Chapter Thirty
TABITHA
My heart feels like it’s dropped into my gut. I rub at my chest as the tightness spreads across my body. This doesn’t feel right. None of today has felt right. I didn’t even want to go on the date! Why didn’t he stop it from happening?
What is happening?
Archie can’t leave—I just got him back. Sure, I didn’t initially want him to know the truth. That’s why his showing up as my bodyguard was so shocking. He wasn’t supposed to know about my troubles, because he was always everything. Nobody can replace him; nobody ever could.
Not as a friend—a best friend.
Not as a bodyguard.
I groan. Anger fills me as I step into the shower.
The water soaks through my clothes, but I can’t bring myself to care.
I just need to feel before I spiral back into that place.
I refuse to go back there. I slowly slide to the floor and let the water continue to soak my clothes. The wet fabric clings to my body.
It’s annoying, but at least I’m still feeling. I’m not numb. I’m not going back to that dark place in my head.
Archie is really pushing me away this time. Right out of each other’s lives. I thought maybe seeing me with someone else would make him make a move—I was wrong.
I close my eyes and let the first tear fall.
“Asshole!”
Was it the date? He didn’t even give me a chance to explain. I was going to tell him everything before he dropped the bomb. He can’t leave!
I want to be with Archie.
I fucking love him.
I stand and turn the shower off. The clothes stick to me as I struggle to peel them off. I nearly trip over my own feet attempting to get out of the jeans. Archie isn’t going without me telling him how I feel.
It’s time to put it all on the table.
I’m going to make a move this time. Because if he thinks for one second I would rather be with someone else, he’s an idiot.
I take a deep breath, then drape my wet clothes over the side of the tub. I used a towel to squeeze most of the water from my hair, at least so it wouldn’t drip on me. Then, move to my room and dig through my pajama drawer.
I grab a cute set that makes me feel both sexy and powerful and pray it gives me the strength to finally do it. This isn’t just about telling him how I feel. I’m going to lay all the cards on the table and make my move. He’ll either reject me or accept the truth.
I just pray it isn’t all in my head.
Within minutes I’m leaning against the door of the security office. I hesitate to say anything. He’s focused on his laptop.
“So, you’re really going to leave?” I hold my breath. Maybe he’s already changed his mind.
Archie doesn’t even turn to face me. His eyes stay glued to the laptop screen. “I think it’s for the best.”
I swallow. “Honestly?”
He turns to face me. His jaw clenches as he looks me down and back up again. It’s so slow, I can imagine what he sees. Temptation nearly undressed.
I shift slightly. Doesn’t he know I’m his? All he has to do is say the words.
“Luke seems like a good guy.” He shakes his head and looks away.
I let out a breath and step closer. “He’s not you.”
“Tab,” his voice comes out growly, like a warning.
“Nobody will ever be you.” I take a step closer.
“Honesty, remember. We’re supposed to be honest with each other.
” I swallow. This is it. “You want mine? Nobody will be. Want to know why?” I hesitate and wait for him to face me.
“You weren’t just my best friend growing up, Archie Stryker.
You were my first love, even if I never told you. ”
“Don’t.” His hands squeeze the armrests of his chair. “You deserve to be happy. I’m not the guy who can give you that.”
“Do you remember when were at the clubhouse playing darts? During that stupid game of truth or dare. You dared me to find my happy. Well, here’s the honesty: I will never be as happy without you in my life. You can run and push me away, but know I want you. You’re my happy, Arch.”
His hand rubs over his face in frustration.
Come on, Archie? Don’t you see it yet?
“I have nothing to give you.” He closes his eyes.
“Stop being an idiot!” I break. This is my moment. This will either bring him to me or push him away. “You’re right, I could be happy with someone else. I can find a version of happy out there. But it will never be enough; it will never compare to you.”
“I’m sorry, Tab.” He shakes his head.
“Wow, me too, Arch.” I take a step forward. “From this moment forward, I won’t live my life with regrets. This moment is on you. I choose you, but you want to push me away.”
“But your date—” His eyes narrow on me.
“No,” I interrupt him. “It was never a date. Not a real one. I told him at the start of the dinner that there was nothing there.”
“What?” His hands fist on the armrests of the chair. “But you were both smiling and laughing.” He shakes his head in disbelief.
“I gave my heart away a long time ago, Archie Stryker.” I take another step toward him.”
His feet shuffle slightly, and I wonder if he’ll step up and make the move.
“Friends don’t keep secrets.” I take another step toward him. “It’s always been you.”
I move to take another step, and he’s up at the same time.
Everything freezes. For one moment, time simply stops.
It’s been bubbling under the surface for so long, my heart feels like it’s about to beat out of my chest. I know when it detonates, it will be nuclear.
There is no other acceptable reaction, not after how long this has been simmering.
And I know if I don’t do something, my world will cease to exist.
If I don’t do something now, I might as well be sucked into a black hole.
I launch myself into his arms, wrapping my legs around his waist. His arms embrace me, and for a few seconds we lock eyes. Freezing this moment in time, placing this memory on a pedestal where it deserves.
This isn’t just life-changing; it’s universe alternating. Archie isn’t just the boy I fell in love with when I was little. He’s the man I can’t live without. The soul mine will search for in every lifetime.
My hands move slowly into his hair, tugging him closer until our foreheads are resting on each other.
“Don’t leave me.” I whisper like a prayer before crashing my lips to his.