11. Ned #3
Abbot pulls in a breath, his eyes sliding away for a moment. Oh, he’s going to ask something. Would you move in together? Ned steels himself for it. With what job? is an easy enough answer, though he doesn’t want to say it out loud.
Instead, Abbot straightens Ned’s collar, which surely doesn’t need it, and says, “I’d consider Newbury if you did too. Steve’s suggestion, for a spousal hire.”
“What?” Ned laughs. “For me?”
Abbot looks down at their feet. “I don’t think Baxter’s qualified, so yes, you.”
“I’m not qualified,” Ned says. “And…” And.
And. And everything. Abbot doesn’t want to be there.
Some secret lady showed up and threw him a curveball.
Ned handed over an envelope with who knows what the hell in it.
Thick paper, it felt like. Maybe cardstock or index cards, but whatever it is, Abbot isn’t saying.
Ned could ask again, but trying to get Abbot to share anything is like talking to a brick wall, and Ned doesn’t have enough energy right now.
“Of course you’re qualified,” Abbot says. “You have outstanding student reviews.”
“I have all of two papers published. Not even published. In the pipeline. They don’t come out until next year sometime. Fuck. I was so proud.”
“It’s up to the department to make the final decision. All I could do is ask that they take a look at you. If they don’t think you’re a good fit, they won’t hire you.”
Ned’s not a good fit. He’s a new professor with barely any experience. Abbot’s who they want. Ned is extra baggage carted around.
And besides. “We’re not married,” Ned points out.
“I can’t believe that would be an actual requirement.”
“Still.” Though what had Beverly said the other night? That she’d heard so much about him? Knew him by name already, from talking to Abbot’s father?
Great. What a social circle they are. Charles, Beverly, and Chris and Susan. Two deans among them, and stellar careers all around. Abbot fits in great with that crew. Ned’s the outlier, a data point so far from the norm that it’s skewing the whole picture.
See? He did learn something about statistics. How little he fits in.
My daddy’s a mess, Peggy will get to say at her school’s next career day, and he’ll sit there in sweatpants, unshaven, still living with his parents.
Peggy. He closes his eyes and takes a breath. She’s his to care for. Not to rely on Jen, or his parents, or anyone else, but to be there for as best he can.
There have to be other options, but what the hell else can he do? Switch careers? He did that already, decided to go back to school, and look where that decision ended up.
With Abbot. Facing unemployment, yes, but standing here with this man.
Ned looks at him for a long time, watching Abbot’s eyes track over his face in return. Abbot’s cheeks are red, and the tip of his nose, too. Ned is suddenly very glad Abbot brought him his hat. “You don’t even want to talk about this Beverly woman,” Ned finally says.
Yeah, there it is: Abbot’s mouth pressing into a thin line.
Silence too, and Ned waits, but he still doesn’t speak.
“You’d have to call her. Follow up on her offer, and then ask on my behalf. That’s not nothing, when five minutes ago you wouldn’t entertain the idea of a job there.”
“I know,” Abbot says softly. “It’s fine.”
“Abbot, I know you. When you avoid something like this, it’s generally not all that fine.
” Just more of those edges Ned has to feel around, figure out what Abbot’s not saying, and try to fill in the clues from there.
“It’s not just this once, either,” Ned presses.
“She just took the position as dean. You’d work for her? Long term?”
“For you, I would.”
Well damn. What can Ned say to that? He sniffs hard against the cold. “Thanks.”
“Is that a yes?”
“Sure.”
“So enthusiastic.”
“No, I am, I just—” Ned leans forward, dropping his head on Abbot’s shoulder.
Don’t mess this up, he reminds himself. He’s getting this relationship with Abbot right.
That’s what he promised himself last year, and that’s what he’s going to do.
Still, it takes a moment to sort through his shit and find the right words.
I don’t want your help are the wrong ones.
He sets them aside and says, “Yeah. Let’s work together again. If we can.”
Abbot’s hand closes over the back of his neck and he tips Ned’s face up for a kiss. “I’d really like that,” Abbot whispers.
“I would too,” Ned says, and it’s only the truth. A chance to have his office down the hall from Abbot’s? To share lunch breaks and colleagues and students? Hell, they can co-teach a class together. Qualitative research versus quantitative, and spend week after week ribbing each other.
Yes, if Ned can focus on just that, it’s a great plan.
Really great. Ignoring that this is the longest shot of his career, and Abbot’s giving him a leg up to even have the chance of it.
So he puts on a smile as they walk back into the house.
He takes Abbot’s hand in his, like he isn’t slowly sinking, fighting to keep his head above water.