Chapter Five #2
Leif visibly swallowed. The act had Aspen’s gaze dropping to Leif’s neck. There was Aspen’s mark. His mark. Leif belonged to him, and Aspen couldn’t watch him ache.
“You can say it.”
Leif took a shaky-sounding breath. “It wasn’t a random backup plan. I did it.”
Aspen’s insides froze. “You did what?” He needed there to be no misunderstandings.
Guilt passed over Leif’s features. “You said you didn’t want us anymore, but there was no me without you. I walked into the fire.”
Aspen gasped. He automatically drew his knees up and covered his mouth, as if everything inside him recoiled.
Leif swallowed again. “Except Celeste wouldn’t let me die.
Well, she wouldn’t let me stay dead. That’s why I’ve been so angry with her.
I made my way to peace in heaven. But she still needed me to be the soldier, and—truth be told—as much as I am so fucking thankful for you, I’m still angry.
You’re my everything. I didn’t want to go on without you, and she made me. ”
Tears rolled down Aspen’s cheeks, but he let Leif say all the words.
Leif blinked as if he fought tears and he wouldn’t look directly at Aspen.
“The pain was unimaginable, and I don’t mean the fire.
It was like you were ripped away from me, and I couldn’t do it.
But she needed a fucking soldier, so my suffering meant nothing.
” He finally met Aspen’s stare, and Aspen saw the pain and rage.
“I know everything worked out and I’m sitting here now, mated to the only thing in this world I can’t live without.
Not just the only person, but every goddamn thing I can’t live without.
” Leif’s voice shook with emotion. “I know I’m supposed to accept that some grand plan came together in the end.
But we were told we could choose a warrior’s death, and it’s all bullshit.
I’m ecstatic to be alive now and sitting here with you.
But back then, it was an impossible dream, and she ripped away my only option for comfort. ”
There was no way Aspen could have known how much pure anger lived inside Leif.
Sadness engulfed him. “If you feel that way about her, I can’t imagine how you really feel about me.
I mean, when I got into town and saw you again for the first time, you looked at me with a loathing I can’t even describe.
Now you’re stuck with me, and….” Aspen’s hands rose and fell.
“I’m sorry for existing, I guess. You never deserved to have me as a plague on your life. If you’d never met me, you’d—”
“Be the most miserable bastard on the face of the planet,” Leif interjected, likely saving Aspen from words he couldn’t unsay.
Aspen deflated. He thought he had felt defeated before, but knowing he was the reason Leif had done such a terrible and dumb thing. That was too heavy for him to carry.
Leif scooted closer and touched his lips to Aspen’s.
“None of this matters now, baby.” He kissed Aspen again.
His voice remained soft. “Please stop hating me over this.” Another sweet kiss swept across his lips.
“I just want to leave the past behind and—for once—finally get to enjoy the love we found. Why does everything keep stepping between us? We’re supposed to be happy to be mates. ”
That last bit hit Aspen hard. “I am happy knowing you’re mine.
I begged for you.” In all the line of embarrassing things to say, Aspen didn’t feel like admitting the way he had pleaded didn’t even make the top fifty on the list. But that was the admission that mattered most now.
He stared at his biggest dream come true.
That was why it hurt so badly to find out he was Leif’s worst nightmare.
In all his life, and it had been a very long existence, Leif had never felt pain like what Aspen experienced.
The instant Leif closed his mind to Aspen, Aspen had crumbled.
Too late, Leif realized how close Aspen had been to shattering, purely from the way Leif had looked at him the first time he saw Aspen again.
There had been nothing left inside Aspen but a thin and cracked veneer of hope for the future when he came after Leif.
Then Leif had taken a baseball bat to Aspen’s slowly healing heart.
Leif’s hands shook. There was a person-sized hole in the wall where Kyrie had sent him flying through it. He didn’t even know how he felt about that because the shock of everything was so thick. All he knew was Aspen couldn’t leave him.
“I’m not leaving you.”
The statement made the air in Leif’s lungs stutter. He heard and felt the shaky breath that escaped him.
“Come here.” Aspen pulled Leif onto his lap. Sitting between Aspen's knees, Aspen urged him to lean against his chest before wrapping his arms around Leif in a tight hug.
Leif’s eyes closed. He savored the moment. This was one of the things he had missed the most. Aspen was his cuddly bear for a reason. Being in his arms was Leif’s version of heaven.
“Do you remember the first place we lived? The one-room cabin in the middle of the woods.”
Leif smiled. His eyes stayed shut as he savored the sound of Aspen’s voice and warmth of his arms surrounding him. “That place was tiny, especially for a bear.”
“I loved it there. You couldn’t escape me.”
Leif took a breath. With every passing second, the fear and pain lessened. “In those days, we didn’t have much in the way of entertainment in the middle of nowhere.” A devilish smile tugged at Leif's lips. “But I was never bored.”
“Maybe that’s what we need.”
Leif’s eyes opened. He glanced over his shoulder. “To fuck? I’m in.”
Aspen chuckled. “That’s not what I meant.
” He paused for a beat. “Or maybe I did. Everything seemed so simple back then. No electronics. Just us with no one else around. We didn’t worry about running into a mystery mate.
You created a magic little bubble for us so we’d be safe from any chance of a stranger—man or beast—stumbling in.
No one existed but us. I don’t recall why we ever left. ”
“Your pack.” Leif hated saying those words and ruining the moment, but that was what happened. “You worried they might need you.”
“No.”
At Aspen’s denial, Leif started to argue that was absolutely what had them leaving that bubble.
Aspen continued before Leif could get irritated.
“I worried they would tear my little brother to pieces without me around. He was so small and sweet. You know how they felt about anything small or sweet. One day, I woke up and just had the worst feeling in my gut—like I needed to get to him. Not that they let me see him when we returned.”
Leif searched his mind, trying hard to remember that part. “I don’t recall any of this. Maybe my brain got scrambled in that fire.”
A very bear-like growl rumbled against his ear.
“Don’t joke about that. Noted.”
Aspen licked his neck.
Leif's entire body lit. He had not forgotten this part. The affectionate bear kisses that always stole his breath.
“None of this is the point. Maybe we need to disappear into a bubble again for a little while.”
Leif desperately wanted those days back, but he had to be realistic.
“I thought you wanted to be part of Waylon’s pack.
You sacrificed everything for me back then.
I don’t want you to do that twice. You have no idea how fucking sorry I am for hurting you again.
I don’t want to make all the same mistakes.
Fuck, Aspen. I just want to love you like you deserve. ”
Aspen licked his neck again. This time, he didn’t stop.
Leif’s walls fell as all the stress seeped from him. His entire being focused on that tongue. He felt Aspen poking around in his mind, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. His skin tingled. Leif’s erection grew.
Aspen palmed Leif’s dick through his jeans and massaged.
Leif’s entire ass left the floor trying to fuck that hand. He needed the release. In one swift motion, Leif was on his back on the kitchen floor. His shirt ripped away as Aspen licked his torso. The way his tongue swirled held every ounce of Leif’s focus.
“That feels so good. I’ve woken up twisted in the sheets over memories of that tongue.”
A very animalistic sound rumbled from Aspen’s throat.
Leif gasped at the sensation. He felt everything like his nerve response had been turned up by a thousand percent.
Leif had been rendered useless by Aspen’s ministrations.
The sound of ripping jeans filled his ears while Aspen traced a circle around Leif’s navel.
The second air brushed his erection, Aspen’s tongue lapped him front root to tip before Aspen swallowed him.
Leif dove his fingers into Aspen’s hair.
He couldn’t even see clearly anymore. The lust was bigger than everything, killing any sense not needed to enjoy Aspen on his dick.
He panted as Aspen did his best to suck the skin from Leif’s cock.
The closer he was pulled toward oblivion, the wilder he turned.
He lifted his hips in perfect rhythm with Aspen bobbing on his dick.
Leif fucked Aspen’s throat. The animalistic noises coming from Aspen were like a vibrator around his cock.
Leif couldn’t think. Nothing existed but them.
When he blew, Leif saw stars and lost all ability to breathe.
A silent scream poured from him as he saw stars.
He shook with the power of his orgasm. They weren’t broken.
They were flawless together. Leif would make Aspen remember that.