael left the priesthood for me?”
He glanced back at me, smiling. “I think he left it for himself, first and foremost.”
“Well, yeah,” I agreed, and moved up beside him to rest against the stone. “But he also did it because he loves me.”
“Yes. He did. So why would that annoy me?”
“I don’t know.” I shrugged and ran my fingers through the water. “Because I’m not good enough for him.”
“Says who? Certainly not Rafael. And isn’t he the one that counts?”
“Yeah, but—”
“Do you remember what I said to you that night?”
As if I could ever forget. It was one of the things that had haunted me all these years. “That I needed to let him go. That if I kept him from his calling, he’d never forgive me.”
De Vecchi held out his hands, an ironic twist curling his lips. “Same rules apply here.”
I thought about that for a moment, and then it clicked. He’d had to let Rafael go. If he didn’t, Rafael would’ve resented De Vecchi, the church, and God.
The tables had turned, and damn, I’d never even thought of it that way.
“This way, we all win,” the archbishop said, and turned to look back to the doors of the church, where Rafael had just stepped out. “But never forget what a gift God has given you. Both of you. Cherish it. Nurture it. Make it the foundation of your forever.”
My heartbeat quickened when Rafael smiled over at me. But before I left, I had to tell De Vecchi our truth. One we’d known since we were altar boys, friends, boyfriends, then more.
“We’ve been doing that since the first day we met.”