Chapter Seventeen #2
I put my elbows on the counter and drop my head to focus on my breathing.
I should have known better. I should have checked the fucking cabin first. This is how people get caught killing people.
They make stupid ass mistakes and assume they are safe.
I assumed that I was safe because Paul was dead, and Leo was missing.
“Sadie,” Todd says.
“Just stop it, Todd,” I say as I stand up and wipe my face. “Stop trying to save me.”
“Sadie,” he says softly, turning me to face him.
“If I don’t get ahead of this, all of you go down with me,” I say tearfully. “Paul is my problem. My abuser. My victim. If I fight the charge, I’ll get the death penalty.”
“Sadie,” he says again, cupping my face.
“Stop,” I cry and shake my head. “I just wanted him to stop hurting me.”
Todd wraps his arms around me, and my legs give out as I am instantly brought to hysteria. He hugs me tightly on the kitchen floor as I sob uncontrollably in his lap.
“Shhh. Sadie. I want you to hear me, okay?” he asks softly. I nod and try to calm myself.
“It’s very simple,” he says, cupping my chin to force me to look at him. “When he calls for you… You go.”
“W-what?” I ask, wiping my face.
“Give him what he wants and show up,” he says with a smile. “The only way to get close is to play his game, right? No one has been able to find him, so let him come to you.”
“But he will…” I start to say.
“He will die, Sadie. That’s what will happen,” he says firmly. “He will pay for betraying you. He will pay for threatening you. If that doesn’t work, we all pack our shit and get the fuck out of this country.”
“You’d run from the cops with me?” I ask with a tearful smile.
“Yes,” he laughs. “If we all go down, Mason will end up someone’s bitch in prison.” I laugh heartily, and Todd hugs me.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper.
“We all knew what we were getting into when we helped you, Sadie,” he says. “So let us help you get out of this, okay?”
“Okay,” I say. “Only because I don’t want Mason to get butt raped in prison.”
“Why do you always pick on me?” Mason asks as he pulls me up to stand, then hugs me.
“Because the weak ones are the easiest to target,” I sniffle and wrap my arms around him.
“You get a pass this time because I don’t like seeing you cry,” he says before kissing me. “No one is going to prison, okay?”
“No, because I’ll jump off something very tall first,” I say with a frown.
“That’s not funny,” Mason scolds.
“Good thing I’m not joking. I’m not going to prison, Mason,” I say seriously.
“Sadie, no one is going to prison,” he says simply as he walks me into the living room. “Do you trust us?”
“Yes,” I sigh.
“Then understand that we will figure this out. If the cops had done their goddamn job, none of this would be happening right now,” he says.
“What do I do then?” I ask. “Just sit around and wait to see if someone arrests me?”
“He will reach out again,” Jake says. I turn to face him and narrow my eyes at him.
“And how do you know that?” I ask with a clear accusation in my voice.
“Because he was my friend,” he says. “I talked to the man nearly every day, Sadie.”
“Then how in the hell did no one notice he was fucking insane?” I scream at him. I surprise myself with my sudden outburst, and tears roll down my cheeks.
“Feel better?” he asks. His nonchalant attitude infuriates me.
“Fuck you, Jake,” I snap and shove him. “How did no one know he wanted to do that to me? How did I not know? How did I not know he wanted to rape me? Huh? How did I just fucking lie there while he… while he did that to me? Do you know how fucking humiliating it feels for me to know that someone I trusted forced their dick down my throat? Do you even realize how many times I have replayed the memory of the two of them fucking me in my head? I fucking trusted him, so why the fuck should I trust any of you?”
By the time I stop yelling at Jake, I’ve shoved him back into a wall. I am breathing heavily, and rage is still boiling inside of me.
“Is that it? Anything else to add?” he asks.
The hint of sarcasm in his voice sends me over the edge.
A wave of stupidity sweeps over me, but before I can raise my hand to hit him, he grabs me by the throat and slams me against the wall.
I am instantly stunned into silence because I have never seen this level of aggression or dominance from him before.
“Jake,” Todd snaps.
“Give him a second,” Dean says simply. They sound so far away because I’m stuck in a staring contest with Jake as he keeps me against the wall. His face is inches from mine, and he looks pissed.
“Since this seems to be the only way that you’ll shut that pretty little mouth and listen to anyone, this is how we are going to handle things with you now.
Are you going to listen to me? If you want to keep screaming, Sadie, I’ll make sure you scream.
” Jake says. His voice is deep, gritty, and far sexier than I should find it.
“I…” I try to say something, but my voice fails me.
I can’t breathe with him this close and this dominant.
My body and my brain are not aligned right now.
I know that my boyfriends are looking at me, but no one is fucking saying anything.
Why is no one saying anything about Jake looking at me like he is about to rip my clothes off?
“Nothing to say?” Jake taunts me. “You had so much to say before.”
“I’ll listen,” I whisper.
“Good girl,” he says. “I have laid in bed every night and asked myself if I could’ve prevented him from hurting you, if I had only paid attention.
If only I had noticed how fucked up in the head he was.
If only I had said something when he made all the sexual comments about you.
If only I had done something… anything.”
“It’s not your fault,” I say quietly.
“Then why in the fuck is it your fault, Sadie?” he demands.
“I don’t know,” I say tearfully.
“Jesus Christ, Jake,” Todd sighs.
“Relax,” Mason says calmly. “She’s okay.”
“You can go round and round, asking yourself the same fucking questions, but it will always come back to the same resolution,” he says firmly. “He’s fucking unhinged, and he knew exactly what to do to trick everyone into believing that he was trustworthy.”
“Then why do I feel so ashamed?” I cry.
“Because you’re you, Sadie,” he says softly, moving his hands to cup my cheeks and wipe away my tears with his thumbs.
“You’re kind and compassionate. You go out of your way to see the good in everyone, Sadie.
You have been here for us unconditionally, no matter what we have said or done.
There’s absolutely nothing to be ashamed of because someone took advantage of your kindness.
We live, we learn, and we push forward.”
“I cared about him,” I whimper. “He was my friend, Jake.”
“I know, sweetie,” he says. He wraps me in a hug, then kisses my temple.
“You slammed me against the wall,” I frown and pull away. “And grabbed my throat.”
“I did,” he smirks.
“Only Lance, Dean, and Mason do things like that,” I say. Jake laughs and leans in and whispers in my ear.
“Who do you think gave me permission, pretty girl?” he asks quietly. He lightly kisses my neck, and a jolt of pleasure goes straight to my pussy as he pulls away.
“Well, that was hot,” Del says, making everyone laugh.
I look at Mason, and he winks at me, understanding what the look on my face means.
I shake myself out of my haze and back away from everyone.
I am pretty sure that having sexual thoughts about my friend is the definition of emotional cheating, or something.
I need to get away from everyone and clear my head.
“I’m going to go… somewhere else,” I say as I take a few steps back.
When Jake winks at me, I turn and bolt out of the room.
I go straight to the bedroom and quickly change into workout clothes.
No one comes to look for me, so I sneak through the house to get to the basement, where the treadmill is.
I put in my headphones and start running.
I have found that although I hate running, I love how much it hurts.
I love that my muscles burn when I push myself.
When I’m stressed out, it’s the only thing that helps get me out of my head, other than getting railed into oblivion.
I can’t get railed every other hour on bad days, so I run.
I don’t know how long I’ve been down here, but I have run until I can’t push myself anymore.
I pull the emergency stop so I can step off and bring myself down to lie on the floor with my arm over my eyes.
I am breathing heavily, covered in sweat.
I have short shorts and a sports bra on, but I still feel like I’m overdressed for how overheated I feel.
The giant fan comes on in the corner of the room before someone lies on the floor beside me. “Why are we lying on the floor?” Billy asks.
“Because my legs don’t work,” I say breathlessly. “What do you need, Billy?”
“You gonna be a brat to me, too?” he asks with humor in his voice. I drop my arm and turn my head to glare at him.
“I’ll take that as a yes,” he laughs.
“I’m choosing to ignore that,” I say, looking up at the ceiling.
“Is this about Jake looking like he was about to bend you over for yelling at him?” he asks.
“Uh… Yeah,” I admit. “I don’t know how to process that.”
“Not much to process,” he says. “You were a brat who narrowly escaped being punished.”
“Why should I be punished for having emotions?” I ask forcefully.
“For acting out rather than communicating,” he says. “For screaming rather than talking. Really, you just respond best to someone dominating you. Specifically, people you trust. You don’t act like a brat with people you don’t trust.”
“I guess, it’s just that being a brat with the guys leads to… very specific consequences,” I say.
“You mean they fuck you into a disassociation?” he asks, laughing.
“Yeah,” I smile.