Chapter 30
brOOKE
Roy stopped on my sidewalk. His mouth opened, but nothing came out. Then he shut it, and clenched his jaw.
I tried to suck in enough breath to have this conversation with him. I can’t believe I almost went off with someone who might be unstable. Maybe I was crazy because my mom would probably be proud of what I’d almost done.
“Why, sugar?” Roy said carefully, glancing between me and Casey.
“You’ve killed before.” I tipped my chin up. Now was not the time to start crying, but it was really hard not to.
God, I’d been so stupid. I should’ve run fast and far the moment I realized he’d killed those guys in the parking garage.
Oh wait. I had.
But then he’d shown up here at my house–that was another flag that had been beyond red–and I’d ignored every one of them along the way because he’d saved my life.
I’d been in fight or flight mode with a drug dealer trying to kill me, so I’d selectively omitted the part about Roy also being a killer and latched onto him.
He’d been the safer of the two options. He wanted to screw me–not kill me.
But that didn’t mean he wouldn’t turn violent in the future the moment things didn’t go right with us.
He didn’t look surprised that I’d found out. In fact, all he did was nod. “Yeah. More than once. I killed for my country. I killed as a soldier.”
“Did you also kill your commanding officer?” Casey asked. “It seemed pretty well covered up, but I have a friend with security clearance. She did a background check on you.”
Roy scrubbed a hand across his face. “Yeah. It’s true. Do you…do you want to hear what happened?”
My head wobbled on a nod.
He tucked his hands in his pockets, as if he did it to keep himself from reaching for me. “There were these deaths on my last tour. Local Afghani women. They were raped and tortured.”
I blinked.
“W-what?” I asked, stunned. “He–”
“I had my suspicions,” Roy replied, with a nod.
“I have a nose for shit that doesn’t smell right.
I thought my commanding officer was responsible.
So I followed him one night. I found him torturing a woman and–well, you don’t need to know that part.
I guess I…shoulda brought him in, but I stopped him, and then we fought, and I, uh… well, I killed him.”
“Oh.”
He’d killed in the heat of the moment to save a woman. That was…heroic. Like he’d been with me.
Who knew what else I didn’t know about him. Clearly, he had a history of violence. I had to walk away before I got any deeper. Before I got to another state, and I lost myself. It was a fling, nothing more. I lost track for a moment… that, that’s all it was. Two days. I knew him for two days.
Roy remained on the sidewalk, like he understood that coming closer would feel like a threat. “I would never hurt you, sugar.” His voice had gone softer, but his gaze was intense. “I’m wired to protect. I do know the difference between right and wrong.”
I believed him, but it didn’t matter. I wasn’t going to change my mind. I vowed to myself–and told Casey to even remind me–that I would stay smart when it came to relationships.
“I-I can’t do this,” I said. “I was being rash. I rushed into things with you, and it was a mistake.”
Roy winced, hurt clearly scrawled across his handsome face. “A mistake?” he echoed.
I gave a tiny nod.
“I know we’re not a mistake. I think you know it, too.” He touched a place on his shoulder indicating where he marked me. Reminding me of what we’d shared.
It only made me realize how dick dazzled I’d been. I let him mark me after such a short time. And marked? I got bitten by a shifter. Taking two seconds to think about it, it was insane! It just brought home how different our worlds were. I couldn’t jump into a life with him.
God, I almost forgot everything.
“It doesn’t matter,” I whispered. “It’s not enough.”
After a minute, he simply nodded. “If you need some space right now, I understand.” He took a couple of steps back.
My breath was strangled in my throat. I shouldn’t feel more afraid about him leaving, but for some reason, the anxiety ratchetted higher.
I forced some words over my frozen lips. “Yeah, I need space.” I shook my head. “I mean, I need more than space. You should go back to Montana. I don’t want this.”
There. I’d sent him home. I should feel better now.
This pain in my chest should be lessening.
Except it wasn’t.
Even if what he said was true, and he was perfectly safe for me, I was not going to be like my mom, who didn’t properly vet any of the men she moved in with and then married. I’d known him for two days, and for most of it, I’d had drug dealers trying to kill me. I hadn’t been thinking rationally.
Now I was. I wasn’t going to put myself in a situation where I depended on a man and had to try to make a bad thing work for my survival.
I had a safe career. A sturdy job. Sure, it might be a little boring–besides the whole money laundering thing–but it was one I could count on.
I’d never be like Mom scraping by because she had no job skills or career.
Me moving to Montana would be crazy. Even if I trusted Roy completely, it was insane to become completely dependent on a man. Besides my job, I had a life here.
It was a bad idea.
Epically bad idea. I knew exactly how that played out with my mother. Like my mom following a guy to Florida she’d only known for a few days.
Thank God Casey had shown up to talk some sense into me.
Still, I couldn't breathe. It felt like I was having a panic attack. The pain on Roy’s face registered like an icepick screwing into my chest.
I forced my wobbling head to nod. “You should go.”
“But–”
“Please, Roy.”
He stared at me, misery marking every feature on his face. He looked like he wanted to say something then changed his mind. He rubbed the back of his neck. “Okay.”
The tears poured from my eyes, hot and salty. I pressed my lips together, turned around and ran into the house.
Oh God, why was I so upset? I should be glad I dodged a bullet. Real ones on Friday and yesterday. And one big lumberjack sized one today.
It felt like I’d left my heart out there on the sidewalk–a barely beating, bloody mess.