Chapter 25
CHAPTER 25
M allory
“Are you certain you want to do this?”
I stared into the rearview mirror at myself, the lights in the parking lot barely highlighting the anxiety I knew was on my face. I’d thought of nothing else for the last few hours but what I should do. Asking the question out loud wasn’t getting me any closer to accepting the answer that had floated in and out of my mind since the attorney’s departure.
“No? Well, either turn around now or get out and walk inside the hotel.”
I’d asked Jenny to keep Brady for a few hours so I could do this alone. I didn’t think I could handle trying to work through questions and answers in a way that wouldn’t result in my kid asking me what was going on. He was a smart little man, already reading at his age.
I finally turned off the truck, but remained right where I was. While I’d never stayed at the small boutique hotel, it was known for its stunning winter scenes and gardens, twinkling lights covering every tree and shrub. When it did snow, I’d heard it was a winter wonderland for adults.
Over the last few years, I’d learned to hate the snow. Snowfalls reminded me of him. And our passion.
And the lies.
I grabbed my purse, wishing I felt more like the formidable woman the attorney had accused me of being. I smoothed down my shirt, also wishing I’d worn something nicer. As I closed my truck door, I reminded myself this wasn’t a date, just a meeting to clear the air. Nothing more.
As I walked toward the front doors, I found myself coming close to backing out. I’d never even imagined that it was possible Beckett was alive. I don’t know why. He was clever that way and had survived being hunted for at least a year before I’d met him.
The pain had been more intense than anyone should be forced to endure. Only then had I realized just how deeply I’d fallen for the man. As soon as I walked inside, my head started to thrum. I was definitely out of my element at this point.
The location was gorgeous, so much so I took a few seconds to admire the lobby. It was quaint yet modern, warm and inviting yet colorful with an incredible vibe. I could imagine spending several days here.
My legs were stiff as I walked toward the reservation desk, waiting my turn while a couple obviously very much in love checked in.
“Hi. How can I help you?”
I stared at the girl behind the desk before clearing my throat. I sensed she was becoming as anxious as I felt. “Can you tell me which is Beckett Callum’s room?”
“Certainly, let me see.”
As I waited, I continued to glance at the incredible lobby. It was easy to see why the location had so many five-star ratings.
“He’s in the Viking suite, room five ten, but he’s not there.”
The Viking suite? I couldn’t believe he’d remembered the silly conversation we’d had. Or perhaps I was reading too much into it. “Do you know where he is?”
“Yes, actually. He’s in a meeting in our bar, which is right down the hallway. You could certainly wait if you’d like or leave your name and number and I’ll be happy to give it to him.”
I wasn’t in the mood to wait, but at this point, if I left, I knew I’d likely not return. “Thank you. Maybe I’ll have a drink.” I headed down the hallway, surprised to hear as many voices coming from inside the bar as I did.
I’d been clueless how popular the location was. Maybe I did need to get out more. As I headed into the room, I was pleasantly surprised at the beautiful surroundings, including a full wall of glass highlighting the incredible lit garden behind the floor-to-ceiling panes.
I scanned the room, finally catching the sound of Beckett’s voice. Exhaling, I carefully walked a little closer to the sound, peering around a group of live trees extending to the atrium ceiling.
Jax was right by his side, curled next to the man’s chair. But he sensed my arrival, lifting his furry head. I immediately pressed my fingers against my lips to try to keep him quiet. His tail thumped once, but he returned to his resting position and I was able to breathe a sigh of relief.
From where I stood, I could see one side of Beckett’s face. He was tense as I’d always seen him, sitting up on the edge of his seat while talking to someone across from him. In the third seat was the attorney. Whatever was going on, this looked like a rather tense business meeting.
Maybe he’d already sold the house.
Jax shifted again, lifting his head just by a couple of inches. That forced me to slink behind the potted plants.
I forced myself to head to the bar, trying to maintain my cool the best I could. A glass of wine might help.
The bartender was nice, even a man I’d consider handsome, but he sensed immediately I wasn’t sitting at the bar for chitchat. I ordered and he simply placed a cocktail napkin in front of me. I took a few deep breaths, trying to booster my courage while the bartender yanked a bottle of wine from one of the shelves.
With the wine in front of me, I tried to go through the list of questions I’d developed for the tenth time, maybe more. It was impossible to ask everything that was necessary. I’d purposely left the file in the truck. While using it to prompt the right questions wasn’t a bad idea, I didn’t want him thinking I was talking to him because I had any interest in the money. I just didn’t. But I didn’t have a clue what I wanted.
A few minutes passed and I did my best to sip the wine even though I wanted to gulp it. A sudden prickle of electricity forced the hair to stand up on the back of my neck. I dared myself to swivel on the chair, doing so on the third mental prod.
Before I even had a chance to glance in Beckett’s direction, another white-hot lick of electricity coursed through me. As soon as I lifted my gaze, we locked eyes. For a few seconds, we were back in the cabin where no one else existed but the two of us.
Jax was now on full alert and the only movement Beckett made was to whisper something to his beloved companion. Jax didn’t seem willing to back down, almost standing before Beckett pressed his hand on the dog’s back.
He didn’t make a move to come any closer. He didn’t make a single gesture, finally leaning toward the men he was sitting with and saying something to them. When he rose to his feet, collecting his drink, I tensed in awaiting his arrival.
Jax greeted me first, nuzzling against my leg.
“Jax. No.”
Woof.
Jax wasn’t inclined to honor his master and I smiled hearing Beckett’s frustrated sigh. “He prefers to be treated like a human.” I don’t know why I’d bothered other than the memories flooding my mind. Hell, Jax hadn’t left my side for three full months, coming with me to work, to the grocery store. To the morgue. I’d wondered why he’d acted funny when we were both faced with the body bag. Now I knew.
“That so?” Beckett asked. His voice seemed deeper than before, perhaps more thoughtful. But there was no remorse or guilt that I could hear. That irritated the hell out of me.
“Yep. That’s so. Of course you wouldn’t care what others thought. Would you?”
The way he sighed again indicated his own frustration. We could easily get under each other’s skin and I had no desire to go easy on him.
He walked toward me slowly, his eyes never leaving mine. While he wore no expression, I could swear his eyes were twinkling as they’d done around me all those years before.
I wasn’t certain if I should stand so I remained right where I was. Why was it that there were so many emotions dyeing my anger with sadness? Why couldn’t I get a grip on the fact he was alive? Perhaps because in some ways it had been easier when he was considered dead. Then I’d been able to shelter my heart from him and everyone else.
When he was less than a foot away, he stopped. I didn’t know if he was waiting for me to say something to break the ice.
After a full thirty seconds, I couldn’t take the quiet or the tension any longer. “Beckett. Look what the cat dragged in. No offense, Jax.”
The pup snuffled.
He inched closer. Maybe as a reward for opening my mouth and addressing him. “Doc.”
Why did he feel the need to use the little nickname he called me? A full minute of unbridled tension passed and I couldn’t stand it. I was about ready to blow a gasket. “I received your kind offer.” My tone indicated anything but my thinking it was kind. “Not interested.”
Beckett had a way of staring anyone down. He could level a room with his gaze within two seconds flat of entering it. The way he was staring at me now created prickles on my skin. He finally snorted slightly and moved the closest barstool to the side so he could lean against the bar. “Is that all you have to say to me?”
The man did so love to challenge me. “Would you prefer I call you an asshole? Would you like me to explain to you why I’m not going to be bought?”
“Is that what you think is happening?”
“Yep. Answer my question,” I demanded. “Do you want me to explain things to you?”
“Maybe.”
“Fine. Then you’re a fucking asshole, buddy. You left. Poof. Disappeared. I thought your body had been broken, charred beyond recognition. While I know what you did you believed was the right thing to do, you have no clue what I had to endure. I got your fucking ashes because there was no one I could call because you’d been lying to me.”
I took a deep breath and he said nothing. Mr. Talkative strikes again.
“I can see how this is going to go. So I spread your ashes on the river one day. A nice spring day after the snow had thawed. I thought about doing so on the mountain, but couldn’t bring myself to go to the house. I thought you were dead. I’m curious whose ashes I so painstakingly sprinkled over rocks and moss. You certainly didn’t seem to care that all I felt I had in the world was Jax and he left me. My guess is you came back into town looking for your dog, but you couldn’t take the time to look me up, drop me a line. Nothing. All these years I’ve believed you dead. All these years I suffered. Do you have any clue how terrible it felt believing you lost your life to save mine?”
He breathed out and Jax whined a little, staring at his master as if encouraging the stoic asshole to say something. Anything.
He didn’t.
My God. The man was like a statue. “You have nothing to say?”
“Are you finished yet?” he gritted out, his jaw clenched.
“I think I am. I’ve said my piece. I don’t need or want your money, Beckett, and it’s obvious to me that you want nothing to do with your son. With all the money you have, I doubt I can stop you and the shark you have for an attorney from forcing me to allow you to see Brady, but I swear to you that if you try and take him away from me, I will find a way to destroy you.”
Yeah, right. As if that was possible.
The bastard smiled and I reacted instantly, slapping him directly across the face. I heard the ugly sound from the bartender who was obviously watching everything we were doing. Fuck him. Fuck his attorney.
Hell, at this point, fuck my life.
He grabbed my arm, tilting his head and shaking it slightly. “Now, can I say something?”
“Sure. Why not? What could you possibly tell me that would matter at this point?”
“That I did what I did to protect you. That had I known about Brady, it wouldn’t have changed anything. Until the threat was eliminated, I couldn’t risk what could happen to you. And it fucking killed me. It fucking. Killed me. Don’t you get it?”
“What’s there to get? You’ve never been honest with me. Your attorney was, in his attempt to make me think you’re a regular nice guy. I’m not buying it. I know what you’re capable of.”
His exhale was deep and rattled. “You’re right as you’ve been the entire time you’ve known me. I’m not a good man. I never lied about that. Not once. I’ve done three decent things in my life, the only deeds I’m proud of and I would do all of them all over again. Especially in protecting the woman I couldn’t stop thinking about, the one who haunted my dreams every night. I watched out for you, making sure no one hurt you. I would have killed any man who came into contact with you. Without hesitation. Without thinking. Without remorse. That’s how much I care about you and if you can’t see that, then go ahead and walk away. I won’t fight you for Brady, but I will care about my son. I will care about you whether you like it or not.”
“Bastard,” I whispered.
I could instantly tell he’d shut down once again.
Disgusted with myself more than anything, I jerked my purse from the bar, thankful I had some cash, so I didn’t need to wait for a credit card charge to go through. He continued the silent treatment as I tossed money across the surface and stood, glaring at him before attempting to walk away.
He snatched my arm, yanking me back and against his chest savagely.
“You’re not going anywhere, angel. I told you a long time ago, you’re all mine. I’ve come to collect.” He wrapped his hand around the back of my head and before I could object, he captured my mouth.
There was nothing like the taste of him and this time, his essence was even sweeter than it had been before. I was floored how much my body was trembling, but the anger I’d felt when exposed to the lie came rushing forward. I pummeled his chest with my fists, moaning into the kiss at the same time.
It was no use. The man was an immovable object.
He ground his hips against me, letting me know as he’d done so long ago what he wanted and how he felt about me. I was thrown by the intensity of our connection, the longing spiking as if it had never been lost.
After a few seconds, I no longer wanted to keep fighting him. I was far too stimulated, my pussy throbbing from his rough touch and the feel of being in his arms. The kiss was powerful, more so than I remembered. I found myself clutching my fingers around his shirt almost immediately after he thrust his tongue inside.
I was crazed with desire even though my mind continued to fight the man who’d left, the father of my only child. The swell of emotions was overwhelming, ridiculous tears forming in my eyes. How could I be so overwrought at this moment when the future of my beautiful, engaging child was at stake?
When he broke the kiss, we were both breathing heavily. He glanced at the bartender, nodding to the man as if there was some unspoken code they shared.
Jax barked once as if offering his approval. That brought me back to reality. “I can’t do this.” I tried to pull away.
He was having none of it, jerking me close all over again. “Too bad, Doc. I’ve waited four arduous years to see and touch you again. Tonight, you are mine.”
Then he grabbed my hand, intertwining our fingers together. Without asking me what I wanted or if I cared to listen to anything else he had to say, he took control.
Just like he’d done before.
Just like I’d craved then and had for four long years.
He led me from the bar, taking long strides.
There was no denying the man. He led me to the elevator, slamming his fist on the up button.
“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” I finally asked, still breathless from the incredible kiss.
His chest rose and fell, the elevator doors opening seconds later. He shoved me inside and against the back wall, giving me a stern look before leaning backwards and pressing the button for the fifth floor. Jax was right there, peering up at us with his tail wagging nonstop.
There was a demanding smile on Beckett’s face as he planted his palms on either side of my head. “Detaining you.”
“For what reason?” I was excited and tormented, my mind still fractured from the horrible events I’d been forced to endure. But seeing him again brought everything back. The passion. The longing. The bickering. The need. Push-pull. We were hot and cold, on fire and threatening to burn down the world from our crazed connection.
Dear God, I wanted to feel his touch on every inch of my body again.
“I think you know that answer. I missed everything about you, Mallory. Your laugh. The sound of your voice. Your gentle touch. The sweet taste of you. And driving my cock deep inside your tight pussy.”
“We can’t do this. I won’t do this.”
“Oh, no? Are you certain about that?” He crowded my space, lowering his head until our lips were almost touching again. “Tell me you don’t want me. Go ahead. If you do, I’ll let you go. You’ll never need to see me again.”
“You’re already leaving. I just can’t do this. Damn you!”
“Are you so certain about that?”
At this point, I wasn’t certain of anything. My mind was spinning and I knew I should tell him I wanted nothing to do with him. But his scent, the sound of his deep voice. His touch. The way he’d kissed me. The look in his eyes.
I was as lost in them as I was in the moment.
“I hate you,” I said and instantly regretted it. Of course it wasn’t true. I was overreacting, terrified I’d fall under the powerful spell he’d had me under before.
“Good. Keep hating me. Just tell me. Go ahead,” he chided.
I could barely breathe, my entire world turned upside down as it had been before. “I…”
“Come on, Doc. You can say it. Tell me you haven’t thought about me. Tell me you haven’t lain awake at night wishing you could return to the mountain. Go on.”
Butterflies were swarming my stomach and I was lightheaded. As I head the ping of the elevator reaching its destination, I knew I’d run out of time.
“I… can’t.”
“Meaning?” he pressed.
I couldn’t do this.
I needed him.
My heart wasn’t ready for any additional pain, yet just seeing the way he was looking at me, as if I was the only woman left in the world erased the long years, the hatred and fury. We were meant to be together.
No matter the consequences.
“Meaning I missed you. I need you. I want you. God, please fuck me.”
“That’s all I needed to hear.”