Chapter 6 #2
I walked past the door and opened my closet. “Are you going alone tomorrow?” I asked loudly.
I heard him walk out of his bathroom, and a moment later, he appeared in our doorway with his electric toothbrush in his mouth.
“You never know,” he said. “Depends on the progress and what Intel finds out.”
I nodded in understanding and yanked my tee over my head. Then I stepped out of my sweats and removed my socks, and I dumped it all into my laundry bag on the floor of my closet.
He returned to his room and into the bathroom, where he shut the door.
Would it be too much to initiate a hug when I wore only boxer briefs? Would he see right through me? Would he put a stop to things before I could even touch him?
I glanced around my room and rubbed the back of my neck, having nothing else to do. Nothing to tidy up, nothing to kill time with. My phone was charging on my nightstand, my clothes were laid out on the sofa for tomorrow, my books were stacked on the coffee table in the order I’d need them, and my laptop was plugged in on my tiny kitchen counter.
I had a new class starting tomorrow that I was kind of looking forward to. It would bring us into the world of forensics, and we were gonna study crime-scene evaluation, gunshot residue analysis, and hydrodynamics within body recovery, all in order for us to get answers about our next step from a corpse.
An operator who was alone in the field needed to be able to extract information from their surroundings, no matter what. I’d spoken to Operator Riggs about it, and he’d said, “Say your informant turns up shot in the head, and you have nobody but yourself to rely on. Just knowing how blood splatters will tell you angles, positions, sometimes if the informant was alone or not, if someone pulled the trigger for him, et cetera.”
I wanted more of those classes. It was exciting to picture a crime scene and suddenly see leads everywhere. Like whispers from furniture, weapons, a dead body, and who knew what else.
I was about to sit down on the bed when I heard the bathroom door open in Beckett’s room, and it put a rock in my stomach and cleared my head of all other thoughts. This was it. He was about to hit the sack, and time was running out.
He flicked off the ceiling light in his room too. Only the dim glow from his nightstand was left, just like in my room.
Letting out a shaky breath, I walked over to the doorway and peered into his room, and he had his back to me while he was checking his phone. Goddamn, he was hot. He was only wearing boxer briefs too, dark green ones, and the way his body looked in the poor light, with shadows and contrasts, I almost lost my words.
“Beckett?”
“Yeah?” He glanced at me over his shoulder before he twisted his body toward me too. “What’s up?”
Fuck me, that noticeable outline of his cock, man… I swallowed and raked my teeth across my bottom lip. I had to do this fast, or he’d grow suspicious.
Please don’t laugh at me. Please reject me carefully.
I did my best to keep things light—and my tone even. “I wanna hug it out before you go off to war.”
He gave me a smile, a warm and charismatic one, that reached his eyes. “It’ll be a long and gruesome year, but I’ll write to you every week.” He tossed his phone onto Alex’s bed before he came over and pulled me in for a hug.
A breath gusted out of me. He was so warm that it made me shiver, and the sensation rendered me a little useless. I managed to lock my arms around his neck, but that was about it.
Please don’t reject me at all.
“Oh—before I forget,” he said, releasing me again. No, no, no! I wasn’t ready! “I have something for you.” He opened the key box next to his front door. “Let’s see if you remember the lesson. What’s the main thing you leave behind when you go on an assignment?”
I knitted my brows. “Um, my identity.”
“Attaboy.” He came back to me and extended his keys. “Keep those safe for me until I get back.”
What the…
I held the keys in my palm, knowing immediately he was doing this for my sake. He could just leave these in the box he took them from or in his permanent locker that all operators had.
The silver key.
I saw it. The same one Alex had around her neck. It read “BB” at the center.
“Alex told me about the box of stuff for Vince,” I murmured.
“Ah. Yeah, it’s…it’s become a nice tradition.”
I bet. I smiled carefully and walked into my room, knowing just the place. Like in a hotel room, the bottom of the closet on the left side had a small safe. I left the keys there before I trailed back to Beckett.
“Don’t be too mad at your brother,” I said quietly. “It has to be difficult to put aside who you are that often. Maybe those tattoos helped him remember.”
He took a step closer and nudged up my chin. “I’ll get over it eventually. But you promise me right now you won’t put any information on your body. For as long as there’s been code, there’ve been code breakers.”
I nodded once. “I promise.”
“Good.” He made my night and flooded me with relief when he hauled me in for another hug, this time with his arms around my neck. Like a headlock, and he even pressed a kiss to my temple.
I sucked in a breath and hugged his midsection. The warmth was back. He was holding me. I’d felt his lips at my temple, even if only for half a second. Who did that? It couldn’t be platonic. I’d sure as fuck never had a drill sergeant hugging me, much less kissing my temple.
Heat welled up within me, one wave after another, until the sensation was surging through me like wildfire. I buried my face against his neck, right where his beard started. Second by second, I could feel my control slipping and my desperation taking over. It was no longer about me finding the balls to make a move. It was going to happen whether I wanted it or not, ’cause I couldn’t fucking stop myself.
With one hand roaming his upper back and the other dipping lower toward the waistband of his boxer briefs, I pressed myself as close as I could to him.
So far, no rejection. If anything—wait. He loosened his hold. Oh fuck, no, no, no . Never mind. He was just shifting his arms. He dropped them to my hips, allowing me to lock my arms around his neck instead, and I felt a tremor running through him. He let out a breath and dipped down just an inch or so, and that was enough to skyrocket my pulse.
I brushed my fingers over his skin, feeling goose bumps underneath my fingertips, and then I not-so-accidentally ghosted my lips closer to his mouth. His demeanor shifted. He was caving—but he didn’t kiss me. Instead, he grabbed my jaw gently and skimmed his nose down my neck, where he breathed me in and dropped an openmouthed kiss.
“Oh my God,” I mouthed.
That touch of his tongue against my skin set me on fucking fire.
Then he was right there, and he captured my mouth with his. It was slow but unyielding, no hesitation from him, none whatsoever, and I couldn’t describe what it did to me. He wasn’t rejecting me. He was kissing me.
I couldn’t fucking believe it.
A needy sound escaped me. His lips were just so warm and the best combo of soft and firm, and I loved the feel of his beard. But he didn’t seem to mind I got needy. Instead, he deepened the kiss, and I died a little. We tasted each other, just the tips of our tongues, and it wasn’t enough. I pressed myself impossibly closer, ready to fucking climb him.
“Jesus fuck.” He finally took control altogether. He backed me up against the doorframe, kissed me greedily, and slipped his hands down my underwear to grab my ass.
I moaned and took whatever he gave me. My fingers disappeared into his hair, and I tugged on it.
He seemed to like that.
Heart pounding, desperation growing, I hitched a leg over his hip and nearly lost my shit when I felt his cock getting hard. I mean, I was already rock hard, but I’d thought he was straight up until today.
“Fuck me,” I mumbled, out of breath. “Please?” It wasn’t as if we needed to have a safety talk. Everyone here got tested once a month, and…well, maybe I should tell him about my experience. “I haven’t been with anyone in two years if you’re worried about anything.”
He grabbed my jaw tightly and wrenched himself away, only to kiss his way down my neck again. Openmouthed, rough kisses, with tongue and teeth. I started panting, and I couldn’t help but push my dick against his.
“Please,” I moaned.
He rumbled a low humming sound and came back with a hard kiss to my lips. Then he eased off a few inches, still holding my jaw, and we locked eyes.
Holy fuck.
I swallowed dryly. My heart fucking hammered.
The raw hunger in his eyes caught me off guard, and I instantly wanted to surrender to him. Fucking worship him. Do whatever he wanted. But it gave me power too. I was making him look that way. I’d turned him on to the point where he looked like he wanted to inhale me.
Let me convince you.
I managed to kiss him once more, and then I loosened his grip on my jaw before I wordlessly sank to my knees in front of him.
His jaw ticked with tension, and he didn’t look away for a second as I rested my hand over his cock. I rubbed him unhurriedly, just for a few heartbeats, then pulled down his boxer briefs.
I was the one who broke eye contact. My mouth watered at the sight of his cock, and I didn’t waste time. I gripped him gently at first, and I leaned in and licked his length.
He blew out a breath.
Warm, soft, smooth skin stretched around his cock. I tightened my hold a little and peered up at him again, ’cause I wanted to see this. I wanted to see the look in his eyes as I sucked him into my mouth.
He’d spoken, what, two words? Well, I didn’t need any more than that. Not now anyway. He spoke plenty with his body language. I could tell he was battling something in his mind, maybe going back and forth between what he wanted and what was right…? Boundaries had been important to him.
I swirled my tongue around him, to which he let out a long sigh and scrubbed a hand over his face. After that, he threaded his fingers into my hair, and I took him all the way in, effectively burying my nose in the trimmed hair around his cock.
Feeling him at the back of my throat stole all my focus, and I closed my eyes. This moment was fucking mine. Like, he didn’t exist anymore, just his perfect, perfect cock. Back and forth, back and forth, coating him in spit, sucking at the tip, sliding my tongue around him, I completely lost myself in what I was doing.
I slipped my hands to the backs of his thighs, feeling the hardness of his muscles, and up his sexy ass. I felt how tense he was, and I was over it. Let go. Fuck my throat . I knew he wanted it.
But he was getting there. For every pass, his grip on my hair tightened, and it wasn’t too long after that he started fucking me, albeit slowly at first.
I whimpered around him and spurred him on.
Swallowing around him seemed to do the trick. Right there, when I was about to choke, he forced himself deeper and let out a groan.
I screwed my eyes shut and nodded, and he got with the program.
Took you long enough.
He stopped being careful. He fisted my hair and began fucking my throat mercilessly, and the burst of need shocked my system. I wanted more and more, despite gagging every now and then, despite being robbed of air.
“Goddamn perfect,” he said, out of breath. “You wanna hurt for me?”
My eyes flashed open, and I looked up at him through blurry vision. I managed to nod right before he rammed his cock down my throat again. There was something wrong with me, but I was out of control. Whatever he was doing, I needed more of it. A million sensations flew around my body, shaking me alive, and?—
Before I knew it, he withdrew from my throat. Spit connected my lips to his cock, and then he was yanking me to my feet. He grabbed me by my throat and kissed me brutally hard, and I was just his rag doll. My lungs burned, my eyes flooded with tears, my dick was hard as a diamond, I was fucking shaking, and the sounds coming out of me were nothing but breathless, whimpery pleas.
A beat later, he spun me around, slapped one of my hands to the doorframe, and trapped his cock between my ass cheeks.
I choked on a breath and pushed against him, no fears whatsoever. He was slick enough, and I knew I could stop him if I wanted to.
Which reminded me…
“Don’t stop if I beg you to stop,” I croaked.
He stopped. Right there, with the head of his cock pushing in.
I drew a ragged breath. “Rapefuck me.”
He cursed under his breath and sank his teeth into my shoulder.
I moaned like a whore and wriggled my ass against him.
Keep going, keep going.
“We need another word, then,” he murmured huskily. “Like a stop word.”
I nodded. A safeword. I’d seen it in kinky porn. “BDSM folk say red.”
“BDSM folk,” he chuckled. “Are you into kink?”
“Not really. Just rough sex. And I really hate that you’re not balls deep in me now.”
He smiled against my neck, and he didn’t say anything else. But I felt the shift in the air around us, not to mention his hold on me. He became forceful. Even when he moved slowly, he grabbed at me painfully, letting his fingers dig in, his blunt nails scraping my skin…
And his cock pushing deeper inside me.
I bit down on my lip and let out a soft cry as the pain flared up and pummeled through me. So much pain, so much anticipation, so much need. I sucked in a deep breath, and my lungs actually filled up properly. I’d missed the relief of that. Nothing weighed me down.
He grabbed my hips hard and picked me up a few inches, so I had to stand on my toes, and that was all the warning I got. He pulled out from me, only to push in again, and he set a fast pace.
I had to hold on to the doorframe so he didn’t push me forward again; I was dangerously close to knocking my head against it.
Holy fuck, it hurt so good. My sounds just didn’t freaking stop; it was one moan after another, groans turning into whimpers, gasps and choked pleas, and— I did a double take at the mirror next to my closet, and I saw him. I saw all of him. How he railed me, his fingers digging into my hips, his cock pushing in and out of me, his head tipped back, the pleasure written all over his face, the definition of his muscles, especially in his arms and chest—goddamn, his shoulders and forearms…
As if sensing I was watching him, he opened his eyes, and we locked gazes in the mirror.
“S-stop,” I exhaled.
He let out a chuckle through his nose and peered down at my ass. Nothing more, nothing less. He just kept fucking me, changing the pace every now and then to whatever suited him at the moment.
“ Stop ,” I gritted out.
Nothing. No response, other than a quiet groan as he rammed in.
I flinched and held back from touching myself. I wasn’t ready, fully aware I’d blow my load in under a minute.
Instead, I wanted to see how far he was willing to take this. I asked him to stop again, and I tried to move away from him—and that set him off. I saw a flash of fury in the mirror before he shoved me up against the nearest wall and slipped a hand up my throat.
“You don’t get to say no to me, Leighton,” he whispered in my ear. I gulped for air, pain and pleasure erupting inside me. “You’ve been fucking with my head for over a month. It’s my turn to have fun.”
Holy shit.
I choked on a breath, but right as I anticipated his next move to be pressing me harder against the cold wall, he pulled out from me and shoved me toward the bed.
“No, stop it,” I panted. “I’ll fucking scream.”
“Who’s gonna hear you?”
I shuddered violently, and he pushed me down on the mattress. Heat took over; I swam in it, rolled around in it, and still wanted more. I even tried to fight him. I thrashed against his hold and did my best to roll off the bed, and he wouldn’t have it. He grunted and flattened me to the mattress using his body.
A traitorous moan left me, and he spat in his hand, slicked up his cock some more, before he went back to fucking me. Hard. Brutally. Making the bed squeak and protest.
Hnngh.
I stopped feeling the fire in my ass. He lifted my hips a bit for better access, and then he planted a hand on the side of my face, pressing it down on the pillow, and he took what was his. Over and over, he drilled his big cock into me, each thrust pushing the bed frame against the wall.
I didn’t know exactly when the tears started falling, but it was the most liberating feeling I’d experienced in years. My breaths came easier, the pressure faded, all while the pleasure built up. He was gonna get me off just by fucking me up the mattress.
I sniffled and?—
He froze. “Leighton, you’re?—”
“Don’t stop!” I groaned. “Don’t stop, don’t fucking stop. It’s p-perfect. Don’t stop.”
He cursed and removed his hand from my head, and he slipped it under me instead. Was he surprised to find me hard? The instant he formed a fist around my cock, I cried out—and he seemed to relax.
“Jesus fucking Christ,” he groaned through a chuckle. “You’re sick.”
“I’m already close,” I complained.
“I’ve been close for an eternity,” he grunted, fucking me faster again. “Fuck me, you’re tight. This sweet little ass, pup…”
“ Hnngh .” I pushed against him as much as I could.
He brought the pain back, and the tears fell once more.
This time, he didn’t stop.
He chased his orgasm with merciless thrusts, and I sank into a pit of filth. Maybe he understood what the crying did to me? Either way, he didn’t change anything when I couldn’t hold back my cries, and it messed with me. It was like he threw me into a pool of humiliation where it didn’t matter to him that I was upset, except I felt safe and listened to outside the fantasy. He was giving me what I’d asked for.
In the middle of that emotional chaos, he nudged me over the edge, and I started coming. I moaned and sobbed at the same time, and his thrusts became sharper. He jackhammered into me and surrendered to his own climax.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” he panted. He pulled out and came on my ass, two hot splashes of come, then pushed in again with a long groan.
He covered me from head to toe, and the pressure squeezed the last of the tension out of my body. My mind was completely blank and quiet.
My heart slowed down gradually.
He didn’t let go of my cock immediately. Instead, he touched it gently and rubbed my come all over it.
His breathing evened out. So did mine.
Shivers ran through us both, and when he yawned, I yawned.
“Let’s get cleaned up,” he whispered.
I nodded.
I would’ve preferred to linger a few more minutes, but he was eager. He withdrew from me and dragged me out of bed?—
Jesus.
My legs were jelly. I had to steady myself against him.
He smiled a little and ushered me into his private bathroom.
I squinted at the harsh light.
My brain was so calm and happy that I didn’t want anything disturbing the peace. Nothing too bright, no unnecessary impressions.
Beckett wordlessly soaked a towel in hot water and left the water running, and then he washed me with the soft fabric, and I shivered at the sensations.
“You don’t have to do that,” I mumbled.
“I absolutely do,” he murmured. “I’ve never been that rough with anyone outside the safety of my dirty mind, so you’ll have to put up with some fussing.”
He was being all sweet and stuff, and maybe I needed that now. It brought some warmth back to my heart.
He reached around me to wash my ass.
I quirked a smile at him. “We fucked.”
He let out a quiet chuckle and met my gaze for a second. “I’ll say.” Then he gave me a quick kiss before his focus returned to my come-stained ass. Oof, okay, so his fingers weren’t tired of me yet. He slipped his middle finger inside me, and he made an appreciative humming sound. “Your ass is something else.”
I bit my lip.
I was happy .
“Does it hurt?”
I shook my head. “Not yet anyway.” I had no doubt it would. I could feel the soreness coming on. Tomorrow would be rough. “I think you fucked my pain receptors into a coma.”
He grinned lazily and shook his head.
He was so damn beautiful. His eyes seemed brighter.
I sniffled, ’cause my nose was a little stuffy.
When he was done, he took care of my front too, and his unhurried movements lulled me into a sleepy state of relaxation. I was so ready to curl up in his arms and—oh fuck.
I swallowed nervously. No, no, no, this couldn’t ruin things. Happy place, happy place. My mind was still at peace. I had to keep it that way. So, I had to accept things and be prepared. He might very well want to sleep alone. A fuck didn’t mean anything, necessarily.
He had sworn off relationships and whatever. Besides, we couldn’t actually date . At most, I could cross my fingers and hope for a fuck-buddy dynamic.
He made quicker work of cleaning himself up, so I was running out of time. I had to ask him and get ready for an answer I didn’t want.
“Can I sleep in your bed?” I asked warily. “Just for tonight.”
He snorted softly. “After what we just did, I wouldn’t let you sleep anywhere else.”
Fuck me sideways, I couldn’t hide my shit-eating grin if my life depended on it.
“We fucked,” I supplied helpfully. Not just, “after what we did, blah-blah.” We’d fucked . Oh my God, had we fucked.
He tossed the towel in the corner next to the sink, then cupped my face in my hands and kissed me. “Yeah, we did.” One more kiss, and he lined himself up against me, letting me feel his body heat again. “That was something straight outta my filthiest dreams.”
I shuddered and burrowed into his embrace. “Mine too.” I kissed him back and slid my hands up his sexy chest. “Maybe we can do it again sometime?”
He smiled into a tongue-teasing kiss that threatened to seduce me all over again. “Try’n stop me,” he whispered. God, he couldn’t get me hard and needy again. I’d die. “I’ll hold you down. Maybe choke you out till you’re about to faint.”
“Oh my God.” I plastered myself to him and deepened the kiss. “You gotta do that. And keep fucking me even if I’m dizzy.”
He inhaled deeply and slipped a hand to my throat, where his thumb and index finger brushed over my carotid arteries.
“Next time, your sobbing won’t worry me,” he promised. “It’ll be a guarantee. We ain’t done until you’re bawling your eyes out.”
I whimpered against his lips and nodded quickly.
But he had other plans than letting me get started on round two. He slowed down the kiss and brushed his knuckles over my cheek.
“You needed tonight, didn’t you?” he murmured.
“Yeah,” I exhaled. “So much. It feels like you rebooted my brain.”
“Good.” He gave my bottom lip a sharp nip. “I hope you hurt tomorrow. It’ll give me something nice to think about.”
My fucking God, he wasn’t real. At this rate, I’d fall in love by next week.
“But we need to get some sleep now.” One last kiss, and then he switched off the light and guided me out of the bathroom. “You might actually turn me into a cuddler. I should punish you for that.”
I grinned like an idiot and followed him over to his bed.
He made me get in first, presumably because he was getting up the earliest. The bed wasn’t too small, but I still had to get up close with the wall.
“C’mere.” He got in next and pulled me close. “Kill the light. I’m too comfortable.”
Happily. I reached over him and flicked off the light, so now we only had the faintest glow from my room next door. It was okay. I wanted to see him in the shadows.
This was the dream. His naked body against mine.
He pressed his forehead to mine, and we shared the same pillow.
“That mouth, too…” He ghosted his thumb over my lips. “The way you sucked my cock.”
I poked my tongue out to taste his thumb, and something darkened in his gaze.
Maybe round two wasn’t completely ruled out?
He let me tease him for a few seconds before he replaced his thumb with two fingers, and it revved me up all over again. Long before I was physically ready.
I saw his jaw tick, and he pushed the digits deeper into my mouth. As far as he could, until he could feel the back of my throat. My mouth watered, and it was that half an inch before I gagged. Like, I could feel it coming on, but I’d need his cock.
“That right there, when your eyes become glassy,” he whispered. “Motherfucker.” He withdrew his fingers and promptly rolled on top of me. “Tell me what else you fantasize about.”
A rush of heat pressed itself to the surface, and I rolled my hips to feel all of him against me.
“Swallowing you,” I admitted, already sounding needy as fuck. What was wrong with me? I’d literally just gotten off. How could I already crave more? “Feeling you pump in and out of my throat, and then you flood my mouth with your come, and we make out as I swallow.”
He exhaled and kissed my neck, where I felt his tongue too. And his teeth graze.
His hands roamed my body, and I couldn’t help it. He was making me hard again. But at least I wasn’t alone. I felt him against my thigh.
“More.” His voice came out as a low growl. “I wanna hear it all.”
I swallowed a moan and slid my feet up the backs of his calves. “I want you to use me however you want. Like, own my body. Use it to get off.”
He rumbled another growling sound and came up to kiss me hard. “You can’t be fucking real, boy.”
Words I’d just thought myself.
Fuck, this was wild.
I snaked my tongue around his and poured everything into the kiss, and I clung to him, no longer worried I might come off as too desperate. He evidently got off on it.
“I want you,” I whispered against his lips.
He nodded and stroked my thigh. “On one condition.”
“Mmhmm…?” I kissed his cheek, his jaw, and down his neck, where he smelled so damn good.
“I can’t make you cry every time we fuck.”
I snickered and rubbed a hand up his spine. “I’m sure you can , but… I like regular stuff too. This right here, for instance. You’re so fucking hot and…” I shuddered. “I like what you did in the bathroom. You took care of me.”
He hummed and kissed me on the forehead, in an oddly sweet move that I instantly wanted more of.
Rough sex and forehead kisses? Sign me up.
“I’m beat,” he admitted. “I’ll give you a quickie, because I can’t fucking control myself around you, but then we crash—all right?”
I grinned and reached for his cock. “Deal.”