14. Abbot
ABBOT
The door to Ned’s bedroom creaks open and Abbot pats the mattress next to him, inviting Ned onto his own bed. “Did you fall asleep reading to Peggy again?” he asks.
Ned rubs his eyes, his hair sticking straight up. “Only a little.”
Abbot scoots closer to the wall to make room for him, and Ned yawns again as he lays down, nosing close to Abbot, all stubble and sleepy warmth.
“Hi,” Ned says and kisses his chin.
Abbot folds the book closed without bothering to mark his spot. He wasn’t reading it anyway, just staring at the page, trying not to think about Beverly. He reaches over Ned to set it on the nightstand. “Hello.”
Ned twists to see the title. “Multilevel modeling: an examination of variance in educational populations,” he reads.
Abbot steers him back around with a finger on his jaw. Having Ned in bed is much better than reading. Or thinking. “It’s thrilling.”
They share a long kiss, but it’s more affection than heat, and when Ned draws back, Abbot finds himself being closely studied.
“So today,” Ned says.
Abbot kisses him again. It works, but only for a moment before Ned gently pulls back.
“I’m holding onto the fact that Beverly didn’t flat-out say no, at least.”
“No, she didn’t. And Sandy got back to us. She can see us first thing in the morning.”
“How wonderful.” Ned slumps against the headboard. “Either way, you’re good. You’ve got a spot there. You’ll take it, right?”
Will he? It’s hard to imagine saying no to the opportunity, laying here in Ned’s bed, Ned next to him, when saying no would mean staying in Portland.
Abbot turns on his side so he can trace the line of Ned’s collarbone beneath his T-shirt.
“Classes end the first week of May.” Yes, he’ll likely take it, Beverly aside.
The end of the semester suddenly feels so soon, and classes have only been in session for two weeks.
He has his students’ first assignments to grade this weekend, and their midterms are just a date on the calendar, yet the thought of moving down to Boston makes even finals seem close.
If he finds a house early this spring, he can do the bulk of the move the last week of class, when they’re working on papers and there’s a lull in his busyness before he has to start marking their exams and submitting their grades for the semester.
He could be down here while he goes through their finals, his house in Portland packed up and empty and listed for sale.
Or sold already. He traces his knuckles down the inside of Ned’s forearm and back up over the thin skin and the bump of veins.
“May,” Ned repeats.
Abbot touches his chin. “Newbury will work out for you too.”
“I hope so,” Ned huffs. He draws himself up and puts on a smile. “We can have a great summer again. Like last year. Even better without you going back to Callahan by mid-August.”
“I’d like that.”
“Mom and Dad already assume you’ll come back down the Cape. Which I know, being trapped in a rental house with that many people is a lot, but I personally am in favor of the whole you-in-a-swimsuit situation repeating.”
“It was fun.” The swimming, the beach, the time with Ned when they could just be. The amount of Ned’s family who were also there, aunts and uncles and cousins…well, it was still fun, and at least this year he’ll be prepared. “Liesl wants to come.”
“Bring her. Didn’t you say she grew like two inches? We need her for beach volleyball.”
“I’m glad to know you’re already planning your comeback.”
“Well, I’m sure as hell not letting Pat on my team again. Though the way things are going, he’ll be so head over heels for Claire that he’ll get beaned with the ball right away and I won’t have to worry about it.”
“You think they’ll still be together this summer?”
Ned lifts a shoulder in a shrug and Abbot lets himself enjoy the flex of muscles beneath his hand. “Sounds like if it’s up to him, then yes.”
“Have you seen him like this before?”
“Oh hell no. This is another level entirely.”
“I like her.”
“Yeah?” Ned grins. “I do too.”
“Better than you liked Megan? Or who was it, Julie?”
“Absolutely. They were doomed from the start.” Ned taps Abbot’s sternum with a gentle finger. “Hey, I never got the whole story on your guy.”
“Yes, because I’ve been waiting to hear about Michael.”
“Ugh.” Ned turns onto his stomach, burying his face in his pillow. “Fuck Pat for bringing that up.”
Abbot tickles the skin above his collar. “If I find out he’s a trained statistician, I might even count myself jealous.”
Ned laughs. “He was a guy from an app, and it was fine. That’s probably the nicest thing I can say, which doesn’t explain seeing him more than once, but I’m not pretending I was in the best head space.”
The short hair on the back of Ned’s neck is soft, and when Abbot scratches his nails through it, Ned hums. “What other delightful stories haven’t you shared?”
“Well, there was the woman I took out around that same time, and then ended up apologizing to after meeting for one drink, so that was humiliating. And then there was the entire period of life where I barely went outside except to work and see Peggy, and certainly didn’t talk to anyone, until you showed up and interrupted my delightful wallowing. ”
“Delightful?”
“I was getting real good at it. But there you were, pining away for me…”
“Speaking of things that shouldn’t be brought up, that remains at the top of my list.”
“It’s adorable,” Ned says. “And if I’d known, that guy was all the way down here in Boston. You were much more convenient. I show up to your office, we work our frustrations out on top of your desk, and somehow we still end up together.”
“Happily ever after. That’s exactly how it would have happened.”
“Yeah, cause the way we actually went about it was so much simpler. And look at us now. Being absolute idiots about this Realtor thing in the morning, I’m sure.”
Is that what Ned thinks? Because looking at property is a lot simpler than the ruse they carried on last fall. “It’ll be fine.”
“Yeah.” Ned rubs his face. “Let’s go back to talking about the summer. No, wait, that Zürich guy. Who was he?”
“Who?”
“Right answer, but also I do want to know. The one you mentioned at the bar.”
“Oh.” Reto. He’s not even worth thinking about in the same space as Ned. And besides, Abbot doesn’t exactly want to rehash those years, not in the scant time he and Ned have together.
Ned likely won’t be particularly impressed with who Abbot was then. Abbot certainly isn’t. Wasn’t in the moment, either. “Let’s talk about Switzerland this summer,” he says instead.
“That is not at all the same as you dishing on your lost love. And I gotta have a job, first of all, if I’m going anywhere.” Ned pokes Abbot’s thigh. “Don’t change the subject.”
“I’m not. I want you to come.”
“No. Your college romance. Spill. All the details, with the specifics, so I can get good and jealous and then fuck you.”
“Oh? Now that’s much more interesting. I’ll start by assuring you that romance is certainly overstating things.
” Abbot wills the prick of embarrassment from flushing his face.
Ned is everything Reto wasn’t, and it’s horrifying now to think about how long Abbot remained hung up on him, so unwilling to acknowledge Reto’s clear disinterest in anything more than being physical.
Even that had barely kept Reto’s attention, Abbot hurrying over to see him at the drop of a hat, always waiting for word from him and languishing when it didn’t come, knowing full well it meant Reto was with someone else.
Just one of many repetitive cycles of Abbot’s attraction to unavailable men.
It’s been so much better to leave that behind, now that he has Ned, and they don’t need to dwell on the various messes Abbot made of his own life.
The desperation Abbot had for the scraps of attention these men would occasionally toss his way, how he contorted his schedule, his days and weeks shaped around the chance to see them, ignoring every bit of evidence that they didn’t value him the same way.
Didn’t even think about him, not really, not like he obsessed over them.
A distraction, he’d known even then. Letting himself become absorbed in another person, washing his thoughts away from hospital beds and test results. Filling his time so he couldn’t fret, and becoming increasingly, conveniently unavailable when his father called.
No, Ned wouldn’t be impressed at all with how Abbot hid in Zürich, his focus on Reto and as far from Geneva as he could keep it.
“Tell me,” Ned says.
Any desire to do so has cooled and Abbot shakes his head. “Another time.”
“Tell me about Beverly then,” Ned says and oh, he’ll like that version of Abbot even less.
“Our trip,” Abbot says. “If we go to Switzerland in June, we could fly back with Liesl and bring her to Cape Cod for that first week of July.”
“I’ll have to see. And it’s down the Cape.”
“To the Cape,” Abbot says automatically. Ned has to see what? About the job, Abbot is sure he means, whether he’ll still be interviewing, still searching and applying to various positions. “We do have internet in Switzerland, if that’s what you’re worried about.”
“All those cows scrolling through their phones all the time? And it’s down the Cape. I have to start on Liesl now, since you’re a lost cause.”
“Well, she’ll be here soon. Get ready, because I think I’m simply an accessory to her visiting you.”
“I can’t wait.”
“You might be able to, given her newfound adolescent attitude.”
“Not my Liesl.”
“No, she’ll likely be perfectly cheerful for you.” And unpredictably irritated with Abbot, given how his last visit went. “She wants to teach you how to make caramelkopfli.”
“As long as it doesn’t involve Peggy hiding candy in her room. I think I found it all, at least.”
“I suppose we should tell Sandy that a requirement is a kitchen set up for baking.”
“Have you thought about it? What you want?”