Chapter 23
ONE WEEK LATER
“. . . his question was one we might pose ourselves today. When we think about how people treat us, cuss us out, use us, talk about us, and all the variations of how we can be offended, we might easily find ourselves posing the same question that Peter did. ‘Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?’ Jesus said to him, ‘I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times.’ Can you imagine someone slapping you in the face repeatedly and you having to forgive them over and over again? I know that some of you might say, Pastor French, you’ve lost your mind.
“But that’s exactly what Christ calls us to do.
Forgive over and over again. Now, I’m not saying be a fool, but as long as you have people around you, they’re going to make mistakes.
Eventually, you need to separate yourselves from the person, but if you’re in a situation where you cannot, then forgive.
Your mother, father, sister, brother, spouse, grandma, co-worker, boss.
Forgive. There are times when you need to exit the situation, so use spiritual discernment when it’s time to exit stage left.
“I’m not telling you to remain in an abusive situation or a controlling one, but I am saying forgive.
Even if you have to leave, you need to forgive.
The world says you should forgive because it’s for you and not the offender.
But the Word of God says that if you forgive others of their trespasses, then your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you don’t, then neither will He. So what will you choose today?”
I glanced at Ashton, and I wondered if he was thinking about Zoe.
I was thinking about Darius and the hurt he heaped on me with his cold words and brutal actions.
I chewed on my bottom lip wondering what that would look like.
I knew that didn’t mean that he had to be in my life again, but what did it mean?
I believed that it meant I would be empowered, free of the shame of not being able to conceive, and open to truly experiencing love again without the worry of being hurt.
I glanced at Ashton again, and he smiled at me.
Our fingers were interlocked, and he brought them up to his lips and kissed my knuckles.
“I love you,” he whispered.
“I love you more.”
“Impossible,” he whispered back. I smiled and turned my attention back to the pastor.
We sat quietly throughout the rest of the sermon, and when the service was over, Ashton introduced me to some of his church family.
There were other celebrities in the congregation, so they treated him like a regular person.
We stood at the end of a long line of people who wanted to speak with the pastor and first lady.
When it was finally our turn, Ashton introduced me.
“Pastor French, remember the young lady I was telling you about?”
“I know Chanel Dubois. Well, I don’t know her, but I watch her all the time, and I enjoy your take on the sports,” the pastor declared.
“Thank you, Pastor French.”
“You’re welcome. Do you two mind stepping in my office so that I can have a word with you?” he asked.
Ashton glanced at me, and I nodded. “Sure.”
We followed the pastor and his armor-bearer back to the pastor’s office. The armor-bearer excused himself and closed the door behind him.
We took a seat in two burgundy velvet covered armchairs near a fireplace. The pastor sat in one slightly larger opposite ours.
“You two have been the focus of plenty of attention on social media and in the sports world lately. Sometimes, attention can be good or bad, and sometimes, it’s what we make of it.
What I mean by that is, some people want attention, no matter if it’s good or bad, because they can take the bad and turn it into good.
What are you two going to do with all this attention? ”
“Pastor, honestly, I’m good with letting it die down. That’s what usually happens in these situations,” Ashton explained.
“Meanwhile, I’ve been hiding out and making posts as time permit online to distract from the negative.”
“May I pray over you two?” Pastor French asked.
Again, Ashton squeezed my hand and looked to me. I knew he wasn’t looking at me to make the decision, but to ensure that he understood what I wanted, and we were aligned. I loved how he respected my feelings too.
“I would love that.”
He reached out his hands and grabbed both mine and Ashton’s.
“Holy Father, we come humbly before You on this glorious day, oh Merciful One.
We thank You for keeping Your faithful hands upon us and bringing us to this day.
We praise You because You are good, patient, loving, and kind.
You bless us with peace and strengthen us to go through the hardships of life.
Oh, blessed Lord, these two have encountered obstacles that they cannot make it through in their own strength.
“And while we know that these trying times will always come, we thank You that trials test our faith, and the testing of our faith produces perseverance. Lord, we thank You that they are able to see light, even through the darkness. You are that light, Father. These are Your children, oh Heavenly Father, and they need You. They have both had failed marriages, and they have both endured hurt. I pray to You that they are able to see their ex-spouses as You see them, as Your children. Even as You have forgiven their ex-spouses, Lord, place it in Ashton’s and Chanel’s hearts to forgive them as well.
“When they are able to forgive, then they are able to freely love. In You is love, oh Gracious One. Help them to tap into Your love that they may be whole and complete for each other. For Lord, You have shown me what is to be. You have confirmed to me that these two shall become one, and the things that they thought were impossible, You will show them is possible. You shall not only bless them, but You will bless their seed as well.”
I jolted when Pastor French placed his hand on my belly, but a warmth sprouted throughout me as though I stood in front of an oven. I knew it had nothing to do with the fireplace we sat in front of, but it was something spiritual.
“Father, we thank You for what has been, what is, and what is to come. We praise You that in all Your glory and goodness, oh Mighty One, You have been endowed with wisdom and understanding, and You use it for the good of others and to bring glory to Your name. Glorify Your name, Almighty God, as You let Your will be done. Amen.”
“Amen,” Ashton and I whispered at the same time. When I opened my eyes, the pastor smiled knowingly at me. “Your barrenness is healed, child.”
I swung my gaze to Ashton and glared at him, but he looked as shocked as I did. “Pastor, how . . . how did you know that?” he asked Pastor French.
“The Lord showed me what has been and what will be.” He glanced at his watch and slapped his thighs. “I have another meeting that I’m late for. You two, go forth and be blessed. I will see you back soon, and hopefully, it will be for premarital counseling and a christening.”
He stood in a dismissive nature, and Ashton and I both stood too.
He took my hand and led me out of the pastor’s office.
Another couple stood outside of the door waiting as they joked with the armor-bearer.
I didn’t say a word, even as we rode home in silence.
I absorbed the feeling that I had felt when the pastor touched my belly and pondered on that feeling.
“Y’all are too cute together though,” Ashton’s sister, Corinna, declared, pulling her fork from her mouth and pointing it at us.
We were sitting in his family room, and his siblings and Tommi had joined us for a late evening dessert.
We had gone to his parents’ house for dinner, and my parents and Aunt Carlotta and her new man had joined us there.
But after dinner, his siblings and Tommi had followed us back to his house.
I was sitting on Ashton’s lap, playing with his long curls. “Thank you,” I replied to Corinna before I kissed Ashton on the forehead. He wrapped his arm around me tighter as he leaned back in the chair.
“So, when are the nuptials?” Giorgio, Ashton’s brother, asked.
“Damn, I just got divorced. Why you rushing me down the aisle so soon?” Ashton asked.
“Because I know your ass,” Giorgio teased.
“You don’t know me like that. Don’t get me wrong. I love my baby, but we’ve decided to take it slow.”
“Slow, but she’s at your house every day,” Tommi declared.
“Mind ya bizness, ma,” I teased, sticking my tongue out at my cousin.
“I’m just saying.”
“Tommi, I got a buddy I can hook you up with,” Ashton teased.
“I’m good on that. I’ve got a man,” she replied, sticking her tongue out at him.
“Hey, keep that tongue in your mouth, missy. The only tongue he needs to be seeing is mine,” I shot back.
“Ooohh, let me find out you’re a ‘my man, my man, my man gworl!’” Corinna chirped, kissing her husband, Jason.
I turned around and wrapped my arms around Ashton’s neck. I pressed my forehead against his, whispered, “I love you, baby,” and kissed him deeply.
“On that note, it’s time to roll,” Ashton’s sister-in-law, Nicole, declared.
“Why?” Giorgio asked.
“They want some alone time, and I would like some of my own, if you know what I mean,” she stated with a wink.
“We’ll see you guys after church next week. Our place next time,” Giorgio stated as he jumped up and grabbed his phone and keys.
Before any of us could say a word, he had snatched his wife out of the room.
“Well, that’s our cue to leave, too, baby,” Jason stated, standing and stretching. He reached back down and pulled Corinna up.
“I guess I won’t be the odd man out. I’ve got some place I need to be too,” Tommi professed with a wink at me.
“Bye, guys,” I called out, waving a hand.
“Lock up after yourselves,” Ashton called out before he buried his face in my neck.
I moaned and stretched my legs out. With my head on the armrest of the couch, my ass on his lap, and my legs stretched out down the rest of the couch, he slid his hand underneath my long-sleeved T-shirt.
“Mm.” I moaned as he rubbed one of my Cbrs. It made me tense up and sent a flood of desire through my body. I loved when he played with my nipple piercings. My nipples were already sensitive, but when he toyed with the Cbrs, it was a major turn on for me.
His hand slid back down to burrow into my leggings. “Hold up, baby. I’ve been waiting for them to leave for a reason,” I declared, tugging his hand out of my pants and sitting up.
“Come on.” He groaned and smacked his forehead. I moved to the fireplace and reached inside of an empty vase and removed a few index cards.
“What’s that?”
“A game.”
“I don’t want to play a game, baby. I’m trying to get me some.”
“And you will. But first things first,” I demanded, dropping down onto his lap.
I shifted the index cards and felt his chin resting on my shoulder. “What’s this?”
“It’s a game. It’ll help us get to know each other intimately better without having sex.”
“Damn, that don’t sound like a fun time to me.”
“It is,” I replied, laughing and shoving him on the shoulder. “These are your set of questions, and here are mine.”
He stared at the card for several long seconds. “You’re being forced to choose one sex position the rest of your life, what is it?”
“Ohh! Easy. Doggy style.”
“Nasty ass,” he grumbled.
I laughed. “Why I gotta be nasty?”
“I don’t know. That’s what I’m trying to figure out.”
“You like it though,” I stated, kissing his lips.
He opened his mouth and slid his tongue into my mouth. I pulled back. “My turn. If you’re with your parents watching a movie and a sex scene comes on, what do you do?”
“Try to find a woman so I can emulate that position.”
“Ash!” I shouted and smacked him in the chest. He chuckled and wrapped his arms around me. “What, baby? What you want me to say?”
“Gah! You’re impossible.”
“Whatever. What’s your love language?”
“Ooh, that’s a good one, baby. Physical touch and words of affirmation.”
“Like this?” he asked, running his hand underneath my T-shirt again.
“Mm, yes,” I replied.
“You’re so beautiful, kind, and loving. You’re a strong woman who inspires other young ladies like you. You show that there’s no obstacle you cannot overcome, and your faith is strong.”
“Ohh, baby. Thank you.”
“Now can I get some?”
I hit him on the shoulder. “Ash, quit playing.”
“I’m serious.”
“What’s your love language?” I asked, changing the subject.
“Acts of service and quality time.”
“Mm. I like that for you. If you had to describe our romance in one word, what would it be?”
“Intense.”
“Yeah, I agree with that. I love the way that you love and protect me. You have an all-consuming love that not only inspires passion inside of me, but it also intensifies my desire for you. I don’t want that to ever change.”
“We’ll work hard to make sure that it doesn’t, girl.”
He closed his eyes and set the card aside. Dropping his head back, he sighed.
“Ash, what’s on your mind, baby?”
“I know we said we’d take things slow, but I want you around me. All the time. I’m not asking for your hand in marriage, yet.”
“No, I get that. It’s too soon after your divorce. But what are you asking?”
“I want you to move in with me. If this house doesn’t work for you, I’ll sell it, and we can find a new place together.”
“How about you slow down?”
“No, Chanel, I’m serious. I want you and me together.
I want you in my arms at night when I lay down, feeling your breath against my face, and you lying on my chest, listening to my heartbeat.
I want to wake up in the morning and watch the sun rise and shine through the curtains on your face.
I want us sitting at the island, on the couch, in the bed eating dinner together. ”
I hopped up and straddled him. Taking his face in my palms, I leaned forward. “I want that too.” I kissed his lips, and he wrapped his arms around me, pulling me closer. When I pulled back, I replied, “On one condition.”
“What’s that?”
“I keep my penthouse apartment. I’m not ready to sell it yet.”
“Scared you might have to leave me and return there?”
“No. I was thinking about keeping it for my office, a separate place to handle business.”
I had moved out of the original apartment building and into another one immediately after Shaniece was killed.
I hadn’t felt comfortable returning to my old apartment, even though she was dead.
I knew that the building wasn’t secure, and knowing that my safety could be compromised like that terrified me.
“I think we can make that happen, baby. Just tell me what you need.”
“Just love me.”
“You already know, baby.”