Chapter 19
Alyssa blinked, her mind reeling. She was straddling his lap, her core already wet as he ground against her. But this time when he tightened his thighs, she lifted up to gain some distance.
“You’re saying I have to choose now? You for life or not at all? That’s crazy. We’ve been together for what? Twenty hours?”
He swallowed and she could feel him struggling to control himself. His muscles were tight with tension and his eyes seemed to burn into hers. But when he spoke, he kept his voice level.
“That’s the way it is with my kind. We just lock in. And when we do, it’s for life.”
“So I have to pick, right now.” It wasn’t a question, she was just repeating his words until they made sense to her. “Or you’ll what? Stalk me? Lock me in a basement somewhere?”
He closed his eyes and breathed through his nose. “I’m trying to give you a choice, Alyssa. I’m afraid it may already be too late.”
God, he was serious. How many nights had she gone to sleep imagining this? Not this conversation, but him telling her he loved her. He needed her. And could they be together forever? Except that wasn’t what he was saying. He was telling her he’d stalk her if she refused him. Unless she bolted now.
Which is when she figured out the truth. And once she understood, she didn’t hold back.
“You are so full of shit.”
He reared back, startled enough that he bared his teeth. But she didn’t give him the chance to talk. Instead she started ticking off his excuses on her fingers.
“You’re an animal. Your mother left you because you’re a bear. The Griz are coming to kill you. You’re a crazy stalker. Have I missed anything? Hell, Simon, you’ve pulled out every excuse you can think of to push me away. What’s next? You don’t put down the toilet seat down? What a load of crap!”
She pushed back from her position. It took some time, especially since his hands were gripping her thighs like vises. But she forced the issue and he released her. Even as the air between them cooled, her heart was hammering in her throat.
“I want you,” she said even though she was still backing away. “The whole thing. Church wedding and kids. I want to raise a family the way I’m raising up this building and maybe even the neighborhood. One upgrade at a time. One family at a time.”
He swallowed, his gaze wary. “I might be able to do that,” he said softly. “Many of my kind do.”
“But I have to decide now? Doesn’t that feel a little crazy to you?” She leaned into his space. “I thought you didn’t feel for me. You denied our relationship, said I was your assistant—”
“I was trying to give you space. Time to decide—”
“Bullshit. You’re running scared. Because this is happening so fast and neither of us can keep up. So you’re trying to scare me away.”
His cheeks flushed and she knew she had scored a hit. But his jaw was locked hard and a moment later, he pinned her with an angry glare.
“The danger is real,” he said.
“I know!” And she did. But that wasn’t going to send her running from the most amazing man she’d ever met. “And yeah, I might have to think a while about it. You know, after things settle down. But I’ve handled everything so far and haven’t turned tail. So why are you?”
His expression tightened and his gaze slid away.
“My father locked in on my mother young. She was only seventeen. That’s rare, but he’s a strong shifter and it happened.
She didn’t know anything about shifters, but he pursued her like she was nirvana.
He was devoted to her. Desperate as only my kind can get. And in the end, he bowled her over.”
His voice was hoarse as he spoke, and she knew he was talking from a place of fear because he wouldn’t meet her eyes. So she settled on the coffee table and tried to listen with both her heart and her eyes. “That sounds nice. Like he…um…loved her.”
He softened his tone. “It was love, I think. He loved her obsessively, at least. But she was young and timid.” He shook his head. “She had no idea how to stare down a bear and win.” His expression turned bleak. “He terrified her.”
She touched the back of his hand and it felt like ice. “She couldn’t have been that scared. She had two kids with him. You were a teenager when she finally left.”
He nodded. “There were good times, but then Dad lost his job. Started drinking.” He glanced at her. “Alcohol is a bad idea for shifters. Always.”
“Because they lose control. But you don’t need to be half bear to be an asshole drunk.”
He looked at his hands. “She left and nobody blamed her. Not even my dad. But it destroyed him. He couldn’t find her and that made him insane.
She must have been planning it for a while.
” He leaned back against the couch, his body tense even though he seemed to flop there.
It was in the way his hands clenched on his thighs and his neck tightened as if he were forcing out the words.
“You’re afraid I’m going to bail like she did. I’m not. Because you’re not your drunken father. And I’m nothing like your mother.”
She wanted to touch him, to hold him. Except the moment she started to lift off the coffee table, he stopped her.
“Don’t,” he said and there was enough pain in his voice that she froze.
“But—”
“You can’t. Not until you decide.” He looked at her, pain in his eyes. “I need to know you’re not going to change your mind.”
She stared at him, anger mixing with all the other emotions churning inside her.
The man was giving her an ultimatum. Stay forever or don’t touch me at all.
They’d been together for less than two days.
Fortunately, she could focus on her anger and not face the fact that she hadn’t exactly bared her soul either.
“I don’t know how you can be so incredibly strong and so whiny at the same time!” she huffed.
His head snapped up at her tone and his brows drew together. Good. Let him get pissed. Let them have a good rip-roaring fight because that was better than this quiet agony. But he wasn’t a man to break easily. He didn’t speak, so she poked at him again.
“You’ve got everything Simon. You’re smart, powerful, and you just got control of a clan of bear-shifters. And yet you sit there miserable because you can’t decide what you want. Boo-hoo, it’s a dangerous life. Boo-hoo, I’m a dangerous man.”
“I’m trying to protect you,” he growled.
She was getting to him. Good. She pushed harder.
“I don’t need your protection! I make my own choices. And here it is: I’m not committing to a man who’s too afraid to say he loves me.”
His eyes widened and his jaw worked. It took him two tries before words came out. And when they did, they were so hot, they burned her with hunger, with fear, and with flat out lust.
“I want you, Alyssa. Because you fight me and you don’t run.
Because you’re sexy and smart. But you’re so fucking stubborn, too!
You run your own business, you run your own brother, and you’re not going to surrender to me easily.
You’re going to tease me and drive me fucking crazy while I pant after you.
But I’m dangerous, Alyssa. And I’m alpha to a dangerous clan.
And if you push me any harder, I’m going to take you and never let you go. Is that what you want? Is it?”
Yes. A thousand times, yes. But damn it, he hadn’t said he loved her.
She knew it was stupid of her, but she wanted love.
She’d had men after her before. Rich ones, smart ones, slick ones.
She’d refused them all because they’d loved themselves way more than they loved her.
She needed Simon to love her because she already knew she was head over heels for him. She had been for years.
But there wasn’t any softness in him now. No tenderness that gave her hope that he had such an emotion in him. He was all logic and brutal animal necessity. It wasn’t like she was asking for candy and roses. The words would be enough, but only if he said them.
So she took a deep breath. She smelled his scent, felt his heat, and let the strength of her desire make her bold.
“Do you love me, Simon?”
His eyes widened in surprise and maybe yearning. He stared at her while her heart thrummed in her throat. “Alyssa—” he began, but her name was drowned out.
A boom reverberated through the building. An explosion that made her furniture jump and her body reel. It tore through her body and his, but he was the one who reacted. His head jerked up even as his hands kept her steady. And then he abandoned her to rush to the door.
“Simon?”
“Get your gun.”