6. Chapter Six
Chapter Six
J ess finds ways to keep herself occupied and not allow her mind to wander to Kade. During the day, she has work and friends and various distractions. Nights, however, are a completely different story. She doesn't have anything or anyone to occupy her mind.
She could go out, but too many places have memories she's not quite ready to face yet. Or push down. They have a lot of good memories she doesn't want to ruin. She already has the issue of waking up, and first thing in the morning, she forgets she's no longer with him. She reaches for her phone for the good morning text he'd send, and then she remembers. She doesn't need to have the same reality slap in the face all across town ruining her memories.
Tonight is no exception to her new standard routine. She makes dinner for two and packs up the leftovers no one else happened to be around to eat. Then she cleans up the kitchen and watches television. She used to read after dinner when she wasn't meeting up with Kade, but she can't focus that long anymore. Her mind drifts too easily about how much he would have liked the dinner she made or the show she could be watching.
How can he just treat her like they didn't have anything substantial? She knows they did. She could feel it. The way he'd look at her sometimes, out of the blue, would knock her off her feet. No one has ever just looked at her like that before, and that's not how a man looks at a woman he considers to be nothing more than a casual thing.
The sitcom on the TV drones on in the background, and she knows it's no use. It'll be another fitful night of sleep, so she may as well take a sleeping pill to try and get some rest. She's gotten surprisingly good at running on little sleep and caffeine, which is what she imagined she'd be like when she and Kade had kids. Kids they'll never have now, and she just prays she doesn't dream of him. The last thing she needs is another dream waking her up as she breaks into sobs.
Opening the bathroom cabinet, she sighs. She forgot to put his razor in the box she handed him, and she's been avoiding throwing it out for the past couple of weeks.
"It's time," she says aloud and takes it in her hand. "It's just a razor. It's not like he's coming back for it. It's not expensive or special. He probably doesn't even remember he left it here like everything else because he leaves his stuff all over town. With other girls. Get a grip, Jess."
Taking a deep breath, she straightens her back, stares at the blue razor, and throws it in the trash with more conviction that she truly feels. The simple act brings tears to her eyes, and she grabs the bottle of over-the-counter sleep aid to take quickly before brushing her teeth.
She slips into bed and closes her eyes. Kade Finely is gone. Out of her life. Turning onto her back, she reaches her arm out and feels the empty spot next to her. It's amazing how quickly she adjusted to sleeping next to someone in just five short months. They didn't spend many nights away from each other, and the bed feels cold and empty now.
"Were those nights apart the ones he spent with other women?" Jess asks into the dark. "Was he using the shampoo and razors he left at someone else's place the next morning instead of the ones he left here?"
And the sex. Her body had become accustomed to having sex regularly, and she feels the ache starting in her belly. She never desired anyone the way she desires Kade, and her hand slides across her stomach and toys with the hem of her shorts.
"It's not the same," she groans and keeps her hand still. "Unless he's with someone else, he'd probably come over if I called. Give me what I crave."
Her hand moves from her body to her phone on the nightstand. What could one night hurt? Pulling up his contact, she stares at the picture she set for him, and she knows one night can hurt a lot. It'll undo what little progress she's made, and she sets the phone back down.
"No. It might be just sex to him, but it would be so much more to me. It's not just getting off. Not for me, and I don't know that I can start this process of moving on again. Stay strong, Jess."
Hands on her head, she takes a few deep breaths. No, she won't call Kade. She won't ask him to help scratch an itch he caused because he created a bigger wound she's struggling to heal. Having him in her bed would do nothing but pour salt on it instead of finding ointment to relieve the ache.
Her phone rings, and she jumps. Her heart flutters, and she hates how she hopes he was thinking of her just then, too, and decided to call. To tell her how wrong he was, and that he wants to give them a real shot. But instead of Kade's face on the screen, she sees an unfamiliar number.
"Hello?"
"Jess?"
The voice takes her by surprise. "Lena?"
"You weren't sleeping, were you?"
Ha! She hasn't slept in weeks. The sleep aid has just started to kick in, so she might just sound a little buzzed. "Uh, no. How'd you get my number?"
"I know someone who knows someone who worked with you," she says. "I hope that's okay."
Would it change much if it wasn't? "Yeah, that's okay. Is everything alright?"
"Everything is great!" she exclaims. "I met someone."
Of course she did. She's basically a Kate Upton clone from the movie The Other Woman . It wouldn’t be hard for her to find someone new. Not like Jess. "Yeah?"
"Yeah, his name is Joe. He's super nice, and he's so hot. And the sex is amazing!"
Jess holds back a groan. The last person she had sex with was Kade, and she's starting to think sex deprivation is worse than sleep deprivation for her mental health. "That's nice."
How the hell did she become good enough friends to talk about sex with the woman she caught the man she's still madly in love with screwing in his kitchen? This can't be normal. Maybe she does need a therapist.
"That's kind of why I'm calling."
"To make sure I'm not also seeing him?" Jess jokes.
Lena laughs, and Jess wishes for her nonchalance. "No! I went through his phone, and you're not in it. He and I went to a party last night, and I met his friends. One of his high school friends is single, and he seems really nice."
Uh oh. "Lena, I appreciate-"
"He's never been married, but he wants to marry one day. He's just over six feet tall, blond hair, green eyes, and he has a beard. Not a gross one. It's well-kept and burly. Very sexy."
"How old is he?"
"Thirty-five."
Thirty-five and never married? "Do you know when his last relationship was?"
"Two years ago. They were together for four years, and he wanted to get married. She didn't, and that's what broke things off. I think he said they still keep in touch, but she's over in Australia with her new boyfriend. Or maybe he said Austria. Some country that starts with an A. It was kind of loud at the bar."
"How about Argentina?"
Lena pauses for a moment. "I don't think so, but it's possible. Do you know her?"
"I don't even know him," she says with a laugh. "What's his name?"
"Oh, yeah! His name is Landry Knight. And he looks like he'd make a hell of a Prince Charming. He's also built like a rock."
He doesn't sound terrible. "What does he do?"
"He manages a company. Concrete, I think. I'm not sure what that means exactly, but he sounds important."
"Is it too soon for me to start seeing someone? Or even think about seeing someone?"
"I don't think so. I mean, I'm practically living with Joe," Lena says.
Of course she is. Jess guesses most men would even play John Meyer's Wonderland song about Lena. It's the song that became the soundtrack in her mind as she remembers walking in on her with Kade.
"Are you worried about what Kade will think?"
She sighs. Is she? "I haven't talked to him in weeks."
"I haven't talked to him since that night. For the record. But I know you were with him longer than I was."
"It's hard to get past everything. I mean, I'm already thinking about whether Landry would do the same thing Kade did. I'll be honest, Lena, I don't think we could be friends if I walked in on you having sex with another guy I'm dating."
"I'm going to marry Joe."
Just like that. She's going to marry him. It doesn't surprise Jess Lena could get a guy to want to marry her. Jess put in five months of work to show Kade she'd make a good wife one day, and he couldn't care less. "You are?"
"He doesn't know it yet, but I do. We're destined to be together. And I know he's not seeing anyone else because I put a tracker on his car."
"You did what now?"
"You can't be too careful these days, especially after what happened with us. Now, I know where he is at all times. And he shared his location with me on his phone."
Jess laughs. "You know that's not a sign of a normal or healthy relationship, right?"
"Screw normal or healthy. If he's going to screw me over, I'm going to know before I walk in on him screwing someone in the kitchen."
Ouch. "I can't really blame you."
"So? What do you say? Oh, and Landry won't do what Kade did. Joe says he's a total one-woman man. Never dated more than one girl even in high school or college. Once he dates someone, it's just her."
That sounds like what she's looking for. "I suppose meeting him wouldn't hurt."
Lena screams, and Jess has to pull her phone from her ear. "I'm so excited! Okay, we can totally double date tomorrow night. I'll talk to Joe, and I'll get him to convince Landry to come."
"Convince him to come? Do you know if he even wants to meet someone?"
"Oh, he does. Trust me, he does. I mentioned a hot girl I knew named Jess, and he said he'd be interested in meeting a friend of mine. I just don't know if he has plans tomorrow or not. But he will. With you."
Can she really put her trust in Lena not to lead her astray? Will this come back and bite her in the ass later, because it feels like it might.
"Are you sure this is a good idea?"
"I think it's an amazing idea! You know what they always say: The best way to get over a man is to get on top of a new one. Trust me, I find this to be very true."
"It's under a new one, but I think the last thing I need right now is to climb on or under a man."
Lena scoffs. "You're telling me you don't miss the sex? That you haven't been thinking about how much you wish you could have it? Because I do after every single breakup."
"Well, yes, but sex isn't just sex to me."
"Find a way to make it just that until your heart heals, hunny. It's so much easier, I swear."
"Like you're doing with Joe?"
She giggles. "Okay, sex with him is more than just orgasms. Amazing orgasms. But the three others before him were nothing more than a means to an end."
Three? She's on her fourth man since Kade? Jesus. "Let me know where I'm going tomorrow."
"If you want to send me your address, I can pass it along-"
"Oh, no, I want to meet somewhere. If he's crazy, or things don't work out, I don't need him knowing where I live."
"I'm a little crazy. Are you also worried about me?"
"Now that you mention it, yes, a little."