CHAPTER 8
May 2015
Samantha, age 24
Lively chatter, laughter, and the clinking of glasses filled the festively decorated pack party hall. We were celebrating my college graduation. My parents had flown out to California with Lainey and her family to join us and I was basking in the light and love of being happy, alive, accomplished, celebrated, and surrounded by loved ones. We'd come so far since we'd transferred into this pack. “I'm proud of you”, I whispered to my wolf, and I could feel her straighten and puff her chest out and I'd like to think that she was proud of me too. I didn’t feel very deserving of her pride sometimes, I felt like I was being too weak, too human at times.
Like last month, when I’d read online that Andrew had gotten engaged to a childhood friend – I spiraled right back down that hole that Brandon had pushed me into years ago. For no reason other than my own trauma, I started thinking that, even for Andrew, I had only been a placeholder, a second choice until his first choice became available, a temporary fling – completely disregarding how often my rational brain tried telling me that I had been the one to break up with Andrew, and that I had no idea what his history with his childhood friend looked like. On the bright side, it passed pretty quickly. The self-inflicted scars on my arms and legs healed in no time, and Andrew was shoved back into the same drawer as Brandon – one that I never opened voluntarily, labeled “romantic past”.
For me, even dwelling on happy memories inevitably lead to unintentionally snagging on a rusty nail and pulling a stitch, giving myself emotional tetanus in the process. Maybe in a couple more years I'd think back on my long romantic walks with Andrew and see them for what they truly were – a sweet, young, first, not too serious relationship. I was still uneasy if there were too many mated wolves around me – the nuzzling of the proudly paraded marks, all the sniffing, not to mention the heady scent of arousal in the air – I felt like a hungry beggar standing in front of a restaurant's glass front, gawking at the customers while they ate. That was why, once the slow dancing started, I quickly escaped to the terrace to enjoy the sunset and take some time for my gratitude exercise.
I wasn't the only one who’d had that idea. I'd never met the wolf standing on the terrace, but his face reminded me of someone I knew, so I carefully took in his features, trying to figure out who. He must have guessed what I was trying to do, so he just said: “Alpha Frank's brother.”.My surprise must have shown on my face, because he added, “ten years younger”.
“I didn't say anything,” I showed him both of my palms and smiled without baring my teeth. “Samantha.” He nodded, “James.” He smelled like freshly cut grass, I noticed, cataloging the scent in my mental filing cabinet. He shared his green eyes and brown hair with our Alpha, but the set to his mouth was different, more... disapproving somehow. And he was much taller and broader than his brother. If he was 10 years younger than the Alpha, that would probably put him somewhere in his thirties, but that was as good as I could guess shifter age. We were good-looking folk all around, and our bodies aged slower than humans.
“Am I interrupting something?” I asked, thinking maybe he stepped out for a phone call.
“Not really. This your party?” he asked, taking a sip of what looked like lemonade.
“Mhm,” I hummed while nodding.
“Frank told me you might be looking for a job,” he remarked casually and my ears perked up at that.
“Definitely. What kind of job were you thinking of?”
“I oversee the management of Redwood National and State Parks. I could always use qualified shifters on my staff.”
“So, a park ranger?”
“Basically, at least in the beginning. Part of it would be at the offices in Crescent City, but mostly you'd be in the Parks, doing tours, educational stuff with kids, and patrolling the territory since we’re basically a pack.”
“Is the staff all shifters?”
“The ones in the Parks, yes. Around 150 of them. The city office is just humans. Here's my card, send your application in when you find the time and we'll set up an interview.”
“Wow, I – thank you so much. That sounds like a wonderful opportunity, thank you,” I gave him an honest smile and his eyes softened a tiny bit. His mouth was still one step away from a scowl.
“I'm looking forward to your interview, Samantha,” he said and left the terrace.
???
Two weeks later, I was flying across California for my interview with the California Department of Parks and Recreation and the National Parks Service, so I kept nervously going over my notes, calming my breathing, telling myself that it would not be the worst thing in the world to lose this amazing opportunity that was everything I'd ever dreamed of. If living among humans had taught me anything, it was that I couldn't handle living among humans for longer periods of time. Maybe it was my upbringing, maybe it was my nature, I had no idea. College was an overall fun experience for me, but the synthetic smells, breathing in the pollution caused by traffic, so much concrete and so little greenery - all of that was difficult to bear as a shifter. If I had to continue living like that, spending 8 hours in an office every day, smelling toner and being choked by my coworker's shampoos and perfumes, while trying to remember not to use my claws to remove staples?! I'd go insane, probably. That was why I had to give my all to this interview, and I did.
It was an amazing interview, it was even fun – talking to people who had the same passion and vision as you was something one rarely got the opportunity to do so I stayed even longer than necessary just talking to the two wonderful women who’d interviewed me. After getting the green light from the Parks Department, I still had one more round of interviews left, this time with the Redwood Parks management, meaning James and his team. I was excited because they scheduled the interview in the actual Park! I'd never visited Redwood before and I was in awe just from the little piece that I'd managed to see on my way to the park headquarters.
The nice middle-aged she-wolf at the reception said: “The Alpha's expecting you,” and showed me to James' office.
Shit, they really were a pack. I quickly mentally went over our previous brief interaction to make sure I hadn't come across as disrespectful somehow, and luckily I hadn't. At least I thought I hadn't. Argh! No time to overthink! I knocked and, once he said “Come in”, made my way inside.
“Hello, Alpha James”, I said too quietly and, even to my ears, I sounded like a kid sucking up to a teacher at school. He laughed, shaking his head: “I see Bethany couldn't help herself. Please, call me James. If you insist on being formal, Mr. Woodward will do. This “Alpha” business is something wolves can’t let go of, as I am running operations here and that automatically screams “Alpha” to them. I, however, don't really see it that way, but also don't have the energy to discourage it, especially with older wolves. Anyways, welcome to Redwood, Samantha.”
“Thank you for the opportunity sir, I am so excited to be here. The Parks are even more beautiful in person, and it would be an honor to work here.”
I was really excited, in case you couldn't tell.
“I know that my colleagues from the Parks Department and the NPS did their due diligence while interviewing you, so I'll just ask one question – why do you want to work here, as a she- wolf?” he asked and leaned forward with his forearms on his desk, those green eyes fixed on mine, listening intently.
I thought for a moment, and then told him: “There isn't much untouched nature left for us anymore, not a lot of spaces where we can live the way we need to or be who we are, and I want to be part of the team that is protecting and taking care of those spaces. I also had a period during which,” here I needed to look away from those understanding eyes, “I spent a lot of time roaming the forest as a wolf, and I truly became one with nature then. It never left me, the sense of being connected to all living things, all of us coming from the same divine source. After that, I left for college and that cemented my decision of needing to be in nature as much as possible,” I laughed and he quickly caught on.
“The exhaust fumes?” he guessed.
I nodded and, wrinkling my nose, added: “And the perfumes.”
His eyes twinkled with amusement as he smiled at me.
“Well, that's what I like to hear. Let's fill out your paperwork then.”
I was stunned. I wasn't sure if I was hearing him correctly.
“Wait, that's it? I get the job, just like that?”
“Do you want me to ask you more questions, Samantha?” he looked like he was trying not to smile.
“No! I'm just... positively surprised. Happy even. Thank you,” I was wringing my hands in my lap, trying not to hop up and down in my chair while James was filling out some forms on his computer.
“Okay, I see Bethany has done most of this already, DOB, previous packs, okay, okay, I just need to know when you normally go into your yearly heat and your mating status information.”
That froze me in my tracks. I felt my fingers get cold and my insides started cramping uncomfortably. I cleared my throat, not trusting the lump in it: “Why is that necessary?” I asked coldly.
James must have sensed the change in my demeanor, because he looked up from the screen, and in a patient voice explained: “I need to know about your heat so I can immediately pencil you in for time off, or provide you with a heat-proof cabin if you don't want to travel back to your pack. As for the mating status, it's kind of an administrative issue – if a wolf is unmated, we make their contract a temporary one, seasonal or term, because they might find their mate at any point, and they are likely to leave with them unless the mate is qualified and willing to live and work here. On the other hand, mated wolves generally get permanent contracts, they need bigger housing, more major holidays off to spend with family, in case of pups they need insurance for them as well...” he trailed off, looking at me expectantly.
I summoned all my courage, while at the same time completely detaching myself from my emotional center, focused on a painting of a lake on the wall behind James because I didn't want to be looked at with pity during my job interview, and quietly said: “I go into heat around Thanksgiving.” Heat was brutally painful, and it got so much worse after finding your mate. Your body was basically trying to blackmail you into procreating, with the help of severe and repetitive pain. I remember crying and howling during my first heat after meeting my so-called mate, feeling abandoned and alone, let down by the male who was supposed to take care of me during those moments, the one who could take the pain away, if he wanted to. Not even the super-painkillers made specifically for shifters that my sister provided had helped. I cleared my throat and continued:
“As for my mating status, I'm afraid none of the two options apply to me. I’m not sure how to answer. I have met my mate 4 years ago, but he had a pregnant human fiancée he was still being intimate with, so I left him and my pack and came to live in your brother's pack. It's not a topic I like to revisit, I'm sure you understand. You can write in whatever you want and give me any type of contract you see fit.”
I couldn't see him, but I could feel the tension radiating off of him. When I dared tear my gaze away from the painting, James was looking down at his desk, lost in thought.
“I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking, I just went through the forms automatically. It wasn't my intention to,”
“Can we change the subject please?” I cut him off. I even mustered up a small smile, but he shook his head sadly and was about to say something before someone knocked on the door and a young man's head appeared.
“Alpha, is this her?” the newcomer said with a big smile. He smelled like green apples, and I filed the info away.
“Please, do come in, Carter,” James smiled back at him. “This is head ranger Carter Falk, also known as Beta Carter to Bethany and others.”
Carter playfully rolled his eyes and shook my hand.
“Nice to meet you, Samantha. Welcome to Redwood Pack, I mean Parks,” he joked. I immediately knew Carter would be really fun to be around, another plus for my already amazing new workplace. “Is she done here, boss?”
“She only needs to sign these,” James said as he handed me several sheets of contracts and other documents that he had printed out in the meantime. I blindly signed them all as fast as I could, I just wanted to officially become part of this magnificent place already.
“There you go, all done.” I said and stood up, wiping my palms against my pants.
“Carter will show you to the employee housing dorms, I imagine your flight back isn't until tomorrow?” he looked at me and I shook my head. “Good, you can stay there tonight, we have individual rooms in what you'd consider the “pack house”, but we also have log cabins available throughout the Parks territory – you'll stay at those when you're assigned to patrol different areas for days at a time. Other than that you'll live in the room Carter will show you. In the pack house we also have a kitchen, lunch hall, cafeteria, gym, and other facilities, Carter can give you the details. When can you move in?”
“Next week would be ideal for me, I need to fly back to Alpha Frank's pack, load my stuff into my car and then make the 8-hour drive, so that should be feasible,” I mused.
“Excellent, I'll get Bethany to complete the necessary paperwork, and don't forget to submit your receipts for the moving expenses to her as well and we'll see that you get reimbursed for those.”
“Thank you Al- I mean, sir, Mr. Woodward,” I said haltingly and the two of them looked at each other and almost laughed, while I groaned and then actually laughed. “Okay, whatever, sir, thank you so much, I’ll see you next week then!” I said cheerfully and extended my hand to him. This was business, after all. His hand was warm, calloused, and much larger than mine.
“See you next week, Samantha.”
Carter led me to the pack house, and we talked the whole way there. He had a mate, Ashley, who also worked as a park ranger. They’d met while studying at CU Boulder. He was the youngest of three, which explained a lot. He was originally from Colorado, and by the time we got to my room I had exercised some laughing muscles in my stomach that had been inactive for years.
“Oh shoot, I forgot to ask him about the main office work. I was told I'd need to go to Crescent City occasionally, how does that work?” I asked Carter.
“I'm not 100% sure, since I don't go myself aside from quarterly meetings, but I think you'd go with the Alpha once a month, he normally stays in the city for a week. There is a Parks Department owned apartment he stays in, and it's basically a bunch of meetings and reports from what I've gathered from his complaining,” he chuckled.
“Oh, you know how our kind loves sitting around in stuffy offices, I'll be complaining too, Carter, and you better deal with it,” I threatened playfully.
That night at dinner I met most of the pack, and all of them were extremely nice. James came to dinner as well, looking freshly showered and as serious as the first time I'd seen him. I tried observing his interactions with the rest of the pack to gain some insight into their dynamic but could not do so in a stealthy way. Besides, people kept coming up to me to talk so I tried simply enjoying the newness of it all. This was a new beginning, and both me and my wolf were excited. Before bed, while mentally going over my day, I remembered the pang of pain I had felt when asked about my mate, and I briefly wondered what James was about to say before Carter interrupted us.