Chapter 28 Maddox #2
The three of us look at each other, none of us believing that’s the whole story, before Theo speaks up. “You don't call somebody the names you call her just because she is your sister's annoying friend."
“Agree," I say. "My sister was older, but she had annoying friends. But I've never once accused them of having a nine-iron up her ass.”
“Fuck you all,” Beau says before storming out of the kitchen toward the back door. A second later we hear it slam behind him.
“I really need to thank you two,” I say with a huge smile on my face.
“For what?” Asher asks.
“I said I wanted a welcome home party. And this didn’t disappoint.”
“Maddox, is everything okay?”
“Yeah, Mom. Everything's okay.”
Is it? I mean, the short answer is yes. But the gnawing feeling in my stomach that has been festering for months—and became a full-on stomachache tonight after I left Poker Club—says otherwise.
I had every intention of going back to Gabi’s apartment after leaving Sugar and Sweets.
But I knew she wasn’t going to be there—she was over at Shelby’s so I just started driving.
Poker Night was much needed. Yes, I have my teammates, but having a different perspective from guys who understand the pressures of being a professional athlete, while also giving a slightly outside point of view, has been invaluable.
But after our conversation that sprung up memories of my father—which led to thoughts of what kind of father I’ll be—I needed to clear my head.
Yes, I’ve thought about these since the moment I realized I could be a dad.
But they always went away. Tonight’s didn’t.
Before I knew it, I was on the interstate before driving up to the new house.
When I let myself inside, I went straight to the nursery, feeling like it was the only room I could go in to help me process these thoughts.
I sat here for twenty minutes before I pulled out my phone to call the one person who could help me sort through my head space.
“Are you sure? Doesn't sound like everything's okay. Is it the baby? Gabi?”
“No, Mom, they're fine,” I say, holding a plush football between my hands. The one I took off the shelf above my son’s crib that rested next to a picture of Gabi and I from the gender reveal. A football that looks like one my dad gave to me when I was little. Before…
“I’m just... I don't know…”
I don’t even know how to start this conversation.
The topic of Dad was always an awkward one.
When she filed for divorce after he’d been gone for nearly a year, he didn't contest. He didn't ask for custody.
She didn't even try for child support knowing he wouldn't pay it.
It was like one day he was there, and the next, me, her, and my sister were trying to rebuild our lives.
No one has seen or heard from him since.
“I know Maddox.”
“How? I haven’t even told you why I called.”
“Because Maddox. I’m your mother. Mothers know things. And I’ve been waiting to get this phone call for the past six months. So just ask Maddox. I promise I’m ready for it.”
My mother is a both a witch and a saint. “Am I anything like him?”
In her years of shielding me and my sister, Mom made it a point to bring up my father as least as possible.
Looking back, I have a feeling it was because she didn't want to remind us of what we didn't have. That also means I don't know much about him. I was only four when he left. I’ve seen pictures, so I know I have his hair color and build. My eyes look nothing like my mom's, so I assume I got them from him. But other than that, everything I know are stories from Mom or long faded memories that I don’t know if they’re real.
“You're so much like him that sometimes it scares me.”
That's not the answer I wanted to hear. “Mom, I’m—”
“Let me finish,” she interrupts. “You are like him, but the version of him that I fell in love with. The boy who at sixteen years old lit up every room he walked in. Had a smile that every girl wanted to be flashed her way. I remember when he first moved to our school district, every female had hearts in their eyes, especially when they found out he was the next star running back. And somehow, I’m the one who caught his attention. ”
“Not somehow. You were, and you are, the most beautiful woman in the world.”
“You’re sweet Maddox.” She trails off and I can picture her sitting in her recliner, looking up at the ceiling as she tries to find the words.
“When times got hard, before he left and I wondered who the man standing in front of me became, I tried to remember that boy. The one who took me to prom. The one who gave me his letterman’s jacket.
The one with the brown eyes that I could get lost in. ”
I swallow down the anxiety that's building in my chest, though this is what I called and asked for.
“But people change, Maddox. Your father changed. The boy I fell in love with was not the man who left us with barely a note saying goodbye. His eyes weren't the same. His smile had faded. I still don’t know why he thought leaving was the best plan, but I know he wasn’t happy.”
Tears prick at my eyes, fighting to get loose, as I think about what could ever push someone to that decision.
How could a man who made a vow to my mom, a woman he at one point loved, who gave him children, could up and leave like that?
And not just leave her, but us. His entire fucking family.
He knew he’d never see us again. He’d never watch me and my sister graduate from high school.
He’d never see me play football. He’d never get to hold his grandchildren.
But the scariest part of everything my mom admitted is that she doesn’t know why. If I knew why, then I could prevent myself from doing the same thing. But like she said, I’m the guy with the dazzling smile. What if I don’t know my why yet?
“I remember the first time one of your teachers talked about your smile,” Mom continues. “She said it lit up the room. Was a little mischievous. I smiled through her words, but it hurt knowing that your father was the reason for your smile. And he’d never see it for himself.”
“If it makes you feel better, this smile has got me out of a lot of potential trouble,” I say, trying to lighten the mood. “Your sanity should thank you.”
She laughs slightly. “Oh, I know it did. But that’s not why I bring it up, or to say that you better watch out for my grandson if he’s anything like his dad.”
“Then why did you?”
“Because, you haven’t lost your smile. If anything, it’s shining brighter than ever.”
I get what she’s saying—in theory—but I’m still a little confused. “When did Dad lose his smile?”
I hate asking this, knowing it’s probably bringing up a painful memory, but I have to know.
“The day I told him I was pregnant with your sister.”
And that proves my suspicion…
“We weren’t necessarily trying, but we weren’t preventing, either,” she says.
“I was happy when we got the news. Surprised, but I was ready for something more in my life. I was working a retail job that didn’t mean much to me.
Your dad had a job at one of the plants in town.
It wasn’t much, but we made it work. We’d talked about having kids one day, so I was excited for this. Your dad, however…”
She pauses to take a breath, and I find myself now sitting in the middle of the nursery, clutching the football like it’s a lifeline as I wait for the rest.
“It was the last day I saw the sparkle in his eye, but even before then, it was slowly burning out,” I hear her push back a tear, and I hate that I can’t dive through the phone and hug the woman who’s given everything for me.
“It came back for a second when we found out about you, and that you were a boy. But even the potential of you one day following in his football footsteps wasn’t enough to keep him around.
He bounced from job to job. He never found his footing.
And he never took to fatherhood. Though as the years have passed, I realized nothing was going to.
He did what he had to do, and I’ve made peace with that. ”
“I still don’t know how you did.”
“Some people aren’t meant to be on the paths that they start on. Your dad? He wasn’t cut out for family life. Me? I can’t imagine a better one than being you and your sister’s mom.”
Fuck… how am I supposed to stop the tears now?
“But am I like him? You were married. You talked about having kids and you thought he was on board. He was happy at one point. How do I know if I’m going to do what he did? That I’ll panic and flee?
“Because you’re ten times the man your dad was at your age, and most importantly, like I said, your smile has only gotten brighter since you and Gabi saw that pregnancy test.”
“Mom, you've seen me once since then.”
“But I saw his. I stared at his for years. Yours is the polar opposite. The way you looked that day? How your eyes sparkled when you looked at Gabi? Your reaction when you saw that blue filling? That’s a smile your dad never once had in his life.”
“Mom, I appreciate the words, but a smile can’t—”
“Maddox Jacob Gallagher.”
Fuck. Full government name?
“What’s going to happen if one day Gabi comes home and says that the bakery has to shut down and she needs you to support her?”
I know this tone. This is her “I’ve asked you three times to take out the trash,” tone. I better start listening or else she’s going to make me fly back to Iowa and actually take out the trash.
“Then I do.”
“What do you do if your son takes after you and never wants to sleep and cries all night?”
“Gabi and I come up with a schedule and a system.”
“And what would you do if, God forbid, you have an injury? Football is done. How do you support your family?”
I hate thinking about it, but I have, and I have a whole notebook called Plan B. “I use the degree I got. I become a high school science teacher and coach football.”
“And at any of those points do you foresee the situation where you’d leave Gabi and your son?”
“Of course not. That’s ridiculous. Why would…”
Oh.
I get it now.
“If I had asked your dad any of those questions before they happened to us, he would’ve said the right things, but it wouldn’t have been with the firmness you just did. He would’ve stumbled through an answer or tried to change the subject. And that Maddox is how I know you’re nothing like him.”
I let her words hang for a second when I nearly jump at the sound of the nursery door creeping open.
“Maddox? Is everything okay?”
I don’t know how Gabi found me, or why she’s here, but I’ve never needed her more than I need her now.
“Thank Mom,” I say as I stand up and turn to face her. “I love you.”
“I love you too Maddox.”
I hang up the phone and drop it on the floor and take one step into Gabi, hugging her as tight as I possibly can. I press my lips to her stomach, needing the connection between the three of us.
“Hey,” she says as she strokes my back. “It’s okay. I’ve got you.”
She does. In every way. She has my heart. She has my soul. She has my world. Now and forever.
Always.