Prologue #2
“Listen, you little faggot.” That word rattles through me more than all the rest of the names he’s ever called me. “You tell anyone you saw us in here, and you’ll end up in a body cast. Understood?”
His spit hits my cheek as I’m tossed back onto the floor. My tailbone feeling the hit, knowing I’m going to be left with a bruise to go along with all the others. “Now, get the fuck out, faggot. Run along to where the losers belong.”
I crawl back over to my bag, fighting back the stupid, weak tears in my eyes.
I quickly grab my things and make a run for it before he does worse.
He let me off easy today. But I think he was afraid Coach would walk in and catch him in the act.
From now on, I’ll be spending my lunch period in the library.
I’ll never cross him again or he’ll make things worse for me.
* * *
As soon as the final bell rings, I charge down the hall toward the exit, tucking tail like the scared little coward I am, praying I’m fast enough and can get out of the building without another run-in with the monster.
As soon as I’m tucked inside my vehicle, I lock the door, breathing a giant sigh of relief.
But it’s not until I’m out of the school parking lot, pulling onto the main road, halfway to my house that the knot in my gut slowly starts to unclench, giving me my first reprieve since the moment I woke up this morning.
Another day down and just sixty-one more to go.
Then I’m free from hell. No more sleepless nights and waking up with a pit of anxiety in my stomach.
No more watching over my back every step of the day.
No more pain. No more working double time and living in fear that I’m going to get caught doing Hunter’s work. No more lying to my mother.
Every time I have to look her in the eye and come up with another excuse for why I’m limping, it pains me with guilt.
I wonder if once I’m in college the nightmares will stop too. Waking up in a sweat. Tears streaming down my cheeks. Having to run to my mother’s room to make sure it was just a dream, making sure she’s still breathing. Hunter’s threat is always in the back of my mind.
“If you ever rat me out again, I will kill your mom. I’ll cut her brake lines and she’ll end up wrapped around a telephone pole.
” Hunter knew exactly what to say to keep me quiet.
To keep me locked under his thumb. But as soon as he’s halfway across the country, too busy with his football team and frat parties, and I’m no longer living in the same town as his family, it will all be over.
I pull into my driveway, ready to lock myself in front of my computer for a few hours and shut it all off.
Hunter’s homework is finished and sent to his email, so I only have half the load to complete tonight.
My work can wait until later, after Mom gets home.
Right now, I need a distraction from the hate loop running on repeat.
Loser. Faggot. Waste of space. God, you’re so pathetic. No wonder your dad ran out on you. He couldn’t handle having a weak little twink as a son. Your poor mom. She had no clue she gave birth to a girl. Or maybe she did since you don’t have a set of balls.
“You are one stupid little faggot.”
My shoulders brace as I shut my car door, the panic slamming into my chest. The monster is here.
Coming right for me. And the look in his eyes is shaking me to the bones.
I don’t understand why he’s here. He’s supposed to be hanging in the parking lot with all his football buddies, ogling girls and making crude jokes. What is he doing here?
“You know…” He tsks his tongue, his huge bulking frame stalking closer—ripping away the feeling of safety with each heavy step.
“I thought you had learned a lesson. I thought you knew to keep your mouth shut and to stay out of my fucking way. Your one and only job is to do my fucking work and maintain my grades.”
I try to swallow down the nerves creeping up my throat, threatening to empty the contents of my stomach, but I can’t.
“It’s quite simple, yet you still haven’t gotten it. For being the smartest kid in our class, you’re stupid as shit. And now, you’re going to pay for that stupidity.”
I take a step back, but he follows.
“I’m sorry I was in the locker room.” I shake my head, my wimpy plea making me sicker.
I truly am pathetic. “I just didn’t want to get caught doing your assignment in the library and I figured no one would be in the locker room during lunch.
I won’t ever go in there again. I promise.
” By the look on his face, he doesn’t believe my lie.
“Our locker room is for boys, not little girls who cry like babies.” I feel a tear slipping down my cheek, proving his point. “That’s not why I’m here though, and you know it. You meddled in my fucking business and screwed things up for me.”
He reaches out, and my neck is suddenly locked in the vice grip of his hand.
“You know what Hannah said to me when I asked her if she’d let me take her out on a date tonight.
” His hot breath hits my cheek as his fingers tighten their hold, cutting my air off completely.
“She said she wasn’t going to go out with a guy who probably bet his friends he could take her virginity.
” His head tilts to the side and my lungs start to burn as they fight for a gasp of air.
“Now, where the fuck would she have gotten that impression?”
It wasn’t me. I didn’t say anything. After thinking it through all afternoon, I chose to be a fucking coward and decided I wasn’t going to write the letter.
I’m too damn afraid to stand up for someone else when I can’t even stand up for myself.
So it had to be one of his friends who told her.
Or else she figured it out on her own. Hannah’s a smart girl and everyone knows Hunter’s reputation at school.
He hasn’t shown a lick of interest in her up until today, so she probably read right through his agenda.
I fight to shake my head against his hold but it’s of no use. It doesn’t matter what I say anyway. His mind is set. Even if he believed I was innocent, I’d still be the target for his anger. He never stops. And he’s never going to stop until I’m gone from this place.
“The only one who would’ve known about my little wager was the eavesdropping faggot who was hiding out in the locker room like a pathetic little coward.
I was wondering why you hadn’t been spending your lunch in the library.
Now I know it’s because the little wimpy scaredy cat was too afraid.
You were trying to hide from me, but there’s no place you can hide. ”
I should’ve hidden in the shower. I should’ve ignored the mildew smell and the pubes sticking to the wall and just hidden behind the curtain, but I falsely believed I was safe in there.
I thought they’d be afraid to get in trouble with their coach.
But he’s right, I’m not safe anywhere. And every time I’ve tried to escape his wrath, he’s made things worse for me.
Everything’s starting to grow dark. The lack of oxygen is finally taking its toll.
Just as the last bit of my vision starts to fade, I’m suddenly released.
Shoved against the side of my car, feeling my spine hit the hard metal.
And then…it all becomes a blur. My nose breaking, my jaw cracking.
My ribs. My sides. Stomach. Everything blasting with sharp pain.
My body taking punch after punch. Kick after kick.
When the blackness starts to creep back in, I welcome it.
I grab on to it and pull it closer, wanting to be taken under.
Wanting it all to stop. And then…I’m falling.
Sinking into the dark abyss. A place where the pain doesn’t exist. A place where the fear doesn’t dwell.
A place hovering between life and death. Death feeling safe.
But once again, death doesn’t take me. I resurface to the sound of a machine beeping. To the feeling of my head throbbing with a massive headache. My body weak and hurting. And there’s a fire burning across my face.
“Oh, Spencer, honey. You’re awake.” The sound of my mother’s voice tugs me closer to the surface of hell. “Nurse. He’s awake,” she calls out louder.
I finally try to open my eyes, but they don’t budge. It’s not the swelling hindering them from opening, it’s a bandage wrapped around my head. “Spencer, sweetie. Oh my God. I was so worried. Are you okay? Spence, you have to tell me who did this to you. Whoever hurt you is going to pay for this.”
Who did this to me? The same person who’s been doing this since the first week of my freshman year of high school.
His name is on the tip of my tongue until I think about my mom, the only parent I have left.
The image of her laying in a coffin flashes in my mind, and that’s when my attacker’s name tucks itself back into the darkness and I shake my head.
His father is the biggest attorney in the state.
It’s Hunter’s word against mine. And when he gets let off scot-free, my mother will pay for my crime.
I can’t let that happen. I’ll never let that happen.
“I didn’t see them, Mom. They hit me from behind. I don’t know who did this to me.”