33. Ciar
33
CIAR
“ I can’t do this.” Zoe’s whisper cuts through the silence of her bedroom, each word laced with fear that pulses against my magicae.
Her anxiety leaves an acrid taste in my mouth, sharp and bitter—the kind that usually makes me want to hunt down whatever’s causing it and tear it to pieces.
She curls tighter into herself on her bed, the same bed where she’d been so excited this morning after spending the night with Ryes.
I detest the fact that she’s lost that joy.
She tried her dress on this morning, making sure that everything was perfect. Since Fayetta and Owlyn can’t come to us, and Zoe can’t go to them, Owlyn wanted to make sure it was all sorted in advance so Zoe could make any changes needed.
Zoe wouldn’t let any of us see the dress, but I have no doubt it’ll be beautiful.
“I can’t, m’anam ,” she whispers, shaking her head as tears drip down her face. My darkness surges forward protectively, and I get annoyed with myself.
I’m useless.
I scoot over in the bed, not giving a fuck about messing up her perfectly made blankets, and I press myself against her back. She lets out a soft whine that goes straight to my core.
Fuck. I don’t know if she’s content in my arms or more distressed.
I try to soothe her with my energy… although, let’s be honest, using dark magicae for comfort is like trying to stop bleeding with another knife.
Oh, fuck, that turned me on a little too much.
I scoot my hips back ever so slightly, hoping she can’t feel my growing erection. Wrong time, wrong place, but, honestly, darkness and blood is probably a kink that’s written into my DNA.
Just... not when it comes to her. Never when it comes to her.
I’m fucking shit at this caring business. I adore my anima nexum , my fucking light, but I’m not the best at hand-holding. I’m the one who gets shit done—usually, by beating the fuck out of whoever has caused the issue in the first place.
Zohar, Vexus, and even that prick Jasper would probably be better at this right now—their magicae is weak and pliable, with a degree of nauseating warmth that’s made for soothing rather than… killing.
But am I fucking handing her over to them so they can find me lacking. I’m the one here with her, and I’ll figure it out.
I will fucking help her.
I’ve killed men for less than making her uncomfortable—I’m not against beating myself bloody for doing the same.
Although, Ryes would probably volunteer for the job, the sick fuck.
“Are you scared?” I ask quietly, trailing my finger up and down her side. Her anxiety ripples through our bond like blood in water, spreading, tempting me to hunt whatever is causing it.
But I can’t.
There’s nothing to nothing. Nothing to kill. Nothing to bleed.
Just her fears—intangible and untouchable.
“I’m terrified.” She clutches at my hand, holding it against her chest. Her heart hammers against my palm, a frantic rhythm that shares her feelings. My magicae surges forward in a protective defence—but it’s useless, and I have to tighten the reins.
We can’t defend our anima nexum against her mind, no matter how badly we wish that we could.
“What if I embarrass them? What if I look stupid or I say the wrong thing? What if someone can tell what I am and tries to hurt Eirik or Etrix in retaliation?” Her voice cracks as she speaks, and it kills me.
The urge to say ‘who cares, I’ll kill them all’ burns in my throat, but I swallow it down. That’s not what she needs right now, even if it’s true.
“You will not be harmed, mo sholas ,” I promise, pressing my lips to the nape of her neck instead.
The taste of her fear mingles with the sweetness of her skin, and, fuck, if that combination doesn’t make me want to hunt down everyone who’s ever scared her.
“Nobody will allow you to be harmed. I don’t care how many bodies I have to line up to secure your safety, mo sholas .”
A shiver wracks down her body, but this one is different. She’s not terrified here—she’s calmer, relaxing into my touch.
My magicae pours out of me, wrapping around us both like a shield.
If only my darkness could erase the darkness of her mind.
“Turn around,” I command softly. She lets out a shaky breath but complies, rolling over so that we’re now facing each other.
Without her glasses, her tears make her bright blue eyes seem larger, more vulnerable. Her lips part slightly, so soft and inviting, and, for a moment, I forget about everything else outside of her.
Her beauty, her grace… her fear .
Fucking Etonik Farglory, the royal prick who deserves to die.
My magicae recoils, tendrils of smoke and shadow escaping me, but, with nowhere to go, they dissolve into the air in Zoe’s bedroom.
I wish I could fucking kill Etonik for the shit he’s pulled—the shit he’s still pulling. Omi and Zirze Coku might’ve failed to end him, but I wouldn’t. It would be all too fucking easy to wipe him off the face of this planet.
One word, one moment of darkness, and he’d be nothing but a memory that nobody tries to recall.
Zoe trembles in my arms, pulling me from my fantasies. I hope this reaction isn’t because she’s heard me. I tuck her head into my chest, wanting her to hear how calm my heart is, feel the steady falling and rising of my chest, so she can use it to calm herself.
Or, maybe, I just need her safe in my arms.
“Eirik and Etrix are two of the most powerful people in this entire world, Zoe. Sure they’re also the most arrogant pricks to ever exist, but there are very few who have more power ?—”
“But they’re still learning!” Her words crack against my chest as she pulls back to look at me. Through our bond, I can feel her thoughts spiralling—a toxic cycle of self-blame and fear that makes my magicae want to lash out and destroy the world.
It’s fucking torture lying here, feeling her pain, and knowing I can’t just eliminate this threat.
I can hear the rapid cycle of her thoughts going back and forth about how it’s her fault that we’re in danger, how we’re the ones that are paying the price for her lies. Her brain is a toxic black hole full of shit it can utter at her that doesn’t even make sense.
I fucking hate it. My hands are tense, my magicae pulsing through me, desperate to attack whatever enemy is making her feel this way.
But how can I attack her mind when it’s what makes her so brilliant?
The soft creak of the door draws my attention, and my magic bristles before I recognise Etrix’s energy like a sledgehammer in the ribs. His light magic always feels like needles against my darkness – annoying little prickles that make me want to smother him in shadows just for existing.
Asshole probably does it on purpose.
“They’re still students, m’anam . I can’t… I can’t be the reason they’re in danger—that you all are. They might have a lot of power, but that doesn’t mean that there aren’t people who are more experienced, or cunning, or?—”
“Oh, princess,” Etrix’s voice carries that particular blend of arrogance and tenderness he seems to reserve just for Zoe.
At least he’s learnt something from our first... discussion about appropriate tones.
She startles in my arms, and I help her sit up, keeping one arm firmly around her waist.
Through our bond, I can feel her distress pulse stronger as she avoids Etrix’s piercing gaze, staring at her knees instead.
“She’s terrified ,” I mention along our bond, knowing that in her current frame of mind, Zoe won’t be overhearing this conversation. Etrix gives me a look that clearly says ‘no shit’, and I resist the urge to introduce his face to my fist.
Cunt.
“Reassure her before I go murder your dad. And, this time, I fucking mean it.”
A smirk plays on his lips as he strides across the room, his tailored suit rustling softly with each bare-footed step.
He settles on the edge of Zoe’s bed, closer to her than me. He reaches for her hands, stopping the anxious picking that she’s doing to the thread on her skirt, and I resist the urge to break it.
“If you want me to snap his wrists for touching you, I will,” I offer, only-half joking.
She flushes, leaning back against my chest as she finally meets Etrix’s eyes.
I don’t know if her vision is blurry with him this close, but I don’t offer her glasses since tears are still dripping down her cheeks, and, honestly, looking at Etrix’s fat head and ugly face is only going to upset her more.
“Zoe, you are everything we could need,” Etrix says firmly. His usual arrogance softens into something genuine, and I resist the urge to gag.
The only thing stopping me is that Zoe deserves everything from him.
“You are the epitome of grace and—yes, princess, even if you did that.” I narrow my eyes, having missed that silent thought he caught. Cocky bastard. “I could give zero fucks if you threw up on Eirik in front of everyone, genuinely.”
Poor Zoe.
My magic curls around her protectively as I watch her process his words.
She’s too pure for the darkness that surrounds us—for the blood that coats my hands and the violence that follows me like my own fucking shadow. Etonik’s corruption of Mitagus has tainted everything it touches, but not her.
Never her.
She’s mine to protect, even if I don’t deserve her.
“Necos… he mentioned that there’d be so many eyes on us, and I don’t care how they feel about me—not really.”
The lie tastes bitter against my magicae, but I stay silent. She’s trying to convince herself more than us.
“It’s okay that you do, mo sholas ,” I say gruffly, my shadows pouring outwards, wrapping around her like armour—not tight enough to suffocate, but they’re strong enough for her to feel it.
My darkness might be made for killing, but for her, it will learn to comfort or I’ll kill it myself.
“It is,” Etrix adds, and, for once, I don’t want to punch him for agreeing with me. “It’s understandable that you want to be liked, that you have a need for the people you’ll eventually lead to have confidence in you. Your magicae can sense it, and the likelihood is, they’ll be drawn to you simply because of that.”
The unsaid ‘they flock to me’ isn’t missed. I roll my eyes, letting my sneer speak volumes over Zoe’s head.
“Plus,” I whisper in her ear, running my fingers along her arm, “anyone who isn’t immediately impressed by you will find themselves that way very quickly—or they’ll find themselves unable to have opinions about anything ever again.”
The shiver that runs through her body has nothing to do with fear this time, and I feel her nipples harden against my arm.
I smirk as the royal prince in front of me raises a brow at me.
“Aw, how cute, the little virgin is getting some action,” he taunts mentally, his tone dripping with false praise.
I bare my teeth at Etrix. “Fuck you. You’re not any more impressive than me for not being a virgin. At least I haven’t whored my cock out to half of Mitagus,”
He shrugs as if my words mean nothing, as if the flash of regret I feel across my bond to him wasn’t felt. “Either way, at least I don’t give off desperate virgin vibes like you do.”
“Please stop teasing,” Zoe interrupts our silent exchange, looking up at me with those blue eyes.
I know that she’s referring to the… murder promise rather than my argument with Etrix. Rather than adding to her anxiety, I nod, brushing a kiss to her temple, savouring in the way she leans into my touch.
Her eyes are still glassy with tears, and it makes my magic wither with the need to destroy whatever’s hurting her.
She sighs, looking down at her hands. “I’m sorry, I know I’m being silly.”
“Your emotions are not—” Etrix begins, but she cuts him off.
“They are.” She shakes her head, her hair tickling my nose. I don’t move away, but the feeling is annoying. However, the scent of her—sweet, pure, mine—is not annoying, and it nearly distracts me from the suffering shift in energy.
Nearly.
I feel her draw in a deep breath, and, suddenly, the energy along our bond shifts. My magicae retreats slightly, letting hers take centre show in the bedroom.
The change is sudden and dramatic, and it’s almost like the woman in my arms isn’t the same one as only ten minutes ago. Her anxiety doesn’t disappear, instead it transforms, channeling itself into something more… focused.
“I’m being silly,” she says, her voice steadier now, “because I know that you all don’t care.”
She flashes me a warm smile and must give Etrix something similar based on the way his shoulders relax.
I want to gouge his eyes out—but I don’t because she loves him, too. I should get an award, really, for my restraint.
“I wish I had that calm, that certainty, and I don’t. But I do trust all of you, and I have faith that we’ll figure this out, no matter what.”
“Exactly. The worst case is we just kill my dad then and there and deal with the consequences,” Etrix says, lounging back with a shrug, acting like the entitled prick he is. “I couldn’t give a fuck if you piss off the public—if any of us do. They mean nothing to me anyway.”
I do love the way Etrix is on board with patricide, though. We just need to get Eirik to agree, too.
It’ll be a fun little bonding activity.
Honestly, the citizens of this world are nothing compared to Zoe, and anyone who thinks differently will learn exactly why people whisper my name in fear.
“Who the fuck whispers your name in fear?”
“The same people who laugh at yours,” I snap.
“I’m sorry I ruined the morning with another breakdown,” Zoe says.
“Who says anything about the day being ruined?” Etrix asks, raising a brow at her.
“Not that I like agreeing with him, but he’s got a point,” I say, mentally slamming the door shut with one of the wayward shadow energies in the air.
“Hm, what shall we do with the captured soul witch?” Etrix teases, his pale amber eyes meeting mine.
“You’re wanting to do this together?” I ask.
It’s a testament to the strength of our bond that he doesn’t ask what I mean by this , and he just nods.
“Captured?” she gasps before erupting into giggles as I start to tickle her sides.
Etrix grabs her ankles, holding her in place, as she wriggles back and forth against my chest. Her laughter lights up my heart, but her wiggling… well, that energises a different part of me.
I stop tickling my girl, letting her collapse against my chest. She’s breathless, happy, and relaxed.
“I want to bond with you.” The words leave my mouth before I can stop them, rough with need and desperation.
“We both do,” Etrix says, giving me a venomous look for cutting him out.
Fucking useless excuse for a torch.
I roll my eyes at the bastard but nod.
“We both do,” I concede because it’s true.
“Like… together?” The darkening red of her cheeks is expected, but it’s the sexy thoughts racing through her head that surprise me.
Curious little minx, she is. I like it.
How would two of them fit?
Is one of them really small?
Will they take turns and the other just… watch?
Will they… will I…
“We can hear you,” Etrix murmurs, and Zoe lets out a whine that goes to my core, turning her head to try and avoid looking at us.
“Just because you can’t see us, mo sholas , doesn’t mean we can’t see you,” I tease. “Don’t hide.”
“I don’t expect anything more than just a bond, princess,” Etrix says, gentler than his usual arrogance. “Our bond is strong, and I’m so happy with how things are...”
He trails off, giving me a pleading look to help him out of this hole he’s digging.
“But you’re not,” I finish, rubbing her shoulders, feeling the tension beneath my fingers. “Your soul needs this, it needs to be complete.”
She bites her lip, an unsettled feeling coating our bond. She’s hesitant, nervous, and underneath it all, there’s a sadness that makes my magicae want to rage. What have I said to make her sad?
“You’ve got me, Etrix, Eirik, Zohar, and Necos left to complete bonds with,” Etrix says, his voice unusually serious. “And I bet you’ll feel a whole lot better knowing it’s done when we walk into that situation on Sunday.”
Her lips part, her eyes flashing gold, a shuddering breath leaving her that’s filled with pain. “That’s not… I don’t want to complete our bond just as a means of checking it off the list.”
She pulls away from me, wiping tears with the back of her hand. My heart lurches in pain, and I resist the urge to grab her.
“You misunderstand, mo sholas . There’s not a single part of me that’s offering this up as a to-do list item or out of some kind of dutiful obligation. No, Zoe, I want to complete our bond because I want to have you in your entirety.
“I want to be able to feel you without any dampening or blocks. I want to know that our bond is secure, that our future is secured. I don’t want to take the risk of anything happening before you get to feel how much I love you.
“Every single day, we walk around with a piece of you coating our flesh, living inside of us. There’s no doubt whatsoever that we’re yours, that you love us, that you love me .
“Let me have the chance to do the same. Let me let you have that security, that level of attachment.”
She wipes fresh tears, and I can’t stand it anymore. I lift her into my lap, where she belongs, where I can protect her.
“Don’t you dare tell me no, mo sholas , or I’ll cry, and that’s just pathetic.”
“I’ll have to laugh at him,” Etrix adds. “I’m sorry I was an idiot with how I offered myself up. But if you want me to get on my knees and beg, I promise you, I can.”
Her cheeks flush beautifully. “I don’t ever want to presume, that’s all. I’d love to bond with you—with both of you. I love you.”
“Good.” I relax a fraction, relief filling me. “Etrix and I are already bonded, so doing this together is natural for us, but if you’d rather have a more intimate moment?—”
“No, I, um, I like this, too. How do we do it?” She tucks her hair behind her ear nervously, and the gesture makes me want to devour her whole.
Fucking hell, I need to get a hold of myself.
“It’s easy,” Etrix says, coming closer. “For Ciar, I’ll empty the room of all light. It’ll be the two of you, in the dark, surrendering to the shadows.”
“Sounds… very gothic,” Zoe mumbles, and I laugh into her hair, breathing in her scent.
“And for Etrix,” I say, forcing myself to acknowledge his part in this, “we do the opposite. It works better outside, but anywhere with pure light will work?—”
“The conservatory?” she asks eagerly. I nod.
Perfect choice, even if the thought of all that light makes me recoil.
“I’ll absorb all the shadows, all the darkness, so that only pure light remains,” I explain, already dreading it. “In the light, your soul is bared, and the two of you bond.”
“Let’s go, then!” She grabs both our hands, practically vibrating with excitement. “Who is taking us?”
“So lazy,” Etrix teases. “Having learnt all about your own method of traveling, and now you demand we carry you through light or dark.”
She laughs. “If you don’t mind me accidentally taking us somewhere else, I’m happy to try.”
I shadow travel us before Etrix can do something else, and we reappear in the conservatory. The air that should be crisp and clean is thick with the sickening scent of Jasper’s precious sunflowers.
Fucking kill me now. Wait no, better yet, kill the flowers.
“Who is going first?” Zoe asks eagerly. She rocks back and forth on both feet, thrilled that we’re taking this step.
“Etrix,” I say immediately. I can’t let her feel the full force of my darkness without his light to shield her first.
No matter how badly I want to claim her.
“You know you’re not dark , Ciar,” Zoe says softly, her knowing eyes piercing through my heart. “Etrix and I will bond first, but trust me when I say the completed bond between us will be nothing short of pure .”
“Come on, princess, come sit with me. Let Mr Broody over there cry into his shadows,” Etrix says, reaching for her. I let them settle on the two-seater, fighting every instinct that screams at me to rip his hands off her and to take my turn first.
I drop down onto the three-seater so that I can watch and see what’s going to happen.
Their sweetness makes my teeth ache, but I force myself to remain still as Etrix kisses her.
I try not to leer, but my cock hardens either way.
When he gives me that insufferable thumbs up, I begin pulling the shadows from the room, cringing as light floods every corner.
Absorbing the darkness is easy—it’s my nature, my very being. But I can’t deny that it’s unsettling to be sat in a room with no energy source of my own to rely on.
The exposure feels strange and almost painful.
There’s not much physically happening between the two, you know, outside of their heated kiss.
But through our bond, I can feel the magic building. Zoe is drenched in light, the power crackling around her.
It’s horrid, even if I can feel her joy pulsing through our connection. There’s a faint light surrounding the two, and a small bright light on the top of her right shoulder—a rune, I think.
The rune for light? Maybe?
Fuck me.
The moment they separate, both are radiating power, love, pure fucking joy. It’s beautiful in a nauseating sort of way. I can’t help but smile, even as my magicae writhes in jealousy.
“My turn,” Etrix commands, his body brimming with power. “Go sit with Ciar, princess, and get ready to bond.”
“You sure?” I ask, looking between the two of them. Part of me—the part that’s not completely selfish—wants to offer them privacy. “I’m more than happy to step out and?—”
“Don’t you fucking dare,” Etrix warns darkly.
I hold my hands up in mock surrender as Zoe rushes over to sit by me. She’s so full of light, so full of love.
She’s radiant, pure, everything I’m not—and yet, she’s choosing to bond with me anyway.
“We’ll do the same,” I murmur, trying to keep my voice steady. “A mental connection of powers as we merge together, only in the dark this time.”
“Yes, yes.” Etrix waves dismissively. “Our good girl knows exactly what to do, right, princess?”
Zoe flushes that delicious shade of red, and before I can process what’s happening, she’s straddling my lap. Her small hands cup my face, and when our lips meet, I taste light and shadow mingling on her tongue.
I barely notice when the lights start to dim, too lost in the feel of her.
But the moment darkness floods back in, I unleash my magicae. Pure shadow fills every corner, every crevice, and finally—fucking finally—I can breathe again.
The uncomfortable exposure vanishes, replaced by raw, electric power that makes my blood sing.
Her power—our power.
Zoe’s magicae bumps against mine, and I grab it, merging us together. She presses closer, chest-to-chest, and I grip her ass, unable to contain my desire any longer.
She’s mine.
Finally, completely mine.
Our magicae seems to spread across my body, getting into my blood, and securing tightly against my soul. It’s fucking magnificent.
“I love you,” I whisper against her lips, our combined power a true adrenaline rush.
“I love you more,” she breathes, pulling back just to meet my gaze.
Her eyes aren’t blue—one is black, and the other pale gold. Fuck.
“We’ve got one more bond to secure.” Her words are startling.
“We do?” Etrix and I say in unison, making me want to punch him on principle.
The smirk he shoots me gets ignored.
She nods, power thrumming through her. “The equilistrax.”
Without warning, she grabs both our magicae, channeling it through herself. The sensation is immediate, it’s like hooks of pure energy are attacking my primordium , drawing out my essence—my soul.
“Fucking hell!”
I let out a groan as I’m tugged into the air, my body weightless just like when Etrix and I bonded. But this is different—more powerful, more primal.
Zoe isn’t just pulling my magicae out, she’s weaving it with hers and Etrix’s, creating something entirely new… something soul-defining.
It doesn’t hurt, not really— oh, fuck, I spoke too soon.
The pain hits in waves. Each pulse draws more power from my center, my magicae fighting against the extraction, despite wanting to merge with them both.
“Son of a—” I grunt as more of my power is drawn out of me, my head pounding as I’m shaken in the air like a fucking rag doll.
I can’t see anything due to the mixture of gold and black magicae, the swirling tornado-like energy holding us suspended in its grip.
I don’t know if this is Zoe’s will, Etrix’s, or both, but is it fuck mine.
This shit hurts.
Our equilistrax bond forms like a living thing—I can feel it taking shape, adjusting, bending, as Zoe’s energy combines with ours. My darkness mingles with Etrix’s light, neither cancelling the other out, but instead of it just being us, Zoe’s here now, too.
Her power binds us together, and I know deep in my heart that my weakness to light magicae has disappeared. She’s saved me, used the bond that Etrix and I have to truly protect my soul.
More power is ripped from my core, my groans echoing uselessly in this magical storm. It intensifies, spinning me faster, holding me tighter.
Then suddenly—brutally—I’m slammed down onto the floor. My head smacks onto the tiled floor, the thud echoing through my mind, as I hear another drop to my left—Etrix’s equally graceless landing.
The bastard deserved it, of course, but right now, I’m too drained to appreciate his suffering.
My head rolls, almost without permission, pain racing through me. Every cell in my body feels raw like my skin’s been rubbed in sandpaper.
Through the haze of pain, I watch Zoe descend gently to the floor—of fucking course she gets the elegant landing.
The sight of her takes my breath away. Power radiates from her in familiar waves, mine and Etrix’s combined magicae pulsing between us all as if she’s now the living conduit of our bond.
It shouldn’t be possible—but, of course, with her, it is.
“Wow, that was a lot,” Zoe says, dropping to her knees. I feel her warm hand on my shin and feel her energy so much stronger than ever before as it races through me, healing the effects on my soul.
I’m a little physically bruised, but the pain fades under her touch at knowing we’re completely bonded.
She smiles, her eyes back to their normal beautiful blue, and she’s clearly exhausted.
“Come here, mo sholas ,” I command, and she crawls to lie down with me, resting her head on my arm. Etrix drags himself over to join our cuddling.
“I love you both so much,” Zoe murmurs, looking between the two of us with a bright smile on her face.
“Love you, too, princess,” Etrix mumbles, his words a garble as he buries his head in her chest—no, he’s literally buried in her tits.
“Love you more, mo sholas .” She rests her head against my chest, cuddling in closer. I brush a soft kiss to her temple, contentment filling me.
I’d do anything to keep this smile on Zoe’s face for the rest of our lives.
I’m already sharing her with this arrogant bastard and the rest of our merry band of fools. I’m content in spending my days by her side and my nights making this world a better place for her to rule.
But to make sure she’s this happy forever… it’s my job to kill anyone who tries to hurt her.
I might sometimes wish I wasn’t so twisted, so mentally fucked up, because Zoe deserves a nice man, someone pure and untainted by darkness.
But she’s got me instead, and my particular skills will never go to waste. Not when they mean keeping her safe.
After all, what’s a little more blood on my hands if it means protecting the only true light in my world?