14
S taring into the darkness, my soul feels utterly empty.
I need to get out of here, but my mind is such a mess. I fear the mistakes that will be made if I rush out of here.
“Want some?”
The voice comes from beside me, and I see Knox. He isn’t someone I’m overly familiar with, so I’m surprised to see him sitting beside me on the old fallen tree in the compound. He passes me a joint, and I take it without hesitation. Something needs to make me feel better, and I’m willing to try anything at this point.
“Thanks,” I murmur, bringing the joint to my lips and inhaling. It’s strong, and I immediately cough as the smoke billows from my mouth.
Passing the joint back to him, I put a hand to my chest to steady my racing heart. My body isn’t used to this kind of high, and my head immediately begins spinning. Oh boy, well, it’s a distraction, that’s for sure. Knox brings the joint to his mouth, inhaling long and deep, not a single cough escaping him. Bloody bikers. Always got to do one better.
He exhales slowly into the cool night air, the gray smoke swirling into the darkness. I watch it vanish into the emptiness before turning my gaze back to him. Such a striking man, as they all are. It makes me wonder why they’re among the few in the club without partners. Is it because they’re younger, or does Wolfe prefer to gather the ones who are broken?
“You should let him explain.”
I frown, then shake my head. If he’s about to give me a lecture on how I should feel sorry for Wolfe and not be hurt, then I’ll get up and leave.
“Do you know who my father is, or have you all forgotten the hell he brought on this town?”
“Nobody has forgotten shit, but what you think Rook did, I promise you is different from the truth. Hear him out, you might be surprised at how you feel after.”
I shake my head, frustrated. “He lied to me, used me, and lord knows what else. He doesn’t give a single crap about me, and I have nothing to say to him.”
Knox mutters something under his breath. I turn to him. “Say it out loud, I know you want to.”
“You don’t want to mess with me, Red. I’m not the kind of man who pulls punches. I’ll tell you like it is, and trust me, you won’t fuckin’ like it.”
I blink, but I don’t look away.
I can take it. I’m done with people dancing around me.
“Say what you want to say.”
He inhales the joint again. “I think you’re so fucked up from your past that you’re not willing to truly see the good in anyone. You’re walking around with a victim complex, and you’re not going to even try and let that go. If you want the truth, you need the whole truth, not just the bits you feel like hearing.”
His words hit me right where it hurts, and I flinch.
“You can fight me, or you can take a hard look at yourself. I’m not justifying his actions, but he had his reasons. You’ll never understand them because you haven’t given him a chance to explain. And you, it’s time to carve out your own damn identity instead of hiding in your father’s shadow. Sometimes, I wonder if you’re too comfortable there.”
Ouch.
“Am I wrong?”
I bite my lip, not sure how to answer.
His words hurt, but they are somewhat true. I have lived in my father’s shadow for so long, I don’t know who I am outside of it. I don’t know who Mera Sloane really is, if not the Shadow Butcher’s daughter.
“I don’t know anymore,” I admit, honestly.
“Hear him out, Red.”
With that, he gets up, crushes the joint out on the dirt, and leaves. I don’t move, my head spinning in a blissful high that I’m wanting to enjoy for a second longer before I go and face reality. I’m not even sure what that reality is. This has changed everything, and I’m not sure where to go from here.
I don’t know who Wolfe really is, and if I’m truly honest with myself, I don’t know who I am, either.
Pushing to my feet, I go straight back to my room, closing and locking the door. My body aches, my heart hurts, and my head is spinning. Walking over to the bed, I fall down onto it, the flood of tears coming, even though I inwardly beg them not to. I roll to my side, sobbing until it hurts. I didn’t ask to be born into the life I was given, and I’m tired of trying to figure it out.
The pounding on my door has me swiping my tears away and lifting my head, but I don’t say anything.
“Open the door.”
It’s Wolfe.
I’m not sure I can face him right now. Each look into his eyes shatters my heart a bit more. I was a fool to let myself fall for him. I should have kept my distance, never set foot in this club. Honestly, I should never have come to this town at all.
“Know you’re in there. You either open the door, or I’ll kick the fucker in.”
He’s in that kind of mood, is he?
Fine.
I’ll take Knox’s advice. I’ll let him speak.
Then, I’ll pack my things and leave this club, never looking back.
At least then I know I have done the right thing.
Pushing to my feet, I walk over, opening the door and turning before I even cast my eyes over him. I hear his booted steps as he walks in, then the door closes behind him. I don’t turn and look, I can’t. If I see him, I don’t think I’ll ever stop crying. I’m tired of crying, and more than that, I’m tired of feeling that sting in my chest when I think of the feelings I’ve developed for him.
“Look at me.”
His voice is firm, but possibly kinder than I’ve ever heard it.
“I’m scared to look at you, Wolfe. I don’t think I’ll be able to stop this pain if I do.”
He steps up closer to me, his chest so close to my back that I can feel the heat radiating off him. “Turn around, Mera. Look at me.”
I close my eyes, and more tears drip from my eyes, but I do as he asks.
I turn.
When I look up at him, I see the flash of shock wash over his face at the state of me. I know I look like a hot mess. Reaching out, he takes my chin and uses his other hand to swipe the tears from my cheeks. Why does he have to do this now? Be kind? He’s done nothing but shatter every piece of me, and now he chooses to show me some level of kindness.
“We need to talk.”
I nod, pulling my face away and walking over to the bed, sitting on the end of it. He doesn’t sit; instead, he stands with his arms crossed, no doubt wondering where to start.
“Just tell me everything,” I say, staring at my hands. “I want to know all of it.”
“Met your dad when I was a boy, around fourteen or so. I was in a bad fuckin’ place, and when I say bad, I mean bad. My father was a drunk, my mother worked the streets, and most days, we barely had enough food to get through. My little sister died when she was only six months old, and it fuckin’ destroyed me. She was the only thing I had.”
My heart breaks because nobody should have to experience that.
“I was at the bar one evening, trying to persuade my mother to come home. She was drunk, causing a scene, and I was desperate. She lost control and started hitting me in front of everyone. Your father intervened. I don’t know why he was there, but I’ll never forget him in that suit, his hair impeccably styled, looking like he didn’t belong. Yet, he stepped in and got me out of there.”
I know the version of my father he is talking about because it’s the one I grew up seeing.
“He helped me, cleaned me up, and got me a job. Then, he got me into a house for homeless youth, and that’s where I met Caleb. He had a similar story, and he took a liking to your father. Somehow, he became a staple in our lives. He would come by, visit, take us fishing, and teach us the things our fathers wouldn’t.”
My chest burns, but I say nothing.
“We knew he had a family, knew about you. You were only young when I met your father, maybe four. He kept the life he was leadin’ with us away from the life he had with you. It was nothin’ secret, I think it was just somethin’ he wanted for himself.”
The lies go back so long, it’s hard to wrap my brain around what I’m hearing. Did I know my father at all?
“When the murders started happenin’ in town, of course, everyone was interested. Suddenly the place we called home was upended into turmoil. I didn’t know it was him, not for a long time. I was troubled, mixin’ with the club and doin’ shit I shouldn’t have been. He was tryin’ to help me, tryin’ to get me out, but I was at a point in my life where I didn’t want to hear it.”
My heart is racing, but I don’t say anything. I just keep listening.
“It was a complete mistake that I caught him in the act. I followed him, hopin’ to talk to him about a drug issue I was havin’. He had just left the house after seein’ Caleb, and so I got in my car and followed him, hopin’ to catch him before he went home. But he never went home. He picked up a woman. Had this feelin’ in my gut, like I already knew, but I kept following him anyway.”
I’m not sure I’m ready to hear this.
“He took her to an old, abandoned house in the woods, and when I snuck up to that house, I saw somethin’ I never wanted to see in my fuckin’ life again. The shit he was doin’ to that woman will haunt me for the rest of my life. I ran, but not before stumblin’ over a pile of logs. He heard it and came running out, catching me. For a second, I thought he was goin’ to fuckin’ kill me, too.”
I’m holding my breath, scared to breathe, scared about what he’s going to say next.
“He pleaded with me, told me why he was doin’ what he was doin’. I was goin’ to the cops, I was goin’ to tell them everything, but... fuck ...I don’t know. He was the only person in my life that had been a solid. I needed him, more than I knew, and so I fuckin’ didn’t say anything. Pleaded with him to stop, he promised he would, and I trusted that.”
We both know he never stopped.
“Caleb found out and one night decided to follow your dad. Caleb wasn’t as trusting, and rightly so. He caught him in the act again and called the cops. But things went terribly wrong. Your father framed Caleb, making it seem like he was the one who called and that Caleb was responsible for the killings. He even tackled Caleb to the ground, so when the cops arrived, he appeared to be the hero.”
I’m struggling to understand what I’m hearing.
This can’t be right.
“The cops arrested him, and for a while, everyone thought Caleb was the Shadow Butcher. Surely you remember it all being over?”
I swallow. I do remember them arresting someone, but I was young and honestly, so distracted in my own world that I didn’t pay a great deal of attention. Not until I found out the truth, that is.
“Your father told me Caleb had been imitating him, that he had followed him and caught him in the act. He convinced me Caleb was in the wrong, so I did nothing to help. Caleb tried to tell the cops he was set up, but he was a young, troubled man and your father a respectable citizen of the town. Who do you think they believed? The worst part? I believed your father, thinking Caleb had taken a dark path for attention. It wasn’t until the killings continued and your father was caught that I realized the truth.”
“Did Caleb get out?”
Wolfe nods. “Yeah, but I couldn’t find him. He disappeared. Then, he got done again for possession of drugs and armed robbery and was put back in prison. I had a couple of things happen just before he went away, and I suspected he was comin’ back lookin’ for revenge, but when he got locked up, I stopped thinkin’ about it. That is until you came into town.”
“That’s why you wanted me to leave?”
“I knew you would cause a stir, and that stir would draw his attention. Didn’t know what he was capable of, but I knew that one day, he’d come lookin’ for revenge. With you and I in the same town, it was a perfect storm and as I suspected, he came hunting.”
My heart is racing as I try really hard to process this story.
Wolfe is telling me that basically, he saw my father as a role model and then my father betrayed him and Caleb in the worst possible way, now Caleb wants revenge on Wolfe for not telling the truth. How do I fit into that? Is it purely because he can’t get to my father, so he wants to get to me?
He wants a final showdown, and I’m afraid of what he might do to get it.
“WHERE IS SHE?”
My head jerks up just before I reach the store, when a woman’s voice calls out to me. I’m confused for a moment, wondering if the words are directed at me, but when I see her face, I can tell they are. I have seen enough of the news to know who she is – she is Nia’s mother. Glancing around, I see more than a few people have stopped out the front of the store to watch.
Great.
This is the last thing I need.
“I’m sorry, I don’t know,” I say, carefully, trying not to make matters worse.
The woman, with her tight blond bun and stern blue eyes, thrusts her phone in my direction, turning the screen towards me.
“Then explain to me why you were at the prison, visiting your father?”
Confusion washes over me as I stare at the screen on the phone, and see a picture of myself standing outside of the prison, looking guilty as hell. I was so nervous being there, in fear of this very thing, so of course I look worried. The caption is enough to make me recoil. Daughter of the infamous Shadow Butcher caught visiting her father for the first time, amidst suspicions that she has something to do with missing local girl, Nia.
No.
This isn’t happening.
“I don’t know where your daughter is,” I say, my voice shaking. “I swear.”
“You’re a liar,” she screams, throwing her hands up. “Where is she? What have you done with her? Tell me! Tell me or so help me God, you will feel the fire of hell cast over you.”
Jesus.
She’s screaming right in my face, and I’m forced to take a step back, my palms sweating as I try to figure a way out of this. More people have gathered, and are all watching me, their phones held up high to capture the moment.
“I have never, nor would I ever, hurt another person. I’m not my father. I would never touch your daughter.”
“Liar,” she bellows, and a woman gets out of a nearby car and rushes over, taking her by the shoulders. “Give her back to me, sinner. You will go to hell for this. You will feel the wrath. I want my child back. She belongs to me.”
I swallow the lump in my throat as I try to fight the tears. The woman sounds delusional, but I’ve never lost a child so I have no idea what that could do to someone.
A hand on my shoulder has me jerking, but the calm voice that follows, brings a sense of relief. “I’m sorry about your daughter, ma’am, but you have no right to do this.”
Jace.
“Come on,” he urges, turning me away and rushing me towards his car.
I get in, without hesitation, my heart racing. He takes off, and only when we’re out of the parking lot, do I exhale the breath I was holding. “Thank you,” I say, softly. “I didn’t see that coming.”
“I guess it was lucky we were at the store at the same time,” he smiles, warmly. “Was that Nia’s mother?”
I nod. “I guess you saw the news articles, too?”
He nods. “Yeah, it’s the talk of the town. Don’t worry, Mera. One day soon, this will all be a bad memory and nothing more.”
I wish that were the case, I really do.
“I appreciate that, but I fear until Nia is returned, I’m never going to be free.”
He falls silent, driving away from the town. I don’t know where. I don’t really care. I just want to get out of there. The last few days have been rough, and I feel as though I’ve taken two steps back when it comes to finding answers, even though I have already received so many. I just need this to be done with. It’s all I want. To move on with my life free of this.
“Do you want to go to a café I like? Are you hungry?”
I glance at Jace. “I guess I could eat. Thank you.”
We continue driving silently for a moment, when I notice Jace keeps looking in the rearview mirror. Concerned, I turn in my seat, glancing out at the back of the car to see nothing more than a white van following behind us.
“Is everything okay?” I question.
“I think that van is following us.”
My heart skips a beat as I turn and look again. Jace turns down a street, and of course, the van does, too. Maybe they’re just going in the same direction? Looping around, Jace ends up back on the highway and the van follows the exact route. I glance back at Jace, hoping we’re wrong but thinking he may just be right about this.
“Just keep driving,” I say carefully. “Head towards the club.”
Jace nods, and we keep driving down the long, quiet highway. It’s too quiet, and that makes me feel uneasy. Why does there seem to be nobody on this road? Rubbing my hand over my chest, I try to remain calm, but something about this situation feels wrong. Like a terrible thing is about to happen, and I don’t know how to stop it.
Reaching down, I pull out my phone. I haven’t spoken to Wolfe since he told me everything, but he’s the only person I can think of right now who might be able to help. I’m just about to unlock the phone when a loud gunshot rings out, then Jace is swerving. His frantic yelp sends shockwaves through me, and I drop my phone, gripping the door as the car spirals out of control.
“Jace,” I cry out.
“They shot the tire.”
This is bad.
The car skids to a stop on the other side of the road, and I’m incredibly thankful for seatbelts in that moment. Spinning around in my seat, I see two men wearing all black get out of the van and begin walking towards us at a rapid pace, a gun in their hands. Oh no. Frantically, I unbuckle the seatbelt and reach for my phone, just as Jace locks the doors.
The men reach the car, their faces hidden behind dark masks. My heart races as one of them taps the window with the gun, signaling for me to get out. I glance at Jace, horrified that I have put him in this position. I don’t want him to get hurt, and so I know I have to get out of this car. I don’t know who these men are, but I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if something happened to him.
"Mera, stay calm," Jace whispers, though his voice trembles. “Don’t unlock the door. I’m going to call 911.”
The men slam their gun onto the window once more, before turning it and pointing it right at Jace and indicating for me to get out. "Jace, please," I beg, my voice breaking. "Let me go. I can't let you get hurt because of me. I won’t risk it. Find Wolfe, tell him what happened. Please.”
He hesitates, gripping the steering wheel tightly. "I can't just leave you, Mera. They’ll kill you.”
"You have to," I say, my voice firm even though I’m utterly terrified. "Please, Jace. I need you to be safe. I won’t let you get hurt because of me.”
Before he can respond, the man slams the gun so hard on the window it shatters, and a rough hand reaches in, unlocking the door and swinging it open. Before I can say another word, he is pulling me out. I struggle, but his grip is unyielding.
"Get out," the man growls, dragging me from the car.
Jace calls out my name and unlocks his door to leap out of the car, desperation in his eyes, but the second man reaches in and swings his gun, striking him hard across the head. I watch in horror as he slumps forward, unconscious, his body collapsing against the steering wheel.
"Jace!" I scream, squirming, trying to get out of this man’s strong grip, but he continues to drag me away, ignoring my cries.
My heart shatters.
They shove me into the van, the door slamming shut with finality. As the vehicle speeds away, I feel the crushing weight of fear gripping my chest. My mind races with thoughts of Jace who is now alone on the side of the road, unconscious. What if he dies before anybody finds him? What if he doesn’t go to Wolfe?
The thoughts are too much to bear.
I try to calm my racing heart, but the uncertainty of what lies ahead terrifies me.
Deep down, I already know who has me.
The problem is, I don’t know how I’m going to survive it.