27. How Many Fucking Shoes Are There? #2
The words are lost to Adam’s brilliant eyes, holding onto that spark of hope but dimming fast.
“Rosie,” he whispers. “What happened?”
“Pepper—” Her name catches in my throat, breaking, burning.
“Pepper passed during surgery. Her stomach couldn’t handle the pressure any longer and ruptured before we could release it.
” A single tear leaks from the corner of my eye, and I sniff, swiping it away.
“I understand why that might make you hesitant to proceed, but surgery is the only option. We would release the gas and set Bear’s stomach back in the normal position, then perform a gastropexy, which is where we attach his stomach to his abdominal wall to prevent future twisting.
” I hesitate. “If Bear doesn’t have surgery, Adam, he will die. There isn’t another outcome.”
His chest rises sharply, and he strokes a hand down Bear’s side. “Okay.”
“Okay?”
“I trust you, Rosie. If you say he needs surgery, let’s do it.”
Trust
. It’s a double-edged sword sometimes, isn’t it? I want it. I’m honored to have it. And yet I’m terrified to be the one to break it, even unintentionally.
So I only nod, praying I don’t have to do that today, and then excuse myself to have the operating room prepped.
Dr. Holmes catches me in the hallway. “Are you okay to do this? There’s no shame in stepping back. It’s always difficult, but when you have a personal tie to an animal—”
“I want to stay with Bear. Please don’t take me out of this.”
“If you feel your control slipping at any time, you let me know, and someone else can step in.”
“Thank you, but I won’t lose control.” It’s only a half lie; I’ll keep it together until the surgery ends.
When the OR is ready, I make my way back to the exam room where Adam waits with Bear and his dad. Deacon smiles at me, getting to his feet.
“Your mom is on the way over. I’m going to meet her out front.
” He claps Adam on the back, kisses his head, and then takes Bear’s face in his hands.
“You, big boy. I know I’m gonna see you later.
I can feel it all the way down to my feet you love to sit on so much.
” He presses a kiss to his nose, and Bear reciprocates the sentiment with a languid flick of his tongue over Deacon’s face. “You’re such a good boy, Bear.”
Deacon pauses at my side on the way by. “Thank you for taking care of my boys, Rosie. I know how much they love you.”
The words hang heavy in the air as he walks away, leaving Adam to stare at the deep flush the sentiment leaves on my cheeks.
“We’re ready for Bear,” I tell him. “Dr. Holmes will perform the surgery, and—”
“But you—”
“I can’t do the surgery, Adam. My job is to assist her with instruments and monitor Bear while I watch and learn.”
He nibbles his lower lip. “You won’t leave his side?”
“Never. I promise.”
“He’s going to be okay, Rosie. Right?” His words are drenched in desperation, just like the heartbreaking look dimming his cobalt eyes, begging me for a promise he knows I can’t make.
“He’s going to be surrounded by love, Adam. I can promise you that.”
“Yeah,” he murmurs, watching our hands dance alongside each other down Bear’s side, nearly touching. “I know. You give the best kind of love.” He sniffs, his gaze coming to mine, and the trust that lives there grips my heart. “Thank you, Rosie.”
Adam crouches, taking Bear’s face in his hands. Beautiful eyes pool with tears before he rests his forehead on Bear’s, and I turn away, swatting away the single, fat teardrop that escapes and steals its way down my cheek.
“I love you, Bear,” Adam whispers to him. “You’re the best dog in the world, and my best friend.” He presses one last kiss to Bear’s head, and on the way out the door, his fingers find mine, tangling together, squeezing tenderly.
As he disappears into the reception area, I can’t help the fear that claws its way up my throat. And minutes later, when big brown eyes stare up at me before they close, the sedation doing its work, those claws sink deeper, unwilling to let go.
Because if Bear doesn’t make it through the other side of this, what if Adam never forgives me? What if, today, I lose them both?
ADAM
I didn’t think it could get worse. I thought all the shoes had dropped, and yet here I am, faced with the possibility of losing not only Rosie and Connor but now my Bear too.
How many fucking shoes are there?
My only solace is that I’m surrounded by my family.
My dad paces the reception area, and Carter is crouched by a small enclosure, quietly showing Ireland a litter of kittens while Jaxon takes turns snuggling them.
Jennie sits next to Garrett, her head resting on his shoulder, and Olivia and my mom flank my sides, whispering reassuring words to me as I wait with my head in my hands.
I made the mistake of looking up GDV the minute I sat down.
Article after article that left me suddenly sure I’d never see my dog again because he displayed some of the most advanced symptoms. I didn’t stop until the clinic doors opened behind me and my friends walked in, Carter tugging my phone away and reminding me why he’s our team captain, a born leader, with a handful of words.
We’re not gonna do that. We’re not gonna focus on all the bad numbers. We’re gonna sit here together, because that’s the way we’re strongest, and we’re gonna find peace in knowing that Bear is in the most capable hands right now, and we’re gonna hope. That’s what we’re gonna do, got it?
So instead, I’ve been sitting here for the last hour thinking about everything good Bear has brought me.
The loyalty, the friendship. The warm body snuggled next to mine in bed after having my heart shattered, the tip-tap of his paws as he follows me through the house, keeping me company.
The goofy laughs, the belly rubs, and the gentlest heart.
And Rosie.
Bear brought me Rosie, and Rosie brought me Connor.
I wouldn’t have one without the other, and it doesn’t feel like my family is complete without all three of them.
Silence falls over the room, and Olivia gives my hand a small squeeze. My gaze lifts to her, and I drag my head out of my hands, following her stare.
Rosie stands in the doorway, weary green eyes sweeping the room, settling on me. Her hands curl into little fists at her sides, and she steps toward me as I rise from my seat. She meets me in the middle of the room, all five foot four of her staring up at me, that dimpled chin trembling.
“It’s okay,” I tell her quietly. “If he didn’t…” The thought of a life without him far sooner than I should ever have to think of it seizes my lungs, and I swallow against it. “You can tell me.”
Tears glisten in her eyes, and the corner of her mouth hooks. “Bear did great.”
“He…what?”
“The surgery was successful. Dr. Holmes released the trapped gas and attached his stomach to his abdomen wall. There were no complications.”
My heart kickstarts, thrashing against my rib cage. “He’s going to be okay?”
Rosie takes my hands in hers, clutching them tightly. “He’s going to be okay.”
The room dissolves into cheers, and my family comes around me, a tangled web of arms hugging me tight as relief slides through me. The feeling is so strong, so palpable it knocks the air from my stomach, makes my limbs weak. I sink into the love, the family I’m so lucky to have found.
My eyes open in time to see Rosie slipping silently out the clinic doors, hurrying into the parking lot.
“Be right back,” I murmur, detangling myself and chasing after the woman who just ran out of here with my heart in her hands.
“Rosie! Wait.”
She glances over her shoulder, waving me off. “I’m fine, Adam. Don’t worry about me.”
I catch her wrist, pulling her back to me. “Hey. Stop.”
Green eyes wobble, each breath sharp and staggered. “I’m fine,” she repeats, and the lie is so weak I nearly laugh. “You should be with your family. Bear will be awake soon. I just need to do something.”
“I am with my family, and I’ll be with Bear as soon as he wakes up. So tell me what you need to do and I’ll help you.”
She shakes her head, trying to pull free from my grasp. “I just need to…I just need to do something,” she cries, chest heaving as her face starts to crumble. “Please.”
“Rosie.” I run my palms up her arms, squeezing her shoulders. “Let go, sweetheart. Let it go.”
That lower lip trembles, and all I want to do is trap it beneath my thumb, take it between my lips. I want her pain, her worries, her trust. I want her to give up control, give it all to me. I’ll take care of her.
“I was so afraid,” she finally whispers, the words fractured and meek. “I was so afraid we were going to lose Bear. And I was terrified
that you’d never forgive me for it. I thought I might lose both of you forever, and I—” A sob escapes her throat, racking her body. “I’ve survived a lot of things, but I don’t know how I’d survive that loss.”
Her agony wraps around my throat like a fist, threatening to cut off oxygen. When a fresh wave of tears cascades down her cheeks and she curls into herself, covering her face with her hands as she cries, I yank her into me. This time, I refuse to let her go.
“You will never lose me, Rosie. As long as you want me here, there’s nowhere else for me to be.” I press my lips tenderly to her temple as she clings to my shirt. “I promise.”