Chapter Twenty-Eight
TABITHA
There’s an empty feeling in the pit of my stomach.
I haven’t been able to sit still all day.
My skin is itchy. My chest feels heavy. And it’s all been leading up to this moment.
Part of me debates if it’s a good or bad thing why I feel this way, while the other part of me wants to crawl under a weighted blanket and listen to instrumental music.
As if I can ignore the world and my problems.
I know I should move forward and keep living my life. I need to move on. Luke’s a decent guy. When I met him in person last weekend, it went as expected. He’s as good of a guy as he seemed online. Everyone thinks we have chemistry, but I don’t feel it.
We’ve been online friends in the community for over a year now. We’ve always kept our conversations strictly professional. Some of the videos are flirty, but it’s always been an act. We portray characters.
The audience has loved every bit and has recently shipped us. There’s even a debate in some comments about what our couple name would be. It’s weird and a little intimidating, to be honest.
Realistically, I know nothing is going to come of this. I’m not in the right place, and I just don’t see him like that. So, why did I agree to go on this date?
Maybe because he asked me out on a date yesterday—in front of everyone—I felt backed into a corner. I couldn’t say no, right?
Archie has been in a sour mood today, more than usual. I almost asked him if he needed someone else to accompany me on this date. It’s not like I want him to watch. It’s already going to be weird. Now it will be even more awkward to know he’s somewhere watching.
It feels wrong.
Things have been off between us since we arrived back at my house.
It’s as if we’re struggling to find where we stand with each other.
He’s my bodyguard, but it’s more complicated.
We’re not friends, but we kind of are. Sometimes it feels like there might be even more, but I don’t know if it’s our history or wishful thinking. I’m in more trouble than I thought.
It was easier when we were younger. Now, we both know there is something more there—or was. I’ve been too afraid to make a move. I’m not the type, and I can’t find the courage to act. What if he rejects me? I don’t think I can handle that. Not from him.
I exhale all the air from my lungs and approach the table at the restaurant.
Luke immediately stands from the table and greets me with a smile. “Hey!”
We side hug and he pulls out my chair for me.
This feels wrong and my gut feels like it’s sinking. I don’t know if I can do this.
I glance out of my periphery to see Archie sitting on the other side of the restaurant. He has his back to the wall, his eyes are locked on me. I can’t tell what he’s thinking, though, because his face is devoid of emotion. It would be nice if I could know something… anything.
“I’m really glad we’re doing this.” He picks up the menu. “I remember you saying you were a dessert girl. People know this place for its desserts. I won’t hold it against you if you want to order dessert first.” Luke laughs.
I smile.
I can’t do this. I need to be honest with Luke, because nothing will come of this.
“Look, before this date continues and you get these thoughts in your head—” I pause. “I need to be honest. I agreed only because I felt cornered. The truth is—I gave my heart away a long time ago.”
Luke smiles. “It’s the guy that follows you around.”
I sigh. “There’s a lot going on in my life, and he has my back. I haven’t been honest with him or myself.”
He nods. “It’s all good, Tabitha. I hope you both don’t fight whatever it is much longer.”
“You’re being really cool about this.” I chuckle.
“Yeah.” He shrugs. “You’re a cool girl, and I had to shoot my shot. If all we are is work friends, I’m cool with that. I’m sorry for cornering you.
“You’re really okay?” He nods and I sigh in relief.
“This can turn into a business dinner.” Luke laughs. “I mean, I’ve got a couple of ideas I’d like to run by you.”
“I’d love that.” I smile softly. “Excuse me for just a moment.” I stand. “If the server comes, I’ll take a water.” I make my way over to the restroom.
I’m relieved he doesn’t seem upset that this isn’t going to be a date, but it still feels weird. I’m out to dinner with a great guy at this romantic place, while the guy who holds my heart is sitting across the room staring.
The real issue is being too afraid to make the first move, to say something. I’m terrified of being rejected by the one who meant everything to me growing up. We’re drifting farther apart and I feel like I’m drowning. I don’t know how to stop it.
As soon as I step into the bathroom, I make my way over to the sink and grip it. I stare at my hands as my knuckles turn white. I just need a minute or two to remember how to breathe normally.
The door opens, and I will my body to relax as I glance up in the mirror. I expect to see some woman making her way to a stall. Not the sight that greets me.
Archie.
He flips the lock, the sharp click sounding loud. He scans the empty stalls before his eyes lock on mine in the mirror.
“This is the women’s restroom.” I joke, forcing the laugh. “You can’t just come in here.”
“Do you think this is funny?” His nostrils flare.
“It’s a little funny,” I mutter, rolling my eyes—because if I don’t, I’ll have to admit the way my stomach just dropped.
His gaze narrows, sharpens, and then he moves. Slowly. With each step it sends my pulse higher, my chest tighter.
The mirror needs one of those warning labels like they have in the car. Objects in mirror are closer than they appear. I see him closing in, see my chest rise too fast, see his expression darken. And then he’s there. I hold my breath as I feel the heat of him at back.
“Tabitha,” he says low, like a growl scratching at his throat. He braces one hand on the counter beside me, caging me in. His other hand hovers, then grazes the side of my hip. His finger are light, tracing my skin where the cutout of my dress is.
I’m frozen in place. I need more. So much more.
His eyes flick down, tracing my curves with his eyes.
Heat rushes across my chest and up my neck, flooding me.
“Arch—” My voice cracks.
He leans in to the curve of my neck, but his eyes are on mine in the mirror. His lips almost touch my skin.
I’m pretty sure my heart is going to beat right out of my chest with as loud as it is. If I turned, would our lips touch?
His jaw clenches. “Fuck.” He tears himself away, retreating fast.
The door clicks shut behind him and I’m left staring at my reflection.
What the hell was that?
I give myself one more minute to attempt to calm my nerves before returning to my not a date.