Chapter Twenty
TABITHA
Istumble in the dark on my way to the bathroom, flip the light on, and nearly scream.
My hand covers my mouth as I lean closer to the mirror.
I hardly recognize myself. My hair looks like an animal turned it into a nest. How long has it been since I paid attention?
A gurgling noise comes from my stomach. When did I last eat?
Days?
My toothbrush stares back at me. I shake my head and quickly grab it and the toothpaste. Once I’m done brushing my teeth, I turn the shower on and let the water warm up.
I stare at my reflection again. Look at the mess you are, Tabitha. What have people thought? Have I seen anyone besides Archie over the last couple of days? I don’t remember leaving the room.
I shake my head as I strip out of my pajamas. Stepping into the water makes me feel alive. It’s too hot, but I let it sting for a moment before adjusting the water to a more comfortable temperature. I stand under the sprayer for a while, zoning in and out as I reflect on the last few days—or week.
After a long time of standing under the water, I reach for the washcloth and soap and lather my body before tackling the mess my hair has become. Taking extra care to let the conditioner sink in.
I know realistically that I’m allowed to have off days.
A lot has happened lately that only pushed me farther into the dark.
I didn’t know if I was ever going to crawl out of it.
Part of me clung to those moments in the evening when Archie held me and I opened up.
I needed him, but I didn’t want to need him.
Once I am dressed and looking somewhat human again, I grab a bottle of water from the mini-fridge and chug it before digging through my travel bag for a snack.
I find a protein bar partially squished at the bottom—it will do.
I just need a little something in my stomach before I head downstairs and am around the others.
My phone stares back at me, and I know it’s time to return to the real world.
I power it on and take my time responding to messages.
I assure Max I am okay and promise my agent I will video call with her next week, but to email me the details of the company she wants me to work with next so I can prepare.
One step at a time.
Silence greeted me downstairs. It’s eerie.
“Hey.” Archie closes his laptop and stands. “Are you hungry? There’s some leftover lasagna from last night.”
I nod and follow him to the kitchen.
“Want to talk about it?” He speaks softly as he pulls out a plate for me.
I take in a deep breath and exhale slowly. “I got overwhelmed.”
“Makes sense.” He scoops some of the leftovers onto a plate, places it in the microwave, and then moves the dish back to the fridge.
“I get in these moods sometimes. It’s difficult to explain. It’s like I’m sinking and stuck. I used to take medication for it, but Ry—.” I stop. “I should probably see a professional.” I close my eyes.
“Whatever you want to do. I support you, whatever you need.”
“The things I told you.” I walk closer and place my hand on his forearm. “I haven’t told anyone everything, not like you.”
Archie brushes a piece of my wet hair behind my ear. “We’re best friends, forever and always. You can tell me anything, and I will be here for you.”
I nod and lean into his touch before being pulled into his arms. My body instantly relaxes, as if his shoulders are strong enough to take the weight of it all.
“I just want things to get to normal, whatever my new normal looks like.”
He pulls back and looks down at me. “We’re going to get there. I’ll help you.”
I nod.
His eyes flicker from my eyes to my lips, and back up again.
Being here with Archie—it’s like no time has passed.
The feelings are there. Different. Stronger.
I’ve never felt the urge to make a move like I am now.
All I can think about is kissing him. As if it will make the rest of the world disappear.
I want to forget for a moment like my life isn’t crumbling around.
I like to play pretend, it’s like cosplaying. I can be in the moment. I can be someone else. If real life could be more like make believe, maybe things wouldn’t be so bad. I’m just a girl. Archie is just a boy. I could pretend that all was right in the world.
Would it be easy?
I slowly slide my hand up his chest, my fingers dancing across his hard muscles before crossing over his large shoulders. My other hand moves from his arm, up until it connects with my other near the back of his neck.
The microwave dings, and Archie rests his forehead on mine. “Let’s get you fed.”
We pull away slowly.
He moves to the microwave and grabs the food. “Do you want to eat in here or out there?”
“In here.” I move to the stool near the counter and sit. “Will you stay in here with me?”
Archie grabs a fork and then passes me the leftovers. “Of course.”