Seth
I keep looking at Kaden’s neck. At that mark I put there.
With my teeth.
Because I bit him. Because I’m insane. Obviously.
But fuck, it was so hot! That sound he made when he came? I could keep that on repeat in my head, and die a happy man.
My heart rate still hasn’t dropped to normal, and I keep biting my cheek, wondering what’ll happen next.
Is this a thing now?
Is he not straight?
Will it be weird between us again?
I can’t do that. I need him to be okay with this, even if we can’t blame it on drugs this time. I need him to just be okay. Because I need him.
“What?” he says, not taking his eyes off the TV. I don’t even know what’s on. I haven’t been able to focus long enough to notice.
“What?”
“You’re staring.”
“No,” I say.
He turns his head, catching me red-handed. “Yeah, you are.”
“You could use some conce—uh, make up. Cover that up,” I say, gesturing at my neck.
“It’s still there?”
“Yup,” I say, popping the p.
He gets up, walks into the bathroom and stays there for a minute. I can hear him turn the faucet on, washing his hands before he comes back.
“Sorry,” I mumble.
He just gives a quick shake of his head. “It’s fine. How’s your, uhm…?” He gestures at my waist, and I lift my hoodie, inspecting the small, pinkish marks from his fingers.
Bury me with them.
Only them. But maybe close the casket, because parents.
“Shit!” he says, raking a hand through his hair. “I’m sorry, man. I didn’t… I’m usually not—”
“No, seriously, it’s fine. No worries. Guess that makes us even, right?” I chuckle.
“Yeah.” He snorts, stroking his hands over his pants. Then dragging a hand over his chin before he clears his throat. “I think I’m gonna head home.”
Okay, so awkward it is.
“Yeah, sure.”
I walk him to the door, putting my hands in my pockets, then up again. Straightening my hoodie. A hand through my hair.
“Look,” he says, a hand on the door handle. “We don’t have to make this weird, right? Friends helping friends and all that. Right?”
I nod, crossing my arms. “Yeah. No, totally.”
“Okay.” He nods, staring at me for a beat longer. “G’night.”
The door closes behind him, but I stay where I am, still staring at the door. Biting my lip.
I move a hand up to my mouth, dragging a finger across my lips.
Over my chin. I can still feel the beard burn from his stubble.
My hand travels down the neckline of my hoodie and I pull it up, dipping my nose inside.
The scent of my cologne hits me first, and then a subtle hint of Kaden’s.
I inhale deeply, closing my eyes for a second.
Letting myself stay there for just a moment longer before I turn on my heel, pull the hoodie off, and throw it in the hamper.
“So…” Lou says, applying mascara to her smoky eyes. “Have you tried the pills yet?”
“Uh, yeah,” I say, licking my bottom lip, pretending to look for something off camera. I haven’t told Lou about Kaden and me. I don’t know why but most probably because I can’t believe it myself and what am I going to say? And maybe a little because I kind of know what she’ll say.
“And?” she asks, putting the mascara away as she focuses on me.
“And you could’ve warned me that it was basically Viagra on steroids.”
She laughs. “I thought you knew.”
“Well,” I say, raising my eyebrows.
“So, tell me about it.”
“Tell you what?”
“How was it?”
“I just told you?” I frown. “It was like being a teenager again, horny and insane.”
She laughs again, that wench. Her two front teeth are slightly crooked; one overlaps the other. She always used to hate that—I’ve always loved it.
“Speaking of insane,” I say. “Do you think your eyes are a little too smoky for everyday?”
“Yeah, but I’m going through a phase. That okay with you?” she says, pressing her tongue to her cheek, putting a piece of her hair behind her ear.
“Sure.” I scoot further up on the couch, crossing my legs.
“Speaking of smoky,” she says, reaching for her laptop and places it on her knees. She hits a key and then—
“No way!” I squeal, laughing with my head thrown back. “I haven’t heard this in forever!”
“Right? I just unpacked the last box last night and found our old CD. You remember?”
“Lay back in the arms of someone,” I mumble along with the song. It’s our song. Her mom was a big Smokey fan when we grew up and Lou burned a CD with all of their best songs, but this was our favorite one. My eyes burn a little as I think back on it.
Lou sings along, smiling and I miss her more than I have in a while. She’s my rock and that I don’t get to see her every day in the flesh, is a fucking crime against humanity.